Jovial206
01-23-2005, 02:07 PM
My ex-boyfriend was diagnosed about two years ago as having his bipolar disorder in full remission. (Through research, I now know that it never really goes away, but that is what his doctors' report actually says). He had successfully weaned off his medication under his doctor's supervision. He was very excited about marrying me this year and it was obvious to all who knew us that he was deeply in love with me. One night in the car, I asked him a simple question about an issue that was extremely sensitive to him and he got more angry than I had ever seen him. He yelled at me and drove erratically. He commanded me to shut my mouth, which he has never done before. I was scared of him for the first time.
A week later he broke up with me, telling me that what we had died that night. He didn't love me anymore, not the way he did before.
I think of the symptoms that I've read regarding the disorder such as erratic driving, impulsiveness, the absence of emotions except for fear and anxiety.
What do you think? Could that have been a manic episode?
A week later he broke up with me, telling me that what we had died that night. He didn't love me anymore, not the way he did before.
I think of the symptoms that I've read regarding the disorder such as erratic driving, impulsiveness, the absence of emotions except for fear and anxiety.
What do you think? Could that have been a manic episode?
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princesspea
01-23-2005, 03:19 PM
Hi Jovial,
I personally have never heard of anyone with bp in remmission. I especially don't know how someone could dx that when he was on meds. Did you actually see the doctors report or is that what you were told? I'm not saying that bp's are liers. I am saying that that is one area we tend to lie about. Denile can be our middle name. If that's what the doctor said he was probably a quack or covering himself for some reason. It just doesn't make sense to me. I could be wrong maybe someone else has heard of such a thing. Depending on what type of bp he had he could have long period of semi stable behavior where his highs weren't to high and his lows weren't too low.
As to his behavior in the car. I'm not a doctor and don't know your X but, the whole thing could have been part of a manic episode. There's a chance that it was or he could have just lost it. His behavior falls within the symptoms of mania but, not knowing what lead up to the problem I can't give you a very solid answer. I'm sorry. Hope this helped in some way.
Love,
Jamie
I personally have never heard of anyone with bp in remmission. I especially don't know how someone could dx that when he was on meds. Did you actually see the doctors report or is that what you were told? I'm not saying that bp's are liers. I am saying that that is one area we tend to lie about. Denile can be our middle name. If that's what the doctor said he was probably a quack or covering himself for some reason. It just doesn't make sense to me. I could be wrong maybe someone else has heard of such a thing. Depending on what type of bp he had he could have long period of semi stable behavior where his highs weren't to high and his lows weren't too low.
As to his behavior in the car. I'm not a doctor and don't know your X but, the whole thing could have been part of a manic episode. There's a chance that it was or he could have just lost it. His behavior falls within the symptoms of mania but, not knowing what lead up to the problem I can't give you a very solid answer. I'm sorry. Hope this helped in some way.
Love,
Jamie
Jovial206
01-23-2005, 04:19 PM
I actually saw the report.
Yes, you have been helpful. Thanks.
Yes, you have been helpful. Thanks.
*music23*
01-23-2005, 06:01 PM
Bipolar can go into remission. It is always in your body, your chemistry... but some people can go long periods of time completely asymptomatic. I read a case where a woman with bipolar went into remission and got off her meds and stayed fine for over 40 YEARS! And one day, she started cycling again! Those people are the lucky ones.
Also, for many people, particularly non-rapid cyclers, there are "normal" periods between their highs and lows. Those are probably indistinguishable from an actual "remission" until a cycle starts again. Or maybe they are considered the same thing.
And yes, I would say that sounded like a mania. I am very sorry. Best of luck working everything out.
Kristina :wave:
Also, for many people, particularly non-rapid cyclers, there are "normal" periods between their highs and lows. Those are probably indistinguishable from an actual "remission" until a cycle starts again. Or maybe they are considered the same thing.
And yes, I would say that sounded like a mania. I am very sorry. Best of luck working everything out.
Kristina :wave:
Ruth6:11
01-23-2005, 06:46 PM
You raise a very interesting question - but I'm pretty sure that the answer lies in the actual dictionary meaning of the word remission.
