Hello, i have made some posts from time to time. I am really in a hole right now. For now, I'm gonna save the pitty party for later. I am completly screwd up. I am spending all my money on OXYs or perc 10 mgs. I am at about $400 a week. I try to think of things all the time to justify my actions. Just the other day, I began thinking about suicide. I wonder what it would be like. I know it is the easy way out but today **** is real bad. Today I was ripped off by this one girl who i had never met before.This is not the first time i have been ripped off either, just the first by her. She stole $200 bones from me. I had never met this girl before and since she was pretty i guess i was dumb enough to trust her. I cant believe these people, who do they think they are. Do they think that they are invincible. I am so pissed, and i dont know what i am gonna do to her once i find out where she lives. I turn her *** in so she gets busted. After i got ripped i went to my regular dealer and had to buy her something from my credit card to cover the pills i needed. These things keep happening, i want to quit. I have tried suboxone, and it works despite the disgusting taste of the pill. The problem is, I feel ok which i guess is good but i cant relax ever, i feel like i have all this energy and i am a type of person that will definetally do what i have to but i really like to be relaxed even when i am working out :angel: . I work, I am in a masters program and i workout. I also am going through a brutal break up with my girl, someone i love very much but she has lost interest or something in me. SHe had an abortion about a year ago and i think it really ********** her up. The pills help me out so much. I dont fear anything. I could do anything i have to becasue i dont think about any ramifications for anything i do when im high. I think about ways to take my self out in wchich it would be easy and not hurt. I just need someone to help me out. I went to a social worker and that was a big *****in waste of my money. I have been told the same **** by my friends. I dont have time for in patient therapy. I wish i did though. I have a great life with most things pointing in the right direction except the skelatons in the closet. Help me someone. Please give me some good advise. I cant stand that these horrible thoughts keep overtaking my brain.

Hi 80,I have never been addicted to drugs. My dad was addicted to alchol. As I grew up watching him one night when he was 60 I had to ride alone with him in the ambulance to the hospital.It was a hour drive, He went into TD`s as soon as we got in the ambulance, He growl like a dog
he saw things that wasn`t there. By the time we got to the hospital he was in convulsion. I was his only child. I was with him for the next 7 days until he died.That was 30 yrs ago and to this very minute I can still recall it all and feel the pain. I told you this to tell you that you need to get help, My dad could have been saved had we knew all that we know now about treatment. Save you life and your parents life and anyone who loves you.Find a good hospital that has a treatment center where you can get help. It can be done on a gradual base to where you should wean off slowly and not have all the withdrawel that goes with it.There are you meds to help ppl that are addicted get off safely. If you try to do it alone and cold turkey like my dad
you may not made it.I don`t know you from anybody but I do know that we are both humans that was put onto this earth with some choices, One is to take drugs or not to.I would say that you want to stop or you wouldn`t have posted on this board. Think of your family if not yourself. You are not in control of your life drugs are. But you have the choice to change that.Please Please do it for yourself and your family.Get away from the kind of people that steal from you this tells me they are a bunch of losers and certinaly not the kind of people you need to hang around with. Go to a dr tell him you are addicted and ask him he he can help find you a treatment center and go. Go with the attitude that I CAN DO IT I CAN GET THIS DEVIL BEHIND ME WHERE HE BELONGS :) I loved my daddy so much and he loved me but he had no idea how much he hurt me in the last days of his life when all I could do was watch him die. He would have never hurt me but through his addiction he did without knowing it. I have a feeling you are hurting someone and you may not even be aware of it. Please let us know how you get through it. Tomorrow go start and in 6 weeks or less you will be so proud of getting it all behind you so you can go on with the rest of your clean life. May God Bless and keep you through the coming days.I will be praying for you starting now as soon as I shut the computer down.With much concern for you..........jb

Thanks for your advice. Although, i have already been to see about 4 doctors. I am on meds to help me stop as well. It always comes down to "will" thing. I just enjoy the stuff so much and i am miseralble when off. I have only been able to quit for 2wks. That is in the past two years. I feel that i need to go to a WD center and get clean,like that movie with sandra Bullock, 28 days. I have a respectable job and each and every day i am cuttin it close to slipping and loosing my job and any chances with a new job. Any ways i do thank-you for careing. I am on the road to recovery, it just is that to me, The road is real long and i am traveling very slow. Peace

There is always time for inpatient therapy.