Crap, crap. I just purged for the first time in months. I was making biscotti for a friend for xmas and they all fell apart when I tried to cut them. And I kept shoving the crumbs in my mouth until I finally became aware of what I was doing.. I threw the plate away and spat out a huge mouthful, kept spitting. And then I just ran up the stairs. There's no one home.. I won't see me boyfriend until later.. it won't matter if I pop any blood vessels in my face, I have time to put on makeup before he gets here. And I did it. God, I did it and I don't even feel sorry. I only feel sorry that I can't get all of it up. This wasn't something I wanted to get into.. but I wanted to restrict today and I just screwed it all up. Uh, I'm shaking.

It's okay... Don't feel ashamed... I am here if you need to vent more. Cliche as it may seem, you have not failed. We're human, we make mistakes. Are you still in a state of panic? I will check in again...

Crap, crap. I just purged for the first time in months. I was making biscotti for a friend for xmas and they all fell apart when I tried to cut them. And I kept shoving the crumbs in my mouth until I finally became aware of what I was doing.. I threw the plate away and spat out a huge mouthful, kept spitting. And then I just ran up the stairs. There's no one home.. I won't see me boyfriend until later.. it won't matter if I pop any blood vessels in my face, I have time to put on makeup before he gets here. And I did it. God, I did it and I don't even feel sorry. I only feel sorry that I can't get all of it up. This wasn't something I wanted to get into.. but I wanted to restrict today and I just screwed it all up. Uh, I'm shaking.
Wow... girl that sounds awful. I don't know if you're aware of what damage this will do to you body (all the acid going through), but come on girl. So you ate some biscotti's that's no reason to puke them out. I mean, it was juts a one time thing and it won't go on your hips. If you're so worried about it then work it off, dont puke it out, it's really really bad for you. I really forced myself to puke this one time, and when my entire face was bruised that scared me away from doing it another time. Because you really can't do this to yourself it's not worth it. A one time binge isn't going to make you fat. Everybody screws up occasionally but you'll have plenty of time to make up for it by exercising or anything like that. I hope you realise what you're doing to yourself...each time you puke.

Yeah, Twenty.. I'm better now. It was stupid, really stupid thing to do. I just have to make sure I don't do it again. Thanks for the support, I really needed it.