MKLowTone
01-17-2005, 10:41 PM
Hi all - I've been lurking for a while and finally felt the urge to post here
I started having panic attacks november 2003 (the first one was during the England-Aussie rugby World Cup final) and have been in and out of hospital and my GP ever since.
The panic attacks have stopped now (or should I say FOR now...) but since december or 2003 I have had this feeling of lightheadedness and I'm generally spaced out like nothing is real except some mystery illness that I've convinced myself I have. I also feel really odd in the left side of my chest all the time and although it rarely causes me any pain it leaves me feeling weak there and in my left arm and I just feel so lopsided. It also feels like my breathing is restricted there, though all the tests say that everything is OK. I've had ECGs, peak-lung-capacity tests and my blood-pressure tested so often and it's been falling constantly (it was 140 odd and is now 120) though that in itself worries me because I keep thinking that it's going to keep falling down to 110 or 100 and that I'll start passing out and die.
My problem now is that these two feelings (the head and the chest/arm) have gone on so long that I'm constantly thinking about them and even in those few moments a month that I'm not, they effects that thinking about them for the rest of my waking hours can still be felt.
I know there's nothing wrong with either my heart or lungs, and I can actually accept that, but I can't help but feel that there's something else wrong that eventually WILL affect the normal operation of my body severely. Hell, I feel like it already is!
I find it so hard to get out of the house to do anything because even walking to the shops I feel these symptoms and now I do so little that I get out of breath very easily. I'm also overweight (I'm 6'5" and weigh 19-20 stone - 266-280lbs) and I can't help but feel that this anxiety is eventually going to give me a heart attack one way or the other.
I'm 23 years old and don't think I should be worrying about whether I'm going to die or be crippled soon. I should be worrying about getting a decent job and finding the future mother to my children. Instead I sit here wondering if I'm ever even going to get the chance to do these things.
In addition to the constand head-spaciness and chest-oddity, I get flushed very easily, both in my face and hands and then I notice all my veins standing up a lot more than they used to, even just over the last year I've noticed a huge dfference, particularly in my hands, arms and feet
I also sometimes feel like my body is swaying (like when the dentist gives you the gas or when you're about to pass out drunk) and then I start thinking that my heart's not strong enough to pump the oxygen around my body
At night I know I tense up a lot, especially in that left-chest and arm because sometimes I catch it and can ease it off a bit. I just cannot seem to relax and feel that I'll never be able to because I'm so unfit, my body feels like it has to strain to keep me alive or awake and no amount of deep slow breathing or relaxation tapes are going to work (I got the tape from a counsellor I'm seeing through my GPs)
I feel like I'm trapped in a living hell and the absolute worst part of it is that when it all started I was eating OK (ish), I was doing karate twice a week for 90-120 mins a session and was at University studying to become a lawyer. The only thing that was significantly wrong was my drinking, which I've pretty much stopped completely and which probably explains why my blood-pressure has fallen.
I know many people have many of these symptoms but even writing this feels like quite a release, though it also has it's own tensions attached to it as I've just gone over every feeling in my head as I've been writing and I now realise how difficult it can be to do this
ARGH! :dizzy:
I started having panic attacks november 2003 (the first one was during the England-Aussie rugby World Cup final) and have been in and out of hospital and my GP ever since.
The panic attacks have stopped now (or should I say FOR now...) but since december or 2003 I have had this feeling of lightheadedness and I'm generally spaced out like nothing is real except some mystery illness that I've convinced myself I have. I also feel really odd in the left side of my chest all the time and although it rarely causes me any pain it leaves me feeling weak there and in my left arm and I just feel so lopsided. It also feels like my breathing is restricted there, though all the tests say that everything is OK. I've had ECGs, peak-lung-capacity tests and my blood-pressure tested so often and it's been falling constantly (it was 140 odd and is now 120) though that in itself worries me because I keep thinking that it's going to keep falling down to 110 or 100 and that I'll start passing out and die.
My problem now is that these two feelings (the head and the chest/arm) have gone on so long that I'm constantly thinking about them and even in those few moments a month that I'm not, they effects that thinking about them for the rest of my waking hours can still be felt.
I know there's nothing wrong with either my heart or lungs, and I can actually accept that, but I can't help but feel that there's something else wrong that eventually WILL affect the normal operation of my body severely. Hell, I feel like it already is!
