Hey everyone, I am almost 21 april 24th. had a very bad childhood with no mother and an abusive/controlling father/that i still currently live with!! at age 10 i lost my grandma and i was the first one to see her lying dead on the floor. she had bipolar too, she used to take lithium, but always refused to take it. i always wathched her go manic and scream, hit people, climb out of windows, throw things and etc... she died because she had high blood pressure and never took those meds eathier!! RIGHT AFTER MY GRANDMA DIED, I DEVELOPED BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS. MY GRANDMA WAS THE ONLY PERSON I LOVED. I WAS 10 AT THE TIME AND I WAS VERY HYPER ACTIVE. COULDNT PAY ATTENTION, OR SIT STILL, SO THE DR PUT ME ON RIDALIN, THEN SWITCHED ME TO ADIEROL. I WAS ON THOSE DRUGS FOR 4 YEARS, THEN AT AGE 14, I DEVELOPED VERY BAD MOOD SWINGS (THIS MIGHT OF BEEN FROM ALL THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE FROM MY FATHER. ALSO AT AGE 14 I GOT RAPED, SO GO FIGURE!! AT THIS AGE I STARTED GOING CRAZY, AND LOOSING MY MIND. MY FATHER ALWAYS KNEW HOW TO MAKE ME GO OFF. HE KNEW HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS AND KNEW EXACTLY THE THINGS TO SAY TO ME, THAT WOULD MAKE ME GO BLISTIC!! WHEN HE DID AGGRAVATE ME MY FATHER, I WOULDNT WALK AWAY I WOULD THROW A FIT AT HIM AND SCREAM AND YELL AT HIM, THEN HE WOULD CALL THE CRISIS TEAM TO OUR HOUSE AND THEY WOULD PICK ME UP AND BRING ME TO THE MENTAL INSTUTUION, WHERE IN THERE THEY WOULD DRUG ME ON EVERY DRUG IN THE BOOK WITHOUT LETTING YOU KNOW THERE SIDE EFFECTS OR LONG TERM EFFECTS! FOR 3 YEARS I WAS ON STRONG PSYCH. DRUGS THAT CAUSED ME NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS AND ILLNESSES AND ALMOST DIABETES. IM ALMOST DIABETIC RIGHT NOW, CAUSE OF THESE DRUGS I USED TO BE ON. depekote is the first and the worst!! YOU GAIN LIKE 150 EXTRA POUNDS ON THAT, THAT U NEVER HAD IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS WAS THE DRUG THAT CAUSED ME TO BE INFERTILE, AND MADE ME FAT, AND I NEVER GOT MY PERIODS ON THIS DRUG. THIS DRUG SCREWED WITH MY HORMONES. 2 YEARS LATER I STOPPED DEPEKOTE, AND AMAZINGLY DROPPED 100PDS FROM BEING OFF IT!! AFTER DEPEKOTE THERE WAS ZYPREXA, THE NEXT KILLER. THIS DRUG DOES THE EXACT SAME THING AS DEPEKOTE, SO I HAD TO STOP THIS DRUG. THEN AFTER THAT WAS NEUROTIN,EFFEXOR, TENIX, SEROQUEL ALL TOGETHER. THESE DRUGS WERENT BAD!! EVENTUALLY AS THE MONTHS WENT BY I WAS ABLE TO GET OFF OF NEUROTIN, EFFEXOR, AND TENIX!! BUT FOR 2 YEARS I JUST TOOK SEROQUEL STRAIGHT UP WITH NOTHING ELSE. IT WORKED STABILIZING MY MOODS, BUT IT MADE ME GAIN 50PDS, AND IT WOULD KNOCK ME OUT ALL THE TIME. I STOPPED THIS DRUG CALLED TURKEY AND MAN I TELL YA I COULDNT SLEEP FOR 3WEEKS STRAIGHT AND DEVELOPED SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS THAT I NEVER HAD IN MY LIFETIME AND THESE WEIRD TINGILING SENSATIONS. MAYBE I HAVE A NERVE DISEASE NOW, OR SEVERE NEUROLOGICAL DAMAGE FROM STOPPING COLD TURKEY AND NOT SLEEPING AT ALL FOR 3 WEEKS STRAIGHT!! REMEMBER MANIC PEOPLE CAN DO THIS!! ALSO I WAS SO USED TO SERQOUEL KNOCKING ME OUT, SO WHEN I ABRUBTLY STOPPED IT MY SYSTEM WAS IN A STATE OF A SHOCK AND MAYBE THIS IS WHY I COULDNT SLEEP. THE DR EVENTUALLY PUT ME ON PAXIL FOR THE ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS. THEN HE PUT ME ON TRAZODONE AND TOPAMAX, BUT THOSE TWO DIDNT DO ANYTHING. THE ONLY THING THAT WORKED WAS THE PAXIL, BUT NOW FOR 2MONTHS NOW IVE BEEN ON NO DRUGS, AND MY SLEEP IS FINE. SLEEPING 7-8HRS, BUT IM CONSTANTLY IN A NERVOUS/PANIC. I REFUSE MEDS, HELP I HATE SIDE EFFECTS; CHRISTINA