Hi everyone, i have been reading almost all of the posts here for the last few weeks and i want to say that i am SO IMPRESSED with the positive support that we all provide for each other.

i am posting because my best friend, i mean absolute best friend in the whole world, has a pretty bad ED. she went from anorexic to bulimic while we were in college together. as her best friend i know that it's partially my job to "help" and while she was in the worst of it, i knew she was going to counseling and i essentially tried to ignore it other then that. now i'm glad i did, because i guessed (and i think i guessed right after reading several posts) that the LAST thing she would want would be to have me nag her about it or point out how severely thin she looked. thankfully she has been through quite a bit of counseling and is just beginning to get better.

my question to everyone is; do you agree with how i acted? is there something else i should have done? as long as i know she's in therapy, is it my job to be supportive by being her friend and not try to scold or coach her?

tell me what you would want from your best friends when you are giong through all of this, i really want to be there for her in every way i can WITHOUT being a pain or making anything harder

thanks everyone! :wave:

It's wonderful that you're being there for your friend. I had a pretty bad ED for a while and my best friend was totally instrumental in helping me recover. What I would advise you to do is always be there to listen, and don't let your friend get away with not talking if there is something obviously upsetting her. The most important thing to do is listen and try to ask her questions that dig below the surface of the ED. Like, if she answers, "I feel fat" or something like that, emphasize that that is a thought from the ED and you want to hear from HER.
Also, what really helped me is my best friend would call up and ask me to dinner. If I didn't want to go or had already eaten I wouldn't go, but on the days that I had not eaten and couldn't make myself eat, going out with her and being distracted from food by fun conversations really helped.
It's awesome that you're so supportive :)

i'm definitely there to listen and when we're talking about touchy areas, i really focus on being supportive without being critical. but to be honest, sometimes i really walking on glass because she will often say things like "i was bad yesterday" or other vague comments that seem like she's inviting me to probe her, almost like she feels guilty about cheating on her improvement and wants me to help keep her on track. for that, i'm all there - but i sense that it's a really fine line where if i get TOO involved, she might just hide it from me like she hides it from most people. i'm sort of in the inner circle - if you will - and i'm nervous to cross the line where she won't want me to bug her

also - i'm really nervous about actually eating around each other. a lot of people have mentioned on this site that they hate having to go out to dinner because of how restaurant food is prepared etc. obviously my friend is really focused on making sure what she does eat is healthy - am i putting uncomfortable pressure on her when i suggest we go out? how do people with ED's feel about it? is it better for me to just let her suggest food options or is it healthy for me to recommend/suggest what we could have for dinner?