Hallooooo to all my buddies who must think I have totally ignored them the last two weeks!! My abject apologies for not getting back to all the loving and encouraging messages (Gdgirl--all your caring words, Dallas A-I so appreciate your creative suggestions!) that you guys have posted. I read them all and loved them all. And my apologies, too for not addressing "SOS" calls from Lisa (domestic "fisticuffs"!!) and ElNYC (return bout with your depression), and other good friends, as I normally would.

I was just in such a mentally flat, "dead zone"--but I want you all to know that I'm starting to do much better now....it just took me awhile to climb out of that depressive crevass I fell into, as my brain, after years of "false joy", adjusted to its new reality that life doesn't get better on a four times-a-day schedule of "Take 40 mg oxys as necessary to soar"!!! :D Intellectually, I had accepted giving them up as the 100 percent right thing to do--but my old brain seemed to be lagging waaaaay behind emotionally!

Thankfully...it's caught up! And I am doing much better now....and have actually in the last week had flashes of what I remember only from my distant past--a couple of NATURAL highs!!! In my next post, I'll have some questions and ask some opinions about this weird "stop-start" lurching back to normality! :rolleyes: I can hardly believe that my brain might actually have some endorphins left in it! LOL!! Unlike so many of Subutex users, I did not "fly with energy" and feel "great". But....I was saved from instant withdrawals--and I feel normal---and have been given this miracle opportunity to take a good look at how much more life can offer than what it had become. And I am soooo thankful for that. The difference between life "before" and life "after" is finally so clear to me. I had just forgotten what reality felt like. :)

I have JUST gone back to work a day ago, after almost 6 months off, after my foot accident.....so I will have time only to lurk until I dig out from under this incredible paper catch-up in my office. But I am reading as much as I can. (ROSIE--welcome back!!!) And I'm going to write as soon as I can.

Love ya all and am just so happy that my brain has revived enough now for me to string a few words together in my head!!! LOL! :jester:

I'm thinking of you all sooooo much!

xxxx Lynn :wave:

Hi Sweet honey with the beautiful, healthy, going back to work foot!
It's Sara, and knowing what you mean about the up's and downs. As soon as I have a down day... if I don't get to a meeting...Im thinking It's me, Im the one who is making myself have the bad day. Silly huh? I never liked being on that "pink cloud". Because coming off of it is such a bummer, and the pink cloud is so far away from reality- that it's a long way to fall- and you feel like the vics or the oxys or whatever might just be able to pick you back up! Heres me::: no more messin w/ my antidpress. Im staying on what the doctor puts me on.

So.. are you back to work? Oh the joys!
Ive been missing your posts. Im glad your back, and here's a great big hug cuz Im missed my Lynn!!!!!!!! :angel:

Im going back to rehab to take classes in two weeks. Since Im not working I wanna get as much in of recovery as possible. I was gonna stay with my temp sponsor but she paid for me to stay in very cool bed and breakfast. She said that way she can kick me out of her house when she gets sick on me! You would LOVE this woman! She is a recovered addict, LCDC, she is a religeous scholar, and going to school for physc. now. (Noticed how I abreviated that- cuz I can't spell it!) She is raising her grandchild. She's been divorced for years and just got engaged. When I met her, she was down to earth, sarcastic, honest, and funny. And she called my B_ when I was doing my 5th step with her. I just cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!! Then the weekend after that, Im taking my kids to the rehab so I can show them where Mommy stayed while I was in the "hospital". I explained to them.. the hospital helped me get connected to God again.

Thanks for posing Lynn! Im sorry I did not post you something.. I would have if I would of known you were down. :)

Love, Sara

Ah Lynn!

So, so glad you're back on board! I have surely missed your posts, and I am happy to see that you're back to your true writing form...no writer's block for you, my friend. Still the eloquent, honest, and humorous person you've always been...even before and during the pills, I bet. Truly, your posts are so right on, and I wanted to mention the one you wrote to CMom the other day in particular...it made so much sense and it was so well-written. If I knew anything about Sub, I would post more specific things to her, but I am so glad she has the knowledgeable ones such as you and Alice and Ellny, and GGrl to tell her what she needs to know. All of you guys wrote such really excellent, heartfelt posts, and that thread was a very good read.

