to ALL of you! if its you, with an addiction...or your loved one, whatever. good for you! you're strong. i just wanna let out right now. if you read my posts, ive been making a few today, since i registered yesterday.. you'll know more about me.

i understand theres a fear about having an addiction. im gangsta, but ive shed a few tears reading posts/answering things today. its crazy, you guys have softened me up!!! you guys are great! like a family to one another...i wanna be here a while. for real! you gotta put some **** aside for a minute and think of the bond. its real hard at times...impossible.

we share the same thing...some different cases but usually youre in the same position as another person on this site. only thing different is probably a few ages and sex. some chicks, and some dudes.. you know when u use and you feel like youre in a crowd??? then you'll hear, "he uses that...", "oh wow, were close..we've hanged..thats almost like me" or with people u know that do it, you guys are friends and talk, even if its just meeting people or going back to older friends/aqua.

well damn, ive only been smokin a little here and there (thats under control always) and havent done oc's in 2 days--still taking vicodin and trying to reduce that, so i dont have to go to anything bigger...doctor gave me the address/phone# to a place near my house--detox. i start classes tomorrow, i still am registering them online right now, pay for myself, living with my family. im still real close, probably closer with my mom, she really cares. dad doesnt know, good thing...and my sister is always around--a complete straight a's, straight edged person.

wish everyone the best of luck...take some pride in your **** though. if your clean 1 day, go for that 2-3 days, **** it...it's worth some kind of treat, we feel u here and others who KNOW will, the rest usually dont. keep goin.. if u **** up and relapse, say ****! realize what happend, try not to get back ASAP cuz u know its gonna be harder. im not tryin to be the smart *** cause im strugglin the same way--read posts... if you're having problems, we all are, once you hear some bigger ones..u think of those, and helps you calm and situate yours. always gotta try to think, "someone out there, right now, has a problem bigger then mine." im a hiphop artist, i havent done my thing in a while. I've been going to college also, last semester was hell, but im gettin back in there tomorrow trying to transfer out of here to the 4 year school i wanted to stay at.

this is a rambling...say what u feel thread, my bad...im sorry. post as much as u want/feel free to go on about whatevers on your head--off the dome.

goodluck--maybe ill talk to u/see you around. and pray 4 something

Sounds good gangsta. Get yourself cleaned up and you'll do fine.

Hello Gangsta! You are filled w/energy, maybe a bit younger than this addict! (52) - Point, - you are here, with a desire to get healthy & welcome!! I kid rap fans, hip hop, etc. only because my son loves it & I'm "old school" - no just old! LOL! To me, (just 1 opinion) a "musician" truly LEARNS an instrument/s i.e. Carlos Santana, Eric Clapton, Stevie Wonder etc. However, - it's a very big world filled with many different tastes, & in the end, - "whatever!" I have actually heard incredible truth & wisdom from "Tupac" sp? & a few other rappers. "HEY, the topic is drug abuse & addiction Den!" Gangsta, - feel free to ramble (I just did) - in that "ramble" your truth came through loud & clear! You are AWARE of a serious problem & you're here posting, seeking & offering support. Congratulations! Great "Big Ups" to YOU! Your PLAN to see a counselor, get focussed on school (so huge!) gave me some positive energy Gangsta, TY! "Peace, out" LOL! Let me restate that! Your post is inspiring! A sincere WELCOME & best wishes re: your efforts! (you've already come SO far!) This board needs a "Gangsta!" Den

Hi Gangsta-
sounds like you are going in the right direction-
Coming here is a good place for support-just writing/communicating w/ other addicts in recovery/or active..can give you perspective..theres alot of great info here..so..Welcome.
So- you are a hip/hop artist..i like old school stuff-like ghetto boys/public enemy/!Well-you got alot to look forward to-school/music/life..its well worth getting this problem under control now-smart kid!
I am taking suboxone maitainence for heroin addiction-they also use this for detox/maintainence for any opiate addiction-i have not used in over a year now-and tapering to be off sub by summer.
If you'd like info on this treatment id be happy to tell you about it.
NA/AA are also good support in early recovery-as well as therapy/drug counceling.
don't be afraid to reach out-you don't have to be alone to do this.
Hang in there-
ggrl

Thanks man. everyones posts make me feel more welcome to this forum, especially yours. yeah, guess Im kind of young, 22. It's weird how I got into this, but I bet it's "weird" in everyones case. No one was born addicted to anything. It hasnt been real long, 3 months (about) but painful... so I knew there was a problem that I had to try and keep under complete control.

