Well it has become obvious to me that I can't stay in the house anymore with this food. I lost control while baking again and purged again. That's twice now in less than a week when I haven't done it in months. I feel like I can't get my control back and I *need* my control back. Or, at least I have it, but I'm in the house all day and by 8pm I'm exhausted with it and if I mess up a little, I might as well really mess up. I've got to get out of the house. I have three weeks left before classes start again and I can't gain any weight. I need to get back to losing it. I feel so broken and messed up. I just need to feel like myself again, even if it means being hungry, cold, and weak. Maybe tomorrow I'll just stay in bed all day. Upstairs away from the kitchen. I hate myself. I hate being me.

Have You ever spoke with your doctor about this? I have Had problems with eating problems and depression, And going to a therapist help in so many ways. Don't be shy about talking to your doctor, the first step to regain control of your life is to get help. so Hang in there.