How weird it must feel to be back to work! I am interested in hearing how that feels after having all that time off. I know it's not like you were on a vacation as I know your foot really gave you trouble, but is it hard to get "back into the groove?" I want to write you all about a co-dependent workshop I think I will go to...lasts for 8 sessions; one a week, but I think it would be a good thing. My counselor says that most codependents fall into one of four personality types--the "turtle," the "star," the "Nero," and the "clinging vine." All sound pretty self-explanatory, and when she gave me the handout on the turtle, well...I think I found my alter ego. Who'd have thought it would be a reptile? Or are they amphibians? Man, what have I done to my brain cells!?

Need to run, but will be back...so much to write everybody about. When you see Alice, remind her she left me hangin' man! She liked my Sex and the City name analogy for our group if we were to ever find ourselves in NY..."Pills and the City I've Heard About out There," and she wrote me a 'teaser,' said she had a longer reply coming...and well,TwinAlice, I'm wwaaaiiitttiiinnnggg! LOL...You know I'm kidding with you, but I am glad you liked my tv series title idea. So this is just an observation, and I don't even know what it means--if anything, but I noticed more posts from Best Friend lately and I wonder if that's because the Sub is working its spell on you? Well, whatever it is, please keep it up, ok? You may be twins, but there are differences in your writings and perceptions, and it's cool to get to know you both that way. And Lynn, I knew you'd be back when you were ready, I'm so glad you're ready for now.

Things sound very good for you--you both wear sub well ;), and it's interesting how you've accepted and even intellectualized this change from pill high to real life and then to real-life highs...very interesting. I see the emoticons are coming back to your posts, yet the jumping green blobby guy is still missing from your first paragraph!? What does that mean?! LOL...! Let's analyze everything now since we have the time as there are no more cupboards to clean for awhile.

Oh, I have so much to write and ask you about, and just stuff to say over a cup of latte with you and the rest of the gang :), but I have to get going. I'll probably be back on tonight...or soon...so I will just close for now by saying welcome back, my friend, and I am so glad that the blah period you talk about is passing, and I feel I do understand it, only from a meth point of view rather than sub, but I suspect it's all the same in many ways, don't you?

Love,

Dallas Alice

Sara and Dalla A.

Sara -PLEASE don't feel bad you didn't write me....I think I'd mentioned my "down days" only once in a Sub thread to say that even with the miracle of subutex, my little grinch Depression had taken up residence on my shoulder, and warned me that I'd need time and patience to pass through the emotional stages of drug "loss". While Sub may make "a deadman walk"--it sure didn't make THIS deadman/woman "skip!!" LOL!! :D I had to wade thru a period of feeling so flat and depressed for several weeks, before I then went on to a new stage, where I began to think and evaluate about just exactly what "highs" and "lows" even meant! And then, finally, when I realized that there's just so much you can intellectualize all this....I suddenly experienced a kind of "chip" of happiness one day...just doing something really simple...reading a book I'd been meaning to for so long! And for me...right now....even a "sliver" of light beaming thru felt like a meteor shower of light.

I agree with you so much re. that pink cloud! I am so glad you're going to have that "alumni" class....you willl have so much fun. Particularly with this woman you describe....she sounds like such good fun...and if you're anything like me, laughter is one of life's greatest healers! :p

And showing your children where you "got better" will be a wonderful way of closing up any feelings you may have originally felt about the necessity of a separation of a few weeks....so you could all be together for a lifetime. I know you felt so bad at first leaving them...and yet it was the most wonderful, unselfish gift you could have given.

thanks loads for writing Sara. I missed you too, sweet friend! xxxx :wave:

Dallas A. - You know just how to flatter me and convince me to keep trudging on with the old "creative" thing! We need to sit opposite one another at a table, having "readings" and keeping each other's hopes up! And, hey.....guess who is a "turtle" too?? ME!! My pal at work says I stick my neck out from the shell and cautiously look 'round when the coast is clear....then out I come, in a burst of energy and creativity....and then say "okay...that's enough for ME!!" And retreat!! LOL! She's so right...I have to know I CAN retreat back into the shell, if I need to! :-)

Going back to work has been much more a mental adjustment than anything else. I have had to slide out from my laid-back Lynn skin.....and slip on that confident "job" skin...something I wish I didn't have to do. I'm not big on skin changes! LOL!! I going to need a bit of time to adjust back to "adult" responsibility after the fantasy life of lying in piles and piles of books, etc., to follow my doctor's summer prescription of "Stay off your feet for five months and read good books as often as needed." :bouncing: YES!!!