The word "Remission" doesn't refer to a cure. For example, I haven't had a mania or depression in 20 yrs. I am "in remission" due to the lithium I take. There is no doubt in my mind that I would begin cycling within months (not right away since my cycles were farther apart).
In answer to your question about your boyfriend (and I question whether he was truly bipolar if he has been off meds for a year or two without a moodswing) I found the following on a bipolar disorder neuroanatomy site:
Even in remission, patients with bipolar disorder remain sensitive to external stressors that can trigger new episodes.
Hope this helps a bit, it's a mystery to me that they pulled him off meds. I'm tempted to think that they told him he was in remission and HE chose to go off his meds on his own, but I could be wrong..
:angel:
The word "Remission" doesn't refer to a cure. For example, I haven't had a mania or depression in 20 yrs. I am "in remission" due to the lithium I take. There is no doubt in my mind that I would begin cycling within months (not right away since my cycles were farther apart).
In answer to your question about your boyfriend (and I question whether he was truly bipolar if he has been off meds for a year or two without a moodswing) I found the following on a bipolar disorder neuroanatomy site:
Even in remission, patients with bipolar disorder remain sensitive to external stressors that can trigger new episodes.
Hope this helps a bit, it's a mystery to me that they pulled him off meds. I'm tempted to think that they told him he was in remission and HE chose to go off his meds on his own, but I could be wrong..
:angel:
Jovial206
01-23-2005, 07:26 PM
I tend to think he is still manic since our argument in September 2004. Since then, his behavior towards me has been so much different than before. He is not the same person. Sometimes he acted like he couldn't stand me. Then he really liked me and got really upset that I didn't want to be his friend. At the time, I just thought he was being a jerk and I didn't know him like I thought I did so I told him off. He was being so mean to me that I thought he was evil. I told him I didn't respect him because of the way he handled the break up. He was very angry, hurt, and even started crying. It wasn't until later that I began research on BiP and began theorizing about what's going on.
Well, one of the reasons he gave me for the break up is that he focuses on marriage too much. Three months later, he got engaged to the last girlfriend he had before me. You see, we were an interracial couple. He did not want to marry a white woman. I'm African-American. He wanted to start his own family. I have no children. This woman is caucasian and has four children. He once told me this woman could not compete with me. I see the symptoms of impulsiveness and confusion in this decision to marry this particular woman.
Sometimes when he sees me he can't look me in the eye or in the eyes of my friends. I catch him staring at me sometimes. He also finds excuses to speak to my best friend. He even interrupts his conversations just to say hello. It's as if he can't talk to me, so talking to him is the next best thing. A mini-stalking thing also took place on his part, but that's over now.
It's over for us, but I still care about his health. Me ex and I used to be best friends and our friendship and then romance was beautiful. He is a wonderful man and I miss the real him. I don't believe he is well. He is divorced and if this marriage fails, it will potentially destroy him.
I have more to write, but am not able to type any more right now. Just wanted to talk. I welcome your responses. You all are so comforting and helpful.
Well, one of the reasons he gave me for the break up is that he focuses on marriage too much. Three months later, he got engaged to the last girlfriend he had before me. You see, we were an interracial couple. He did not want to marry a white woman. I'm African-American. He wanted to start his own family. I have no children. This woman is caucasian and has four children. He once told me this woman could not compete with me. I see the symptoms of impulsiveness and confusion in this decision to marry this particular woman.
Sometimes when he sees me he can't look me in the eye or in the eyes of my friends. I catch him staring at me sometimes. He also finds excuses to speak to my best friend. He even interrupts his conversations just to say hello. It's as if he can't talk to me, so talking to him is the next best thing. A mini-stalking thing also took place on his part, but that's over now.
It's over for us, but I still care about his health. Me ex and I used to be best friends and our friendship and then romance was beautiful. He is a wonderful man and I miss the real him. I don't believe he is well. He is divorced and if this marriage fails, it will potentially destroy him.
I have more to write, but am not able to type any more right now. Just wanted to talk. I welcome your responses. You all are so comforting and helpful.
princesspea
01-23-2005, 09:02 PM
Oh honey,
I'm so sorry! This diease takes alot of victims. I'm sorry you had to be one of them.
Your x sounds a little out of control if he is doing the oposite of what he said. It makes no sense to me so it could very well be bp. His actions sound a little odd too.
You sound like a very sweet person and I'm sure you still care about his health. There's not much left that you can do if he won't talk to you. He's going to have to realize he's out of control and go back to a doc and get back on meds.
Love and Hugs,
Jamie
I'm so sorry! This diease takes alot of victims. I'm sorry you had to be one of them.
Your x sounds a little out of control if he is doing the oposite of what he said. It makes no sense to me so it could very well be bp. His actions sound a little odd too.
You sound like a very sweet person and I'm sure you still care about his health. There's not much left that you can do if he won't talk to you. He's going to have to realize he's out of control and go back to a doc and get back on meds.
Love and Hugs,
Jamie
princesspea
01-23-2005, 09:06 PM
Kristina,
Thanks for clearing that up for me. I had no idea there was something called remission with this disease. I can't imagine going off my meds even if I was labeled as in remission but I guess like you said in another post "everyone is different". :D
By the way how are your drum teams going?
Love,
Jamie
Thanks for clearing that up for me. I had no idea there was something called remission with this disease. I can't imagine going off my meds even if I was labeled as in remission but I guess like you said in another post "everyone is different". :D
By the way how are your drum teams going?
Love,
Jamie
Jovial206
01-23-2005, 09:19 PM
There's not much left that you can do if he won't talk to you. He's going to have to realize he's out of control and go back to a doc and get back on meds.
Right after the break up I didn't factor in the disorder as a reason for his behavior. I was confused, angered, hurt, and annoyed, not to mention heartbroken. First he refused to speak to me for forty days. Then when he wanted to "go back to a friendship" I was the one who turned him down. The situation was too draining for me. Communication was once our biggestt strength and had become our biggest weakness. I had another talk with him to reiterate the fact that I want no social-involvement with him, nothing beyond hello and goodbye. This was in order to protect my heart. He had become a man who was playing with my emotions, and I neeede to be healthy. It wasn't until a couple of weeks after that that I realized what the problem was.
He may actually be open to speak to me now, but now he is engaged. He's also most likely still manic, so me talking to him may not do him any good. So I did the next best thing. I shared my theory with our pastor and asked him to help him. Prayerfully, he can provide counsel as well as direct him toward professional help.
Right after the break up I didn't factor in the disorder as a reason for his behavior. I was confused, angered, hurt, and annoyed, not to mention heartbroken. First he refused to speak to me for forty days. Then when he wanted to "go back to a friendship" I was the one who turned him down. The situation was too draining for me. Communication was once our biggestt strength and had become our biggest weakness. I had another talk with him to reiterate the fact that I want no social-involvement with him, nothing beyond hello and goodbye. This was in order to protect my heart. He had become a man who was playing with my emotions, and I neeede to be healthy. It wasn't until a couple of weeks after that that I realized what the problem was.
He may actually be open to speak to me now, but now he is engaged. He's also most likely still manic, so me talking to him may not do him any good. So I did the next best thing. I shared my theory with our pastor and asked him to help him. Prayerfully, he can provide counsel as well as direct him toward professional help.
Jovial206
01-27-2005, 12:59 PM
It's me again. His fiance and four children have been visiting our church for the past two weeks, but get this - I've been catching him looking at me. Not when she's next to them though. I'm being honest when I say that they don't seem connected like the two of us used to be. People in my church who don't know what I know about his condition automatically think he is "crazy" (a term I not longer use to identify people, but these individuals don't know the whole story) for leaving me and going to her.
My question for you is this. Do you think it would be a good idea to write him a letter to give to him if we ever are on speaking terms again? This would only happen when he is no longer manic and if things don't work out with this woman. The letter would explain my theory of what he's going through right now, and how I now understand. It would be good for me too to get my feelings down on paper, even if he never sees it.
Your thoughts?
My question for you is this. Do you think it would be a good idea to write him a letter to give to him if we ever are on speaking terms again? This would only happen when he is no longer manic and if things don't work out with this woman. The letter would explain my theory of what he's going through right now, and how I now understand. It would be good for me too to get my feelings down on paper, even if he never sees it.
Your thoughts?
ManiMe
01-27-2005, 02:04 PM
I have followed your postings. A few questions present themselves.
Are you still interested in a relationship with him, as more than superficial friends ?
If you do not want further intimacy with him, then I'd suggest writing down your feelings, but then either tearing up the letter or at least never presenting it to him.
It appears that you are seeking closure for yourself.
He appears needy, confused and perhaps not stable. Certainly, you've brought his judgement into question.
We cannot change or control others.
To continue on with titillating contact could potentially lead to triggering of even more odd behaviors ~ as when you mentioned his past stalking.
Go about enjoying your own life, and leave him to his.
Are you still interested in a relationship with him, as more than superficial friends ?
If you do not want further intimacy with him, then I'd suggest writing down your feelings, but then either tearing up the letter or at least never presenting it to him.
It appears that you are seeking closure for yourself.
He appears needy, confused and perhaps not stable. Certainly, you've brought his judgement into question.
We cannot change or control others.
To continue on with titillating contact could potentially lead to triggering of even more odd behaviors ~ as when you mentioned his past stalking.
Go about enjoying your own life, and leave him to his.
Jovial206
01-27-2005, 03:27 PM
Are you still interested in a relationship with him, as more than superficial friends ?
No. Too much damage has been done. I still really care about him though. That won't just go away.
He appears needy, confused and perhaps not stable. Certainly, you've brought his judgement into question.
Yes, yes, and yes.
To continue on with titillating contact could potentially lead to triggering of even more odd behaviors ~ as when you mentioned his past stalking.
This is true. The thing is that we attend the same church. We see each other at least twice a week. I guess I haven't been able to grasp the concept of us just having a "hello/goodbye" relationship that I asked him for like I thought I could. Now that I realize after-the-fact why he was such a jerk towards me, I feel kind of guilty for pushing him away when he wanted to be friends. There, I actually admitted it for the first time. :eek: I feel guilty even though I know it wasn't my fault for not understanding his behavior. Thanks for helping me to see that! I'll definitely take what you said into consideration.
No. Too much damage has been done. I still really care about him though. That won't just go away.
He appears needy, confused and perhaps not stable. Certainly, you've brought his judgement into question.
Yes, yes, and yes.
To continue on with titillating contact could potentially lead to triggering of even more odd behaviors ~ as when you mentioned his past stalking.
This is true. The thing is that we attend the same church. We see each other at least twice a week. I guess I haven't been able to grasp the concept of us just having a "hello/goodbye" relationship that I asked him for like I thought I could. Now that I realize after-the-fact why he was such a jerk towards me, I feel kind of guilty for pushing him away when he wanted to be friends. There, I actually admitted it for the first time. :eek: I feel guilty even though I know it wasn't my fault for not understanding his behavior. Thanks for helping me to see that! I'll definitely take what you said into consideration.
princesspea
01-27-2005, 03:30 PM
Hi Jovel,
I agree with ManiMe about the letter. I would write the letter and if you want to keep it for a little while, stick in a book. Eventually you'll even forget it's there.
I think it's perfectly natural to still have some kind of feelings for him. You did share a life with him. You do need to let him go. Since you go to church I assume that you've been taught to love everybody. You can love him without having to like him. That was a much harder lession for me to learn.
ManiMe is also right about the eye contact etc. could lead to something worse. Be careful.
Love,
Jamie
I agree with ManiMe about the letter. I would write the letter and if you want to keep it for a little while, stick in a book. Eventually you'll even forget it's there.
I think it's perfectly natural to still have some kind of feelings for him. You did share a life with him. You do need to let him go. Since you go to church I assume that you've been taught to love everybody. You can love him without having to like him. That was a much harder lession for me to learn.
ManiMe is also right about the eye contact etc. could lead to something worse. Be careful.
Love,
Jamie
Jovial206
02-01-2005, 11:11 PM
ManiMe and princesspea,
Thank you for your wise input. It is rough, but I will make it through. I thank God for being my strength and shield.
Thank you for your wise input. It is rough, but I will make it through. I thank God for being my strength and shield.
Jovial206
05-20-2005, 09:48 PM
It's been so long I almost don't want to write this. Well, he's been married a little over a month. He's lost a lot of weight and is losing his hair. He looks like an old man. He recently yelled at and threatened to spank one of his stepkids in public.
Do you think he's crashed or crashing? Is this a depression?
Do you think he's crashed or crashing? Is this a depression?