I guess you could say that I am new to the bingeing. I mean, I've been anorexic for almost 4 years now and have had many phases. For the past six months I've had this desire to binge more and more. They come and go. Even though I hate the feeling of all the food in me, I can never purge. Trust me, I've tried..but I just cannot do it.

Anyway, my question is does anyone ever just binge on things that aren't good?? I've found myself binging on the things that I normally would never eat. It makes me mad because I know I am not entirely hungry, but I am eating to just eat. The taste of the food weakens with every bite and I hear myself questioning why I am eating...but I cannot stop. That "questioning", for lack of a better description, occurs in my mind when I am binging. So, I guess there are two questions...the second is what goes on in your mind...am I the only one who has these provoking thoughts?
Just wondering....
Novblis

novblis,

I can remember the time in which I questioned my actions. Unfortunately now, I just go into a trance, and have no sense of reality during a binge--I literally have no thoughts. What I have discovered throughout my battle is that my bingeing stems a lot from anxiety. Do you think about the binge a lot and try to fight it?

I constantly think about it. I actually know when and where I'll do it. I think of food all the time. I count calories all the time. I even dream about food. I guess it is anxiety...but how do I stop it?? I tend to wonder into the kitchen between commercials or after everyone has gone to bed. I sneak cookies here and there...I even hear myself telling me to go brush my teeth to prevent any of my binges from happening, but I fight that urge. It's like I crave a binge, and hate it afterwards. I am sitting here right now after a binge and am feeling so completely sick. I cannot stop this cycle...and I don't know if it will ever stop.
Novblis

I don't think when I binge, I guess. I only crave. Since I do most of my binging on the weekends, I guess maybe I think about how I'm going to be restricting during the week, so if I want this food, I'd better have it now while I still can. And sometimes I'll try to stop myself.. try to make myself realize that I feel physically full, but then I still can't stop myself. Not until I'm sick.. sometimes even past that. And then I cry because look what I've done to myself. I'm so fat, how could I have let this happen, etc. It's a bad cycle. It makes me sick no matter what side of the spectrum I'm on. And I don't know how to find the middle again. And sometimes I don't want to. Because I think that at least this way I can eat what I want and still lose weight. Otherwise it would be an every day battle with "eating in moderation" and the very sound of the phrase makes me livid. I think it's easier for me right now to have all or nothing.

I binge on food I know I shouldn't have too. I always binge on ice cream and cake. In fact, when I go grocery shopping with my sister and buy some ice cream she just looks at me because she knows what I'll be doing when I get home. It's not a thought for me though, it's an urge. It's something that my body and mind crave. Sometimes I'm not even aware that i've binged til after it's over then all I can think about is getting rid of it. It's a difficult cycle and no doubt different for everyone. :nono:

In meeting with my counselor, we kind of set up a rule of thumb to try and follow (mind you it's really hard to remember this rule for myself when I go into the trance--but everyone's different, so maybe someone can get some sort of relief from this, even if it combats even just one binge.) When you get the onset of an urge to binge, tell yourself you can have that cookie, or that piece of candy, but in twenty minutes. When I am good enough at applying this, it works. The urge kind of goes away with the passing of the twenty minutes. The only problem is that this is a behavior change you have to make, and sometimes it's hard to remember.

Twentysomething-- i binged yesterday and i have that horrible food hangover today.... i feel like crap and i dont know if i should really restrict which i cant because of holiday parties... so what do i do? I really do hate this like everyone and i hate the bloated feeling i have this morning vs the better feeling and sleep i had yesturday.
grrrr!

Bingeater,

I know completely the feelings that you are feeling right now. I'm guessing it was pretty hard to get out of bed this morning. I don't know if you're like me, because when I binge, I can't just stop during the day, I usually wait until the next morning to start fresh. Other than the usual bloating feelings, have you had the urge to binge today? Sometimes when I binge so much, the next day that full feeling stays with me, and I don't necessarily want to go anywhere near food. My counselor and doctor want me to go on anti-depressants really bad, but I have resisted by trying to do some sort of exercise in the morning... (this increases my endorphines and makes me feel a little better.) Do you have any opportunity to do any sort of activity in the morning? Even if it is just 5 minutes of sit-ups, it helps a little bit. Another thing that you may want to think about (as I have just been presented with this problem), is as we use all of our energy in trying to fight our ED, we leave limited resources to fight off other illnesses. I have just found out that due to all the stress associated with my ED, my body doesn't have the resources to fight off all these abnormal cells that keep developing in my body (may be cancerous). Found out about this two days ago, which has freaked me out tremendously! Binge, just know that you are not alone... I can say tomorrow is a new day, and it is, but I know sometimes it's all a load of crap! I'm here if you need to vent more... Just take it one second at a time....