Hi there.

I am not a parent. I teach 4th grade. Some of my female students are starting their periods, and are VERY confused about what is happening to their bodies. I am obviously not their mother and do not care to have a conversation with them about this, but it seems that the information that their mothers are giving them is incorrect. (I have one girl whose mother told her that she could only have her period for four days, and that's how long it lasts for every single woman, and wanted to know why I didn't know that! And one child actually wanted a plastic bag so she could take the sanitary pad home with her!)

They have been coming to me with totally normal questions, but these are questions that I think their mothers should be talking with them about, not me!

How can I explain this to them in terms that they can understand, without getting too graphic? I can't exactly hold a class discussion on this, so it needs to be something quick.

For all of you moms out there, how did you discuss this with your daughters?

My mother actually had this wonderful video from the Tampax company that explained all about puberty for both boys and girls, and when I got my period she and I watched it together and talked about it. But it has made the rounds in my family, and I haven't got a clue where it is now!

Does anyone know of any good, simple books that I can recommend to the parents? Also, my students are mostly bilingual, but their parents for the most part, only speak spanish. I am really studck between a rock and a hard place here! I want to help them with this, but as their teacher it is not my place to be the one to explain the facts of life to them, unless we are in a health class, which we are not.

The school nurse is not a very nice woman (she turned away a child with a head injury because it was time for her to go home.) and they don't feel comfortable with her. I am glad they feel comfortable enough with me, but it is such a delicate subject!

Thanks,

Elyse

That doll company that makes those dolls that all the girls want makes a great book that you can buy online or at the bookstores. Our school library even has it and local library have it. The rules of this board make it so we can't post the names, you should be able to get my hints, is that okay moderators?
My daughter started puberty at 7 and started her period at 10 for her Bday. Horrible huh , due to a benign brain tumor. She read the book but we had a long talk about it before and after and went over the book together. She has handled this great.She is amazingly mature though due to having to go thru so much.

Our school nurse keeps a supply of personal items and has told the girls that if they come in to just come in the bathroom and no need to talk to her even , she knows what they are there for, She is a wonderful woman, she is a redhead like my daughter and the nicest person with a twinkle in her eye, the kids love her.
It really is not your job but the parents job to educate their daughters about their bodies and nature, unless of course there isn't a mother in the house and it is awkward for the giorl to go to her father.
Good luck,
bonnie
Bonnie

purple,
So sorry you are going through this. My oldest if just in second, so I'm not sure when the start those sex education classes, but I assume in middle school.
And since the nurse is not the one for them to turn to - how about the guidance counselor?! Or is there a female science or health teacher to send the girls to for information.
Also - maybe make a note (and make copies) with a blank for the name that states they daughter is asking questions about her period and suggest they have a talk with her. Find someone in the school that speaks spanish fluently for translation.
Also - a local pediatrician or health dept would probably have brochures that might help. Go pick some up and send them home with the note.
If I think of anything else, I write back. Have some female friends who are teachers that I can ask. Although our school nurse is a dream, so I assume that is where they would send them.
But remember - it could be worse. One of my friends is a special needs teacher and she had to call the mom to tell her that her 12 yr old daughter was pregnant.
Let us know what you end up using as to offer advice to other teachers as well.
And I just have to say - I have nothing but thanks and prayers to offer to our underpaid, underappreciated women and men who teach our children!!!!
hrtofluv

OH MY GOD, if I ever had to call a parent to tell her that her kid was pregnant, I would just die!

I think I am going to ask the female science teacher if she has anything that I can give them, such as pamphlets, etc... There are alo two female social workers in the school who may have something I can give them to read. I never thought to go to them though. I am thinking that I may just have to call the homes and tell the moms that their daughters are having these questions and ask them to speak with them. (well, one mom has had 3 children in our school and has never set foot inside the building, even to pick up a report card, so that may be a little difficult!)

The girls are also embarrassed because the boys (and some of the other girls) keep asking them why they have to go to the bathroom so much, and whythey smell funny. I advised them to put on some perfume, and I told them "you tell the boys to mind their own business and that this is a very personal matter that only people who are GROWN UP get to know about, and that if they keep bothering them, I'm going to have a very serious talk with them!" They said to me "Ms. B, we're grown up?" I told them that since they are the only ones who have started their periods, that means that their bodies are a little more mature than their classmates, and that they are more grown up than them. They were walking on air for the rest of the day! They had the biggest smiles on their faces!

I am not sure of the latest developments, because on monday I slipped on a wet spot in the auditorium and I injured my foot. I have not been back to work since. I now have the proper foot brace though, and will be going back tomorrow. (wah! I was enjoying my time off!)

I'll keep you all up to date! Thanks for the good advice! I may actually go into my school library and ask if there are any books on the subject. Or I'll go buy one at Barnes & Noble.

Bhuneke, I think you actually are allowed to post the names of books.

The title is American Girl Library- The Care and Keeping of You - The Body Book For Girls. It shows 3 girls of different races on the front with towels wrappedaround them and it explains everything about the changing of the body. It even shows/tells how to insert tampons.

It costs$9.95 at Barnes and Noble or Borders. Good Luck , It is in Paper back. They also might sell it at the rotating book sales if your school does those.

Sorry about your foot. I hope you didn't hurt yorself too much.I have a prosthesis so I am always falling and have to be careful not to hurt myself further
Bonnie

Just a thought, if the boys are saying they "smell funny" you might also assess their knowledge of basic hygeine during period time (take a shower every day, use deodorant etc!)
Maybe you could write a permission slip for the girls to take home stating that they are asking questions about this topic, so the parents can give permission for you to discuss it. I would hate for you to have a parent go nuts about the fact that you taught their kid sex ed when they didn't want it, etc. and cause problems. It is great that the girls trust you, but look out for your job too.

I have explained to them that they should wear perfume to cover up the odor. The boys haven't actually pinpointed that the smell is coming from the girls, but they tell me it smells like someone peed. In fact, rather than blaming the girls, they are blaming each other! I am certainly not about to set them straight on this one!

Thank you for the name of the book. Before I purchase any books, I am going to talk with the social workers and ask them if they can speak with at least one of the families, since they do have a history with this particular family. Plus, they only speak spanish at home, and I only speak English! The social workers are bilingual and have been making phone calls to these homes for me whenevr I need to speak with a parent. Unfortunately they are only at my school 3 days a week, so I have to wait until tuesday to speak with them. For now though, it seems that both girls are past that time of the month!

Did I tell you that one of them was actually arguing with me about the length of time a woman could have her period for? Her friend had her period the week before, and came back to school and still had it. So the other girl came up to me and said "Ms. B, she doesn't have it anymore." I asked her how she knew that. "Did you go into the stall with her?" and she told me that she knew she didn't have it anymore because it had been past four days, and you can only have your period for four days. (hey, why didn;t anybody ever tell MY body that?) So I told her that each person is different and that while she may only get it for four days, her friend could get it for as much as 7. She said "no, you can only get it for four days. Didn't anyone ever tell you that Ms.B" Her mother is obviously giving her wrong information. Then she came back after the weekend and told me that I am right, you can get it for up to 7 days. (Really, you can? LOL) They also don't know how to dispose of their pads (we're not even approaching tampons!) and probably really don't understand about proper feminie hygeine. I often wonder how often some of my students shower. It's just a very delicate subject to speak about. I wish that I could get someone to take the boys out of my room for a period so I could have a discussion with the girls about these things. But then I would need to get parental permission, and most of my girls come from very strict muslim families and probably would not allow it. The two girls who are currently asking me questions are not muslim, but hispanic.

Sending a note home sounds like a good idea, but my school is very strict when it comes to that. Before I send any sort of note home, the principal needs to approve it. Also, the parents very rarely return notices.

I think I am just going to wait and speak with the social workers before I do anything else. They are probably the best ones to speak with the families.

Thank you all for your advice. I will keep you updated!

I wish someone would tell my body that it is only allowed to have a period for 4 days. That would be GREAT!!! I would have to agree, on a parents aspect, that permission slips should be sent home first, and I hope your school is not as bad as the one my kids go to. In this town, they have one session of "sex ed" it is in 9th grade health. We did however, in sixth grade have "the talk" with our teacher. About periods, and where she kept her pads, and how some girls develp quicker than others. We had 3 classes for each grade, and what they did, was had a male teacher take all the boys, for about 30 minutes, and all the girls gathered with all the two female teachers. They explained it to us, and showed us where they kept pads in their filing cabinet. It was cute, they tricked us into this discussion by offering us doughnuts, and tried to butter it up by saying it was a good thing. I think I would have rather gon outside and played with the boys then to find out I was going to have this monthly inconvinience for the rest of my life. But, it worked, and we knew. Only thing was, when a girl would go for that drawer, some of the other girls that had not started their periods would laugh and make a joke out of it.

Wow. I guess i don't understand. When i was in school (they waited until 5th grade). It was something that was discussed. What happen is there where like 3 5th grade classes in my school and all the boys went to a room and all the girls went to a room. We had to watch a video of female puberty and the boys watched one of male puberty. This was normal. Something that was done with every 5th grade class that came through there. Our teachers where there to answer any questions that we had.It was actually really great thing. I don't know that i would of been ready for it if it wasn't for that. Its sad to say that sometimes that the parents just don't do what they are suppose to do. I think that these days alot of children are rasising themselves. Mom and Dad are working or doing whatever. That is how it was for me and i am 25 now. School was where i learned things. Not all children its sad to say can count on their parents to teach everything they need to be taught. I personnal think that its a good idea from schools to educate students on this matters. Don't get me wrong i think its the parents that should be doing this too. How many kids don't talk with there parents about how they feel about certain things. It seems like anymore kids hide things from there parents and i just think that maybe they also need someone else they can feel comfortable with in talking too. I think it would just be great for parents and teachers to work together to better educate children on these issues. That is just my opnion. I don't mean to offend anyone. We just have alot of young people having sex or fooling around and really are not educate on what could happen if they do this things.

Purple...all I can say is ..where were you / are you when needed ??......YOU , my friend , are a GREAT person to be an advocate for the kids ! ...its too bad that PARENTS cant get a grip and teach their kids about life , instead of having their teacher do it. HHMM...Makes u think about their ( the parents) upbringing and the viscious(SP?) cycle.....Power to you girlfriend !!........and if u piss the parents off for doing THEIR job........WELL........*&%# em



deana peirce

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement. So far I only have two girls in my class who have their periods. They're in 4th grade, but have been held over and are a little older than the other girls. I did have a chance to speak with one mom when she came to see me about something else (with the help of a translator.) She said that she certainly did not tell her daughter to bring the pad home with her (which is what the girl wanted to do to dispose of it). She said she would speak with her again. I found out that she also took her to the doctor to have him explain it to her as well and check her out. It is pretty much impossible to get in touch with the other girl's mom, but the social workers have been dealing with her for a long time and I asked them to speak with her about it and try to answer her questions. I've been spraying a lot of air freshener in the room, and encouraging them to use some body sprays and deodorants. I've also been telling them to make sure that they shower properly.

In my classroom, even having that book that someone recommended might create a problem. The boys are so unruly and disrespectful that they would probably grab it and use it to make fun of the girls.

I do not want to approach this in any way that would make them uncomfortable, so I've sort of just been letting them come to me and bring it up themselves when they need to. The only way I would ever have that conversation with them is if they brought permission slips, and the principal approved it. But she wouldn't, and they won't. They may actually have that "lesson" in 5th grade though.

I just don't want to make them uncomfortable. Once in my sophomore year of high school I was sitting in health class, and the idiot male teacher was doing a lesson on feminine health problems. He made a point of saying how women need to go to the gynecologist, and they need to get mammograms. He then said "How many girls have ever been to the gynecologist. Come on. Raise your hands. I want to know who has been." The girls sat there mortified, with these looks of amazement on our faces. We didn;t raise our hands, because we knew that the next question would be for us to describe the experience! All of the boys raised their hands and said that they had been to the gynecologist. :)

Deana, thanks a lot for the kind words. :)

Purple That teacher should have been reprimanded by the principal after you all told your parents. He was probably trying to get a little thrill action going on between the boys and girls and embarass you all.
Shame on him!
Hope the sitiuation improves. I myself know when my 11 year old is going to start and always keep her supplies stocked in her bathroom. She handles it very maturely. But then that only happens when the mother explains these things to the girls. I feel for the little girls in your class. My niece teaches 4th grade in a state where the kids aren't as priveledeged and she says it's hard.
Take care.

I have been a teacher for 18 years (mostly in high school), but I have been a K-12 librarian for the past 3 years and it seems that little girls are maturing physically a lot faster now. Has anyone else noticed this? My own daughter is in the third grade and I have talked with her about puberty and many other subjects I didn't anticipate having to talk with her about until she was around 11 or 12. The kids know more now and share information accurate or not with each other. I am thankful my daughter talks with me and I hope she continues to always be able to come to me. Teachers do have to handle this subject with care and Purple seems to be doing a great job at it. Thank you for the info on the books I intend to get some for our library.