Hi to you all. I have a friend that her soon to be 5 year old son will not stop pooping in his pants. He does go pee on the potty, bu tno way in h*** will he go #2. Anyone got any idea as to how to help her? she is about to loose her mind. Does anyone have children that do/done this?

bird73 :wave:

ok i have people reading this, but not one person is saying anything....PLEASE she is in need of help.....

I babysit a child who did this up until a couple of months ago. I don't know if the problem is the same, as this child knew how to use the toilet for both #1&2 and just chose not to. Nothing I said helped until she decided, for some reason that is still unknown to me, to pee on one of my daughters toys. I told her that I was so livid I could not even find words! I then told her mother that if she ever did it again she would be looking for a new sitter.

I know that it will probably make some people very angry to hear that her mother "gave her the belt" when she got home. But it has made me very happy that she has not had an "accident" since.

Back to the poster. Has this child ever had a bowel movement on the toilet? Is he embarassed by what he does? What is the mother's reaction when he does it? Has she tried rewards or punishment? Some children are frightened by the thought of "doing it" on the toilet (not sure why they think it will be any different).

If the child does use the toilet for some of the bowel movements his mother may want to try a reward system. This can be a star/sticker chart that allows him a special treat, such as a toy, viewing a favorite movie/cartoon, eating a favorite treat or even picking out some new underwear (five year olds get a kick out of that). If he never uses the toilet she may want to put him in pull-ups or plain underwear (no cartoon characters!) until he earns enough stars.

I have seen a parenting show in which a child was frightened when he got on the toilet and he said it hurt. The parents and the "expert" actually placed a suppository up his rectum (to MAKE him go) and held him on the toilet until he went to show him that it did not hurt. I thought it looked rather cruel because the kid was screaming bloody murder the whole time, but it supposedly did the trick. I shouldn't say it was cruel because I sort of did the same thing with my daughter. She would sit on the toilet then start to pee but she would freak out and wouldn't finish. I made her sit there one day (I'de had enough of her wetting right after she got off) and she screamed everytime she would start, I tied to reassure her as best I could and finally she could not hold it anymore. I made a huge deal about it hugging her and telling her what a good job she had done. I then got her a treat-size box of Smarties as reward. She has used the toilet ever since.

Has she ever made the child clean himself up? If he is doing it to win some sort of power struggle this may stop it. Kids love attention, good or bad, just imagine the attention he gets when he does that. Maybe she needs to tell him to clean himself up (with supervision of course) and if he won't then he will just have to stay like that. I'm sure it wouldn't be long before the discomfort set in! If she can't stand to make him clean it then maybe she should make him wait awhile by telling him to go wait in the bathroom while she "finishes up" (washing dishes, reading a page or whatever). Maybe if he has to wait a few minutes he will realize that he is not getting the IMMEDIATE attention (poop in the pants make moms move pretty quickly!LOL) that he usually gets he will stop doing it.

I'm not sure if any of this will help or if she has already tried these things or not, but I do know that if that child is in school and doing that then he is more than likely being teased. And if he isn't in school yet, he will be soon, and it would save him alot of heartache if something could be done now.

If mom is truly at her wits end and can not find an explaination of why he is doing this she may want to evaluate when the child does it, where and under what circumstances as there may be a pattern. If all else fails she might want to seek the help of a doctor as I guess it may be possible that there is a medical condition preventing him from controlling his bowel movements.

Hope this or someone elses input will help. Good Luck!

Sometimes a child can not feel when he has to go....ask the mother if he is pooping in his pants at a certain time of the day and put him on the potty then and let him sit...give him a book or something. My children bypassed the little potty all together and used the big potty with the small seat that goes on it.
I do NOT agree with spanking a child or threatening a child with a spanking this will deter most children.
Since he is five I would think he understand what he is doing. So I would have the child put a pair of gloves on EVERY time and rinse the under wear out in the toilet...he will get tired of the smell and eventually realize that if he goes in the toilet he won't have to do this anymore. She has to stick with it everytime. My son used to say "mommy my tummy hurts" and I would put him on the potty and he would go. My girls sat there too until they felt what it felt like..Some kids fear they will fall in so she may want to get the little potty that goes on the big potty (the seat) Have him rock back and forth on the potty to get it going or give him a big glass of juice like apple...that usually will get him going. Good luck.

He could been constipated at some point and it hurt when he went and now he is scared to go. I went through this with my oldest son. He would refuse to go on the toilet. When he had to go he would go hide. I finally asked my doctor about it and she said to give him about 2 tablespoons of mineral oil a day, mixed in some juice or applesauce. It makes their bowel movements very soft. We struggled with this problem for about a year, and when using the mineral oil, he was going on the toilet after 3 days or so. I wish her luck, I know what a mess that is!

It would probably be a good idea to take the child to the pediatrician for an examination to rule out any neurological or other organic difficulties. Once that hurdle is cleared I would suggest finding a compassionate therapist who is used to working with kids who have this problem. If you get someone who is impatient and judgemetnal you will not make any progress. Depending on the presenting issues and the history of what you have tried - a competent behavior specialist can help you navigate thru this minefield. I work with foster children and abused children and many of them have this issue - it is not uncommon. But it makes everyone - parents and children alike - feel a real sense of shame and isolation. One of my foster girls - who is 10 and does have some cognitive challanges as well - has responded well to the requirement that she clean up her own mess - this is done calmly and without anger - I wish you luck - Elle

Giving advice depends on how the parents are trying to get him to go on the potty. If they are sitting there and are acting all like military - go, go, go!, then the child probably won't. I saw this on Nanny 911 - give the child a pair of special underwear, preferably with a picture of a superhero, not ones he's had before, and tell the boy, 'this is special underwear and 'superhero' doesn't want any poop on him.' Also, let the child know that they are the one to decide when to try the potty- if the kid feels like his parents have all the control, this may be the one thing he thinks he alone can control.