dragonprincess
01-23-2005, 09:08 PM
Hi, i'm dragonprincess i'm new to the baord but not bp .I'm 28 a mother of 2 and one on the way i'm 5 months pregnet .Please forgive my spelling not good. well i'm bp mood disorder and manic mania deprsion and have a seizer dis order .I have been reading the post about the online exsperament .reading about HegHog and ruth and princncess pea and ever body else there .i'v also read help my girl friend has bp good luck cujo .well my problem is i have all this going on and i'm trying to deal but i'm pg and on no meds for bp because it enter fear with seizer meds and the seizures are more dangous than the bp for the baby . so i'm going through soo much right now with the ups and downs the depression is so bad alot of times i don't even want to get out of bed but i have to force my self for my kids i leave alone .some days i don't even want to be here i've had 9 suicid attemps.I HAVE TO LIVE FOR MY SONS THOUGH .sorry. i'm not good at this writting thing .i had a hus been of 15 years which was good and bad 4 the first 10 years he had a alcohal problem and drugs , but we finelly got him help and at that tim i did'nt know i was BP . but i got tough and made it through.not together any more but we still talk sometimes ,I ALSO think he's bp but who know i'm not a doctor . I currently have a boyfriend of almost 2 years that is having a hard time with me because of bp i'm pregnate with his baby . i don't know why but ever 3 months or so I swich up on him and miss my ex-husben well almost ex .just broke up with boy friend but we still talk i still care and love him but i'm also talking to my ex trying to make up my mind but don't know how to. they both love me but different kinds i can't tell if it's my bp or me can't tell? well my boyfriend read cujos story know he thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is bp great .Even WHEN IS NOT . that's not helping .need help.plz. by the way were did ruth go? :confused:
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princesspea
01-23-2005, 10:42 PM
Hi Princess,
You did just fine with expressing yourself. I will never fault anyone for not being able to spell...I can't spell to save my life.
To answer your last question first...Ruth didn't go any where it was all just a big mix up. It's over with.
Honey, it must be hard for you going through bp and having your hormones raging. I just can't imagine it. I understand though...the baby comes first. I hope you'll be going back on meds as soon as the baby is born.
I'm sorry about your bf thinking everything that comes out of your mouth is bp. That can get very frustrating.
Your switching back and forth between wanting your bf and your husband could very well be a symtom of your bp. Not really a symtom in itself but, caused by the confussion bp can cause. This is probably not your best time to make any life changing decisions. You really need to wait until you're stable.
I understand about horrible depression and suiside attempts. Please take care of you. That's a scarey place to be. I was told in treatment that you should do the opposite of what your depression is telling you. If you don't want to move get up and take a walk. If you don't want to eat go make yourself something to eat. If you want to lay down or stay in bed get some exercise even if it's just a walk. If you don't want to talk to anybody call somebody. Put on some music and sing at the top of your lungs. These things have never cured my depression but they can lift me out of the depths of depession so I can avoid getting suisidal.
I'm not sure if all this has helped. Just know we're here for you and together we can get you through this.
Love,
Jamie
You did just fine with expressing yourself. I will never fault anyone for not being able to spell...I can't spell to save my life.
To answer your last question first...Ruth didn't go any where it was all just a big mix up. It's over with.
Honey, it must be hard for you going through bp and having your hormones raging. I just can't imagine it. I understand though...the baby comes first. I hope you'll be going back on meds as soon as the baby is born.
I'm sorry about your bf thinking everything that comes out of your mouth is bp. That can get very frustrating.
Your switching back and forth between wanting your bf and your husband could very well be a symtom of your bp. Not really a symtom in itself but, caused by the confussion bp can cause. This is probably not your best time to make any life changing decisions. You really need to wait until you're stable.
I understand about horrible depression and suiside attempts. Please take care of you. That's a scarey place to be. I was told in treatment that you should do the opposite of what your depression is telling you. If you don't want to move get up and take a walk. If you don't want to eat go make yourself something to eat. If you want to lay down or stay in bed get some exercise even if it's just a walk. If you don't want to talk to anybody call somebody. Put on some music and sing at the top of your lungs. These things have never cured my depression but they can lift me out of the depths of depession so I can avoid getting suisidal.
I'm not sure if all this has helped. Just know we're here for you and together we can get you through this.
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
01-23-2005, 11:29 PM
Thank you so much for the reply princess pea .I hate to say this but it's getting worse with the anger and rage seizuers gran mal about 1 a week depending on stress levels. i'm trying soo hard but my boy friend is making it hard .He thinks i'm trying to kill him mentaly .I try to stay away so that i don't hurt anyone ..between him and my ex I feel i'm going cazy . my boy friends e -mail reads dying .Meaning i'm doing it like i enjoy this .so when we talk on the phone it usally truns into screaming and me in a pure hate fit .when I talk to my ex all i do is cry and read stuff that is'nt there. He tells me that he is afraid of me hurting him but still loves me and will come back and that I should realy think .OHHH i can't think ! my boy friend wants answers now I can't . I feel that my be their better off with out me .may be i deserve to be alone don't now anything right now exept i love my boys and they love me regardless. plus My boy friend is 25 and needs to grow some more and get a job we do have a baby coming everything is on my head .but he thinks we can live on love alone .may be i'm wrong about everything i'll i do is hurt the people i love or should i say the man in my life. i've been through alot in my life a lot of damage and hurt and pain but than agin who hasn't . yes I will be back on meds after the baby comes .hope I MAKE IT . Sorry guys u didn't need to hear all this .
princesspea
01-24-2005, 12:03 AM
Princess,
Honey we're here for you. You can come and dump here anytime.
