Oh my gosh I LOVE NEW YORK!!!!!
For those of you who have been following my story, my teen daughter's dance competition thru the Dancer's of America was this weekend in NYC. We stayed at the Hilton right in downtown Manhattan...we looked out our 15th floor window and could see Radio City Music Hall :D
We walked and shopped, ate, shopped, people watched and the best part of all is my daughters class placed 2nd and will be going on to the NATIONALS!!! We rocked that stage, the girl's performance was incredible to say the least. The competition lasted all day Saturday, from 9a.m. til 5 then awards were given out at 5:30....our dance studio came in either first or second for just about everything but "hip-hop", a dance studio from Brooklyn won that award :p We also won most team spirit, the kids were required to wear their competition jogging suits and only team colors, which were red, white, and black all weekend, most of the parents were in their colors too all weekend. To my surprise, my husband was great and loved the city. He even sat with me thru the WHOLE competition, when i was sure he was gonna stay in the room and watch t.v. instead...
We walked and walked and walked my dam legs are killing me. I guess, even though i am thin, i am not in the shape that i think i am in :rolleyes:
I am feeling really good, and soaking all of this in, cuz we know how quickly things change for me and hubby. What is with him.....days before we left, he pretty much told me that he doesn't love me anymore and then a weekend away like nothing is wrong...well i am pretty sure he didn't want to upset my daughter this weekend either..knowing how important this is to her. But i guess these are the things that brought me to my addiction to pain pills. I still remain clean, although having some weird type of cravings today, but i nothing i can't work thru... :rolleyes: meetings are the key to kick my cravings, i figure i wouldn't hestitate to spend an hour dope searching, so why the hell not spend an hour a day on my sobriety! Seems to be working to curb those cravings, although i am still not doing the sponser thing or exchanging too many numbers...but i do have a few and that will do for now.
I am gonna do some reading now and see what everyone has been up to this weekend. And boy oh boy...IT IS FREAKIN COLD HERE IN THE NORTHEAST!!!! It is only 5 degrees out and the wind-chill is like 15 below :eek: :eek: :eek:
And it is supposed to worsen thru-out the week. I think my 13 yr old is coming down with the flu....he tried his hardest to stay home today, but no fever or barfing, you are going to school ;) So we will see how he is feeling this afternoon. My daughter STILL has it and was a real trooper this weekend, flu and all!!!! Oh and my sister is 12 weeks pregnant and i am THRILLED!!!!!! She had a miscarriage in the past, but as most of us girls know, she is out of her "danger" period of her pregnancy. My daughter and I went over yesterday and visited her for a bit. We seem to be getting closer now that she is pregnant and i am happy to have her back in my life. I am gonna throw her the biggest dam baby shower EVER!!! :D
O..k... gotta play some catch-up....
Hope everyone is well :wave:
luv,
LISA

Wow, this is a great post for two reasons. one I am so glad you arre enjoying the city and all it has to offer and that you are enjoying i with your family with a clear and healthy mind! This city is chock full of NA meetings which I have just learned. If you need a meeting don't hesitate to let me know via here or e-mail. I have a brand spanking new book. You'll meet someof the most colorful people in the meetings here especially in the greenwhich village area.

Sorry your little one isn't feeling well. Yes it is ice cold here too!!

Stay well.

Number two is that I just I woke up to my third day oc being clean and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My head feels so much clearer today and I didn't even think of reaching for the rx bottle for the first time in a year!!!

Mike

Hey Lisa,
I am so glad you had a great weekend. I LOVE NYC. It is one of my favorite places on earth. Just walking the streets and having a coffee outdoors, or whatever - and
I do love to shop. I am thrilled your family had such a wonderful time. I don't have any daughters but my best friend has a 12 year old girl and she is big into the dance competition and they include me in them. I'm sort of like a "surrogate Mom". It is something I enjoy so very much. Sometimes I think Kim and I enjoy it more than Savannah. We will be traveling to the biggest competition of the year for her in 3
weeks. It's in Charlotte - about an hour and a half from home - so we spend two nights at the Marriott, do competition from dawn til dark, then eat out with all of the girls, etc. Some of those Mom's are borderline fanatics though. You can really see some claws come out. I always do the hair and make-up for Savannah and since I have been going with them I now do several other girls make-up. She was in her first pageant this fall and I did hair and make-up for that, too. She didn't win but did get Miss Congeniality. It was a blast and the main thing is that she enjoys it. It's just a bonus that we have so much fun. I'm sure you have heard about southern women and beauty pageants!!! We call ourselves "Patsy #1" and Patsy #2". Well, thanks for the update on you. Keep plugging - you are doing so good!! Maybe your hubby is realizing that he is a lucky guy after all!!! HUGS!! Cat

I had to smile at the "Southern Women and their Beauty Pageants," HQ, as I reminisce on all my trophies and ribbons that my mother has packed away all nice and neat!!! :)

How fun!!!
Miche

Hey Mike NY.....and CONGRATS by the way....3 days clean off of oxy is SOMETHING to talk about!!!!! :D Keep up the good work, and boy is it work :rolleyes: NA does help tremendously....i try to catch meetings at least every other day, at times i do two a day....depends on my sitter because i have a three yr old too! Some of the meetings i attend at noon though, have babysitting there, a grandmother type woman sits in a playroom with them and gives them cookies and juice and plays and reads to them. So that is really helpful.
I played with oxy's for quite awhile and boy were they a B**CH to get off of.... you are doing REALLY well, i remember puking for like 3 days straight, among other things :eek: Of course i was a chewer, so that makes it rought too....
I wish you well and yes I LOVE YOUR CITY!!! Gonna go back in April, maybe i will get that list from ya, so i can have back-up in case anything ever takes a turn for the worse while i am staying there.
Hang in there, i am soooooo glad the fog is lifted, what you are experiencing is called a "pink cloud", Enjoy it!!!! You are doing meetings so if you experience any cravings, you know what to do.....call someone or get your butt to a meeting!!!!
Again, you are doing a great job, Mike, and keep me posted i will be following your story.
luv,
LISA

Hey Hydroqueen!!!!!! :wave:
Yes I LOVE competition in the big city. You sound a lot like me, i LOVE doing the hair and make-up for these things. I also LOVE purses and shoes, it is my new addiction :D I picked up a couple new purses in NYC...couldn't resist. I hope you are right about hubby realizing that i am fun to be around again, it was a great weekend and we are looking forward to going back there for our anniversary in April (5 years married :eek: )
Well thanks for checking in with me, what is new with you????
Talk to ya later, update me when you can
luv,
LISA

MICHELLE :wave: :) :wave: :)
Good to see ya posting, and ya got some clean time under your belt too!!!! That is awesome. I read how your kids got that stomache virus, that is the WORST!!!! It seems to sweep right thru the house, doesn't it??? How are things other than that??? I am so dam busy like you, mostly driving them here and there, and then trying to make some time for ME in a day too! I have decided that at 7:00 at night i will stop "working" around the house and plant my butt down on the couch and relax from now on....hopefully it will help me learn how to relax a bit, i am too hyper lately and it is driving my family nuts :p I used to think that i accomplished so much more when i was high, but i guess that is what my addiction WANTED me to think, because i seem to be doing more now than when i was using....
Well its good to see you around, i missed you!!!
luv ya tons,
LISA

Lisa,

Sounds like such a wonderful weekend..good for you, sweetie!!! You so deserved to have a nice, relaxing, FUN weekend. Congrats to your daughter and her team, too! You sound so upbeat and positive today, and that's a great thing! Keep it up, girl...you deserve nothing but the best!

Thanks CM....i am feeling pretty darn good after this uplifting weekend. How are you doing on the sub.????? I haven't heard from you in awhile, how's life treatin' ya???? O.k. post back soon....
luv,
LISA

Hi Lisa,

A big CONGATULATIONS from me to your daughter...and you! :wave: What a wonderful thing to be a part of! I am so happy for your family!!! She must be so proud of herself...and you, OMG, I know how I'd feel if I was watching one of my kids do something so amazing, I'd be watching through the rain, like I seem to do every time they get any kind of recognition of achievement. Knowing how very, very proud of her you must feel--YES, absolutely, please do allow yourself time to reflect on and take in all the sensory pleasures you've just experienced!

The whole family, together, watching, smiling, doing things and being active, laughing and cheering--now you've created a picture that could cause a Norman Rockwell to pale in comparison! I'm so not kidding--I'm serious, Lisa, the picture you painted of all of you in NY, doing your thing together and watching your daughter dance, helping and cheering on the other girls, too--well, given the way you write about the icky stuff that has happened, and then for you to be able to put that aside and focus on the really important stuff is HUGE, and I wonder if you are able to do that because what you've just written us about is the kind of family life you yearn for. Not just on, or as a result of, a big weekend like this, but a close-knit group of spirits that together makes a family--that tries to keep in touch with each other and the positive feelings that were brought to the surface this weekend. If you're both willing and it seems do-able, I mean...do you think it is? Whatever it takes, though, my hope for you and your children is always to feel and always to be safe and sound.

So in coming back from a minor detour...LOL,! I hope you also know she most likely wouldn't have gotten where she is without your support and your being there. I suspect it is a wonderful thing for you to be able to say, in spite of the up-and-down days that come with the on-and-off again using, that you have been there for her, you've supported her and apparently you did an excellent job! When you start getting on yourself for the pills, think back on this weekend and remember that if it wasn't for you, none of this would have probably happened. You are the pivotal person in this family that does the "work" of keeping it sane and together, although many a time you've posted that you feel completely the opposite and as if you've gone insane! But you achieved this, this wonderful relationship that sounds as if both you and your daugher thoroughly enjoy along with your role in her dancing life. I perceive you two as mother/daughter first, and best of friends second. You just sound so together, and that is such an often-difficult thing to achieve in parenting this day and age. Having kids is like rolling the dice, and kids can't pick their parents either, so by luck or by chance, by nature or nurture, you two have managed to blend all of it in various proportions and the result is this very cool and very close sisterhood, if you will. Although it was her legs that were moving in time with the music out there on the floor, you were the one whom I suspect first noticed her talents were more than just a young girl swaying and jumping around to the beat. By nurturing what you saw her doing and enjoying, you opened her up to the rhythms of life and love along with her moving to the music. What I'm trying to say, Lisa, is that you cause her legs to dance as much as the music...

Coming back from the detour again...lol, sometimes getting away and experiencing the good things that brought you two together as lovers and parents in the first place...seeing each other the way you must have at one time, different and free to be the people you each fell in love with...maybe it is possible that he's recognized what he stands to lose by his negative behavior and doing those things that reek of "yuck." I hope so, Lisa, I hope your kids have happy parents, you need to be happy with yourself as well as with the person you've chosen as your partner in this life. I hope he's happy, too, and if he is, then let's hope he recognizes it and does a few spins and turns and some dance moves of his own and continues to change for the better. It's not easy to do the things you're trying to do alone...raising a family, kicking opiates, and somehow just being able to stay "quasi-normal" when things get hectic and crazy. So in spite of the past, and if you can consider this saying I've tossed out here on other occasions (this saying came from my sister in one of her co-dependency books), but it's almost a form of forgiveness if you can "let go of the idea that the past could have turned out different." We can't go back and live in our pasts, yet so many of us still act as if we can somehow change it, and given the things that you've endured at his hands and from out of his mouth, well...if you can get past that and find that there are still positive feelings of love in there somewhere...well, a lot would have to change, but if it's what you want, hey, no judgments here :) ! You know what's best for you and your family, and we trust you when it comes to your decisions about the future. But for now, it would be way cool to just be able to 'stay in the moment' and continue living your life the way you had a glimpse of living it as a family this weekend...

I Love you a lot,
Dallas Alice

Hey Dallas Alice,
I hope you are well!! I have followed your story since your very first post. It really is a beautiful thing for me to see how far you have come - how wonderful you are doing -and the awesome changes that have shaped your life since the first night we all "met" here on the board. You are truely a "hero" to me and I have so much RESPECT for the person that you are. Although I don't post alot, believe me when I say I am here for you and praying for you everyday. I just wanted to say that the point you made in the post above to Lisa about just "staying in the moment" is the best quote I have heard in a long while in reference to maintaining sobriety. I find that I often work myself into a frenzy just worrying about tonight and/or tomorrow. If we can just remain in the moment and savor and enjoy it - just FEEL it - no matter what the feelings are - then we are better prepared to handle that moment by moment decision not to pick up. At least this is my reality. Moment by moment, I chose to be sober, hence I am going to live in "this moment"!! I may not even have another moment to chose to be sober in, so I may as well enjoy this one!! Thank you for your post. It really gave me pause and I reflected on my sobriety in a way I hadn't before. Let's all just be "IN THE MOMENT"...........because at this moment we are clean and sober!!!
Love to all of you - - known and unknown!!

Hey Hydroqueen!!!!!! :wave:
I picked up a couple new purses in NYC...couldn't resist. luv,
LISA

Hey, Lisa!!! I am SO happy you all had such fun in NYC. I am SO proud of "my" city and am thrilled when others share its excitement. SO! You found some of those "purse vendors??" Did you take advantage of the guys on the street who sell those incredible copies of designer bags? The selection in mid-town is amazing. :D

Your daughter sounds so talented. Wish I could have seen her and met you all. Will write more later, but wanted to say 'hi' and how happy I am that you had such a great weekend!
TwinAlice

Hey, Lisa!

Ditto congratulations from Twinlynn. :-) And, I am so, so happy you loved NYC! It's kinda tough to explain exactly to those who ask "what makes it so great? So different?" All I can say is that it's a city where a star shines down for every visitor. No matter who you are...where you're from...whatever your background...NYC will always have a place for you. And somewhere.....in one of its 5 boroughs....you will find a friend who thinks and feels as you do. No one is an "oddball" in this wonderful, eccentric, diversified city! It is a "home" to everyone who crosses its border. :-)

Speaking of "shining"--your daughter and her group must surely have found their own special star, to have come in second in the competition!! I just know that must have been the greatest thrill for both of you. (And, c'mon...did it tug at your heart's memories a bit to remember your own dreams?? I'll bet you were a knockout!! Half my childhood was spent, dreaming of myself leaping and dancing and singing up a storm in some huge Broadway musical--too bad I couldn't sing or dance!! LOLOL!! :-) But I kept pushing myself all through school, college and onto community theater...just because I loved it so much. And I can read all that joy and excitment in every post of yours...when you've written and talked about the special dreams that YOU had. :-) I treasure so many of my own memories---and I know you must do, too! And, now, how very, very wonderful it is that you can share them with your daughter.)

So, you were at the Hilton! Your hotel was just around the corner (about 2 blocks) from my office...which is on Broadway! We were so near-by to one another! Maybe, another time....

take care...and come back to NYC soon!!

lotsa love...and congratulations and a big hug to your special "little" girl!! :-) Lynn

Hi Lisa!
So glad your weekend turned out so great! Sounds like it gave you and hubby a well needed "new lease". Just being out of our normal enviornment can be so refreshing ~ all around! Glad also to hear your planning some relaxing time for you! Ah! I would be a raving lunatic if I didn't take breaks ... away from hubby ... away from chores and work. A RAVING lunatic, no joke! :blob_fire
I also so love this city. I've lived here my whole life (though I was born in a different borough ~ Bronx girl here!) and think I'm spoiled for life. I love peace and quiet too, I can be a real homebody, but I just love knowing, hearing and feeling the energy outside my window.
Glad to to hear everyone chiming in after the weekend. (DalAl, HydroQueen, Mike, Loverly Lynn, CMom, Michelle and Twin Alice!)
Mike~ Way to go! Congratulations on day #3! CMom, good to see you posting again ... I missed you last week! Hope everyone is feeling a little better, a little clearer and more accepting each day. HydroQueen~You are so right~Living in the moment is the only way to go! There are no guarantees for any future moments, and the past really is gone. Truly, we only do have NOW.
Tomorrow I chair a Beginners AA meeting (alternate Wednesdays for the next 6 month term), and my scheduled speaker just called and said she won't be able to make it~something came up ... ugh! I hate that! Too late to be calling up people, but I'll get on the phone early to get a fill in. For NOW, I'll try to enjoy the rest of the night!
Anyway my dear friends, talk to everyone soon! Love and hugs to all!
El

El --- We're Bronx girls, too! Lived on the Grand Concourse until we were almost 5 years old. Remember Poe Cottage and Poe Park? The Armory? The reservoir? My Aunt lived on Kingsbridge Terrace. My British friend has lived on Saxon Ave (by the reservoir) for over 30 years now! Long live the Bronx!! (We moved to Long Island to the 'burbs, when we were 5. I always hated the 'burbs and loved the city!!)

Hey Lynn!
I lived a little too far from Poe Cottage and the Armory to really remember them. We lived about 5 blocks off the Grand Concourse, on Macombs Road, not too far from Yankee Stadium. I attended PS #64, and just like you, we moved to L.I., when I was only 7! Jeese, small world, huh? We moved to Oceanside, L.I., living there till I was 12, then moved to Queens - Forest Hills, where I went to High School. I moved to the City when I was 20, and have been here ever since, mostly on the Upper East side. I guess I've lived in all the boroughs except Brooklyn and Staten Island. Definitely a Bronx girl in my heart of hearts, ya know? :cool: Hey, that really makes us like ... soul sisters(?) Where did you guys live in the burbs?
Lotsa love,
El