So, how was your visit to the pottery barn? I did that in Wales one year....I was driving on this tiny, narrow, winding lane in this totally isolated mountain area, where sheep just roamed the roads...and suddenly...there was a sign saying "Potter's Shop 1/4 of a mile- Please Come Visit." So...we did! And got a private tour...and some lovely jars and vases. Now, that was certainly one of those lovely memories you always carry in your mind....this last minute kind of adventure! (Later that same trip through the Welsh countryside, I found a small stable in this rural farmland town where Katherine Hepburn had done that movie "The Corn is Green". "Istbytyifin" or something like that, the area was called. Anyway, the fellow who owned the stables took me for this memorable two hour trot, canter and gallop all over the trails through the hills and meadows and forests there. Another very magical memory! )

So--"sober" life is slowly bringing back all the details of those special and so-happy times! And, it is slowly dawning on me that these adventures from the past are just WAITING to be added to in the future. All my old friends from the ten year period I lived in London have pleaded with me to come back and visit--something I haven't been able to do, since this "pill rot" set in. But...maybe I CAN now. And that would be the most wonderful thing!!! I can just see the borders of my life getting wider and wider...after so many years of them closing in more and more on me. And the most amazing thing about it all is that I very much doubt I would ever have come back to this place in life, if I hadn't met such loving, supportive friends here. You've all made me feel that anything is possible. And that alone is a miracle!!! :D

Will write more when I can. xxxxx Lynn

PS My work pal is head of a poetry reading group that meets weekly in her home. Now...there's something I've never done (well)--write poetry!! But...as you say, Dallas A.....stuff like this might be "calling us back!" :-) How weird to consider a life with a "future"!!

Need to run, but will be back...so much to write everybody about. When you see Alice, remind her she left me hangin' man! She liked my Sex and the City name analogy for our group if we were to ever find ourselves in NY..."Pills and the City I've Heard About out There," and she wrote me a 'teaser,' said she had a longer reply coming...and well,TwinAlice, I'm wwaaaiiitttiiinnnggg! LOL...You know I'm kidding with you, but I am glad you liked my tv series title idea. So this is just an observation, and I don't even know what it means--if anything, but I noticed more posts from Best Friend lately and I wonder if that's because the Sub is working its spell on you? Well, whatever it is, please keep it up, ok? You may be twins, but there are differences in your writings and perceptions, and it's cool to get to know you both that way. .............Things sound very good for you--you both wear sub well ;), Dallas Alice

The OTHER Alice, here! Dallas A, we are typical writers -- we create the title of the series/book -- but we never flesh it out PAST the title! :D Well...am glad to say "the city I've heard about out there" is looking more 3-dimensional, now. And so am I. I feel like I've slipped back into the 'body' that, when on pills, had been moving around Manhattan as one-dimensional...flat...and alienated. Now, the "real" Alice is fleshing out that body and it feels good. It feels good to 'feel.' I actually think a lot about what it is I'm feeling. (I love to intellectualize stuff to death!!) Comparing the more subtle differences between life on pills and life in recovery. At the end of the day, I think, "Wow...I lived like the "old me" used to. And I feel happy and amazed that that seems 'good enough' for me. I don't feel like I need to feel "higher" than that. What a wonderful feeling that is! That was my greatest fear...that I had lost my ability to feel good without pills. Not true. I not only feel 'good' a lot of the time, but I FEEL. Period! And to feel again is amazing to me. Wondrous! And I hope my experience with the Sub gives inspiration to others, here.... to know that you CAN get "you" back again. I don't say my struggle is over. But, I cherish these new feelings and will do whatever is in my power to work with the Sub to get me to my goal of drug free.

Dallas, I posted more here lately, both because I'm feeling better...and because Lynn wasn't as up to writing. And I wanted the Board to know we were doing okay. I, too, am thrilled to see Lynn's emoticons jumping around again! You are very perceptive to notice that about the "switcheroo" - when Lynn left off and I 'picked up' for her. But, then, you are a very perceptive lady! And funny. And kind. :D I love that you are "getting to know us" from our writings. We know we have different styles, and we appreciate each other's style! We can do a total personality analysis of each other from our styles...and I'm not surprised that you can do it, too! :D

You seem as upbeat about your Meth as we feel about the Sub. (And, YOU wear METH well! :) That is actually an interesting topic. Do both drugs produce identical results...? Well....I gotta walk my Shih Tzu trio - the Tzu Brothers...so hugs for now,
TwinAlice