I'm sure you're not hurting people as much as you think you are. Your x and your bf are big boys and they both know what you're going through. Your bf needs to figure out that this is not about him right now. It's about you surviving and having a beautiful baby. By the way is it a boy or a girl? Do you know?
The tought that your bf needs to grow up a little and get a job...with a baby on the way...is not unreasonible. I think that's a pretty basic want that you have. It would be what I wanted in your situation.
It's only my opinion but I think it might be time for you to back away from both your x and your bf and take a deep breath. Your not in any state of mind to be making any big choices right now.
I have no idea what it would feel like to be you. I'm very afraid for you right now. I'm assuming that you can't get into see a therapist but that may not be true. If you can you need too as soon as possible.
I've got to run honey. Take care of you!
Love,
Jamie
Honey we're here for you. You can come and dump here anytime.
I'm sure you're not hurting people as much as you think you are. Your x and your bf are big boys and they both know what you're going through. Your bf needs to figure out that this is not about him right now. It's about you surviving and having a beautiful baby. By the way is it a boy or a girl? Do you know?
The tought that your bf needs to grow up a little and get a job...with a baby on the way...is not unreasonible. I think that's a pretty basic want that you have. It would be what I wanted in your situation.
It's only my opinion but I think it might be time for you to back away from both your x and your bf and take a deep breath. Your not in any state of mind to be making any big choices right now.
I have no idea what it would feel like to be you. I'm very afraid for you right now. I'm assuming that you can't get into see a therapist but that may not be true. If you can you need too as soon as possible.
I've got to run honey. Take care of you!
Love,
Jamie
Dragon127
01-24-2005, 08:08 PM
see u @ B.C.
Mook Love U 4-ever
Mook Love U 4-ever
AllieTr
01-25-2005, 11:57 AM
FIND A GOOD DOCTOR. That is the answer. My doctor told me that you CAN be on meds while you're pregnant. mood stabilizers like zyprexa. Not lithium, however. I am planning on getting pregnant this year and I plan on getting off my lithium with the help of my doctor who says the baby will not suffer from certain meds. You need to find a doctor who has experience in this area.
dragonprincess
01-26-2005, 01:31 AM
THANX for the reply Allietr.Well i've been to all the doctors with in my means but it's not that simple i'm also on seizur meds strong ones.So that complacates ever thing. I was also seeing a therapist but it just made me more confused .WeLL let me up date what's going on in my life making it almost unliveable to start yesterday i almost lost me completley let me try to explain i'm in a very deep down right now .my boy friends mother called me to so call talk but that's not what she wanted to do she wante to let me now that i was making her sons life right now sad and that i was killing him mentaly and that she wanted a blood test on the baby so of course that killed me making me soo much worse than i already was mind u his 25 . well that's not the end of it like a dumb person that i can be sometimes i called him on his cell phone and told him about what happen and he was on his way to the mountains to end his life because of me .i make people so happy ya right so happy they want to kill thems selfs then i raged and told him that he was right and i should end me to trust me u don't want to know what he siad in reply lit's just say it wasn't no. i then rember this total deep dark sadness and rage then blacked out all i rember was a dragon fly that was in front of me that i was talking to and saying dragen fly why can't I OVER AND OVER AGINNOTHING ELES ... I was told by my boy friend some of what happend he siad i was like that for a long time then went in to rage at him trying to get out the door . i didn't make it he is stronger than me my knifes were gone when i came to. yes i said my boy friend he could not reach me by phone so he came over i was alone my kids were with my mother everything was fine then just goes to show how life can chang in a split second .thats not all during this thing my ex-husben was calling and talking to my boy friend or should i say they had words and my ex was very worried about me cuz he has heared me like this befor it's been a long time that time i ended up in a mental werd for two days .well any ways that's not all i guess i eventally feel a sleep and when i woke i didn't know how i was me or him didn't know were i was feel back to sleep and theni woke agin still not knoeing whoand what everything was but it came back to me slowly.my mother got hear and u could imagine what was said to my boy friend my mother has seen me like this befor long ago that was mostly due to wrong meds. i'm trying so hard not to lose me and my life .I'm trying to be strong for my kids and scane plus my unborn sons and yes it is by no dout my boy friends baby please help me be strong i can do this . I think ? I don't know what to do . i have to make it thourgh this . i told my ex that i have no clue what i'm doing or hoe i love or who i am right know he does understand he just wants me to make it though this alive i told him not to give up any one for me right know that wouldn't be fair . he understands but says he will be there ifand when i decide what i want he also knows that i love my boy friend to very much but thing right know have gotten to crazy i'm pregant for gods sake help me be strong...plz
dragonprincess
01-26-2005, 02:19 AM
please don't get me worng my boyfriend has the most beutiful heart and soul that i've ever seen that's why i love him so .but it needs to be healthy on both parts .do i even deserve to have someone love me that much.i care about everything that happens to him we were suppost to be soul mates but i think my bp is going to kill the beuitiful person that i love .i don't know what to think................................... ............help......
mudhound
01-26-2005, 07:51 AM
Mud here, I can't spell beams oh i ment beans. LOL
You are most welcome here and you are correct. Those two kids need you. Not to mention the one your fixing to have.
Post as often as you need to. It helps to let it all out.
You are most welcome here and you are correct. Those two kids need you. Not to mention the one your fixing to have.
Post as often as you need to. It helps to let it all out.
princesspea
01-26-2005, 03:28 PM
Oh Princess,
I'm sorry about the call from your bf's mother. She needs to let him grow up.
I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with preg. hormones, two men and bp unmedicated. (I almost forgot siezure disorder) I'm sorry. It must be over whelming.
You keep coming here to vent and we'll all get through this together. You have three little ones that need you. Now I need you to be alright too.
I'm glad you told your x that you didn't know right now. This is definatly not the time to be making those choices. If he's sincere he will be there when you're stable on meds again.
I'm glad your bf is such a sweet guy. You are right about you both needing to be healthy though. He sounds like he may need a little help for his depression too. People don't normally think suiside is an option unless there is something deeper going on.
You are not at fault if the people around you are going "nuts". That's on them and their choices. First you have bp are pg and have a siezure disorder. You have two kids that you're caring for too. These guys need to start taking responsibility for their own stuff. You are doing that by posting here and taking your siezure meds. I know you're not on bp meds but you have a very valid reason for that and I'm sure you'll start back up as soon as you give birth. Don't take the weight of others problems on your shoulders. I know that's easier said and done. I take on the weight of the world sometimes but, you've got to try. You're definiatly worth it!!!!! If you don't believe that right now just believe that I believe you are worth it.
Love to you,
Jamie
I'm sorry about the call from your bf's mother. She needs to let him grow up.
I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with preg. hormones, two men and bp unmedicated. (I almost forgot siezure disorder) I'm sorry. It must be over whelming.
You keep coming here to vent and we'll all get through this together. You have three little ones that need you. Now I need you to be alright too.
I'm glad you told your x that you didn't know right now. This is definatly not the time to be making those choices. If he's sincere he will be there when you're stable on meds again.
I'm glad your bf is such a sweet guy. You are right about you both needing to be healthy though. He sounds like he may need a little help for his depression too. People don't normally think suiside is an option unless there is something deeper going on.
You are not at fault if the people around you are going "nuts". That's on them and their choices. First you have bp are pg and have a siezure disorder. You have two kids that you're caring for too. These guys need to start taking responsibility for their own stuff. You are doing that by posting here and taking your siezure meds. I know you're not on bp meds but you have a very valid reason for that and I'm sure you'll start back up as soon as you give birth. Don't take the weight of others problems on your shoulders. I know that's easier said and done. I take on the weight of the world sometimes but, you've got to try. You're definiatly worth it!!!!! If you don't believe that right now just believe that I believe you are worth it.
Love to you,
Jamie
dragonprincess
01-28-2005, 06:16 PM
One of these days i'm gooing to have a good day .But it really doesn't look like it..Yesterday was my boyfriends 25 b-day so i tryed to make it nice and show him how important he is to me and of course that's not what happened.me and bp ruien everthing and every body .The things we want to say just don't come out soo my soul was striped and i once agin hurt him .Iwish i could tell u everything that was said but it hurts to much ..I've never been this low and this hurt .My insides keep shaking and my heart keeps hurting .I'll i can tell people including my mother and kids is i'm fine and i don't want to talk about it. My 9 year old son told me that I was lieing just to make them think everything is ok but he said I know your not mommy.. That killed me even more way won't this go and leave me .On top of this all my naighbor keeps needing me to watch her 4 adhd kids who don't listen and are very spoiled no respect from the ages of 11 to 17 years she has has cps come out for them 4 times becuase the neighbors call because of the temper tantrums the 11 year old has screaming like she's being murdered and nobody has touched her. the ather night i had to call the mother and tell her she needed to call ther father that doesn't leave there to help i also had to call my boy friend to help could not handle was braking down .to day she calles needing help agin so that the children don't get put on homes have no chocie hope i make it .Don't know what to do can barley move or think all i can do is cry and try not to let my kids see .I have lost my soul . thanks for the responses from princcess pea and mud hound it does help to know someone eles has this thing to meaning bp among other things .I not going to hurt my boy friend anymore going to stay away its soo hard being this way but it's for his own good and because i love him he has my soul now nobody has hurt me with words lie him . but he is right all i do is hurt and treat him like s..t all the time as he tells me Idon't mean to the things that come out of me . I try not to use bad words but Ihave this haabit of walking away when i don't know what to say or do or i just can't handle sometimes i just don't want to say somthing i don't mean .Why should he have to put up with that he shoulen't .i'ts hard to make it day to day now but I have to .Nobody should love me . don't worrie i'm not going to hurt my self . i made a promise . Just die inside. I just wanted to give him a nice b-day and i wreaked it like i do every thing ...I can't even talk to my mom about this and i usally tell her everthing .can't even let her is side me ........help...so low so sad.........................
princesspea
01-28-2005, 08:03 PM
Oh Sweetheart,
I'm so sorry you are so sad. How many more month's do we have to go until the baby comes. We can get through this!
Stuff happens. You may have hurt your boyfriend but you're dealing with allot of stuff! Honey give yourself a break! Your boy friend is a big boy. He knows you're unmedicated for your bp for the safety of HIS baby. On top of that you're hormonal from the pregnancy. You diserve to be testy!!! You're alloud.
You should make yourself a calander to count down the days until you can get back on meds. It might give you some hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! It's not that much longer.
You're a very nice person to be helping out your nieghbor. I admire you for doing that with all that's going on in your life right now. I'm also sorry you feel like you have no choice. I'd give you some advise on that but, I too have a hard time saying no to people.
I too have a hard time telling nonbipolars how I'm really feeling. I always feel like I'm putting too much on them. I tell my husband most everything but I try not to go on about my mood swings. When I do say something to him he tells me He already knew and was just waiting for me to say something. It's not a good way to handle it so I come here.
Thanks for your post and you keep posting as many times as you need to.
Love to you and all three of your kids.{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
Love,
Jamie
I'm so sorry you are so sad. How many more month's do we have to go until the baby comes. We can get through this!
Stuff happens. You may have hurt your boyfriend but you're dealing with allot of stuff! Honey give yourself a break! Your boy friend is a big boy. He knows you're unmedicated for your bp for the safety of HIS baby. On top of that you're hormonal from the pregnancy. You diserve to be testy!!! You're alloud.
You should make yourself a calander to count down the days until you can get back on meds. It might give you some hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! It's not that much longer.
You're a very nice person to be helping out your nieghbor. I admire you for doing that with all that's going on in your life right now. I'm also sorry you feel like you have no choice. I'd give you some advise on that but, I too have a hard time saying no to people.
I too have a hard time telling nonbipolars how I'm really feeling. I always feel like I'm putting too much on them. I tell my husband most everything but I try not to go on about my mood swings. When I do say something to him he tells me He already knew and was just waiting for me to say something. It's not a good way to handle it so I come here.
Thanks for your post and you keep posting as many times as you need to.
Love to you and all three of your kids.{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
01-28-2005, 10:42 PM
Thank you for your support princess pea .You are so sweet for even anwering me .I have 4 months to go u really think i'll make it ?
well my boy friend tells me snap out of it and call him and that he loves me mook .but iknow the best thing is to stay away from every body i don't even want to answer the phone . Make a decition is all they say not that easy .i can't sleep soo tired can't think I'ts kind of funny Iuse to hate the computure know all i do is look at everybodys stories .Right know it seems like your my only friend princess pea thanx. how am i going to make it?
it seems hope less .i feel hopless.it's to the point that u can barly hear me when i talk most of the time .Were I'm i I use to be strong and every body came to me for help or stranth know i have none were's the light at the end of the tunnal i wanna just stop crying .where did I go? hopfully one day i'll talk to you as the strong me not this one .NO my boyfriend doesn't understand that i'm doing this for his baby.All he see's is me hurting him and i can't make up my mind..it's all me not him still deosn't think the job thing is a real issue. my be i shouold be with someone i don't love ? It woudn't hurt as much .OR nothing don't know oh starting to hear things i geuss I should just ignor them.to tired i guess or bp don't know. my ex called i didn't anwser but he knows this side of me and doesn't take it personal he knows it's my bp can i really make it through this pray 4 me please!>>>>>>.....sorry
well my boy friend tells me snap out of it and call him and that he loves me mook .but iknow the best thing is to stay away from every body i don't even want to answer the phone . Make a decition is all they say not that easy .i can't sleep soo tired can't think I'ts kind of funny Iuse to hate the computure know all i do is look at everybodys stories .Right know it seems like your my only friend princess pea thanx. how am i going to make it?
it seems hope less .i feel hopless.it's to the point that u can barly hear me when i talk most of the time .Were I'm i I use to be strong and every body came to me for help or stranth know i have none were's the light at the end of the tunnal i wanna just stop crying .where did I go? hopfully one day i'll talk to you as the strong me not this one .NO my boyfriend doesn't understand that i'm doing this for his baby.All he see's is me hurting him and i can't make up my mind..it's all me not him still deosn't think the job thing is a real issue. my be i shouold be with someone i don't love ? It woudn't hurt as much .OR nothing don't know oh starting to hear things i geuss I should just ignor them.to tired i guess or bp don't know. my ex called i didn't anwser but he knows this side of me and doesn't take it personal he knows it's my bp can i really make it through this pray 4 me please!>>>>>>.....sorry
dragonprincess
01-28-2005, 10:51 PM
agin thank u princess pea soooooooo much u do help me get through the day latly
sorry i can't spell just realiy barle starting to get to know computer thank u oh by the way my mother is bp to so u could imagien how crazy it can get around here she doesn't like to take her meds the way she's suppost to .but i love her and i'm the only one she has good or bad.
sorry i can't spell just realiy barle starting to get to know computer thank u oh by the way my mother is bp to so u could imagien how crazy it can get around here she doesn't like to take her meds the way she's suppost to .but i love her and i'm the only one she has good or bad.
princesspea
01-29-2005, 12:44 AM
Princess,
We can apsolutely do four months. For now just believe that I believe we can make it!
Your lack of sleep could be playing a big part in your depression. It actually could have everything to do with it. You need to sleep!
I'm sure I will see the strong you soon.
Never apoligize for your spelling. I can't spell either so I don't even notice.
I worry about you isolating yourself from everybody. I know there's no way to "just snap out of it". You should talk to people though and you can always come here. I will worry about you too much if you stop posting. I feel like I've made a new friend.
I tried marrying someone I loved but wasn't in love with. Guess what happened. I feel in love with him and don't know what I'd do with out him.
I'm on your side about the job thing! I think it's VERY important. Even if he's frying hambergers some place he should be contributing to your up keep. You deserve that! Your carry HIS child and have enough stress on you!
No matter what I'm here for you honey.
Love,
Jamie
We can apsolutely do four months. For now just believe that I believe we can make it!
Your lack of sleep could be playing a big part in your depression. It actually could have everything to do with it. You need to sleep!
I'm sure I will see the strong you soon.
Never apoligize for your spelling. I can't spell either so I don't even notice.
I worry about you isolating yourself from everybody. I know there's no way to "just snap out of it". You should talk to people though and you can always come here. I will worry about you too much if you stop posting. I feel like I've made a new friend.
I tried marrying someone I loved but wasn't in love with. Guess what happened. I feel in love with him and don't know what I'd do with out him.
I'm on your side about the job thing! I think it's VERY important. Even if he's frying hambergers some place he should be contributing to your up keep. You deserve that! Your carry HIS child and have enough stress on you!
No matter what I'm here for you honey.
Love,
Jamie
hillaryb
01-29-2005, 03:19 PM
I hate to bust in on this conversation, but I just wanted to say that hun, you know that you are not responsible for your boyfriend's mental stability, and will to live. Talk about pressure! You are adults, and his mom needs to leave you alone as well. Focus on yourself, and take care of yourself. You do not need to be worrying about neighbors, being responsible for your boyfriend's actions (his problems go alot deeper than just what he goes thru with you) and least of all, his mom!
You will get through this. Even without the support of those around you. Be honest and forthcoming with your doc. They can help to see you thru this all. The better you feel, the more you can do for this baby and your kids. You need to focus on you and let go of the stress caused by everyone else. I had a really bad pregnancy once and I had to let go of my ex, and his family to get thru it all okay. I couldnt take the stress on top of being pregnant. yOu can also start thinking about what kind of treatment/meds you will need after you have the baby to get back on track.
You will be fine, I promise! Focus on the baby. IT helped me alot to just think about the baby, all the time. It got me through it all. Im sure your boyfriend is a good guy, but he isnt working and he isnt supporting you. Right now, he is contributing to your problems because he cant cope. But that isnt just your fault. Stop blaming yourself, if you can. You need to take care of yourself first. I wish you the best, and keep going, girl, you will make it!!!! :angel:
You will get through this. Even without the support of those around you. Be honest and forthcoming with your doc. They can help to see you thru this all. The better you feel, the more you can do for this baby and your kids. You need to focus on you and let go of the stress caused by everyone else. I had a really bad pregnancy once and I had to let go of my ex, and his family to get thru it all okay. I couldnt take the stress on top of being pregnant. yOu can also start thinking about what kind of treatment/meds you will need after you have the baby to get back on track.
You will be fine, I promise! Focus on the baby. IT helped me alot to just think about the baby, all the time. It got me through it all. Im sure your boyfriend is a good guy, but he isnt working and he isnt supporting you. Right now, he is contributing to your problems because he cant cope. But that isnt just your fault. Stop blaming yourself, if you can. You need to take care of yourself first. I wish you the best, and keep going, girl, you will make it!!!! :angel:
princesspea
01-30-2005, 04:16 PM
Hilary,
You're not busting in. I'm sure Princess can use another friend that understands what she's going through. I didn't know I was bipolar when I was pregnant so I can't help with much experience.
Thanks for posting!
Love,
Jamie
You're not busting in. I'm sure Princess can use another friend that understands what she's going through. I didn't know I was bipolar when I was pregnant so I can't help with much experience.
Thanks for posting!
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
01-31-2005, 04:18 AM
Thanx Hillaryb for your reply and suport. Princess pea is so right i need all the help and support i can get now more than ever. it's been crazy the past couple of days i'll tell you guys about it tomarro need some seiures support and advice .soo tierd right know have to try and sleep hope i can.just wanna say thanx and i'm still breathing.
princesspea
01-31-2005, 02:18 PM
Princess,
Thanks for the update. I started worrying about you last night. You take care of yourself! Sorry to hear you're having more sezure trouble.
Love,
Jamie
Thanks for the update. I started worrying about you last night. You take care of yourself! Sorry to hear you're having more sezure trouble.
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
02-05-2005, 06:54 PM
Well if things couldn't get worse they did :eek: ! Help me if u can.i can't handle this s..t my .bp and ex who i think is bp and self medacating with alchol agin and says that he would stop if I go back it's so bad that the white's of his eye's are yellow yes his liver not good . his mom called late last night to beg me to help because he only listen's to me .But i've been trying for 15 years yes when we are together his drinking was much better but he was smoking weed not any better .i'm going crazy :eek: :confused: kids want my ex boyfriend back not there dad because there dad doesn't love them and my ex-boyfriend does that's what they see.my health is soo bad right now mentaly and physicale the baby is doing ok .i found a name for the baby Riddick what do you think .i need help plzzz....
princesspea
02-06-2005, 03:04 PM
Hi Princess,
I was wondering how you were doing but, we can't post to individuals on this board so I couldn't send up a search.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your X is stay away from him. You can't make him stop drinking by going back to him. Nothing can stop him at this point but him. You don't want your kids exposed to that either. When we alcoholics get to the point where we're yellow and keep drinking there's nothing anyone can do. If he won't stop on his own now, he's not going to stop just because you're back. I know it's possible to stop. I stopped 18 years ago. He has to do it on his own though. He has to do it for himself and nobody else. It's the only way it works. If your kids don't want to go back to their Dad, I would take that as a big hint. Usually it's the other way around.
I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well. I'm glad that the baby is okay. I think Riddick is a wonderful name! It has a nobility to it. That's a name he can be proud of as he gets older. Have you been to the doc lately? How are your siezures? There's not much longer to go.
Love,
Jamie
I was wondering how you were doing but, we can't post to individuals on this board so I couldn't send up a search.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your X is stay away from him. You can't make him stop drinking by going back to him. Nothing can stop him at this point but him. You don't want your kids exposed to that either. When we alcoholics get to the point where we're yellow and keep drinking there's nothing anyone can do. If he won't stop on his own now, he's not going to stop just because you're back. I know it's possible to stop. I stopped 18 years ago. He has to do it on his own though. He has to do it for himself and nobody else. It's the only way it works. If your kids don't want to go back to their Dad, I would take that as a big hint. Usually it's the other way around.
I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well. I'm glad that the baby is okay. I think Riddick is a wonderful name! It has a nobility to it. That's a name he can be proud of as he gets older. Have you been to the doc lately? How are your siezures? There's not much longer to go.
Love,
Jamie
Simonsays
02-09-2005, 02:22 PM
I am bipolar and have some good medication. I am on Effexor, Abilify and Lamictal. These help with my symptoms and have save me a lot of heart ache. Talk to your doctor about these meds.
Simonsays
Simonsays
princesspea
02-09-2005, 06:08 PM
Simonsays,
She can't go on meds for her bp because she is pregnant and has a siezure disorder and the bp meds interfer with the siezure meds and can endanger the pregnancy. That's why she's having such a hard time.
Thanks for kicking in and please continue. I think the more friend the merrier.
Love,
Jamie
She can't go on meds for her bp because she is pregnant and has a siezure disorder and the bp meds interfer with the siezure meds and can endanger the pregnancy. That's why she's having such a hard time.
Thanks for kicking in and please continue. I think the more friend the merrier.
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
02-10-2005, 07:39 PM
thanks for the idea Simonsaysmay be after the baby .Princesspea is right i can't be on any bp med well preganat because of my siezure meds it causes more siezurs and the baby could not make it thourgh that many grand mal siezures.
dragonprincess
02-10-2005, 08:08 PM
ok well this is what's new .For one i'm sorry it took me so long to post but i had a big stress on the baby set back . I had to go to the doc because of really bad cramping all around my belly and back and down my legs for 3 days 3erd was the worst very hard to breath right . they did blood test and checked the baby his heart beat is very strong his a fighter the test will take some time they put me on Darvocet for the pain i have an ultra sound tommorro morning first thing. I am having a hard time with my bp ,sizures, stress , ex husben,keeping my house going for my 2 sons ,it's just me doing this , my niebors saying my baby is going to be all f..k up and that i had no buessniss having this baby .Life is getting so hard i feel like giving up and hiding in a hole the world would be better off . My ex- husben wants to die because of me . my kids need a better mother than me . My son says i'm strong but i think his just trying to make me feel better . i try so hard not to cry in front of them because they don't need that on top of growing up to fast becaouse of me . what do i do somebody tell me please .my be i should give up my life to my ex what kind of life is it any ways... my ex boy friend tells me that i'm killing my self and that he can't watch and then he says he can't be with out me either so he will take what ever i can give him when i'm ready he's still trying to get a job . help me pleaz i'm in a black hole and can't crawl out . if you can't i understand i'm so srry u guys what a down...maybe this is were i'm suppost to be my destiny may be i should just shhh and take it
don't know any thing but i want my kids to be ok and Riddick the baby in my bellyto live. sorry for this down ...............
don't know any thing but i want my kids to be ok and Riddick the baby in my bellyto live. sorry for this down ...............
princesspea
02-11-2005, 12:53 AM
Princess,
Stop apoligizing. You're not in much of a position to be anything but down. We understand all too well here. You come here anytime you need to.
I'm glad you posted because I was worried again. I guess for good reason this time.
I'm glad the babies okay. Tell your nieghbor to kiss you A**. Sorry for the language but, you don't need to hear her mouth right now. Riddick is a fighter just like his Mom! Let us know about the test results.
Your x husbands wanting to die is on him not you. He is in charge of his feelings and if that's how he feels you can't make him feel that way or not make him feel that way. You are only in charge of your feelings and life.
You've got so much going on and you're still making it. You are strong like your son says. He sounds like a smart kid. It sounds like you're a good Mom. Trying not to cry in front of them right now is a very thoughtful and and caring thing to do. I think you're very special.
Don't give up honey! I know that feeling but, too many people need you and love you. I think everyone of us has been there at one time or another. Your almost at the end of the waiting for the baby. You're more than 1/2 way through. You can do this. I know you can.
I wish I knew some way to help. Not being able to take meds right now is a hard battle. I'm at a loss. Know I'm praying for you.
I'm glad your bf is looking for a job. That's a big step for him. I hope he finds one soon.
Take care and Keep posting I promised you we would get through this and we will.
Love,
Jamie
Stop apoligizing. You're not in much of a position to be anything but down. We understand all too well here. You come here anytime you need to.
I'm glad you posted because I was worried again. I guess for good reason this time.
I'm glad the babies okay. Tell your nieghbor to kiss you A**. Sorry for the language but, you don't need to hear her mouth right now. Riddick is a fighter just like his Mom! Let us know about the test results.
Your x husbands wanting to die is on him not you. He is in charge of his feelings and if that's how he feels you can't make him feel that way or not make him feel that way. You are only in charge of your feelings and life.
You've got so much going on and you're still making it. You are strong like your son says. He sounds like a smart kid. It sounds like you're a good Mom. Trying not to cry in front of them right now is a very thoughtful and and caring thing to do. I think you're very special.
Don't give up honey! I know that feeling but, too many people need you and love you. I think everyone of us has been there at one time or another. Your almost at the end of the waiting for the baby. You're more than 1/2 way through. You can do this. I know you can.
I wish I knew some way to help. Not being able to take meds right now is a hard battle. I'm at a loss. Know I'm praying for you.
I'm glad your bf is looking for a job. That's a big step for him. I hope he finds one soon.
Take care and Keep posting I promised you we would get through this and we will.
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
02-17-2005, 09:41 PM
sorry for taking so long . well were do I start don't know :eek: .Well here it goes .my life is a twista with all the ups and down with sizues bp mood disorder preganat two kids ex-boy friend ,ex- husben ,oh did I mention eating disorder that is really acting up right now .The bigger I get it gets worse great! The doc tells me to treat food like meds .AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!Sorry just a out burst .my kids are doing great they got to spend time with there dad this weekend .First I showed there dad how to cook enchldas step by step cooked and then sent them with them so they would have somthing to eat well there . there dad can't even boil water with out water. That half day i spent fighting with my ex- boy friend about what . oh ya he smelled like ciggirets because he had smoked one ! :eek: well the the thing about that was we had a pac about not smoking anymore and stopped because of heath and kids and they incresed my seizurse and ya i'm pg. Well my bp kicked in big big time! Let's see it was about 4:30pm when we started yelling and i can't remeber anything in tell 11:45pm later that night. I can't remember but every one else can because even thought i wasn't there i was if you understand that fully in rage and anger :blob_fire !then when i didcome out of it . My body sore eyes burning and swollen and blood broken in face and found out the things i did and boy friend telling me i broke my word to althetime about ex-husben.meaning talking to him not sex but to him it's just as bad . I wanted to be dead shaking crying hurting no self asteam just a body.numb not comfortabley .that was my 1 day off from being a mom. :eek: LOT'S MORE TO SAY but no enargy :dizzy: :yawn: sizures getting bad hard to write about 6 small one's during this post need to call some one 4 help befor they get strongre
princesspea
02-18-2005, 12:19 AM
Oh Princess,
I hope you're all right. You don't have to post more than "I'm still here" if you don't feel up to posting more. 6 small seziures is not good honey! Can't they do anything to get them undercontrol?
I'm sorry about the ED. I know they can be tough. The treat food like medicine idea is a good one. I don't think it's that simple (and your doc should know that). Riddick needs food though even if you don't want it.
I'm glad your kids spent the weekend with their Dad. Sorry it turned out so bad. Your bf needs to lighten up! Doesn't he see what he's doing to you. Of course you're going to talk to your X. You have children together. You DESERVE better than that. You are a good person and the mother of his child to be. Good Lord you're going through heck to have this child for him.
I made enchiladas tonight! Do you make your own sauce? I usually make it with chili as sauce(like I was taught) but I can't eat canned chili anymore so I made my own sauce using a recipe out of a Texas Cook book. They turned out great. I've had to teach myself how to cook Mexican Food. You don't get it much in Pennsylvania where I grew up. I have a great nieghbor in Texas that teaches me a lot.
I understand your problem with the rage. I'm sorry it gets so bad. Are you okay? The blood and swelling sound terrible.
You take care of you! Keep us posted even if it's just a word or two. It's okay!
