Hello this is the my first post to the message board. I have been using vicodin on and off for the past 5 years. The past 2 years I have been using pills for two weeks a month consistantly then go threw withdrawls for a few days and be off them for two weeks until I get my montly scrip. Although my life seems to revolve around this addiction I still go to work everyday wether I have pills or not . The dosage has remained the same since the begining of my addiction 4 pills a day rarely 6 I know the severe withdrawel possible for higher dosage so I have not increased my dosage. Believe me wd still suck I just bear down and get threw it. I want to know how people can relate to me because I feel pain killers are a curse for me becuase up to this point my addiction has not affected my work and I excell at my job. I am smart enough to admit that yes it has effected my relationship with my girlfriend who is tired of me rationalizing my addiction. And I realize they will always keep me living in fear and hold me back in life. I just am so used to self medicating with drugs I have trouble breaking that pattern. I Want to stop and hope this service will help

Breen,
You may consider you addiction "managed", but if your anything like me your addiction is doing the managing. I, like yourself, managed to be a "functioning" addict for some time. Gradually though, my usage increased to the point my life had indeed become unmanageable. Consider this your opportunity to quit BEFORE you lose everything.
I took quite a beating before I got to my bottom. Job loss, financial loss, almost loss of marriage. Don't let this opportunity slip by.
Looks like you can make it through the physical part of WD. The underlying mental issues need to be dealt with.

I went to AA & NA and decided like you that the time to quit was now.
In these 12 step programs I was able to realize that I wasn't a "Bad" person just a "sick' person trying to get well These programs teach you not only how to live without drugs and alcohol but how to live a happy, productive life.

When I used, I lost all ambition, just sat there in the "warm glow' and let time go by. I don't have to live that way anymore. And you don't either.

The first step is easy - You must have a desire to quit using,
Just admit that you are powerless over your drug of choice (D.O.C.) and your life is unmaneagable (remember that you don't have to wait till it gets any worse)

Read some of the AA/NA literature I'm sure you will recognize yourself in some of the stories.


Seize THIS day and start your new life. AA & NA can help show the way
(I know that there are other programs ou there but this is the only one I can speak from experience about). Let me know if you need someone to talk to. I don't know how it works but there has to be some way to exchange phone numbers.

MODERATOR can you offer assistance.

Let me know what's going on.
Moe

hi, I have been addicted to painkillers for several years now and can relate to your managed addiction story very well. I was able to hide the addiction from my wife for a long time and also my friends and family, well when she eventually found out things have gone downhill ever since and i am forced to take a good look at my life. I also never increased my dose but am starting to notice changes in my personality like I am starting to become more withdrawn and do not enjoy things anymore, feel kind of numb most of the time except when I have my 10 minute high. I rationalize the fact that I kept my dosage low over the years and feel like I do not have a real problem yet but it is getting harder, the lying to my family and myself is starting to get to me.
have you actually quit, and what do you do when you get cravings? good for you I wish you well.

Thanks for your reply hyrolov and moe. I definitly notice changes in my personality. I don't feel exited about too much. I have yet to truly except the death of my best friend. I feel the pills have caused me to be emotionless. The only feelings I have regurally are fear and anger. You hit it right on the head with that 10 minute high. Thats about how long it lasts. That short high that convinces me my life is ok. After that I feel somewhat normal. When I have the pills my day is centered around doing them. Two for breakfast and two for dinner. Also being a roofer I like the energy they give me at work. But I admit that they cause more strees and make me want to avoid contact with my customers. Also I need to be more assertive in my business and life. I have this story for a book I'd like to write.. I told my friends and family the whole idea and everyone thinks it could be great. Again the pills have held me back because they make me lazy and not want to write. I have also been addicted to Marijuanna and cocaine before. I haven't used pot in over 15 years and know that I'm done with cocaine. I thank god the cravings for those drugs are gone and hope I will stop craving pills also.

hey Breen, I am glad you posted.

Sounds like you and I are somewhat on the same boat. Let's beat this thing. We can do it. We are fortunae to be facing this at a time where it's not too out of control.

