Well, here I am again. I have been too ashamed to post anything. I had gotten my Norco refilled, and had a good time. Yesterday, I taped the bottle up, and put a Bible verse on it, (So I would feel guilty if I tried to get any pills). I know this sounds like a cop-out, but I do have to keep them in the house due to passing kidney stones occasionally. I took my last Norco at 4:00 pm yesterday (26 hours have gone by). I feel like crap. How long will this last? (I was up to 5-6 10mg Norco/day for about 3 weeks).
Love,
Angie

Hi Angie,
don't feel ashamed...we've all been there. I truly believe that addiction is an illness, so it's not something that you should feel ashamed about or beat yourself up over. At least you are aware of the problem and you are trying to do something about it. The worst of w/d should probably be over within three days or so and than it's staying clean that you'll have to work on. For me that was always the hardest part.

I understand that you legitimately may need to keep the pills, but if it is too much of a temptation, especially now when you aren't feeling well, perhaps there is a family member or close friend who could hold them for you for when and if you really do need them. Just a thought.

I hope you start feeling better soon. The best of luck to you.
Sue

Angie (that's my sister's name!!! :) )
Don't be ashamed. You just took the first step to get help by admitting you have a problem. There are MANY of us here on the board that are just like you. I am going away for the weekend but would love to chat with you when I get back on Monday.....stick around, and post some more, nothing is shocking to any of us around here ;)
Stay strong and don't be so dam hard on yourself, do some searches and consider making a "plan"
Will talk more after this weekend....
lots of luv,
LISA

Angie;

First off don't sweat the situation, time to move on. Seems like you realize your error and what you need to do so time to look forward. I’m thinking it’s probably not a good idea to keep the Norco around (Norco was always my favorite, nasty lil yellow pills) It’s so hard to resist temptation, not many can. I know I would have a hard time. If you have kidney stone issues I would just get with the doc ASAP and get what you need. I be honest with the doctor and tell them how much you enjoy hydro and that you mange it but only want to have them prescribe the bare minimum needed for the situation. If you are truly serious about not abusing hydro then you need to disarm yourself and empower your doctor and yourself at the same time. I know when I worked with my doctor it was very, very difficult for me to tell him about my situation and how I needed help in managing my fondness for pain meds. If you can do that with your doctor then I feel a person is being honest with themselves and is truly committed to beating addiction or abuse. But that’s my opinion, some may have a different view and that’s AOK. Although I haven’t needed any, my doc and I have a deal that he will prescribe only the min needed for me to negotiate my situation. I know when my wife had a bad cold recently our doc prescribe here cough syrup with hydro in it. I was OK with it being around and I made it a personal goal and challenge to myself not to even go near her meds. It worked out, I’m much stronger these days and I felt so good inside being able to stay away from the meds, like I just one a contest or prize. But if a person thinks they couldn’t stay away from a spouse’s or significant others meds then I would ask the other party to keep them in an undisclosed place so the temptation is minimized.

OK rambled again, sorry. Just like to share thoughts, use them as needed, discard wants makes no sense.

And Angie, go forward, stay strong and hang in there a few more days of not so nice feelings and all will start to clear up and the sun will come out and you will be on the road to a wonderful drug free experience and life.

phil

Well, here I am again. I have been too ashamed to post anything. I had gotten my Norco refilled, and had a good time. Yesterday, I taped the bottle up, and put a Bible verse on it, (So I would feel guilty if I tried to get any pills). I know this sounds like a cop-out, but I do have to keep them in the house due to passing kidney stones occasionally.

Since you have a serious pain condition, you do need to have some form of access to the occasional medical dose of hydrocodone. If you live with someone who would understand your situation, that'd be ideal, since you could explain to he or she that he or she could only dispense one dosage to you when you truly needed it, and he or she would have to watch you swallow the pill at that point in time. If you don't live with someone, or arent' comfortable enough with that person to share the truth, you can always tell your doctor about the situation so that he'd only prescribe small amounts at once. If you don't use these options, I'm sure someone else will have more. I wouldn't rely on self-inflicted religious guilt, as the guilt of misusing them would spiral you further into addiction (if you had slipped and misused them in the first place). As you've stated, abusing pills alone causes you to feel shameful, so I don't think that convincing yourself that you're failing God by taking pills would help you out there. Good luck.

Hi honey-
Ya know I read your story after I was over the other day and decided to wait to reply when I knew better what to say. I thought I'd check the boards tonite and see if you'd said anything, only to find you sitting there struggling.
Let me first say, that YOU and only YOU know when you have had enough. Everyone gets to THEIR own point sooner or later. YOU will know when that point is and only then will you make any sacrifice and commitment it takes to not feel bad about what you are doing for not one more day.
Angie we have talked for hours about this very subject and thinking about you it has come and gone over almost the last two years. I don't know if the addiction was this bad when we first started, but like so many it has progressively gotten worse. What I would like to say is meant to be taken with concern, love and most of all compassion beyond what you can imagine. Angie-ENOUGH! You are struggling and hurting and sick. You can't feel good only to feel bad again and you can't tell the truth only to follow it with a lie. Please, know that this is not a reflection of your true self. In fact, the person you look at in the mirror isn't you at all. Guess what? She WON'T be until you fix this! That inner voice that is either trying to convince you to take a pill, not take a pill, make an excuse to take a pill, make an excuse not to, tape up a bottle, count your pills, count them one more time just to be sure, sneak around, call the Dr., get a refill, not get a refill, tell your husband, not mention it, bring it up, dance around it or tell another lie is SOOOO loud it is all you can hear! The one thing you can't hear is the silence that comes with the calmness that comes from not struggling anymore. PLEASE, I am begging you- sit with yourself and realize that you deserve the quiet and calmness and control of what comes from getting better.
Angie, I know you've heard my story (probably more than anyone actually)-YOU know this can be done. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! Please, I know how you value the people closest to you- don't you think they deserve a wife and mommy who will take care of herself? Put yourself first and be better for it. PLEASE, look somewhere for some TRUE help, make a commitment to change your life, it is so much better on the other side!
With lots and lots of love and hopes of something great for you!
Ronda