Im glad to see that you're here also, its never too late to do anything about something you want/have to change. We can ALL get through this ****, one day, one minute at a time. many people have, forever, others; went back to drugs. at the same time, a lot of folks never quit. We ALL are brave-- we've faced our problem. and now we know we have to help ourselves, anyway we can. Put our wrong influences in our lives to the side and never look back. we have to further understand that life hands out lemons daily, we can cope with anything... and fix it, but a lot of us (most on this site) do the wrong thing, use a wrong method for patching up our problems...which later turns into another, another, that's all it is...and basically, in a nut-shell, what we going through.

arent u guys sick of people out there who DONT KNOW!? what we go through, yet they "understand?" They look at us different, were the same as them. there are a few exceptions, but were mainly equal. it sucks that no one out there REALLY wants to help. Theres places that want to, people that care...as this website! but damn, you can get fired if someone hears that you are using drugs! even if you are trying to help yourself? I wouldnt call that fair. some people just dont care. but we ALL do... cause we know... and understand... support eachother... WE know what it's like. we're more educated in this sense, we should'nt be.. but we have the warmest hearts (i think)

As for Hiphop--it's a culture... while "Rap" is the music in it. Basketball is a branch off of the HipHop tree, as well as "baggy" clothing, the fashion, some do graffiti, dj'ing, emcee'ing, producing, beat-boxing, an so many more. I can go on and on about this--its what I live, haha. ill just have to pipe down, for now, maybe start by giving you a Top 20 list. you can finish by buying concert tickets. lol. Or maybe get a few hours of studio time and rip up some beats. JK. but Thanks.

Peace! and Be Safe,

Gangstarr

Hey gangstar..you mentioned you're a hip hop artist. Are you THE gangstar
??
If so I have one of your tapes man from back in the day.

If not, doesn't matter. I find in my meetings the speakers that affect me are the ones with grit and power in their voices and a strong street sense.

Keep on posting and take care of yourself. We are all here.

Mike 4 days clean today!

thanks also to Goddessgirl! your info really gives me a push. sure, id love to know about suboxone. would i have to go through a detox to recieve it? the Vicodin has to slowly reduce, or i'm reading that i would be getting addicted to it.

im happy to hear you're recovered! keep doing your thang... a year is really good! im proud of you. cant wait to be in the same direction as you. im using will power, i def. might need some NA meetings though. i'm going to check into that by this week. also happy to hear you like the old school rap scene...There's a lot of good music there, a lot of the more mainstream things now, arent as lyrical at all. things used to be different, but as we all know... everything and anything can change with time...

Thanks for all the information! God Bless...
Peace

Hello Gansta - from "Old Denster" - In terms of "understanding addiction" and our relationships w/family, friends, employers - there simply comes a time when the desire to get well must come first. That is my truth today, & forever. 9 years ago it was, (still is) alcohol that lead me to a necessary "self admission." I am an addict! I stopped drinking "home alone" w/out medical assistance & it was truly hard on my mind & body. Later, I learned that alcohol WD's can be life-threatening & I would encourage anybody with an "every day, long term" alcohol abuse/addiction to get medical help w/detox. Family & friends were pushed to the limits in terms of their ability to "keep loving & understanding" me. My career had been slowly spiraling downward for so long, so it came as no surprise when I found myself w/out a job, wife & son living with mother in law, etc. But Gangsta, - I kept my focus on getting well, AA, love for family, life, & eventually MYSELF, (took some time) were a tremendous help! I am in sales, & a few months after detox, I found a sales management position that has kept me going ever since. My ex, is STILL 1 of my, no- she is my greatest friend!! My 21 yr. old son & I are best buds, - he is drug/alcohol free, working, in college, & heading to law school! "CURRENT ADDICTION" - my truth (once an addict, always an addict) I am working a taper off of Vicodin plan. Injuries & legit pain, RX for Vic. but the addict in me ran the dose up & "totally out of control!" It is a long strange trip, & this board is a great place to vent, ask/offer help, - or simply find encouraging POSITIVE words. "Understanding" from those we love, those who truly love US, IS there, (AFTER we understand that our addiction has impacted their lives too!) A true desire to recover seems to bring "the right words" when we attempt damage control. It is just that easy, - and, "every single day" - just that hard! Best wishes, Den

thanks also to Goddessgirl! your info really gives me a push. sure, id love to know about suboxone. would i have to go through a detox to recieve it? the Vicodin has to slowly reduce, or i'm reading that i would be getting addicted to it.Peace

Hiya Gangstar! Great to see you making new friends, here. I started Subutex, (much the same as Suboxone), last month. Amazing drug. Unlike Methadone, it can be privately prescribed. Your dr. will advise you to start it after approx 15-18 hrs past your last opiate. I took my last oxy at 9PM and my first Sub at 12 noon, the following day. (My w/d symptoms were just about getting uncomfortable.) Within 20 minutes of the Sub, I felt totally "normal" (no discomfort and a sense of well-being). Your doctor/addictionologist will get you on a schedule and most of us work steadily downward until we can get off safely and without bad withdrawals. Each of us is individual. Some of us need to stay on longer than others. W/D should not be "horrible." Slow and steady is the way to go. You win no prizes for stopping faster than someone else. :D

My first week, I had no physical cravings, but I did miss my "buddies"...those little yellow Oxys. I went into 'mourning"....grieving the old euphoria. That went away within 2 weeks....replaced by the amazement that I was no longer even thinking about pills first thing in the morning. I was just enjoying simple stuff like I used to. Walking around NYC....bopping around with my dawgs...accepting invites from friends. Sub gives you that gift of time to 'remember the old you.' And once you get a flashback, you feel more determined than ever to stay on track.

