My great grandmother died a few months ago. We were very very close. I don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as i loved her. I'm not close to anyone else in my family. All they do is fight. Ever since she died i've woken up in the middle of the night crying about her. It's happened so much my boyfriend doesnt know what to do anymore. It's nothing like i want to kill myself but it's a feeling of being loss without her. Like what am i going to do?
If u have any advice i'd much appriciate it. Thank u.

Losing a loved one is so hard. I think you are probably going through the normal grieving process, but it is a long hard road. Make sure and tell your boyfriend that you don't expect him to do anything, just be there for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My sympathies on your loss. When my dad died, I woke up at 3:45 am for months (the time he died). It faded with time. Normal grieving is a process - you had your grandmother for years, adjusting to her loss will (and should) take time. The experts advise that you not make any life-altering decisions for a year after losing someone. You will adjust, but it is a long road and it will feel like you have made progress, only to slip back. It is a cyclical thing. Don't feel guilty over grieving, and don't let other people tell you how to do it. We all grieve differently, and we grieve differently for different people in our lives. If you feel your grief is stopping you from living your life, then go talk to someone. Remember, it is a process - we do not get over it, we adjust. It will get better, but it takes time. I hope this helps.

I'm sry about ur loss. I just lost my aunt in october, and I'm not really close to anyone in my family either, although they dont always fight. What happened was i ended up getting closer to my sisters, and they were going through the same thing i was. Its not uncommon to wake up in the middle of the night crying, or any time in the day for that matter. It happens to me all the time. Its going to be a long and tough road for u this year, going through all the firsts without her. U may even start going through what i'm going through right now. I know my aunt is dead but it never quite registers until i start to talk to her (like right now) or when i go to her grave. This is becuase its like having a big reality check because what seems like a big terrible nightmare suddenly becomes ur life.

You need to talk about ur great grandma with ppl, remember all the good times u had with her and make sure that u remember all the good times u had with her. I'm sure there were plenty. Also just tell ur bf that u need to get over ur great grandma's death and the only things u ask him to do is to be there for u and to listen when ur ready to talk about her. Also warn him that u might not be urself for awhile and when u talk to him about ur great grandma make sure he knows that u might start to cry.

Remember that a loved one never truly leaves u, they're always going to be in ur heart. Carry around something that reminds u of them so u know that they're still with u. For me its a cross necklace that says on the back "everyday is a gift from God." Whenever I miss her i just hold onto or look at it or touch it and it makes everything better because i know shes watching over me. Ur in my thoughts and prayers, God bless u.

i know what you're going through, although since i'm at school most of the time and not at my house its been easier for me. but lately i've been really depressed. my nana died at the end of december and even tho we knew it was coming sicne she'd been in and out of the hospital since thanksgiving we never thought she was going to die even at her wake i didnt believe she was dead. its cuz when she was dying she kept saying ok im going to go now and go to sleep and then she'd wake up and say, hey im back im not dead yet and stuff like that. i know thats crazy but she looked like she was peeking at us. i know shes dead now but i am still really sad about it. still half of me expects her to just show up one day. we were really close and i was getting ready to go back to school today cuz im home on spring break and i looked at pictures i have of us when i was little and of her and i started to cry. we moved her up here with us two years ago and since then i helped my mom take care of her and my mom was taking most of the responsibility for her, so it's been hard for both of us. my moms doctor said if youre still sad after 4-8 weeks you should probably seek professional help. Like i don't know if i have depression now or something bc my dad and brother have it and i dont know what to do. im just sad and i miss her so much. :confused:

My dear Pink,

My first reaction to saying a definate yes to you seeking help is when you used the words "kill myself". Definately yes, yes, yes, seek proffessional help. You know that you can definately find "support" from these boards, but we are none of us experienced enough to counsel you with such deep sorrow.

Your ending your life is not the way to deal with a life that has already ended. It is normal for you to grieve, to mourn, and to be sad beyond what you ever thought possible. But please know that there is no time limit for these feelings to "pass", and when they say it goes away in time, it doesn't, not in my experience anyway, it gets easier to accept and deal with, but it never goes away. Your ggrandmother's death is still very new to you, and I can tell you that the "firsts" are always the worst. First Christmas w/o her, first b-day, first anniversary of her death etc. I would like to share with you my personal journey of losing loved ones. My family is small and I am an only child and there have been more death and illness in my family than I thought possible. All this on my mother's side, as I did not know my "real" father's family growing up, but I did have a very loving step-father. My grandmother died in 1980 (the year my son was born) at the age of 58 from cancer, in 2001 my uncle died at the age of 49 from cancer, then most recently my mother passed in 2003 at the age of 65 from cancer, while at the same time my mother was dying of cancer, my aunt was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and was being treated with Chemo at the time. She was 55 and she is now a survivor. All these cancers were different and non-related. Now my cousin, 33 has severe endometriosis that has attached to her rectum and is possibly going to have part of her rectum removed. I myself, have had many many health problems begining in 2002. I was diagnosed with FM and since then have developed other debilitating conditions. Oh and my dear dear step-dad died at the age of 62 in 1985 from complications from his asthma. So needless to say, especially the past couple years have been tough, watching my family pass away one member at a time. I didn't think I would need counseling until I woke up each day and could not think of anything else but all these people who have left and passed on. My stepdad was the one I was closest to, and I still grieve him and it's been 20 years.

So, yes I would say, you need someone to talk to about your feelings. You won't get rid of your greif, but you will begin to "heal" and you will begin to accept. When your grief is starting to disrupt your life, it's time to seek help. Now I hope you realize that ending your life will only cause the people who love you the same kind of greif that you are going through now. You don't really want that. It's a much more courageous thing to go on, and mourn than it is to give in to your sadness. Your ggrandmother's death can make you a stronger person. Let her life be a guide for your life to come. You obviously admired her, let her teach you how to live your life. Celebrate her life in the way that you live yours.

So, please, make the call, and get some help. There's no shame in it, and you may even need some meds to help you ease through the process of grieving and getting back into your life. This of course would be up to your therapist. But sometimes, talking to someone who isn't a part of your family is enough healing. Isn't that why we come here for support? Coming to these boards is similar to going to therapy in that it is sharing your feelings with people who are impartial to your situation. You obviously don't feel comfortable talking to your family members. And you know what I have found out about talking with family members, is that sometimes its good if you are close enough to the family member you are talking with, but they have their own issues to get through in regards to the death of your ggrandmother, which makes them "partial". I talk with my aunt a lot about my mom, because I had a lot of "issues" with my mother that need healing, and she shares a lot of those issues, but I found that I needed to speak to a proffessional about the "issues" that my aunt could not relate to. Someone who was not in the family.

Okay, I've given you my opinion. I hope that you think it through, along with all the other opinions you've got here, and ask some one to help you learn to help yourself through this time of grief. K?

Good luck, and feel free to post back when you feel like sharing your grief.


tk