Wow I did not realize how much I miss and love you guys until I started reading some more. Actually, I need you guys, as I am sure you are saving my life by sharing with me. You are such an inspiration, being willing to walk through the desert and share it with eloquence and wit. I have been feeling so alone, but you are all right here. I have so much more to say, but will call it a night. My heart just wants to jump out and hug you.

luv, rosie

twins, Sara, Dallas, Rosie.....
Well guys this is it, i am off to the big city this morning, in about 3 hours. We are all packed and i seem to be feeling rather excited for a weekend away. Of course, hubby is already starting w/ "I HATE PEOPLE", and all that crap, but i know my way around and will leave him in a heart beat in the hotel room and go find my own fun>LOL LOL
So tomorrow is the actual Dance Competition, i have been going over my daughter's dance with her about a million and one times now, she gets so dam aggrevated with me, but i don't mind, she is an excellent dancer and she needs that extra push from me. She is such a timid girl to see her on the street or in school, but get her up on stage, WATCH OUT, she is one hell of a dancer and knows how to "work" the crowd. She is definitely an eye-catcher, and i am prouder than i have ever been today.
This is also the first time i have left my 3 yr old for 3 days straight!!! I am a little nervous about that but, i have no choice, and wouldn't bring him to NYC, he would cause too much commotion and i wouldn't be able to do the girls make-up and help with costumes with him there. On Sunday she will be enduring a broadway workshop by a famous choreographer!!! I will be peaking in on that but will mostly be out on the town checking out the food and shopping :) Gosh i wish i could "meet" you guys. I am hoping that i have internet in my room ( i had better for $300. a night!!!) so i am able to keep you guys updated.
O.k.....Lynn and Alice, hang in there and boy is that sub. doing you guys well....
Sara...have a great time going to back to rehab to re-do your steps....you are working the program and it shows...you are just shining!!!
Rosie....HI!!!!! So good to see you back, i will chat more with you on Monday when i get back from NYC!!!
Dallas.....You crack me up...i love your posts, you have got to start that book!!!! Seriously though, are you a professional writer??? If not, you have to consider it....
so girls, say a prayer for me, i will be in the big city and am so nervous. Next year I am going with a friend instead of dragging my hubby, but hey maybe it'll be good for us, we shall see.......
luv,
LISA

What a great thread! Love hearing updates from you all. I'm the one feeling a little sparse/quiet these days ... not finding words easily or fluent enough to want to post...afraid to reveal anything but perfection~lol! Just another stumbling block along the way ... but ... not wanting to stay isolated I'm jumping in anyway ... for a quick "hello friends"!

I'm so happy to see you feeling better Lynn! Watching you and TwinAlice (and definitely picking up the different nuances in your writtings!) feels almost like observing the caterpiller coming out of it's cacoon~ I'm seeing two beautiful little butterflies emerging! I feel privleged. And I too missed your check-ins!

Dallas Alice~ I wanted you to know that I have been writing my morning pages since Monday and though I don't yet have the book, I am loving the excercise of "Brain Drain", of getting the outer garbage out in order to tap into what's underneath~It feels theraputic and revealing! thanks for mentioning the book!

And Lisa~it's great just knowing you are so close! I hope you have an awesome weekend here in the City. Though the temperature is dropping, brrrrr.....it looks like the skys are clearing for you. I'm glad you felt "better enough" to make the trip.

Sara, I hope you have a wonderful reunion weekend. I love your sobriety and your wanting to do all that you can so you will be a great sponser to someone. You are working it babe!

Rosie, I look forward to hearing more from you. Welcome home!

As for me, beating myself up a bit too much about my small tramadol usage for pain and not feeling comfortable with the dependancy part. If anyone read my post about following certain guidelines using pain meds while being "clean and sober" in AA/NA (I think it was in Valleygurl's post "Slipped?), please offer your thoughts. I do follow those guidelines, but since learning about it's addictive properties, I still feel like ****!) I think I just feel like I'm still hiding behind a little pick-me-up, (mama's little helper?) no matter how minute my dosage is ... 100 mg. total a day, which for the most part, does work in controlling my pain. Maybe I just have to get off my own case.

