October 16th, my best friend from jr high is shot and killed... It was deivstating... Heart wrenching.. I dont think I've ever cried so hard. and just as I was beginning to get over that, my grandmother dies (the day before my mothers birthday) November 23rd just as we're getting on the plane to see her one last time. She had a massive heart attack and we were on our way there to say our goodbyes...

and since then I've started getting more and more angry and emotional... I cant help myself.. I cant think before I act. I feel lost and alone and angry and sad and EVERYTHING... It's been a while since this has happened, but it's the first hit of death I've ever had to deal with. No one has died untill Mat... *sighs* I dont even know what to do... *cries*