Hey all.
I've been doing really bad lately, I've lost a good 10 pounds in the last two weeks or so and I'm pretty sick from it all... but I don't want to stop... and I can't tell you why...
Anyways, I was with my boyfriend last night... He was kissing me... and then he stopped. He picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. There were tears in his eyes... he stripped me naked and stood me in front of the mirror and asked me to point out ever part of my body I hated... it was terrible... there were so many I didn't know where to start... then I .. I don't know.. I just cried... cause somehow I realized to a degree... there wasn't anything wrong with it... he just held me.. and then pointed out his favorite places on my body.. I just felt so loved.. I actually felt beautiful...
But now I feel so terrible.. cause yeah.. I"ve got somewhat of a new strength to get over this d**mned thing.. but I"m afraid.. afraid that when I do fall again if I do.. he'll be angry with me... I'm sure he wont' be... but I'm still scared... why can't I believe him??!?!?! I love him. Why can't I believe that he finds me irrestible and beautiful... ? Its so frustrating... *sigh*...
Anyways... thanks for listening everyone...
~Mel

((((((((((((((((((MEL))))))))))))))))))
What a sweet thing of your boyfriend to do. I think he loves you very much! :-)
The anorexia voice tries to point out all the things that aren't "perfect". The thing is, there would never be a body it would really be satisfied with! A body like that just doesn't exist. it is not our nature. When one part would be "thin enough", another part of your body would already look horrible.

Try to see yourself as your boyfriend sees you... beautiful.

Also, our body is something we have been given and that we are allowed to nurture. It needs food for strength, to be able to function. Calories are not "bad", they are energy.

I wish you all the best with your new strength!

Kathrin

Mel~
I started crying after reading your post....He does LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! Omigoodness! You can't really start to try and guess what he'll think or do, if you start to fall again... You have GOT to focus on NOW! Just like Kathirn said, "try and see yourself as your boyfriend sees you...BEAUTIFUL!
If I could give you any advice, it would be to listen to those people who love you as perfect as you are...If I could go back, I'd have listened to those people...and it may have saved me MANY YEARS of SADDNESS.
You CAN DO IT! Take ONE DAY AT A TIME. And BEAT this thing! Move forward...NOT back.
Good luck sweetie!
Gena

It sounds like he loves you very much, and he seems very understanding. He sees how this is hurting you and only wants what's best for you. Deep down it sounds like you want that too. Because you have someone as supportive as him with you along the difficult path hopefully you will have a greater chance to recover. Have you sat down to just talk about this with him? Tell him how much he's already helped you and how much he can help you in the future. I wish you the best.

You are so lucky to have someone as wonderful as your boyfriend, someone who loves you as much as he obviously does and someone who will stick by you and help you to get better. The best thing that you can give him in return for his support is to try your damned best for him to start getting better. I am going through something similar with my boyfriend as I have realised that if I seriously relapse again I will be risking the destruction of our relationship and I'm more scared of losing him than I am of being fat. If you feel the same way about your boyfriend, you have to try for his sake. I don't think it is easy watching someone you love starve themself to death. I'm not saying it'll be easy or that you will wake up tomorrow and see yourself the way your boyfriend does, but he can be your reason for getting better. You can get through it together.

I wish you the best of luck, I really do, and I hope you can see from all these posts that the best thing you can do for yourself and for your boyfriend is to start recovering.

Take care,
J*L xxx

But also, don't think anybody is trying to make you feel GUILTY towards your boyfriend. It's not your fault you have OCD.

:-) Kathrin

Luckey girl, having an awesome boyfriend and stuggling with an ED can be a huge help. If this was your 'spark' moment, go for it. You have seen how much your ED is hurting other ppl besides yourself. Ultimately you have to want to get better for yourself, and not others, but perhaps knowing that having and ED hurts the ppl you love the most is a starting point. It was for me. I hope you and your boyfriend continue to have a healthy relationship through this, b/c if he loves you as much as it sounds like he does, he is going to be there for you through thick and thin. Through relapses and times where you want to cry b/c you cant stand the weight you've gained.

However, i also agree with Kathrin, dont feel guilty towards him. You can only do it if YOU truly want to, and put your heart and soul into getting ready. And i also agree that it is not your fault that you have an ED, but you have the power to change it. Stay strong and keep posting, i know you can overcome this. Life is so much better when your ED isnt in superior control of your life.