I find it so hard to get out of the house to do anything because even walking to the shops I feel these symptoms and now I do so little that I get out of breath very easily. I'm also overweight (I'm 6'5" and weigh 19-20 stone - 266-280lbs) and I can't help but feel that this anxiety is eventually going to give me a heart attack one way or the other.
I'm 23 years old and don't think I should be worrying about whether I'm going to die or be crippled soon. I should be worrying about getting a decent job and finding the future mother to my children. Instead I sit here wondering if I'm ever even going to get the chance to do these things.
In addition to the constand head-spaciness and chest-oddity, I get flushed very easily, both in my face and hands and then I notice all my veins standing up a lot more than they used to, even just over the last year I've noticed a huge dfference, particularly in my hands, arms and feet
I also sometimes feel like my body is swaying (like when the dentist gives you the gas or when you're about to pass out drunk) and then I start thinking that my heart's not strong enough to pump the oxygen around my body
At night I know I tense up a lot, especially in that left-chest and arm because sometimes I catch it and can ease it off a bit. I just cannot seem to relax and feel that I'll never be able to because I'm so unfit, my body feels like it has to strain to keep me alive or awake and no amount of deep slow breathing or relaxation tapes are going to work (I got the tape from a counsellor I'm seeing through my GPs)
I feel like I'm trapped in a living hell and the absolute worst part of it is that when it all started I was eating OK (ish), I was doing karate twice a week for 90-120 mins a session and was at University studying to become a lawyer. The only thing that was significantly wrong was my drinking, which I've pretty much stopped completely and which probably explains why my blood-pressure has fallen.
I know many people have many of these symptoms but even writing this feels like quite a release, though it also has it's own tensions attached to it as I've just gone over every feeling in my head as I've been writing and I now realise how difficult it can be to do this
ARGH! :dizzy:
Sponsor
CyberNick
01-17-2005, 11:20 PM
Honestly, anxiety can take a HUGE toll on your physical person, as I have come to realize. I had my first Panic Attack over a year ago. I only had one more after that, but now have Social Anxiety Disorder. Depression/Anxiety run in my family, so I had to end up taking Paxil for my condition.
I feel much better now after being on meds, I actually said wow, this is what a normal person feels like? This is great! Because I had severe upper back and chest pain constantly, along with random extreme heart palpitations. Like you, the more I thought about it the worse it got until eventually it was controlling my life. I didn't wanna get on any meds, but after dealing with it for over a year I couldn't take it anymore. I'm 21 years old, and have never felt better.
You just have to convince yourself that nothing is wrong with you, which is obviously the hardest part. The more you let it take over your life and what you do, the worse it will get until you take initiative and realize that it's all in your head. Once you get to that point, slowly let yourself work out a little bit and get to a point where the anxiety no longer affects your life, which can take a while. But once you do reach that point, you'll feel great.
I was the same as you, had every test done and everything came back negative. I kept thinking "how can this be in my head, it feels so real like something is seriously wrong with me??" But believe me, the mind can do crazy things to your body. Because I kept telling myself that something was utterly wrong with me, I think that the brain actually makes you very sensitive to changes in your body: so much that you feel something is actually physically wrong. I have the same problem with my heart, as soon as I start monitoring my heart beat and taking my pulse, my palpitations get out of control like I'm gonna have a heart attack. But I've learned to tune out of my body and just live.
I wish you the best. My advice to you is to just keep your mind active and stay busy. The more you're alone and just watching tv or just sitting around, the more you'll tune into your body and convince yourself that there's something wrong. If you just can't get past it, medication is always an option you can talk to your doctor about. But I advise it only as a last resort.
I feel much better now after being on meds, I actually said wow, this is what a normal person feels like? This is great! Because I had severe upper back and chest pain constantly, along with random extreme heart palpitations. Like you, the more I thought about it the worse it got until eventually it was controlling my life. I didn't wanna get on any meds, but after dealing with it for over a year I couldn't take it anymore. I'm 21 years old, and have never felt better.
You just have to convince yourself that nothing is wrong with you, which is obviously the hardest part. The more you let it take over your life and what you do, the worse it will get until you take initiative and realize that it's all in your head. Once you get to that point, slowly let yourself work out a little bit and get to a point where the anxiety no longer affects your life, which can take a while. But once you do reach that point, you'll feel great.
