My 10 y/o daughter has been going through some tough times in her life lately. Her dad and I have been to court (not by my choice) every two years. She was just diagnosed with ADHD last year. I myself am still not convinced that it is completely ADHD, and not some emotional issue regarding the custody battles. My concern is this:
My daughter is tiny, has always been. But, within the past 6 months, she has actually lost weight instead of gained it. She is growing taller, and should be gaining some weight with her height growth. When we are eating, she will eat and then have to run to the bathroom. Years ago, she told me her step-mom "eats supper with daddy and I and then goes to the bathroom to throw up."
Could she be learning this? Could she be starting to develop an eating disorder at 10? I addressed my concerns about my daughter's weight about 4 months ago to my daughter's family doc, and he seemed concerned about this as well. But then when the ADHD doctor was addressed he said this is normal. WHAT??? My other daughter in 1st grade weighs only TWO POUNDS LESS than my 10 y/o. I am also worried because my daughter's step-mom is constantly telling my daughter that "your mommy is getting fatter! Look at those chubby cheeks!" (I am pregnant) And since my daughter and I look almost identical, I am worried that that could be playing some role in it as well. Someone tell me if this could be MORE SERIOUS than I am thinking and feeling, or if I am over-reacting!!!!
Thanks....

I'm sorry to hear about the hard time your family is going through...I hope things get resolved for you all very soon.

I would say that you DO have something to be worried about here.
No, 10 years old is not too young to have an ED-when I was hosptalized for mine, there was an 8 year old girl there-she was anorexic AND had ADHD-your dtrs ADHD doc is stongly mistaken for telling you not to worry-sometimes ADHD symptoms can mask the signs of an ED, and it can get missed. Your daughters step-mother is an influence in her life, and I would say that yes, your dtr could very well be learning those lovely little habits from her.

YOU are her mother...you're already seeing some behaviors that point to yes, there is a problem. follow your gut instincts on this. Get her some help before she gets too far into it.

Hope this helps,
Jenn
PS) Go Pack Go!!!

I definately definately agree with the above poster. You should definately be worried. Kids tend to pick up/ copy the habits or actions of others, mostly older people who they may look up to or just be around a lot. Your daughter may have grown to believe that being thin is important no matter what age, and that throwing up your meal is the right way to act. She needs to be taught differently. I dont know your relationship with your ex-husband's wife, but you need to speak with her and tell her that her bulimia is affecting your daughter. Most likely this will turn out badly, so maybe you dont need the stress (being pregnant and all). However you should also try speaking to your ex husband. Dont say you "think" she has a problem, tell him that your daughter HAS a problem, and that she seems to have picked up the actions from his new wife. Suggest that she get counseling of some sort (try to say it in a way as to not sound confrontational).

Secondly, you should think about limiting the amount of time your daughter spends with this woman. THis may be hard, but maybe you could settle it in court? Your daughter is definately being influenced by this woman and until both of them get help, they aren't really helping each other!

Most importantly, get help for your daughter. Look into programs that may be covered (if you have insurance), look for a therapist, or find a doctor that supports her getting better. Many doctors do not diagnose EDs properly. Mother's intuition is one of the most important ways one can diagnose them properly. Stick to your guns and find a doctor that WILL help and will recognize it. Look into hospital programs as well. This may sound like a bit much and something that is a bit overwhelming, but it is better to stop it before it gets worse. Shower your girls with love and positive body image messages. Talk to your daughter about her problem and how she needs to get help if she cannot stop on her own. Take out books from the library (they have self-help books for EDs) and go through them with your daughter. She needs to recognize she has a problem and needs help, and BOTH daughters need to see that happiness is not dependant on weight or looks but rather who they are.

Congratulations on the pragnancy, hope this all works out for you and your girls, and keep us posted!! :)

This is just a thought, but does your daughter happen to be on meds for her ADHD? I am curious because if she is, the meds will cause weight loss in many people (I for one). Within 2 months of starting on Adderall (for adult ADHD) I dropped from 125lbs to 104lbs... a dangerously fast drop of more than 15% of my body weight. My doctor is concerned & is encouraging me to eat a high-calorie diet since the meds increase metabolism.

If she is not being medicated, it definitely seems that she is suffering from an ED. My sister developed bulimia nervosa at 11 years old. This is a serious condition that should be addressed immediately. Look into the situation and take action. Your daughter's life is at stake. I hope everything works out for you, good luck.

My DD, now 11, went from 62 pounds to 54 when she started on 10 mg. of aderall. She lost her appetite but got it back about 5 months after starting the meds, but she just wasn't gaining the weight back. We ended up putting her on a high calorie diet for a couple months and now she is fine. In fact, when she started back on the Aderall at the beginning of this school year, she had no decrease in her appetite at all and has had no problems.

That being said, I knew my DD didn't have an eating disorder. In your situation, it could be the meds or, like you said, the undue influence of her step mother. When she runs to the bathroom, follow her and listen at the door. The sooner you find out what's going on the quicker you can treat the problem.

Thanks for all of your responses. I really appreciate it. I have addressed this to my ex-husband, and of course he doesn't see anything wrong. Since we are divorced, he is vindictive about decisions regarding our daughter, sort of as a means to punish me. My daughter is on meds. She is on Concerta. She has been on it for over a year, and hasn't gained any weight, she has lost it. I will address my concerns to her ADHD doc again...say some prayers!
I will NOT give up on ANY of my babies!

I'll be praying for you all...if you need help, you know where to come :)