ok, that subject line sounded awfully harsh, and I in no way intended for it to sound that way. :)

To keep my story short and sweet, I will get right down to the point. I contracted herpes over 2 years ago. Since that initial (painful) outbreak, I haven't had one reoccurance, and have had normal sex with other partners....(who, in turn, never contracted it)

So now I've finally found the one. Quick history: I met him in the middle of june last year, the most attractive man I had seen in a long time... and unfortunately we went a little too far on one of our first "dates". I performed oral on him, but that was as far as is got. I didn't want to have sex with him because I knew I had genital herpes, and I wanted to wait. A few days later I became scared and broke it off - I wasn't ready for a commitment, I told myself, primarily because I had been hurt really really bad 2 years prior. There was no contact between us for about a week and a half, and then he writes me an email, accusing me of giving him herpes. He says he didn't go to the doctor, that all the symptoms point to it: small zits below the belly button (?!?), dizziness and headache.

Oh god, you have no idea how horrible I felt. I wrote him back right away and told him I seriously, honest to God didn't know I had oral herpes, otherwise I would have never performed oral sex on him. Things settled down and he moved away and then he unexpectadely came back to visit and we met and it was like I was looking at a whole new person. I opened my eyes and realized that I couldn't let this chance pass up...I quit drinking alcohol (which was a huge reason why I thought I wasn't ready for a commitment), and he ended up staying in my town for 2 1/2 more weeks. He then moved back to the coast for good this time, and I knew deep in my heart that I wanted to be with him - maybe even forever. so then 2 months later I moved away from my "home" town...and right in with the man that I will marry one day...

Woah. Getting off subject. So get this: he took a blood test and tested NEGATIVE for herpes!!! This was before I moved in, mind you. He didn't understand it and thought the test could have been wrong. I have had 2 other outbreaks (other than the initial one 2 years ago) and that was when I moved out here. The stress got to me. And another when I got back onto Birth Control 3 months ago. Blech. Spent $500 on doctors and meds, just to find out on my OWN that I was really just having an outbreak, not Bacterial Vaginosis/Yeast/Bladder Infections. Fun, huh.

My boyfriend and I have been having unprotected sex for the past 2 1/2 months. His dizziness and headaches haven't gone away since day one. He went to a doctor about a month ago, and lied to them, telling them he knew he had herpes and so they prescribed him with Acyclovir. He ended up even taking 6 pills a day - but to no avail. Last week he went to the SAME doctor, and he asked to get put on Valtrex. He's been on it for the past week, and his dizziness and headaches still haven't subsided.

This is another thing I don't get: his "zits" are right below his belly button. The "zits" that I get when I have an outbreak are monsterous compared to the puny zits he has....and besides - I thought outbreaks only occur in the initial spot where skin to skin contact took place. I don't recall rubbing my mouth and tounge all over his stomach...seriously.

I also got tested for everything in the book before I moved out here to live with him - I have nothing....and you know what else? I'm not an asymptomatic shedder: which means I can't spread the virus without having visible lesions.

My boyfriend is a hypochondriac...even he admits it. He's got a lot of medical history - doctors somewhere else told him he had chrone's disease...turned out it was "just" IBS. They told him he also may have colon cancer. He's got bad digestive problems and his stomach is constantly swollen. He has asthma. He's allergic to animals. And he's also a vegetarian that doesn't take any other vitamins/protein supplements - which may be the cause of his dizziness/headacheness?

I honestly don't blame him for having lost all faith in doctors...

But deep down I seriously believe that he never contracted herpes from me at all! *sighs* :yawn: I mean - even the blood test came back negative! I'm sorry for going on and on....any thoughts would be greatly appreciated...

Good night! :wave:

Sleepless in Seattle

asymptomatic shedder



Wait what? Sorry but I thuoght that everyone was automaticly a shedder.... how do you know you are not?? I have herpes simplex 1 genitaly... but I WANT a normal sex life.... maybe Im not a shedder either?!?! is there a way to find out?

And... have you told him that you have genital herpes? because you dont say in your post.

If he tested negative he probably is... but he can contract it at any time from you, so he might get a posotive the next time he gets tested.

asymptomatic shedder



Wait what? Sorry but I thuoght that everyone was automaticly a shedder.... how do you know you are not?? I have herpes simplex 1 genitaly... but I WANT a normal sex life.... maybe Im not a shedder either?!?! is there a way to find out?

And... have you told him that you have genital herpes? because you dont say in your post.

If he tested negative he probably is... but he can contract it at any time from you, so he might get a posotive the next time he gets tested.


Well - I don't know how reliable my OB/GYN in Missoula, MT is...but I saw him for a long long time before I moved out here. He has always been very helpful - older gentleman: must be in his late 50's. But anyway - either you test positive or negative for being an asymptomatic shedder. This means that you can transmit the virus even if you don't show any symptoms. And I happen to not be one of those...I don't know what type of test they do, but I believe they take a culture swab. How accurate that is I don't know.

But in all honesty - I had a boyfriend shortly after the initial outbreak, and he knew that I had herpes...and we still had sex (with a condom, of course) - and he never got it. When I initially contracted herpes, it was from a one night stand - but we used a condom! So now when I have an ob I get them at the bottom of my "vaginal entrance" - where the original skin contact occurred. So that's why I'm stumped - how on earth could my boyfriend have herpes when the little zits are below his belly button??

I told my boyfriend as soon as he accused me of giving him genital herpes that yes, it was true that I had genital herpes...but tested negative for the oral kind - so I was sure he was in the clear. In the meantime I've gotten onto birthcontrol and we have a healthy sexlife - unprotected. He is aware of the risk he's taking....even if he is negative. But I don't know - I just want a piece of mind to know that he's negative... I love him to death, and just am worried that his symptoms might be stemming from something completely different.

How often are your outbreaks, heavensent? Like I said...mine are few and far between......I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones... :(

unless they swabbed you daily for months on end, one swab is not possible to determine whether or not someone sheds. Most studies you see, the longer out they swab the participants the higher percentage of those who shed.

So let me get this straight your b/f just automatically assumed he had herpes and went to his doctor and got on acyclovir, and then after that ran out got put on valtrex? What the heck for? Does he want herpes that bad? The little "zits" could be what you say they are ZITS! Has he gone in and had any of these zits swabed and sent to a lab to confrim?!

It sounds to me like he just wants it so he can say he has something? Sounds very werid I know. But that is all my brain can figure!

I'd take him by the hand to the doctor and watch them swab them bad boys!

So let me get this straight your b/f just automatically assumed he had herpes and went to his doctor and got on acyclovir, and then after that ran out got put on valtrex? What the heck for? Does he want herpes that bad? The little "zits" could be what you say they are ZITS! Has he gone in and had any of these zits swabed and sent to a lab to confrim?!

It sounds to me like he just wants it so he can say he has something? Sounds very werid I know. But that is all my brain can figure!

I'd take him by the hand to the doctor and watch them swab them bad boys!

*laughs* Yes, exactly. I think maybe deep down he's already come to terms that he might have herpes, and would actually prefer to - otherwise he might be afraid that he'll start having second thoughts about our (perfect) relationship.

Another thing I don't get: Before a doctor puts you on ANY type of medication without doing a thorough exam, shouldn't they ask for previous medical records???

I have GH and I never get dizzy. I would be scared that the sypotoms he is describing are something mroesearious, but they dont sound like H to me. You can get little zits below your belly buttom from your jeans rubbing, sweating etc. I doubt hed have them there, and how silly for hte dr to give him anything without a test. WHy suject your body to unnecessary meds???
Id switch dr and get a real opinion, and lying wont help him get a good diagnosis!!!!!

Most people shed herpes asymptomatically - although sometimes the level is very low indeed, and many people are of the opinion that shedding is overstated - and you are highly unlikely to be an exception; it would take detailed analysis of your day to day herpes activity in order to determine that.

Spots below the belly button don't really sound like herpes, but you should know that if someone contracts herpes, though they are likely to get outbreaks in the place where the virus originally entered the skin, they can get them on any part of the body which could be covered by a pair of boxer shorts. So it's not entirely relevant where your outbreak is.

Having said this, if your boyfriend continues to test negative and is having these problems on his stomach - it doesn't sound particularly like herpes. Maybe he should see a dermatologist and have the zits checked out. I managed to get a skin infection on my stomach when I was a kid when a mole I had got infected (yuck!)

Most people shed herpes asymptomatically - although sometimes the level is very low indeed, and many people are of the opinion that shedding is overstated - and you are highly unlikely to be an exception; it would take detailed analysis of your day to day herpes activity in order to determine that.

Spots below the belly button don't really sound like herpes, but you should know that if someone contracts herpes, though they are likely to get outbreaks in the place where the virus originally entered the skin, they can get them on any part of the body which could be covered by a pair of boxer shorts. So it's not entirely relevant where your outbreak is.

Having said this, if your boyfriend continues to test negative and is having these problems on his stomach - it doesn't sound particularly like herpes. Maybe he should see a dermatologist and have the zits checked out. I managed to get a skin infection on my stomach when I was a kid when a mole I had got infected (yuck!)

Thank you for your advice - I'm a little frustrated at how little doctors know sometimes about diseases. Once I was diagnosed with breast cancer...turned out it was just a rash from my laundry detergent.

My boyfriend's switching doctors and telling him/her everything that's happened up until this point. I'm glad - it will definitely give me a piece of mind to know whether or not he has herpes...

Thanks for your imput! :)

If your boyfriend has ever had sexual contact (or belly-button contact, in his case) before with anyone at all, he could have gotten herpes from someone besides you. Herpes can lay dormant for years, decades, or for your whole life. Even if it is indeed herpes, he can't know it came from you unless he never let anyone touch or kiss him below the waist.

Please read the "Happy Couples" thread (it's long, but read all of it!) to get lots of info on protecting him, just in case he doesn't have h yet. It's very possible he has not gotten it, if these zits are not herpes.

Being a vegetarian does not cause dizziness or headaches. Vegetarians do not need to watch protein intake. That is a myth disproved decades ago. As long as he eats a fairly healthy diet (fruits, veggies--esp broccoli-- and whole grains; not too much fat, esp hydrogenated, or sugary, refined foods, then, like anyone, he does not need to take vitamin supplements.

Headaches and dizziness can be a sign of many conditions, some minor and some very serious. If he really has chronic problems, he needs to go to a dr.