Uh-oh! this started out to be a happy post. :bouncing:
Hope everyone's doing OK TODAY.
Sending love and hugs to you ALL!
El

Hey, Ell! Thanks for the Butterfly analogy! We will try to wear our gossamer wings well. :D
TwinAlice

Okay, feeling a bit down and out tonight..but I had asked about you all awhile back in a post, and never got a response. That didn't bother me at all, as I completely and totally understand how things are once starting the Sub. Just being "eliminated" from your "buddy" list was a bit disappointing though. I'm trying not to let all this stuff get to me, but I'm still in that "fragile, emotional" state...so please forgive me in advance. I wish I knew which thread it was that I had specifically asked about both you, Lynn and your sister...I'll have to search for it. It was a week or so ago, and I was just worried mostly about the fact that I had noticed that you hadn't posted as much as usual (but feeling the way I do now, I completely understand why! ;) ).

Once again, sorry for my pitiful post here...I just feel like an outcast lately. Not just here though...so please don't feel pressured to post all of the "poor you" posts! LOL! Hopefully I'll get back into the groove soon. I'm just so glad...and SINCERELY glad...that you all are doing so well. I hope to catch up soon! ;)

C-M - In half an hour, my dog, Theo, has to be at the "beauty parlor" to be "destenchified"!!! LOL!! But---please know that there's not a day that goes by that I haven't worried about you! I had just been too depressed to even write, this past month. But I've kept worrying about why you stopped updating us....and thought that perhaps you just needed some private space. But--please--stay with us here and write when you feel up to it. I would love to get a blow-by-blow description of how you have been doing. I will be checking the boards later in the day.

You are ALWAYS on our "buddy list, sweetie"!!! :-)

love, love xxxx Lynn

Hey everybody!

This is a good thread--catching up, I like that. It is such a mind-boggling thing...this internet, our addictions, an anonymous online forum...that somehow in a connecting of the dots, a picture of a group of women emerged all dealing with so many of the exact same issues that surround addiction, relationships, health, holidays, recovery, relapse, work, family, children, & even pets! The same addictions that brought us together is the same thing that in either our recoveries or recovery plans, is allowing us to get to know each other in so many other ways as well. I like to think of this group of sorority sisters as something good coming out of something bad.

You know, Lynn, it's like what you said about what was even more amazing is that if not for this forum, you twins might not have made the turn that led you in the direction of the Sub...I feel that way, too, & I know for a fact that for me, that is the truth. If I had not found this place, lurked for over a year, & then on that pivotal night where I held my life in one hand & my computer mouse in the other, & I finally got courageous enough to make a post, well...I can say absolutely without a doubt, that if not for every person I've corresponded with here, I would not be anywhere near recovering from drugs, much less even thinking of recovering from my artist block as well.

Ellnyc, aren't the "Morning Pages" neat!? I thoroughly enjoy doing this exercise in rediscovering my lost artist. The hardest thing about "the morning pages" for me is to not go back & reread what I've written! I admit I did that for the first week, but now I don't. I write my 3 pages, close the notebook, & put it back under my bed. So do you find this different than "journaling?" I do, it's like I have permission to write about whatever I want & it doesn't have to be "deep," or about my day or my addiction or my recovery if I don't want it to be...it can be about running out of toothpaste if that is what has happened! I love this book & I'll pass on more of the exercises in it. It's a 12-wk. course in recovery (sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the self-help stuff that's being thrown at me! My clinic counselor is working on nutrition with me & gave me the homework assignment of making a soup out of the ingredients she's "OK'd" for my new diet! Yikes!! It can get to be a bit much...but I am doing what I think works, and leaving the rest to wait for awhile)

I've been doing the "Morning Pages" for a few weeks now, & I don't know if there's a connection or not, but I wrote my first 2 short stories this week, & I am entering them in a small, local competition! For me it is not about winning or anything like that at all, it is simply that I am doing it...no more am I content with the thought of doing something; I am actually doing something I used to sit & think about doing as I whittled away entire days in solitary confinement while downing mass quantities of pills. One of the stories is based on a work situation I wrote you all about when I was working at that mortuary--the one about the 9-yr. old boy and his stuffed blue dog--I am thinking of titling it "Taking Inventory." If you want to check it out, it's on a thread called "Loyalty, Old Friends and the now-deceased 9-year-old who reminded me of that..." back in Sept. I don't care if it's good or if it gets noticed or anything, I am just giddy about taking something that happened to me, putting it into words, & doing something with it!