You can do a web search on Suboxone and learn more about this relatively new drug. For me, it's been a miracle. I feel like I'm getting myself back again...my perspective, my priorities, my passions. Keep reading these boards so you can pick up on all the great info passed around here! (And share your passion for music with us....you'll find LOTSA creative people, here. Like GoddessGirl...our resident r&r star!)
TwinAlice

G-
Your post was very well received by me. I am 26, and don't post a lot. I lurk like crazy and read about everyone else though. but you inspired me to write. thank you for your positive energy.

i live in SoCal, and am really into hip-hop and reggae. the one thing i thought of the most when i read your post was about how many people our age in our scene are not as accustomed to see narcotic addiction...people our age and in that culture seem to be caught up in alcohol and weed (sometimes ectasy?), but pain pills is somewhat out of the scope. do you know what i mean? i am addicted to vicodin (10/325 norcos to be exact) and most of my friends would be shocked to know this. they love to smoke and drink, but only take pain pills when they happen to randomly be around (someone has surgery, or wisdom teeth removed, etc), which is pretty occasional. weed and alcohol are normal in my scene, but pain pills are not.

anyhow, i am trying to quit. i went to rehab last June for 12 days, and only was able to stay clean for 2 months. since then, i have been drinking again, but only taking about 1/4 of the amount of pain pills that I used to. i know this isn't great, but at least i am cutting down on the pills. rehab was crazy. i couldn't believe the diversity of the population. From doctors to homeless people, from 70 year old men to 18 year old women. one thing i learned is there is no stereotype for pill addiction. I met so many people that shocked me that they were dealing with the same thing as me. and I think I shocked them, because nobody would guess on the outside that i have an alcohol and pill problem. i actually got into a fight with one of the patients, this guy who refused to believe that I had a problem...he thought I must be a reporter or writer or something! i got so pissed off...i'm like, i know i don't look like a junkie, but i am struggling and hurting as much as you!!! just because i kept up the appearance on the outside probably means that i am that much more ********** up as i struggled to present a side of me that doesn't exist right now. it was frustrating as hell. if you look 'normal,' there are people in rehab who think that you aren't struggling as much.....i just happened to have a good doc who kept me on valium long enough to prevent alcohol or narcotic withdrawals from setting in severely, so i appeared in less 'crisis,' but jesus, i was dealing with all that same ****. the best thing about rehab was the ability to talk to other addicts while we were sober, and being medicated enough to not be so uncomfortable during withdrawals.
anyhow, just wanted to say hi. you inspired me to write, which is rare.
good luck. you have a good positive energy around your comments, and i truly believe thats a good thing.
peace
sara

Thanks everyone! you guys makin me soft...inside...for real! Im glad my words can inspire someone off of a track and a beat :D although you guys deserve more then that. No one should feel neglected at any time...

Keep posting man, and this goes for everyone else too. I recieved some unpleasant information this morning. I peeped the mail from yesterday, which said "Violation: Probation" I'm not even ON Probation right now! What the...

Ok...I'm gonna explain this situation a little further to you guys, maybe you can tell me what the deal is? Weird to me...

Take care--all of you

hey gangstar-
are u from boston area?Don't have to answer if you don't wanna..just wondering..
there was a grp. from around here.gangstar posse..
funny thing-my son was listening to a bunch of old school rap/hip hop last night-and yes-i love the old stuff-there are some good new tracks-ive heard..but i guess it doesn't matter-what genre of music your into-the original sounds-make the most impact..part history-part energy..and "The sound".I still dig analog..digital is useful/fast/clean-but analog is real/soulful-can't beat tape.
im a purist..lol..always looking for good new stuff..and i find it..so its not like i have a closed mind to new music-just the opposite..i love when i hear new stuff..sorry for the ramble/im a musician-had my heyday..once..
We are talkin' recovery here..
What were you gonna tell us/
The suboxone can be used for detox-short term-3-days..a week-or a month.
Therefore not getting 'dependant'..or addicted..
I did a detox w/ it-and it worked very well-but i relapsed.
My use of opiates(heroin) was way outta control..in terms of amount..until the end-where i did taper..and then detoxed.
But suboxone is an excellent med-and has brought me to a new place in my recovery-i can really see myself leading a "straight" lifestyle now..cos i have for the last 14 months-
Goddess bless you..
ggrl :angel: