Hi, does/has anyone suffered from the emotional stress that goes alongside herpes? Since I found out, see stuff on sti's particularly hiv everywhere ... makes me think I'm being sent signs! Can anyone share similar experiences with me? Do u think this is to do with the "life long" term of herpes and my associations of a life sentence? I'm thinking it's like when people think they might be pregnant and see babies and pregnant people everywhere???

I know I was extremely stressed out before I had my primary breakout. I had a lot of stuff happening in my life, I had a headache last for 2 or 3 days before my Ob started. Then I had that for over a week and had to get treatment.

I have read on websites that there is no proven relationship between stress and herpes OB's but I do believe it can strike it! I tell you I watch my stress level like crazy now! I havent had another OB since my primary. Good luck!

Odd. I thought that I heard that stress will contribute to an outbreak. It is not a direct cause, but it does have something to do with it.

I could be wrong, but I heard that only one study find a link between stress and herpes. I think it's fair to say that different things are a trigger for different people. I've had oral herpes for a long time and I can't ever remember it breaking out when I have been stressed (major law exams time, family disagreements etc), yet it does if I have been in the sun or if my lips are damaged from the cold, or if I eat certain foods.

I think the original poster was talking about the feelings of stress connected with herpes, and I can relate to this. I used to be terrified of giving someone genital herpes from my oral herpes, and then it actually happened to me! I couldn't believe it, after all the worry I had been through, that I would get HSV1 again genitally - but I did. For months I was stressed out, hardly sleeping, scouring websites, looking "down there" over and over looking for the next OB, etc etc.

I managed to relax in time, though the reason for me has probably been that after my initial (lengthy, painful, yucky!!) genital herpes OB, I haven't had any problems since. I think I am a bit better at dealing with it now generally though. It doesn't seem like my life is ruined anymore.

Thanks beaker, yes that is what I mean... more the turmoil caused from it. I know my life won't be ruined, but can't believe I put myself in such a position! Have to try and forgive myself.

When there are no ob's, it's easy to just get on with life. When i'm having an ob, then it's a constant reminder of what i have and if i dwell on it for overly long i can start to think how it's for life, which leads me to wonder if i lost my current partner, would anybody else want me. I think these are natural thoughts. It's sometimes hard enough finding somebody you want to spend your entire life with, who you are compatible with etc, let alone finding one who accepts h, is willing to educate themselves and even willing to not be bothered if they caught it off you.

Actually my thoughts led me to something i've never given overly much thought to. Not that i'm very religious, but going back to what i was taught about the bible, commandments etc i thought, if every person on earth only became intimate once married, had no affairs, no casual sex, never got divorced, we'd likely not have this variety of std's, but then that would be a perfect world and that's not possible.

I'm lucky that here in Australia we have some fantastic clinics which offer doctors, counsellors and information all for free, the tests are all for free too. The Government pays for it all. They make certain that you have all resources available so that you can cope and live life with and form of std you may have. I have also found this healthboard to be fantastic in what i have learnt from others.

Speaking to the counsellors, they say the people who on average deal with herpes the best are those who are in relationships or who find a partner. The biggest fear a person has is that nobody will ever love them and that they wont ever find a partner. Once finding a partner, most come to terms with herpes.

Stop blaming yourself (easier said than done)!

My life already had problems at the time of diagnosis. I was dealing with a breakup and results of bad decisions I made. My social life is plummeting, in addition to family and career problems. All that stress inflamed my OBs and made the diagnosis twice as diffcult.

Then I thought I had every other STD imaginable for a while, even though my tests were fine. Those awful Valtrex commericials made me want to puke.

I hated any type of holiday or couple-like event or tradition. I brought on more stress than necessary. H nearly validated reasons why I should hate myself. I also experienced the "talk" right after the diagnosis; it went bad the and the situation played on repeat for some time.

Then I realized my mind plague myself with H more than the OBs. Into my third and fourth year after diagnosis, my OBs are roughly once per season (knock on wood, thank the Heavens :) ). As I looked at the situation for what it was, a skin condition, the emotional stress subsided more.

I don't scream my diagnosis down the street. However, I took steps to move on with my life and dealt with H when it came up. I think the social stigma was worse than some of the physical issues I deal with. Even within the H community, oral herpes is a fever blister/cold sore and genital herpes is an STD. Things of that nature made it difficult for me.

Now, I focus on maintaining positive, staying healthy, keeping OBs and shedding to a minimum to prevent problems. One day is does get better and for a good portion of us is when we decide to take control of the situation.

I have had herpes for 5 years now and won't let this defeat me. I am deserving of love. Herpes is not the end of the world. 1 in 4 people have H. Its a skin condition. So is excema and chicken pox and we dont freak out on those. The worst thing about H is having someone not accept you. I recently told the person I was dating that I had it and he freaked out. He is scared to death that I put him at risk. Having him hate me and think of me as dirty absolutely kills me. I dont think I put him at risk and I hope I didnt b/c that would kill me too. Emotional pain is the worst thing about H.
I care so much for this guy and really thought he would be accepting. Take meds use condoms work it through, but I was wrong. I waited to tell him until we had moved our relationship into a more intimate direction (2 months in) . I wanted to see if there was something really there between us, that we had more than a passing crush. A part of me was scared because I developed feelings for him and didnt want it to end if he rejected me. We fooled around, kissing, some oral. I take Valtrex and felt it was an okay risk. He hates me now and that feeling is worse than any H outbreak.
If he really did care about me I think he would have been more understanding but I guess it was not meant to be.

Be true to yourself and respect others. We all deserve love!

I am sorry things did not turn out well for you. However, knowing earlier on that he is not the one for you may be better for you in the long term. If all that person can see in you is H, then they are missing out on a lot and obviously not worth your time.

I acquired H from someone. Although I do not know the exact person at the exact time, I also never asked for regular test results. So, in my result of not asking, I did accept someone with H for who they were; whether I knew it or not. That did not make my diagnosis any easier but I do accept a large level of responsibility.

In all our wrongdoings, we are not bad people and do not deserve lives alone. Please understand, it is so important about resolving your emotions about H with yourself; a relationship will not solve it.

I seem to fall under this headline...I have not even had my first ob and I still only get about 3 hours sleep. My body is so tired from trying to fight off this virus. But it will happen. I think back to the day of nov 15 and see all of confusion and lack of knowledge that put me in this sitituion. Here Iam 18 never really been in a relationship for the fear of stds(virgin) and fall prey to someone that really wanted to do me in. Now this is my new home, my social life has now made a turn for the worst. All I can do is express my pain though here. And to think a few choice words would have kept me out of all of this. I'm only 18 and have this burden soon I will have to go out into a world that iam not afraid of.

Thanks for your response. I'm a little needy right now (this breakup just happened) and getting support from here is helping.
I know I am more than H its just so hard to put yourself out there and get stabbed in the heart. I dont casually date and finding someone that I thought was potentially 'the one' was a huge gift. I understand that he is not the one if he cant accept me for who I am, it just hurts. I cry at everything, people in the grocery store thought I was insane Im sure, and the thing is I am not someone who cries easily. day by day.

I think next time I am going to try dating with the H dating website, because At least the hfactor is out there and I wont have to go through this again.
Also he broke up with me in an email- im not wrong in thinking thats horrible am I? It was truly a shock expecially from someone so caring and attentive who was thinking about me long term.

I am not giving up on love! It takes a lot to be out there with your heart on the line, but its worth it. Im hurting right now for the loss, not that I have H. it kills me that people cant see the 'big picture' in life. Its too short to waste or not take chances sometimes.

I seem to fall under this headline...I have not even had my first ob and I still only get about 3 hours sleep. My body is so tired from trying to fight off this virus. But it will happen. I think back to the day of nov 15 and see all of confusion and lack of knowledge that put me in this sitituion. Here Iam 18 never really been in a relationship for the fear of stds(virgin) and fall prey to someone that really wanted to do me in. Now this is my new home, my social life has now made a turn for the worst. All I can do is express my pain though here. And to think a few choice words would have kept me out of all of this. I'm only 18 and have this burden soon I will have to go out into a world that iam not afraid of.

Champ, have you been tested for herpes? You say you haven't even had your first OB, and I seem to remember that the herpes has not been confirmed - I don't mean to patronise you, but before you worry yourself so much that you make yourself ill, you should ensure that you really do have herpes and then you can move on from there.

I wish you luck, whatever happens.

Thanks for your response. I'm a little needy right now (this breakup just happened) and getting support from here is helping.
I know I am more than H its just so hard to put yourself out there and get stabbed in the heart. I dont casually date and finding someone that I thought was potentially 'the one' was a huge gift. I understand that he is not the one if he cant accept me for who I am, it just hurts. I cry at everything, people in the grocery store thought I was insane Im sure, and the thing is I am not someone who cries easily. day by day.

I think next time I am going to try dating with the H dating website, because At least the hfactor is out there and I wont have to go through this again.
Also he broke up with me in an email- im not wrong in thinking thats horrible am I? It was truly a shock expecially from someone so caring and attentive who was thinking about me long term.

I am not giving up on love! It takes a lot to be out there with your heart on the line, but its worth it. Im hurting right now for the loss, not that I have H. it kills me that people cant see the 'big picture' in life. Its too short to waste or not take chances sometimes.

Yeah, it totally sucks to break up with you in an email. My previous gf dumped me in a quite casual phone call after nearly 2 1/2 years together, and that hurt. At that time we were a few hours away from each other - but what, I wasn't worth the journey? It makes you feel quite stupid for ever having trusted people and invested your time, but there are some good people out there.

I'm a lesbian and I got genital HSV1 from my current gf after having had oral HSV1 for years. So far I have not been too bad at all - only had the initial genital HSV1 outbreak although it wasn't nice and went on for weeks, and I had thrush at the same time. My oral HSV1 bothers me more - but that's in line with the statistics, as I understand it. What upsets me more than any physical symptoms is the stress and worrying about the stigma involved. But both HSV1 and HSV2 are such common viruses...

I wish you luck and I hope that you find a way to cope with it. I'm sure you will find someone who is worthy of you. Even though my current gf gave me genital H :rolleyes: , I still love her and want to be with her.

Hi karenscorner......i don't think there is an excuse for him breaking up via email. To me that is so utterly immature and shows an unwillingness to be responsible. There would have been nothing wrong for him to sit down with you and tell you honestly that he is afraid of herpes, knows next to nothing about it and is afraid of getting it himself and therefore feels he could not continue with the relationship. There is nothing wrong with him being afraid, as most people are, especially first off, but terminating things via email isn't right.

The fact that he couldn't handle the herpes issue is sad for you, but i'd say for him moving on from you was a way of keeping himself "safe". Everybody handles this type of news in all kinds of ways. I, for instance, had been with my partner for quite a while before he told me that he had herpes. I think he only told me b/c he was having an ob. His first in 10 yrs. He believed that if you aren't having an ob, then all was safe. When he told me, yes, the first thing which went through my mind was whether or not i might have it and why the hell hadn't he told me right away, yet i didn't want to hurt his feelings either. I got myself a blood test without him knowing and it was negative. I ended up getting type 2 due to both of us being uneducated and thinking that his ob was a week old and we were using a condom, so all should be fantastic. Boy were we wrong!! I have since learnt so much and i have ended up educating him, when he was the one who gave it to me, but we don't point fingers or do any blaming. We rarely discuss it, except when i've learnt something new or and ob is on the horizon.

For me it was far easier being the person without herpes and taking on board a partner who had herpes, wheras he didn't sleep all night in fear of having to tell me that he had felt the first signs of an ob. Some people are very broadminded and don't have all that much fear of taking on board something so out of their comfort zone. Others panic and run a mile, before even thinking/talking things through. It just depends on the nature of the person.

So no matter whether you have herpes or if on the other hand you don't have it, but a prospective partner tells you they have it, we all handle it in different ways. Some people see herpes as simply an std and a lot of people wont take on an std if offered one. It will take a long while to get people educated, this is why they should be doing proper sex education in schools, not simply "wear a condom" or "safe sex means no sex". That doesn't teach anybody anything.

So please don't put yourself down and think that you aren't worth it. The fact this guy couldn't even speak to you in person about his fears and broke it off via email makes me feel that he himself has issues. I knows it's easy to say forget about him, but you have and you will need a grieving period to get over him as it seems you were very taken with him. But please don't let herpes or this guy get you down long term.

Thanks for your words!
Its amazing that another person can make you feel so bad. People tell me that its good I found out now how he reacts to bad things in life. Your right I will have to grieve. It seems that every time I give my heart I learn hard lessons, maybe someday someone will stay.

I think about the person who gave me H and I wish I had never had that relationship. THere was a lot more going on bad wise in that relationship to make me wish I had never met him. At the time I desperatly wanted someone, anyone and I payed for it. my fault and insecurities. I have learned to be careful since then and did learn about myself. I just really thought that this time is was real.
I cant imagine the guy who just broke up with me hating me or wishing he had never met me!

all of this stress has caused a massive outbreak too, ahhhh!

Anyone who reads this and is unsure how to react to a person that had H that they care about... dont just leave them hanging. be honest even if you cant handle it and tell them face-to-face.

i know how you feel i am still suffering from ob constantly and taking valtrex it hurts me soo bad becuase i feel like everybody knows especiall the rashes and and bumps on my face this is where everyone can see people can be very cruel when you share things like this. it is unfortunate you are so young so am i if something were to happen to my husband i don;t know what i would do relationship wise