Love and {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Jamie
I hope you're all right. You don't have to post more than "I'm still here" if you don't feel up to posting more. 6 small seziures is not good honey! Can't they do anything to get them undercontrol?
I'm sorry about the ED. I know they can be tough. The treat food like medicine idea is a good one. I don't think it's that simple (and your doc should know that). Riddick needs food though even if you don't want it.
I'm glad your kids spent the weekend with their Dad. Sorry it turned out so bad. Your bf needs to lighten up! Doesn't he see what he's doing to you. Of course you're going to talk to your X. You have children together. You DESERVE better than that. You are a good person and the mother of his child to be. Good Lord you're going through heck to have this child for him.
I made enchiladas tonight! Do you make your own sauce? I usually make it with chili as sauce(like I was taught) but I can't eat canned chili anymore so I made my own sauce using a recipe out of a Texas Cook book. They turned out great. I've had to teach myself how to cook Mexican Food. You don't get it much in Pennsylvania where I grew up. I have a great nieghbor in Texas that teaches me a lot.
I understand your problem with the rage. I'm sorry it gets so bad. Are you okay? The blood and swelling sound terrible.
You take care of you! Keep us posted even if it's just a word or two. It's okay!
Love and {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Jamie
dragonprincess
02-24-2005, 02:40 AM
hey any :rolleyes: :confused: one out there. thankx
princesspea
02-24-2005, 01:14 PM
Hi Princess,
I'm here but from the date time stamp on your post I'm a little late. I hope everything is okay. Love and Hugs. Let me know.
Love,
Jamie
I'm here but from the date time stamp on your post I'm a little late. I hope everything is okay. Love and Hugs. Let me know.
Love,
Jamie
jen1008
02-24-2005, 06:36 PM
DragonPrincess,
I can't imagine what you are going through, I just spent the last 10-15 minutes reading this entire thread, and honey my heart was breaking for you the entire time. I'm new to all of this, so I dont think I can be of much help. I do know that it helps to have someone out there who is praying for you(from personal experience) so know that someone out there is praying for you, Im sure many people are, I now will be every night. I hope things get better, and I know they will, especially when you can get back on meds. Good luck and God bless.
~Jen~
p.s. I know you cant take meds because of all the complications, but Lamictal is for BP and seizures, and medication is safer(notice I said safer, not safe) to take later in pregnany, is there any possibility that this might help? If not, sorry for bringing it up. {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I can't imagine what you are going through, I just spent the last 10-15 minutes reading this entire thread, and honey my heart was breaking for you the entire time. I'm new to all of this, so I dont think I can be of much help. I do know that it helps to have someone out there who is praying for you(from personal experience) so know that someone out there is praying for you, Im sure many people are, I now will be every night. I hope things get better, and I know they will, especially when you can get back on meds. Good luck and God bless.
~Jen~
p.s. I know you cant take meds because of all the complications, but Lamictal is for BP and seizures, and medication is safer(notice I said safer, not safe) to take later in pregnany, is there any possibility that this might help? If not, sorry for bringing it up. {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
dragonprincess
03-02-2005, 10:37 PM
thanx for the replies princess pea and jen 1008 .heath still not great bp up and downs are driving me crazy oh get this my doc told me friday that he can no longer help me because my case is way to complacated for him doesn't know how to help me no more so that was great :confused: .he also said that i should just be greatful for what i have meaning my preagnacy which i i'm but that's not going to make everything go away now is it.He HAS NO BEIUSSNESS BEING A DOCTOR :blob_fire :mad: !sorry had a out burst .Trying to find someone else he basicly told me i was un treatable and being pg made every thing worse . things are hard enough without his bullsh.. making me feel worse. jen i've been reading your post to and things will get better have to be positive without bp any sane person would of had a little episode. my heart goes out to u and your husben you are in my pryers to thanx for your pryers too. :) . well i've been trying to keep in good spirts it hard but so is life so have to try hard . my boyfriend has been helping me alot yesterday was so hard my pet waterdragon died :( i have had him for 7 years he was like one of my kids . but i gesuss it was just his time .thank you n er everone for caring about littal ol me :) .
princesspea
03-04-2005, 09:04 PM
Princess,
We sure do care about little ol' you!
Your doc sounds like a real jerk! Was this your psych. doc? I don't get him at all. I hope you find someone else soon. You deserve better than that.
I'm glad your boyfriend is back to being your boy friend and is helping out. That's a big step. You deserve that.
We're getting closer to little Riddick being born. After that you can go back on your meds. The doc just baled out early. He's the one that has to live with that.
I'm very sorry you lost your waterdragon. I know how important my pets are to me. I am always devistated when I lose one.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}to you.
Love,
Jamie
We sure do care about little ol' you!
Your doc sounds like a real jerk! Was this your psych. doc? I don't get him at all. I hope you find someone else soon. You deserve better than that.
I'm glad your boyfriend is back to being your boy friend and is helping out. That's a big step. You deserve that.
We're getting closer to little Riddick being born. After that you can go back on your meds. The doc just baled out early. He's the one that has to live with that.
I'm very sorry you lost your waterdragon. I know how important my pets are to me. I am always devistated when I lose one.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}to you.
Love,
Jamie