I'm 19 years old and I have an eating disorder. It all started after I had my baby girl back in July. I had only gained 15 pounds during my pregnancy and only had 5 to lose after I came home from the hospital so I began dieting to lose that few pounds. Well, after I lost that 5 I wanted to lose another 5 which brought me down to 105 pounds (I'm 5'1"). Then I wanted to lose another 5 and stop there. So I did. Now I'm 96 pounds. I never wanted to lose that much. It's just that I've become so obsessive about what I eat that I just keep losing. I've been trying really hard to eat more and not feel guilty about it. Over xmas weekend I was so proud of myself because I ate whatever I wanted to and didn't feel guilty, but I gained no weight either. I've began eating 6 times a day to build my metabolism back up because I know it has to be sluggish from not eating enough. I wouldn't say my ED is really severe, but I know if I don't do something about it now it has the potential to become that way. My family and friends are worried about me, my mom especially. They all say I'm too thin. But of course I don't see that. I know I'm far from being fat but I don't think that I look TOO thin. When I was younger I used to be what I would say was on the "chubby side". I had such low self-esteem and felt so bad about the way I looked. I always felt fat and ugly. I would just eat and eat all the time. Now for once I don't feel fat and that feels really good, but then again I know I have a problem. I count calories obsessively, weigh myself probably 5 times a day, eat only low fat foods (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), think constantly about food and what I'm going to eat for my next meal or snack while calculating calories in my head, exercise if I feel I've eaten too much, and the list goes on. I do suffer from depression. I have for most of my teenage years. It did go away for awhile about 2 years ago because I was seeing a therapist and I was on meds. Then it came back during my pregnancy. It wasn't too much of a problem though until I moved out and in with my b/f after our daughter was born. That's when I became more depressed and my ED started. Me and my b/f have our problems. We've been getting along better lately but our relationship isn't 100% perfect (who's is??). We've been working on it though. My daughter is the best baby ever. She's just so happy all the time, sleeps through the night, hardly ever cries. I feel very blessed to have her, I love her so much. She definently does not have anything to do with my problem. Yes, parenthood can be a bit overwhelming at times but overall I would say that is the least of my problems. I feel better already just getting all this stuff out. Nobody knows about my problem but me. My family and friends suspect it, but I haven't came right out and told them. I know I'm on the right track to getting this under control. I'm admitting it for one thing...something most people with an ED won't do. I know first I have to deal with my depression because that's where this has come from. Once I feel better there recovering from my ED should be much easier. I would just love to get to know some of you on here and talk to others who are going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel so alone, but I know I'm not. I would like to hear some of your stories. So please reply and tell me about yourselves! My prayers are with all of you, we can beat this!

My ed started with me just wanting to lose a few pounds also. I became an exercise-aholic. Would exercise everyday for hours and eat only oatmeal throughout the day. If it wasn't for my mom I'd probably still be doing the same thing...she was really worried about me and made me stop exercising so much and made me eat more. It helped being under her thumb but when I moved out I started eating excessively and it was my sister that told me that I was an "emotional eater". I then started abusing laxatives...I can't purge by throwing up...I barely throw up when I get sick let alone to do it on purpose. It has taken a lot of work for me to not be bingeing right now. I haven't binged in a few weeks now and am proud of myself for making it through xmas without bingeing. I also have major depression with psychotic features, ocd, and bpd so I have other problems that I'm trying to work on as well but the ed is the hardest one for me at this moment.

Have you seen a therapist or tried an ad's for your depression. It does help to get the depression taken care of first so you're able to work on the ed.
:nono:

Hi bbybyrd, thanks for your reply. I've never purged before by maling myself throw up or using laxitives. I can't say I've never thought about it because I have but I can never bring myself to actually do it. I don't even want to get that started. There are times I do binge though. I just deprive myself so much of the foods I really like and enjoy that when I do actually eat them I eat ALOT of them. Then I feel so guilty. These last few days though I've been trying not to deprive myself of what I really want just to see what happens. I have alot of cookies and candy left over from xmas and every once in awhile throughout the day I'll have a cookie or a piece of candy (something I usually would NEVER do). So far no weight gain but today I feel "bigger". My thighs feel huge and I feel really flabby or something. I try to keep telling myself it's ok. It's just all in my head. But today I'll probably deprive myself again. Sweets are my weakness. I LOVE cookies, cake, ice cream, pie, candy....but of course all of that is loaded with saturated fat (well, I do buy the low fat and fat free versions of things too). I haven't seeked any therapy yet or really even thought about AD's. I was on zoloft for over a year a couple of years ago. It helped but I hate relying on meds to help me. I was in therapy for a year also. I still use alot of the techniques I was taught. I've also taken 2 psychology courses in college so I know a thing or two about mental health. I guess the reason I haven't seeked therapy yet is because I'm scared. I haven't told my family or friends about my problem. I know my mom would be most understanding. She's dealt with an ED before when she was around my age. I guess I'm just afraid of being judged. I don't want my family and friends to think badly of me. My b/f however would not understand. He's the type that just eats and eats, whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He always tells me I don't eat enough and I don't eat "right". He thinks junk food is healthy food, lol. I know he would be the type to try to force me to eat which would just stress me out that much more and probably make me eat even less. I have been doing better. I've been eating anywhere from 1400-1700 cal a day because I know that's what I need to maintain my weight. I used to eat only around 1000-1200 sometimes under a 1000 a day. I haven't been feeling as fatigued as I used to and I have more energy. I would say I'm on my way to recovery. One thing my therapist taught me was to take "baby steps" toward recovery and not to push yourself. So I've just been doing one thing at a time. Lately it's been increasing my calorie intake. Next I'll start with my obsession with the scales. I weigh myself every time I'm in the bathroom. I'll start with only allowing myself to weigh twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. Then I'll go to once a day...then maybe every other day. That's what I mean by "baby steps". It really helps and it does work. I may just be able to do this on my own without therapy. But if it gets to be too much and I start relapsing then i'll know I need to. I start back to college in January and I start the nursing program. I know I'm going to be under loads of stress and I'm just so afraid that my problem will only get worse. I really hope not. It's funny because I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought I would ever have an ED. I used to eat anything I wanted whenever I wanted and I always thought diets where so stupid and people should just enjoy food and eat! I just can't believe I'm going through this. Did you ever think it would happen to you? Well, anyway, sorry I write so much. It just feels good to get all of this out. My prayers are with you and I hope we both get better soon. Take care!

