Jason916
01-31-2005, 04:32 PM
Hello everyone, this is my first post on this board. I've been having some issues for the past several years that's got alot worse over the past year. I've always experienced certain amounts of depression since my early teens but I've never been diagnosed. My depression started lifting alot when I met my current girlfriend in 2000. She's been the greatest thing that's happened to me and she's been there for me 24/7 as I have for her. Lately my problems are becoming a bit of a hinderance in our relationship, I feel the depression starting to come back in small amounts mixed with enormous amounts of anger and bitterness.
I've lived with my Grandparents every since I was 4 years old and in 2002 I lost my Grandpaw. I was upset and I grieved (sp?) but I understand that it was his time, he lived a long life (83 years), and had accomplished alot. I miss him and it still hurts but I know he's better off. Also, last July I lost my uncle to suicide. There was no sign he was going to kill himself until the day before. I tried to talk to him but he kind of ran me off. I sent my Dad to talk to him and my girlfriend tried to call a crisis center for him to see someone. His wife said she would keep an eye on him for the night but the next morning he acted normal and slipped off when she was in the shower. We called the Sheriff's Dept. I went looking for him. I finally found him at a local park after he had shot himself. That disturbing image is still burnt into my mind and it has bothered me alot since then.
That's when the anger and bitterness really got bad. I quit my job of 7 years last Nov. becasue it got to the point where any little thing would set me off and I felt like I was boiling inside. When I switched jobs the same month things got a little better but now it's starting to come back.
My Grandmother consistently gives me guilt trips (as she has all of us for years) which makes me feel horrible, especially when I express my desire to move out and start my own life. When I mention anything about leaving she says she'll die.
I haven't mentioned any of this to my Doctor. Both my Grandmother and my Dad take anti-depressants and I have a fear of being dependent on something like that. I think just being away from here and starting a new life with my girlfriend would help tremendously but I'm afraid if I did the guilt from my Grandmother would crush me.
I hope you can read this ok, I'm mediocre when it comes to writing. I desperatly hope some of you can help me with this. Please give me your thoughts and opinions.
Thanks,
Jason
I've lived with my Grandparents every since I was 4 years old and in 2002 I lost my Grandpaw. I was upset and I grieved (sp?) but I understand that it was his time, he lived a long life (83 years), and had accomplished alot. I miss him and it still hurts but I know he's better off. Also, last July I lost my uncle to suicide. There was no sign he was going to kill himself until the day before. I tried to talk to him but he kind of ran me off. I sent my Dad to talk to him and my girlfriend tried to call a crisis center for him to see someone. His wife said she would keep an eye on him for the night but the next morning he acted normal and slipped off when she was in the shower. We called the Sheriff's Dept. I went looking for him. I finally found him at a local park after he had shot himself. That disturbing image is still burnt into my mind and it has bothered me alot since then.
That's when the anger and bitterness really got bad. I quit my job of 7 years last Nov. becasue it got to the point where any little thing would set me off and I felt like I was boiling inside. When I switched jobs the same month things got a little better but now it's starting to come back.
My Grandmother consistently gives me guilt trips (as she has all of us for years) which makes me feel horrible, especially when I express my desire to move out and start my own life. When I mention anything about leaving she says she'll die.
I haven't mentioned any of this to my Doctor. Both my Grandmother and my Dad take anti-depressants and I have a fear of being dependent on something like that. I think just being away from here and starting a new life with my girlfriend would help tremendously but I'm afraid if I did the guilt from my Grandmother would crush me.
I hope you can read this ok, I'm mediocre when it comes to writing. I desperatly hope some of you can help me with this. Please give me your thoughts and opinions.
Thanks,
Jason
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hry33
02-01-2005, 07:40 PM
I think you should move away, antidepressants should help you and you dont become dependant on them
an anger managment course should help you
an anger managment course should help you
kerry1
02-01-2005, 09:15 PM
Jason, you sound like you have a classic, textbook case of clinical depression. Unfortunately, that means you may become "dependent" on medications, but you need to do what works. You said you have two family members who take meds - that tells me it runs in your family and you got it. Some people on these boards have treated their depression effectively with therapy & supplements, but I really think you need to start with meds - jump-start the healing process. It will take quite some time before your life becomes normal again, even if you feel normal right away.
Depression is a physical disease. It's triggered by traumatic events, but not caused by them. Just as diabetics need to take insulin, you need to take something, too.
Talk therapy will help you too, especially since you really need to break away from your grandmother. It is so unhealthy for her to be holding you as an emotional hostage. You already have it kind of rough - she's making it worse.
Get started now!! Go, dude! Call a doctor and let us all know how things progress.
Depression is a physical disease. It's triggered by traumatic events, but not caused by them. Just as diabetics need to take insulin, you need to take something, too.
Talk therapy will help you too, especially since you really need to break away from your grandmother. It is so unhealthy for her to be holding you as an emotional hostage. You already have it kind of rough - she's making it worse.
Get started now!! Go, dude! Call a doctor and let us all know how things progress.