Some days I just cannot stop crying. My only brother died 2 years ago, and I still cannot get past his death. I miss him so much. I take anti-depressants, I go out side in the sun and mess around my yard, but the sadness just overwhelms me. My brother was only 42 when he died. I'm almost 42, and I feel guilty that I'm alive and he is not. I'm not going to go see a shrink, I guess I just wanted to tell someone of my sadness. I keep it all inside, I don't want my Mom or Husband to see it all the time. I'm looking at his picture right now, and just want a big bear hug that he use to give me. I have to go through all the pictures and cards, etc. that he ever gave my Mom for the law suit, and it is hurting real bad right now. God I just want him back.
Thank you for letting me ramble. - phxmtngirl

I understand the grief you must be experiencing right now. Five years ago I lost my only sibling, an older sister, at the age of 48. It was almost too difficult for me to believe that it actually happened. It was a very difficult time for my parents and myself. We brought some of her possessions over to our house, including a touch-tone lamp and a VCR. My mother put the lamp in her bedroom, and I hooked up the VCR in my room. In the first couple of weeks following my sister's death, that lamp had actually turned on all by itself on at least two occasions. And on at least two occasions, while I was watching TV, the VCR began making clicking noises, as if the play and stop buttons were being pressed. And the funny thing is, the VCR wasn't even turned on. I can't explain how these things happened. All I know is that they had happened. My sister always was somewhat of a prankster, and maybe this was her way of letting us know that she was alright. Who knows? All I know is that somehow I felt more reassured that she was alright, and was now in a better place. In time your burden will lighten, and you can rest assured that someday you both will be together again. I hope this helped. :wave:

Arizona, are you religious? I'm just curious, i mean nothing by it

my brother died a year ago and I never cried. We were really not close but I think I'm just not a person that cries with death, I dont understand why that is. I seem to cry for such silly things but I do not cry with deaths. Is there something wrong with me? When my brother died I was so overly worried about my mother. All my attention was concentrated on her suffering..

Phxmtngirl,

I know the past two years have been very hard for you. Losing someone we love is not easy. My father and grandmother died several years, ago and I understand the loss you feel.

The thing that helped me was to realize they were in a better place where they are no longer sick and their lives are richer and happier than they have ever been. As much as I miss them, I know that it would be selfish of me to want them back here on earth. There is peace in knowing that one day they will meet me at the gates of heaven and I will then be with them for eternity.

I believe our loved ones are with us in spirit. I have seen evidence of that in my life. Its just gentle reminders that they are with us.

If your brother was here he would wipe away yours tears, give you a BIG BEAR HUG. He would want you to be happy and live life to the fullest.

I pray that God will bring you peace and acceptance in the days to come.

God bless and keep you.....

Mr. Bojangless,

Well, I'm not exactly a regular church-goer. In fact, I probably haven't been to church in 5 years. But I certainly do believe in God. What I find particularly interesting are those reports from people who have had near death experiences. The book "Embraced by the Light" is about such an experience, which I have found particularly fascinating and uplifting. I am currently reading a book about Saint Bernadette Soubirous, the poor 14 year old French girl who witnessed 18 apparitions of the Virgin Mary over a period of 6 months in Lourdes, France in 1858. Perhaps you've seen the movie, "The Song of Bernadette." Anyway, day by day I'm becoming more and more convinced that a much greater world awaits us once we pass on. :wave:

I am so sorry about your brother passing away. I know the pain you are feeling. I lost my little granddaughter two years ago and I miss her so much. I know she is in Heaven and isn't suffering anymore but I still cry a lot. My prayers are with you.

Hugs & Prayers
Mus

phxmtngirl,
I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my middle brother to stage iv lung cancer Sept 2004, and have also been having a tough time. At first, I tried to hold my emotions in as well, but it was a very bad idea for me! It made me feel so helpless and alone. When I finally started talking to my husband about it, it was a great release! Just hearing myself say the words somehow made me realize that what I was saying and feeling was completely normal....but each time I did this I would feel a little better for that day. It has been six months since his death now, and I am feeling much more hopeful. Perhaps the impending Spring season has instilled in me a sense of new beginnings. My husband and I are also trying to conceive, which to me is a neat way of continuing the cycle of life that my brother was at the end of. If we have a boy, he will be named after my brother, and I am thankful that my husband not only agreed to the idea but had thought about it himself and was going to bring it up to me. Please try talking to somebody about how you feel - it really does help!

I am very sorry for your loss, Believe me I know the pain, 1994 my middle brother took his on life, Dec 19 2001 my 16 year old son died in a car wreck, last year I lost my Father. I still hurt for them all and wish they were here. But I know they are all in Heaven and waiting for all of us to come to them. Take things that are around you and listen to what they say such as a butterfly that touch your cheek and the wind that blows a feather to your feet all just maybe your love one saying it's ok Im alright. My prayers are with you and I pray you get the one sign that will asure you your brother is ok and waiting to give you that Big Hugg.