And Lisa, thank you for always reminding me of what you see as a well-written post. It's support like that, like what you said in your post on this thread before you left, that inspires & pushes me to keep putting pen in hand. I hope you have a wonderful time, that your daughter has the experience of a lifetime, & I am so glad to see you say that you are in it for the fun and support of your daughter & that hubby can take a NY hike if he wants...LOL! You crack me up, too! Isn't it odd to be doing this after that icky night when he told you all that garbage? And now the whole family is in New York for this awesome opportunity your daughter has...?! Is it just me, or is life one strange mix of ups, downs, and sideways occurences such as this? Truly Lisa, I love your spunk & your girls are lucky to have you as role model. I like to think of you running into the twins at some deli or something--how fun. I know...we'll do what they did in that old movie with Cary Grant and ???, the one they worked into "Sleepless in Seattle," we'll all meet on the top of the Statue of Liberty on some specific date (since New Years is already gone.) What do you think of that storyline ;)?

Ell, Today I did the 2nd part of the exercise - the "Artist's Date." As I see it, & the way the author describes it, we send out the old, the clutter, the thoughts, hopes, desires, the whatevers to the universe via "Morning Pages," & then in filling that vacancy back, we go on our artist date. This is to be done once a week, in a couple of hours, not expensive, & alone. I used to have trouble & feel sad at seeing other couples out doing things while I was alone, but since I am doing this under the guise of a self-help recovery exercise, I am supposed to do it alone! So today, I went to the Pioneers Museum--it's a small museum that has a lot of local history as well as a current exhibit of over 100 tobacco pipes that are anywhere from 100 to 200 years old. I had a wonderful time! Lynn and Alice...I was so fearful that I wouldn't be able to enjoy an outing such as this without taking something beforehand, but I made myself do it (I was surprised how hard I fought with myself!) & before I knew it, I was lost in an exhibit of Van Briggle pottery (a famous potter who lived here & whose pottery bldg. is still here making Van Briggle pottery--that's the pottery barn you were thinking of, Lynn) & then onto the main exhibit of ivory, gold, glass, wood, Alaskan Indian, English and Irish pipes, hookahs, opium pipes from forever ago...such works of art! I've never seen anything like it! It was so cool, & I simply let myself get lost in it all, & before I knew it, the security guard came in, said I'd been in there longer than any guest so far, & asked if I was enjoying the exhibit (before he then asked me out...LOL! Too bad he wasn't my type...) If only he knew the story behind the story of me being there.

Well, sorry for letting this get so long, but Ell, I was really happy to hear you're doing the morning pages. The author swears by them, so now you consider adding the second component...you're getting all this stuff out, so it needs to be replaced with something creative to you. It doesn't have to be art, museums, or anything like that, it can be whatever. Weather permitting, I think I will go to the zoo next time, if the weather is cold, then I will use my restriction of not spending more than $5 per artist date as a way of getting creative & seeing what I can find out there that I've not yet seen or done & make a date with myself again & go do it. I admit, though, it was hard to make myself go...I don't know why that's so, but it was, sigh.

CMom, I'm glad to see you back posting...I had wondered where you had gone? I was hoping to hear how you are feeling on the sub now? If it's truly different this time around? I have a confession to make to you...the night you wrote a post, I think it was a reply to me, but anyway, I happened to catch it before you went back & edited it for "too much information!" I can't tell you how intrigued I am...I respect your privacy so I won't elude to anything you posted, but I have these clues & it is my nature to try and put them together. I am still clueless, but I hope it will "click" sometime. I am sorry to hear you are feeling down, but I need to ask you...when Alice mentioned in her post that she was happy to be able to just "feel" again, do you think that is what might be happening with you? I don't know that the feelings you feel are ones you get to pick or choose, but the fact that you are feeling is a good thing, don't you think? I do, I mean we can't be up all the time, & it's not good to be down all the time, but it's the mixture of the two that make up our lives now, so by that, I mean...I'm not glad that you're feeling down by any means, but I am glad that you are feeling. I think if it weren't for the downs, we wouldn't be able to recognize the ups. Please fill us in more on how you & the sub are getting along, okay? I, too, think of you all the time...and you are on my "buddy list" on here, btw...really :)! CMom, you know I'd love to sit down & share our similar experiences, & I will, whenever you're ready. I believe you when you say that it is one of your hopes for the New Year to confront those demons from the past that haunt you, & I would be proud to be by your side as you do so...please know that. Nobody should have to make a journey like that alone.

Well ladies, I just want to thank you all again so much for helping me get this far...I couldn't have done it without you. And I hope that all of us find this year full of more special moments & magical happenings to write about in our "Morning Pages!" Lynn...I loved the tale of the horse riding trip and the Welsh countryside and the pottery place...don't you love having those stories to tell? My wish for all of us is that we fill this year and these pages with memorable stories. Wasn't it Jimmy Buffet who sang about "I wish that we could sit up on a bed in some hotel, and listen to the stories we could tell." Trade the hotel for a coffee shop, & I know we'd be there all day...laughing, crying, talking & sharing our lives even deeper than we've been able to here.

Now I ask you...how cool would that be?

Love,
Dallas Alice

Dallas Alice! I have just read your post, after reading and answering a bunch of others (I read them in order, so as not to get confused about what I have and haven't read!) Anyway, so, now, just when I have to get off the internet....I've just read your absolutely WONDERFUL e-mail and have so much I'd like to talk with you about. Oh gawd, we're going to find some "internet cafe" to have all our chats together! LOLOL!!

I am so excited about your writing!! Wow! I have a good friend from work, who is a writer (she's had a few stories published for journals like "Granta"...and also writes news articles for Newsweek and has done stuff for Forbes and other mags, etc. Plus she's got two novels, as yet unpublished, that she's looking around for a bok agent to connect with!) But, her "forte" is really poetry...we spend many, many lunch hours with her reading her poetry outloud to me, and me doing the critiqueing...like "Excuse me, but I don't understand a dang word you've just written! Talk to the Common Man"!! LOLOL!!) Anyway, she runs a writing group...and it occurred to me that you might be able to find one in your area. Once a week her group meets at one another's apts and whoever wants to read their stuff, does. She loves doing it!! She wants me to join, but it's basically poetry...which is something I am absolutely unable to do, unless it's funny stuff. Forget all those esoteric metaphors!! LOL!

Your expeditions out are positively inspiring to me! That's going to be my next step!! You obviously like to look at the same sort of stuff that I would be curious about. All those weird and curious museums and galleries! By the way, you would LOVE the Bronx Zoo here....it's done with all natural terrain for the animals and is just incredible!

Oh dear, gotta go right now....I've been on here for two hours!! But I promise to get back to you soon.

I, too, hope that Lisa has a GREAT weekend in NY. I would love to meet her...I didn't know she lived so close to the city that she could drive here so quickly. Her daughter sounds so sweet...and so talented....and she should keep on with her dancing whether she wins contests or not!! In fact, Lisa should take her, next year, to the reopening of "Chorus Line" on Broadway! What a show!! What is so poignant is that every dancer on that stage portrayed a real person, who tried so hard to get into "the business." There's a wonderful older book of all the initial interviews with those initial dancers and singers who told their stories, so they could be portrayed in "Chorus Line." Some of them actually did play their roles on stage...others had their characters portrayed.

Gotta go.....I will tty soon, xxx Love, Lynn xxx

Hi Lynn!

I am doing the same as you...came on here for "a little bit," and now over 2 hours has passed, and just when I was getting off, I saw your reply and now I just have to share something else with you...and anyone else who is a "collector" or who like me and the twins (Alice, you were a take-a-pill-and-then-go-a-shoppin' person weren't you?) spent many a dollar on things we probably didn't need, but HAD TO HAVE after the vikes or percs or oxys kicked in!

So for all of us who are collectors and have spent more money than maybe we should have on things, objects, useless to most but pleasureable to us, I copied down these quotes that were scattered around on the walls of the exhibit I went to. This man had collected over 600 pipes! They only had room to put 1/5th of his collection on display...how they were able to choose which ones is beyond me, as they were absolutely gorgeous works of art...who'd have thought of pipes as art? Ok, so pipes aren't my collecting thing--I collect Depression glass, Carnival glass, and am easing into collecting kitchenware from the 40s, 50s and 60s--anything that evokes the expression, "My mother used to have a set of those!" or "I remember my grandmother having that [mixing bowls, cooking utensils, casserole dishes, whatever] in her kitchen!" I am particularly fond of the old Anchor Hocking, Fire King and Pyrex...

I really have to go, but these quotes from the book, "Collecting: An Unruly Passion" by Werner Meunsterberger (sp???) might help ease our conscience when we gasp at the money we either spent or continue to spend on our collections. BTW, I'd be curious to know what collectors we have on here and what it is you collect?

1. "As with a baby and its transitional object (teddy bear, pacifier, blanket) it [collecting] is meant to undo the trauma of aloneness."

2. "In collectors, one discovers an unrelenting need or hunger for acquisitions, which derives from a sense of deprivation, loss or vulnerability, allied with moodiness and depression."

Heck, I thought collecting was done because it was fun! Yikes...!

3. "Collecting: Is it an obsession? An addiction? Is it a passion or urge, or perhaps a need to hold, to possess, to accumulate?"

4. Objects in the collectors' experience, real or imagined, allow for a magical escape into a remote and private world."

5. "There is reason to believe that the true source of the habit of collecting is the emotional state leading to a more or less perpetual attempt to surround oneself with magically potent objects."

6. "Obsessive Collecting: Such dedication of collectors can be all absorbing, now and then exhilerating, at times tyrannizing, and indeed, occasionally ruinous."

Gee, and all this time I thought that's what the drugs were for! Goodness, I never put such deep thought on the topic of collecting. Alice, I'd love to hear your thoughts and analyzation of that line of thinking. I mean, can an analogy between collecting kitchen magnets, or comic books, or frogs, or books, or State spoons, or unicorns, or whatever and being a drug addict really be made? I can understand it with the opium pipes, but dishes? LOL...!

Well, I found these quotes to be in interesting spin on the subject of collecting, and now I am so very curious about what any of the members here might collect? It might be a great exercise in recovery to think over our different collections, so c'mon! I know I'd like to hear from you all as to what objects you find yourself drawn to!

Take care, and talk to you all later!
Dallas Alice

~Just a "bump!~

I'm home this week and have more time on my hands than usual, so am on the computer (avoiding eBay) and looking to "catch up" with some of you again...LOL! Didn't we just bump into each other on a different thread?

CMom, I'd like to hear how you doing with the sub? I haven't seen any recent posts about how it's going this second time around. I read your posting about the beginning and it sounded like it was going really well...I hope that is still the case? If I've missed a post or an update--just point me in the direction of the thread, I really do care about how you're doing :).

GGrl and HydroQueen! How happy I was to see your posts on the collecting/addiction thread! Is it a coincidence that we all seem to collect a lot of the same antique items and of the same theme? I notice a lot of similarities; however, I only have a few dogs in my miniature animal collection...lol!

Sara, Lisa, Michelle, Cmom, Ellnyc, and of course, ANYONE who's interested and has a collection or thought to share, so curious as to what items you might have that you enjoy gathering. If you do, and you don't mind telling...would sure like to read about them as well as your thoughts on the theory and connections of addiction and collecting. I never would have thought of it.

Well, rather than rambling...it was truly a desire to bump this back to the 1st page so it wouldn't get lost that caused me to post. Want to stay caught up as well as hoping that my curiousity might be satisfied by some others who may get inspired to disclose the things they already own or desire to own more of on the other thread Best Friend started on "Collecting and Addiction..."

BTW, did anyone catch the "Antique Roadshow" last night? I saw part of it, and this fellow said he'd been out THAT morning driving around with his coffee, stopped at a yard sale he saw, and bought a chair for $2.00. One of the furniture twins on the Roadshow examined it and couldn't get over the circumstances surrounding his coming to owning it--and only owning it for not even a day, as it turned out to be a Chippendale piece from about 1770, and its present value was $1,500!!! I love it!

Ok, I'm done! Here goes, ~BUMP~!

Dallas Alice

whats up!! I'm new, so I dont really know you--but I kinda do. We're in this forum for a reason... I appreciate everyones comments and stories, along with their wonderful help. I plan on being here for a while, helping myself more then I have been the past few days... and helping others.

Take care and have fun. all of you...HOLLA

whats up!! I'm new, so I dont really know you--but I kinda do. We're in this forum for a reason... I appreciate everyones comments and stories, along with their wonderful help. I plan on being here for a while, helping myself more then I have been the past few days... and helping others.
Take care and have fun. all of you...HOLLA

Welcome!! I just came online for today and am starting to read some of your posts. You've come to the right place for wisdom, compassion and good true friends. As you can see from THIS thread, the healthier we get, the more we can enjoy old hobbies...the stuff that made us who we were pre-opiates. So glad you plan to stick around!
TwinAlice (sister of TwinLynn, also on this Board!)