rush-rulz
01-10-2005, 01:38 AM
Does teasing ever end? What is it about me that makes it happen?
I was made fun of pretty much from the time I started school, mainly over PE, which kind of messed me up, PE-wise. Even in elementary school, kids were jumping down my throat for missing a ball or something, and I never understood what the big deal was, but I ended up taking it all to heart, and my self-esteem dropped. These two guys in junior high used to slap me upside the head as they walked past me into the classroom. They once joked with each other about asking me out, like dating me was funny (ha ha, think Carrie here).
I guess the only time in my life I didn't seem to get bugged so much was after rebelling in high school, and I think one reason I started dressing that way in the first place was to give people a reason to make fun of me that wasn't me. If I got a weird look, I could think it was because of my t-shirt, whereas before that, when I got weird looks, it had to be because of something about me.
My self-esteem's improved, I think. I'm 29 now, so I guess I figured people wouldn't bug me so much. But I spoke a little too freely about my interests and hobbies to a friend, and those interests and hobbies are a bit outside the norm, perhaps, so I got to hear about it all the time from him. He gave me nicknames. And then the other day, I was talking to a coworker, and she was saying she didn't know what to make of me when she first met me and even seemed to do a sort of impression of how I was. And later, I was talking to her again, and this same friend mentioned above visited--all three of us in her office--and they both started in on how fun it was to tease me and having a good laugh about it.
So darn it, maybe I'd had a break for a while between high school and the last few years--time I spent exclusively with my now ex-boyfriend, who was always trying to "improve" me but at least wasn't teasing, and I'm thinking now that I can't escape it.
There's a guy in my office who used to get teased, too. Well, he still does, but he's transferring to a different department now. And sadly, I joined in on it once and kept it going just to keep the attention off me, which I know isn't the way to go.
So why does this happen? Why is it that he and I have been teased and no one else has? (Specifically, two people used to tease us, but we never teased them, and they never teased each other.) Was I born with a Kick Me sign or something? I could stop giving people material to use, but that seems a) wrong in a friendship to not be able to speak freely and b) impossible because something slips out one way or another. I don't know if I should try to figure this out and fix it or learn to deal with it?
I was made fun of pretty much from the time I started school, mainly over PE, which kind of messed me up, PE-wise. Even in elementary school, kids were jumping down my throat for missing a ball or something, and I never understood what the big deal was, but I ended up taking it all to heart, and my self-esteem dropped. These two guys in junior high used to slap me upside the head as they walked past me into the classroom. They once joked with each other about asking me out, like dating me was funny (ha ha, think Carrie here).
I guess the only time in my life I didn't seem to get bugged so much was after rebelling in high school, and I think one reason I started dressing that way in the first place was to give people a reason to make fun of me that wasn't me. If I got a weird look, I could think it was because of my t-shirt, whereas before that, when I got weird looks, it had to be because of something about me.
My self-esteem's improved, I think. I'm 29 now, so I guess I figured people wouldn't bug me so much. But I spoke a little too freely about my interests and hobbies to a friend, and those interests and hobbies are a bit outside the norm, perhaps, so I got to hear about it all the time from him. He gave me nicknames. And then the other day, I was talking to a coworker, and she was saying she didn't know what to make of me when she first met me and even seemed to do a sort of impression of how I was. And later, I was talking to her again, and this same friend mentioned above visited--all three of us in her office--and they both started in on how fun it was to tease me and having a good laugh about it.
So darn it, maybe I'd had a break for a while between high school and the last few years--time I spent exclusively with my now ex-boyfriend, who was always trying to "improve" me but at least wasn't teasing, and I'm thinking now that I can't escape it.
There's a guy in my office who used to get teased, too. Well, he still does, but he's transferring to a different department now. And sadly, I joined in on it once and kept it going just to keep the attention off me, which I know isn't the way to go.
So why does this happen? Why is it that he and I have been teased and no one else has? (Specifically, two people used to tease us, but we never teased them, and they never teased each other.) Was I born with a Kick Me sign or something? I could stop giving people material to use, but that seems a) wrong in a friendship to not be able to speak freely and b) impossible because something slips out one way or another. I don't know if I should try to figure this out and fix it or learn to deal with it?
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mudhound
01-12-2005, 01:06 PM
Learn to deal with it. People will be people. If it gets on your raw side, try avoiding them. My wife avoids the people that tent to do items that gets on her nerves.
stuckmissy
01-15-2005, 03:24 PM
You can't fix what's comming from other people, so do deal with it but that doesn't mean you have to accept it. Stand up and say " I find your teasing offensive" put a little dissaproving look on your face and walk away. Be calm about it on the inside, work that out with yourself first. Adults are almost if not as bad as kids, when there's a reaction they will tease!!! If the teasing is being done in a way that is mean and belittling then those people are snobs and haven't matured yet, maybe never will. My family loves to tease but we do it out of love, just goofing off etc.. like it's your birthday and today your our focus of jokes and stuff but it's not mean...never mean... and there's a limit, we don't joke about things that may be sensitive to that person. Your friends shouldn't be teasing you in anyway that is mean. I'd sugest talking to them one on one, letting them know their teasing is hard for you to take maybe tell them why.. and see if they stop or let up.. You should not have to hide who you are from your friends and people around you..your right about that, so how about not hidding the fact that you are sensitve to being teased. Don't be their target!! Just some thoughts for you, Mudhound gave you your alternative and it's a good one, stay away from these people!!
Best to you!
Best to you!
kiehn
01-15-2005, 04:36 PM
Hi
I can sympathize as I also dealt with teasing in school. Im now 47 and have thought
about the why do people do this many times. I think Krissy may be right some adults
just never grow up. As is Mudhound in that some people just aren't worth the bother. One of my daughers also experienced the same problem but the other didn't so it must be something I passed on to one of them. The difference between our daughters is one got upset and was more of a loner, like I was in school. Our other daughter just shugged it off and would not allow the teasing to push her out of the group, but that's not to say she didnt like that person she just didnt show it. Some times people pick on an easy target, such as a loner that never says anything. People that do this sometimes get a high that they've gotten to you. There are many ways to deal with them some mudhound and Krissy have mentioned. You have to decided what feels comfortable to you. Just like Krissy said their family teases each other in fun, so does our family. So imagine your co-workers teases as fun (whether you believe it or not) is also an option, just give'em a sweet smile, maybe a haha. Then treat them like you nothing ever happened. I know this seems like a fake way to be ut if it makes life more bareable at work who benefits, look at it like a tool.
I read a quote from another posting recently and I really like it. This may not be the exact quote but it's the general idea. "When you're happy smile, when your not force yourself" I thought it was cute because at times it's been my only option.
Good Luck, K
I can sympathize as I also dealt with teasing in school. Im now 47 and have thought
about the why do people do this many times. I think Krissy may be right some adults
just never grow up. As is Mudhound in that some people just aren't worth the bother. One of my daughers also experienced the same problem but the other didn't so it must be something I passed on to one of them. The difference between our daughters is one got upset and was more of a loner, like I was in school. Our other daughter just shugged it off and would not allow the teasing to push her out of the group, but that's not to say she didnt like that person she just didnt show it. Some times people pick on an easy target, such as a loner that never says anything. People that do this sometimes get a high that they've gotten to you. There are many ways to deal with them some mudhound and Krissy have mentioned. You have to decided what feels comfortable to you. Just like Krissy said their family teases each other in fun, so does our family. So imagine your co-workers teases as fun (whether you believe it or not) is also an option, just give'em a sweet smile, maybe a haha. Then treat them like you nothing ever happened. I know this seems like a fake way to be ut if it makes life more bareable at work who benefits, look at it like a tool.
I read a quote from another posting recently and I really like it. This may not be the exact quote but it's the general idea. "When you're happy smile, when your not force yourself" I thought it was cute because at times it's been my only option.
Good Luck, K
kerry1
01-15-2005, 06:17 PM
You're going to have to separate yourself from your childhood. You're an adult now - you don't have to put up with that crap anymore. Kids don't have a choice (that's why I think home-schooling is sometimes a great idea) -but adults do. Don't even bother to tell them you don't like their teasing - just walk away. Don't acknowledge it or respond to it verbally or in any way. You are not their personal doormat.
pangea250
01-16-2005, 07:53 PM
There are a lot of good books on how to get people who critisize you to run out of ammo pretty fast. Maybe you should invest in one?
I have Feeling Good, by David Burns. It's specifically about depression, but there's a chapter on receiveing critism that I've found pretty helpful^_^
It's hard to explain but I can try :P Statements used in teasing and critisizing are almost always very general, innaccurate, illogical or just flat out wrong. So if you ask someone who is teasing you to explain their arguments, you'll be able to easily disprove them, or show that the accusation is completely senseless.
Not to mention that HANDLING teasing is much less entertaining and satisfying to the teaser then REACTING to it by getting upset.
On the other hand, if people who are teasing you are your friends, have you explicitly told them that they are upsetting you? Sometimes/most of the time, people don't pick up on subtle hints. If you haven't tried being blunt and flat out told them that they are really upsetting you, I would suggest it.
When I was with my ex boyfriend he'd give me a hard time about different things, and it wasn't until I spelled out the fact that he was hurting my feeling (and if he comtinued to hurt my feelings I would dump him) that he stopped.
I have Feeling Good, by David Burns. It's specifically about depression, but there's a chapter on receiveing critism that I've found pretty helpful^_^
It's hard to explain but I can try :P Statements used in teasing and critisizing are almost always very general, innaccurate, illogical or just flat out wrong. So if you ask someone who is teasing you to explain their arguments, you'll be able to easily disprove them, or show that the accusation is completely senseless.
Not to mention that HANDLING teasing is much less entertaining and satisfying to the teaser then REACTING to it by getting upset.
On the other hand, if people who are teasing you are your friends, have you explicitly told them that they are upsetting you? Sometimes/most of the time, people don't pick up on subtle hints. If you haven't tried being blunt and flat out told them that they are really upsetting you, I would suggest it.
When I was with my ex boyfriend he'd give me a hard time about different things, and it wasn't until I spelled out the fact that he was hurting my feeling (and if he comtinued to hurt my feelings I would dump him) that he stopped.