One more thing I forgot to add....it's funny how you said that you ate nothing but oatmeal all day long because I do the same..well used to..not so much anymore but I still eat it alot. Is that common with people an ED? I guess it would make sense because it's low fat/low cal and very filling. You feel like you're getting so much to eat but you're not taking in all of the calories. I also eat alot of malt-o-meal. I've been trying to eat more of a variety lately too. I eat tons of fruit but I need to eat more veggies and also more grains and meat. I hate red meat though. When I eat meat it's always fish, chicken, or turkey. Do you restrict sodium from your diet?? I do because of water weight and swelling. I'm getting better at eating a bit more of it but I still don't eat too many salty things. I know it's not good for me to deprive my body of sodium that much. It's just horrible when you're watching your calories, fat, sodium and so on because I feel like I can't eat anything. And I'm getting so tired of the same things I eat over and over again that I just feel like screaming! I just want to be able to eat again...I want to get over this and move on!!

Like you, I never thought this would happen to me. My problem is that I was always a chubby child til I hit the middle school and then I started getting taller and thinning out some but since I'm an emotional eater I started gaining weight and then started abusing laxatives. I don't abuse laxatives anymore because I can't afford to...I have IBS. I too try to avoid salty foods because I have high blood pressure. I ususally binge on ice cream and cake but I've binged on meals also. I'll be the first to admit that I can't do it on my own. I need help and therefore am in therapy. It's great that you feel you can do this on your own. I didn't tell my family about it til it got really out of hand. I was very fatigued and my hair was falling out really bad. That's when my sister noticed that it was a problem. I also didn't tell my therapist right away because I thought he would judge me but he didn't and has always given me the support that I need. It's hard telling family about it especially when they don't fully understand what it's all about. Maybe you can talk to your mom about since she's dealt with it before. She might be able to help you make it through the hard times. :nono:

I'm 19 years old and I have an eating disorder. It all started after I had my baby girl back in July. I had only gained 15 pounds during my pregnancy and only had 5 to lose after I came home from the hospital so I began dieting to lose that few pounds. Well, after I lost that 5 I wanted to lose another 5 which brought me down to 105 pounds (I'm 5'1"). Then I wanted to lose another 5 and stop there. So I did. Now I'm 96 pounds. I never wanted to lose that much. It's just that I've become so obsessive about what I eat that I just keep losing. I've been trying really hard to eat more and not feel guilty about it. Over xmas weekend I was so proud of myself because I ate whatever I wanted to and didn't feel guilty, but I gained no weight either. I've began eating 6 times a day to build my metabolism back up because I know it has to be sluggish from not eating enough. I wouldn't say my ED is really severe, but I know if I don't do something about it now it has the potential to become that way. My family and friends are worried about me, my mom especially. They all say I'm too thin. But of course I don't see that. I know I'm far from being fat but I don't think that I look TOO thin. When I was younger I used to be what I would say was on the "chubby side". I had such low self-esteem and felt so bad about the way I looked. I always felt fat and ugly. I would just eat and eat all the time. Now for once I don't feel fat and that feels really good, but then again I know I have a problem. I count calories obsessively, weigh myself probably 5 times a day, eat only low fat foods (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), think constantly about food and what I'm going to eat for my next meal or snack while calculating calories in my head, exercise if I feel I've eaten too much, and the list goes on. I do suffer from depression. I have for most of my teenage years. It did go away for awhile about 2 years ago because I was seeing a therapist and I was on meds. Then it came back during my pregnancy. It wasn't too much of a problem though until I moved out and in with my b/f after our daughter was born. That's when I became more depressed and my ED started. Me and my b/f have our problems. We've been getting along better lately but our relationship isn't 100% perfect (who's is??). We've been working on it though. My daughter is the best baby ever. She's just so happy all the time, sleeps through the night, hardly ever cries. I feel very blessed to have her, I love her so much. She definently does not have anything to do with my problem. Yes, parenthood can be a bit overwhelming at times but overall I would say that is the least of my problems. I feel better already just getting all this stuff out. Nobody knows about my problem but me. My family and friends suspect it, but I haven't came right out and told them. I know I'm on the right track to getting this under control. I'm admitting it for one thing...something most people with an ED won't do. I know first I have to deal with my depression because that's where this has come from. Once I feel better there recovering from my ED should be much easier. I would just love to get to know some of you on here and talk to others who are going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel so alone, but I know I'm not. I would like to hear some of your stories. So please reply and tell me about yourselves! My prayers are with all of you, we can beat this!


Hi! First, congratulations on the birth of your daughter! :) You sound like a very strong person and I am so happy you are beating your eating disorder. I am 28 with 2 kids ages 6 and 4 and I know after pregnancy is over it (your eating disorder) really hits you. I struggled after both my kids were born to lose weight and it lead to an even worst case of bulimia. I pray for your strength to defeat this horrible monster. Thanks for sharing your story.