I was the same as you, had every test done and everything came back negative. I kept thinking "how can this be in my head, it feels so real like something is seriously wrong with me??" But believe me, the mind can do crazy things to your body. Because I kept telling myself that something was utterly wrong with me, I think that the brain actually makes you very sensitive to changes in your body: so much that you feel something is actually physically wrong. I have the same problem with my heart, as soon as I start monitoring my heart beat and taking my pulse, my palpitations get out of control like I'm gonna have a heart attack. But I've learned to tune out of my body and just live.
I wish you the best. My advice to you is to just keep your mind active and stay busy. The more you're alone and just watching tv or just sitting around, the more you'll tune into your body and convince yourself that there's something wrong. If you just can't get past it, medication is always an option you can talk to your doctor about. But I advise it only as a last resort.
hry33
01-18-2005, 03:31 PM
could be lightheadedness and depresonalisation/ derealisation, both can be caused by anxiety, learn to relax and exercise more, look these things up on the net
do stop monitoring yourself, ignore your body, tuning in makes things worse
your problems can be from med side effects, are you taking any?
do stop monitoring yourself, ignore your body, tuning in makes things worse
your problems can be from med side effects, are you taking any?
MKLowTone
01-18-2005, 04:01 PM
No no no, and I'd rather not take any. I don't want to become dependant on them y'know...
becka07
01-21-2005, 12:07 AM
No no no, and I'd rather not take any. I don't want to become dependant on them y'know... i know what u mean.. i'm 15 and i was on antidepressents when i was 13...i've been off of them for a while now but they change you and i get very depended on drugs... i take losec for acid reflux....since i was 13....drugs are good to a point...Concilling got me through this and good friends......
and if none of this makes sense....i am 15 and blonde :D
and if none of this makes sense....i am 15 and blonde :D
etb72
01-24-2005, 10:47 AM
im with ya. i can seem to barely function today.heart racing like crazy and i had to print out the cpr sheet just in case.shaky today.
MKLowTone
01-24-2005, 04:48 PM
And to top it all off I get pains in my chest today - exactly where I feel all the discomfort. Getting worried I've got a blockage now
Needless to say I'm gonna go soo my GP tomorrow to bemoan my condition once more. Even if he tells me to go away and that there's nothing wrong with me at least I'll feel reassured for a few days
Why can't life just be normal for us?
Needless to say I'm gonna go soo my GP tomorrow to bemoan my condition once more. Even if he tells me to go away and that there's nothing wrong with me at least I'll feel reassured for a few days
Why can't life just be normal for us?
anxious2
01-24-2005, 09:34 PM
It really can be difficult to determine where the physical (medical) and psychological aspect of this disorder begins and ends. Take me for example: When I first started having panic attacks seven years ago I had convinced myself I had a heart problem. So much so that when I walked up a small flight of stairs I felt winded and my heart was racing (I've always been lean and in decent shape). After I got control of my disorder it struck me one day; hey, I just walked up three flights of stairs and I feel fine!
I think you're doing the right thing by keeping your doctor involved. That piece of mind can really help. As far as meds: I don't blame you for trying to stay away. I'm not a big fan of taking prescription medication. I do not take any now. However, I credit Paxil for saving my life several years ago. I was depressed and desperate trying to manage the GAD on my own. I finally gave in and I'm so happy that I did. I stopped taking it after three years and I've been fine without it for the past two years (almost two years now).
For me, I try to make medication my last resort. However, I would leave it open as an option. If my quality of life begins to really suffer to the point where it's affecting my family and my job, I do what I have to do to regain control.
Best of luck.
I think you're doing the right thing by keeping your doctor involved. That piece of mind can really help. As far as meds: I don't blame you for trying to stay away. I'm not a big fan of taking prescription medication. I do not take any now. However, I credit Paxil for saving my life several years ago. I was depressed and desperate trying to manage the GAD on my own. I finally gave in and I'm so happy that I did. I stopped taking it after three years and I've been fine without it for the past two years (almost two years now).
For me, I try to make medication my last resort. However, I would leave it open as an option. If my quality of life begins to really suffer to the point where it's affecting my family and my job, I do what I have to do to regain control.
Best of luck.
MKLowTone
01-25-2005, 08:23 PM
I almost wish they would put me on something becuase my anxiety is controlling my life - I don't go out much, barely keep in touch with my good friends from university and spend most of my day hunched in front of my computer feeling sorry for myself
***sigh***
I really wish I could use the phrase I want to use right now but I'll just settle for :dizzy:
***sigh***
I really wish I could use the phrase I want to use right now but I'll just settle for :dizzy: