Hi everyone

As some of you know, I've had a long battle with anorexia. I have never been hospitalised, professionally treated or undergone any therapy. This does not mean that my eating disorder has never been severe enough for these things to happen, it just means that I have never really been given the opportunity to access these treatments.

The aim of this thread is to find out what you have REALLY found helpful when you've thought about recovery. Obviously this board is fantastic, but nine years on from when it 'all' started I'm wondering what the chances are of me ever recovering 'more than I am now', and I want to challenge my own thinking and try ways of recovery that perhaps some of you have found helpful. I am also finding that there seem to be two kinds of people when it comes to opinions of eating disorders: those who think we're just crazy because they don't understand eating disorders, and those who think they understand EDs and think they're glamorous and we're lucky to have them. I guess I want to get people's opinions on these things, whilst observing the posting rules, so you can't give names or say anything which may be seen as free advertising! I want people who think they have tried every available option to hear something new, that perhaps will be able to keep them on the long road of recovery.

Any thoughts, opinions or just positive things about people's day-to-day fight with their ED are welcome: if we keep talking and thinking positively then hopefully we can change our mindset for the better. :D

Hope everyone is well! :wave:

J*L xxx

Hey J*L

How far along have you come in your recovery? It's good that you are doing it well enough on your own that you have not need professional help to get you better. I consider my self "recovered" for a few years now, and feel that none of that stuff helped me much anyway...in fact I feel guilty about the money my parents spent on it all to help me out.

I wish I knew where my head was at in the "dark days". I call them that because there is so much I don't remember...probably because my brain was being starved too. All I know is that "one day" I realized that I had a future...but if I didn't get better, it wouldn't happen for me. I wanted to be a nurse, to get married, and have babies (unfortunately, I was madly in love at the time....I hate to say that he "cured" me, but I really do think he helped).

Anyways here I am. I gave up "control" on my ED, and decided to control my future instead. And I realize now that I NEVER had control of my ED, because IT controlled me. One of the "textbook" traits of someone with an ED is perfectionism....well darnit so what? Not that my life is perfect in any way...bit I worked darn hard and did a darn good job to get to where I am. And I'm darn proud, and so is averyone who loves me. That's what keeps me well when I'm having a tough time-my pride and my control over my life.

It really, truly is a difficult battle. THE HARDEST I ever had to go through. I wish EVERYONE luck with their ED, and hope you can all find the peace you seek.

Hope this helps.
Jenn

Wow Jenn... that's a beautiful story. Merry Christmas everybody there's no need to feel guilty after the meal. If it's that hard to you, then just eat a little bit of everything.

Lucy you are back! Im so happy to hear from you and im glad you are looking to find out different ways to recover. You know as well as i do that recovery is the hardest thing about an ED. It is ongoing, and there will alwyas be those dark days where you look at yourself and feel sad. But the thing that keeps you going is what you are recovering for. Like 'im1here' said, when you are feeling low, keeping in mind that it is just one day, and what you are staying healthy for, really really helps. For me, its for my family and my boyfriend. He was there was my worst, and i dont ever want to put him through that again (b/c anyone who is in a relationship w/ someone who knows about their Ed, knows what a terrible toll it takes on the relationship). I also think about my future and how many things would be comprimised if i went down the ED path again. I could never get my dream job, i could never start a family and i could never get the most out of this one life i have to live. Its a different thing that sparks and motivates everyone, but i think everyone can relate to thinking about the people they love and who love them and how their selfishness (which i think is waht an ED is) causes them pain.

to comment on your part about the two kinds of ppl w/ relation to ED's....i have friends who fit both those characteristics, so i completely agree. One friend is desperate to be thin and asks how i was able to hae such self control, and the other one thinks im a huge moron and how could i not understand how not eating can make me very sick and eventually die. Its difficult to deal with those ppl and they are VERY frusterating, but those ppl arent the ones who ultimately make me recovery or make me go back into my old habits.

Anyways, I know i kind of veered off course, but i hope i helped a bit. Ive been at the point where i thouht i was as recovered as i would get, but i managed to break out of that plateau. It takes alot of work, but you can get there.

Hey im1here, justanothagirl and pgirl,

Thanks for your replies and sorry for not writing sooner. You know what Christmas can be like!

Firstly, im1here: so much of what you have written rung true with me. I wouldn't say that I do not need professional help, more that no one seems in a hurry to give me any. Mostly I think I just can't be ill enough to need help but then sometimes I think that nine years is not exactly a short illness. It takes everything I have to keep myself sane but sometimes I just want someone to put me in hospital and look after me and talk to me about what I'm going through. The more I think about it, the more I see 'recovery' as an inappropriate word for anorexia - it's more like an everyday battle with varying degrees of difficulty.

You seem to have come such a long way yourself, and I'm glad you are proud of you - I bet everyone else is as well! I'm glad that you have shifted your control and perfectionism (which I too suffer from) to something more positive because this illness is soul-destroying. I also remember little about the five years when I was at my worst, I really think that the memory is affected by anorexia as I know mine used to be great and it's now awful. It's strange to think that we have lost so much of our lives to an overwhelming desire to be thin. It seems to me that we have to find something that we are not willing to give up in our chase for thinness to the point of invisibility.

justanothagirl: Christmas is a difficult time for all of us who have to sit round a table and eat - I hope that you have been okay, and just remember it's a whole year until we have to go through it again!!

pgirl: I tried to stay away but found that however much I try not to think about anorexia, it is so much a part of who I am I just can't stop thinking about it. About how different people cope with it, about the similarities we find in other people on these boards, and how we'd give up everything - or nearly everything - to reach our goals. I too get through it by thinking about my family, my job (which I kinda need) and my boyfriend, who I want to spend the rest of my life with and who couldn't cope with me getting really ill again. That is what stops me, every day, from just giving up on myself. I know that I would lose the life I want to live with him if I gave up.

I hope that you are doing okay yourself, and that the people around you continue to be supportive and loving. I think that is what makes the most difference; accepting that other people care about you and love you and remembering that while they try to look after you, you have to give them something in return and look after yourself and them.

Take care, :wave:
J*L xxx

J*L

Glad to hear back form you-yeah I know how the Holidays can be...hope they were wonderful to you.


EVERYONE....that same goes for you(s) as well!!!


Jenn

Heys guys, any advice here would be appreciated...

Quickly for those who don't know my story, I've had anorexia for nine years. I have never been hospitalised, never really had therapy and only been on anti-depressants for about six months. I feel like every day it is a struggle to eat, but even a two-week relapse (as happened a couple of months ago) was enough to put my body out of sync for months (it still isn't right now). The question is...do I go to my GP who kinda knows my history or do I just struggle on? I don't want therapy, I don't need anti-depressants, I'm just fed up with every waking moment spent thinking of food and calories and my fat body and fighting to eat every meal. I could do with an outside perspective on this...

Thanks for any replies. :angel:
Take care y'all,

Lucy xxx

Lucy,

I think therapy is an awesome option if its available to you. I really liked the fact that i could talk to someone who was subjective of me and my disease, atleast my therapist was. She would sit there and just ask random questions that made me think, and i ended up doing most of the talking. You dont realize how much pent up emotion you have until someone starts to pry it off of your chest. It feels really nice to get it all out, and for me to just have a good cry. IF that is available to you, i think its a great option. Also, a nutrionist is a good idea too. Or, if you are keeping a food journal and making sure you eat what is in it, make sure you write notes at the bottom of each day saying how you felt today when you ate, and why or why not you decided to eat something. Its a good way to see waht triggers what and what kind of emotions you associate with food. There is no need to struggle on physically, you can conquer that part. Mentally, i wont lie, its very very hard. I am having a very difficult time with my mind right now, but i refuse to give up. Im now in limbo, scared to eat but also scared not to. Anyways, i hope you are doing alright, and staying strong,