Ive started dating a new guy not to long ago and Im scared to death on telling him. Ive had HSV1 genitals for about 20 months now, with just one outbreak.I don't take meds and haven't even had a hint of an ob. I don't know when to tell him or how to. Ive told other people about it, and for the most part they have been fine with it, and Ive never given it to anyone. I really like this guy and I don't want him to head for the door when he hears what I have to tell him. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP me tell him.

Ive started dating a new guy not to long ago and Im scared to death on telling him. Ive had HSV1 genitals for about 20 months now, with just one outbreak.I don't take meds and haven't even had a hint of an ob. I don't know when to tell him or how to. Ive told other people about it, and for the most part they have been fine with it, and Ive never given it to anyone. I really like this guy and I don't want him to head for the door when he hears what I have to tell him. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP me tell him.

Look it at, and explain it, this way:

HSV1 is one of the most common viruses in the world. Most people surveyed for studies test positive for this virus. It is often acquired in childhood, on the mouth. What you have on your genitals is likely to be even less potent than the same thing maybe 60% of people have on their mouth! Don't be freaked out just because it's genital herpes - it's the exact same thing as cold sores, just in a different place.

As HSV1 is primarily an oral disease, when it is contracted on the genitals it is for most people very mild. I have it orally and genitally. I have had it genitally for nearly two years and have had one outbreak - the initial one. Most people with HSV1 genitally only ever get one outbreak.

Contrast this with my oral herpes - the exact same virus, HSV1. I have had oral herpes since childhood and get 2 or 3 outbreaks per year. I am more likely to give someone herpes from giving them oral sex than having genital sex with them, even though I have both oral and genital herpes!

If you are taking suppressive therapy and do not have sex during an outbreak the chances of passing on HSV1 from genital to genital contact are quite low. You may not feel lucky, but you are lucky for two reasons: Your genital herpes is HSV1, easier to explain and deal with because it's the same thing as the mouth disease and also, you will get less outbreaks because it is HSV1 and not HSV2 - chances are. I am not meaning to demonise HSV2, but that is usually more serious genitally than HSV1 is.

If you tell him this in a calm way, explaining that it is EXACTLY the same as cold sores, that you are careful and will always check whether you have an outbreak (get down there with a mirror!) etc, I hope it won't go too badly for you. I have had to tell people that I had oral herpes (I got genital HSV1 in my current relationship), and they weren't freaked by it. That was HSV1. So is what you have. And you are less likely to give it to people by having sex than I am by giving oral. How you approach this may influence how this person approaches it. Explain the facts, explain how common it is.

You could ask him whether he has ever had a cold sore. If he says yes, you can say it's the same thing as that (also, it'll mean he has some antibodies against the virus which would protect him from a genital infection to a large degree - though of course you must avoid sex during outbreaks).

GOOD LUCK!!