blackplastic
01-06-2005, 05:38 AM
My boyfriend of 4 years lies a lot. The lies aren't very extravagant or unbelievable, they are very believable in fact. For example, when I first met him I asked him about the large scar on his neck and he said that he got in a fight with somebody at a concert and they pulled out a knife and slashed the surface. I believed him. And about a year ago I finally got him to tell me the truth. I can't recall exactly what it was, but it was something medical.
I notice that he lies to a lot to a lot of people about petty things, like where he is going or if he's on the phone, what he is doing; very unnecessary lies, which wouldn't affect the conversation or opinion of him if he did tell the truth. I ask him about it and he says he doesn't know why he does it and that he should stop. He's actually very good at lying but I don't encourage it.
More recently, he showed me a demo of "his friend's band". I believed him. It's no big deal. In fact, I liked the band very much. But in an attempt to find out more about the band, not to check if it's true, I found out that the band is from Australia and has two full length albums.
He says that he doesn't lie to me and I believe him. Yet, when he does tell me things or facts, I tend not to think anything of it. I neither believe him nor disbelieve him. He lies about really dumb things and I have no idea why. It's not causing problems in our relationship. And it only vaguely bothers me when I try to analyze why. I just want to know if anybody has the faintest idea of why he and other people lie this way? :confused:
I notice that he lies to a lot to a lot of people about petty things, like where he is going or if he's on the phone, what he is doing; very unnecessary lies, which wouldn't affect the conversation or opinion of him if he did tell the truth. I ask him about it and he says he doesn't know why he does it and that he should stop. He's actually very good at lying but I don't encourage it.
More recently, he showed me a demo of "his friend's band". I believed him. It's no big deal. In fact, I liked the band very much. But in an attempt to find out more about the band, not to check if it's true, I found out that the band is from Australia and has two full length albums.
He says that he doesn't lie to me and I believe him. Yet, when he does tell me things or facts, I tend not to think anything of it. I neither believe him nor disbelieve him. He lies about really dumb things and I have no idea why. It's not causing problems in our relationship. And it only vaguely bothers me when I try to analyze why. I just want to know if anybody has the faintest idea of why he and other people lie this way? :confused:
Sponsor
SandraM
01-06-2005, 05:07 PM
Usually the reason people lie is cause they feel they have a boring life and need to spice it up some and give them something more exciting to listen to. I would watch that lying if I was you, as it could get worse down the road. If that happens that will probably put a strain on things and more then likely your trust won't be the same either then towards him. Which is very understandable. No disrespect to either of you but, why are you putting yourself in a position to be with an insecure person? Personally I wouldn't stay from a person like this, but that has to be your choice. Just be careful and hope things work out for you.
stuckmissy
01-15-2005, 03:41 PM
Can i ask how old our boyfriend is? Some people when they are young adults still carry their childhood and adolecent habbits of lieing and usually some other things. Sometimes as life progresses and the reality of the world and life sets in it dimminishes. But if he's well into his adulthood he needs to stop this. People will begin to know he's full of crap and it doesn't matter how good of a lier he is. i know a man in his 40's who lies about everything! Mostly to keep hiself out of trouble cause he's a bad apple, but he also lies about little things and is very much the exaggerator. Everyone knows and it's just plain weird. Have a long talk with your bf about what his lies does to your ability to trust him and what that does to your relationship. Is this a life partner you want to have?
kerry1
01-16-2005, 02:01 PM
I would take his lying as a red flag. This guy enjoys lying, and probably doesn't even know how to stop. I don't believe there's any such thing as a "small lie". How in the world can you trust him?? How is it going to be when you're married? Have children??
pangea250
01-16-2005, 07:28 PM
I have to agree with Kerry1.
I had a bf who lied a lot too, and he simply would not stop. It didn't bother me too badly at first, but he lied and lied until the day we broke up. And he still lies to me to this day to try and get back on my good side -_- I always kidn of felt that I was his girlfriend and deserved more respect then to be lied to, regardless of how 'significant' the lie was.
You should be able to inlist more faith in your bf. You shouldn't have to be neutral, not beleiving, but not disbeleiving everything he says.
But that's just my oppinion
I had a bf who lied a lot too, and he simply would not stop. It didn't bother me too badly at first, but he lied and lied until the day we broke up. And he still lies to me to this day to try and get back on my good side -_- I always kidn of felt that I was his girlfriend and deserved more respect then to be lied to, regardless of how 'significant' the lie was.
You should be able to inlist more faith in your bf. You shouldn't have to be neutral, not beleiving, but not disbeleiving everything he says.
But that's just my oppinion
blackplastic
01-17-2005, 06:19 AM
He's 21. And he has A LOT of growing up to do. We've discussed lying many times. I stress to him that he doesn't have to lie. I also stress to him that I'm not a nazi-tyrant needing to know everything about everything and that he's not going to get in trouble with me if he tells the truth. His lies usually end up being as humdrum as if he were to tell the truth. I don't know, maybe he's paranoid and secretive about his whereabouts. And I think he's getting better about it, I notice that he doesn't lie in moments where he usually would. I told him that it made me happy that he told the truth and that made him happy.
I trust him very much. I know he isn't going to go and do anything wrong. And I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. He doesn't really have any other character flaws, except he could probably stand to buy me a present once in a while. Other than that he's great.
Maybe I should stick him with a cattle prod every time he lies to disencourage the habit.
I trust him very much. I know he isn't going to go and do anything wrong. And I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. He doesn't really have any other character flaws, except he could probably stand to buy me a present once in a while. Other than that he's great.
Maybe I should stick him with a cattle prod every time he lies to disencourage the habit.
SandraM
01-20-2005, 04:22 PM
BlackPlastic
How old are you?
Sandra
How old are you?
Sandra
blackplastic
01-23-2005, 03:41 AM
19 years old.