This board had helped me take some crucial steps such as talking to a councerlor today who was very supportive. I now have an appointment for next tuesday (earliest i can get) for a face to face consultation. I'll probably be out of my last few pills by then and not be feeling well.

It's amazing what somthing as simple as picking up the phone can do.

Mike and Breen,
You are both in the same boat I was in before I got sober. I was addicted to pain pills and starting with a few a day and ended up being a 20 a day not habbit but nessasary to survive. Not fun anymore- just get me off this ride!

Many choices.... I went to rehab, the one Dr. Phil is always taking about, Lahacienda near Kerville or SanAntonio at a place called Hunt, TX.
It's beautiful hill country and a great place to get connected again, and detox safety, and given tools you will use forever to live a very happy life drug free! :D

Rehab is not for everyone, but it was for me, Im 4 months sober!

Sincerey,
Sara

Hi, I definitely want to quit the pills once and for good too. It's been almost 4 years that I have been using and I realize that I take them more and more to maintain and to feel "normal" rather than for the euphoria that I usually feel the first few days of starting a new cycle. I notice that I am much better in social situations when I have pills, and worry how quitting will affect my job, interacting with friends and family. How long does it take to get back to your old self? I feel that the hard part will not be quitting but staying sober, as I have easy access to pills and it will take all my willpower not to give in. How do others deal with the cravings and temptations??

Hi, I definitely want to quit the pills once and for good too. It's been almost 4 years that I have been using and I realize that I take them more and more to maintain and to feel "normal" rather than for the euphoria that I usually feel the first few days of starting a new cycle. I notice that I am much better in social situations when I have pills, and worry how quitting will affect my job, interacting with friends and family. How long does it take to get back to your old self? I feel that the hard part will not be quitting but staying sober, as I have easy access to pills and it will take all my willpower not to give in. How do others deal with the cravings and temptations??

Hi Hdrolov. It never stops amazing me how IDENTICAL we all our in our addictions. My twin and I went thru the exact stuff you are -- starting with the euphoria and wonderful sense of well-being and feeling so 'on top' of social things and being creative, etal! That is the FIRST stage. But once your system 'gets used' to the drugs, the next stage arrives where your body gets REAL pissed at you for not getting ENUF chemicals. That is Act II -- where, like you just explained, you NEED those pills to feel 'normal.' AND - BONUS! - you feel TERRIBLE when those drugs are not taken in a "timely fashion!' The addicted brain chemistry is a VERY strict taskmaster! You MUST keep feeding it. :(

The other thing that happened to me and seems typical of others, is you begin to isolate yourself. You no longer enjoy that drug-induced 'mad social whirl.' You can barely return a phone call. You want to be at home, timing your pills, chasing the euphoria, and under NO stress from 'real life.'

I chose to withdraw with the aid of Subutex, which I began in Dec. It allows you to go off the opiates IMMEDIATELY with no side effects. But the 'plus' for me has been living Oxy/hydro-free and getting used to 'not taking a pill to feel good.' Your time on Sub (or Methadone) allows you to let go of those old feelings. It's not instantaneous. You go thru a 'pill mourning period.' But each week you are away from the drugs, you get stronger emotionally. I've even ventured out with friends these last couple of weeks - something I'd stopped doing for ages when on pills.

I, too, have easy access to pills (tho I do not travel in a crowd that take drugs. I'm too OLD! :D ). But here again, the Sub helps out -- it doesn't allow the 'highs' into your brain, so you get used to not feeling those mental cravings. Once I'm off the Sub, I'm sure I will deal with new feelings...and need to keep up support systems. I consider the Sub my "rehab" period....it's giving me the time I need physically and emotionally to get into a whole new mentality. Back to the way I was before pain drugs. Little by little, the old me is coming back and that is huge relief!

Hope this helps answer some of your questions. Keep in touch!
TwinAlice

well, all this hit the nail on the head. A managed addiction. I look on here for support and answers, and am real happy everyone shares so honestly. I was asking on an earlier post tho... what works for chronic pain, without the monkey on the back? Best to you...EB