jonahsmama
02-03-2005, 09:50 AM
My son is 20mo and hasn't had a dx other than developmentally delayed by early intervention. We are waiting for appt.s with audiologist, speech pathologist and pediatric developmental specialist at the end of this month.
He is often "in his own world" but goes in and out of it. Responds to his name most of the time---eye contact but on his own terms. He is affectionate and cuddly. No words yet, just animated babble but not a great variety of sounds. Once in a great while he will strike some strange posture, like running full force with both arms stretched out straight behind him. He constantly wants something in his hands or to be feeling something. As I write he's snuggled on my lap playing with my hair.
Anyway right now my main struggle is his inability to communicate and the tantrums it produces. They are loud and seemingly never-ending. He doesn't get "violent" per se...kicks but isn't trying to kick US, only if we get in the way. =)
So, what can I do while these things are taking place? Point in case: this morning after his bath I got his diaper on. He suddenly started trying to climb my body (so I would carry him) and screaming his head off---pointing toward the kitchen. So when we got there he pointed down the stairs. Our downstairs is very cold so I said, "Clothes first, then downstairs," You would have thought I said, "Now I am going to torture you with hot pokers." He started screaming his head off, doing the I-want-to-get-down but once I am down pick-me-up-again routine. So I said, "I am sorry but we can't go down without clothes," and decided to wait until he settled down. This went on for 20 minutes. The ear-piercing screaming, following me around and trying to pull my clothes off or hug my legs so I couldn't move. He finally allowed me to get him dressed, then he freaked out because he wanted his pants on before his shirt and the whole thing began again. Once he was dressed I said, "Great! Now we can go downstairs!" But instead of coming down (which he is fully capable of doing), he flung his arms up for me to carry him down. I had his 6mo sister in my arms and don't feel safe carrying them both down the stairs at once. So it all began again.
What do I do? Is it really going to be like this every day all day every time something doesn't go his way forever?! It takes all of my might to remain patient through one of these things. I don't want to give in because it just reinforces the behavior but I have no idea what to do!
Thanks for any pointers,
Christine
He is often "in his own world" but goes in and out of it. Responds to his name most of the time---eye contact but on his own terms. He is affectionate and cuddly. No words yet, just animated babble but not a great variety of sounds. Once in a great while he will strike some strange posture, like running full force with both arms stretched out straight behind him. He constantly wants something in his hands or to be feeling something. As I write he's snuggled on my lap playing with my hair.
Anyway right now my main struggle is his inability to communicate and the tantrums it produces. They are loud and seemingly never-ending. He doesn't get "violent" per se...kicks but isn't trying to kick US, only if we get in the way. =)
So, what can I do while these things are taking place? Point in case: this morning after his bath I got his diaper on. He suddenly started trying to climb my body (so I would carry him) and screaming his head off---pointing toward the kitchen. So when we got there he pointed down the stairs. Our downstairs is very cold so I said, "Clothes first, then downstairs," You would have thought I said, "Now I am going to torture you with hot pokers." He started screaming his head off, doing the I-want-to-get-down but once I am down pick-me-up-again routine. So I said, "I am sorry but we can't go down without clothes," and decided to wait until he settled down. This went on for 20 minutes. The ear-piercing screaming, following me around and trying to pull my clothes off or hug my legs so I couldn't move. He finally allowed me to get him dressed, then he freaked out because he wanted his pants on before his shirt and the whole thing began again. Once he was dressed I said, "Great! Now we can go downstairs!" But instead of coming down (which he is fully capable of doing), he flung his arms up for me to carry him down. I had his 6mo sister in my arms and don't feel safe carrying them both down the stairs at once. So it all began again.
What do I do? Is it really going to be like this every day all day every time something doesn't go his way forever?! It takes all of my might to remain patient through one of these things. I don't want to give in because it just reinforces the behavior but I have no idea what to do!
Thanks for any pointers,
Christine
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KathleenW
02-03-2005, 10:38 AM
Is your son in speech therapy? Children who can not speak get so frustrated because they can not communicate what they want. The only way they feel like they can tell you they don't want something is to throw a tantrum. I am so excited that you have an appointment at the end of the month. Try to take notes on the things he could not accomplish while he was tested (they will give you a report of your child's skills so it is not necessary to write everything down). It will just help you to be able to work with him at home on things he could not do.
My son has never displayed any typical autistic behaviors (toe walking, hand flapping) but he did have frustration issues. When he would get upset or frustrated he would slap his face. Even though it wasn't violent it upset me more than anything. He also started to stare into space. You could tell he was out of it. The word autistic means day dreamer. A lot of the times my son did not seem alert or focused. It is so strange the way autism affects your brain.
Anyway, we removed all milk from his diet. His pediatrician recommended this because he had ear infections 5 months in a row during the late spring and summer. She said to have double ear infections in July and August was very unusual and some children who have a diet high in dairy (my son drank 4 glasses of milk a day and ate yogurt and cheese for snacks) got ear infections because of reactions to milk. After we took him off milk he did not have another ear infection for 18 months. We also started taking B6, magnesium, and DMG daily. 1 week after starting DMG his tantrums and face slapping stopped. It really helps a lot of children with autism and their frustration levels.
It is also very important when you have a child with autism or any child that you are consistant and follow through. You were very smart to stick to your guns and make your son do what you wanted him to do even though he was throwing a tantrum. Many people have problems because they don't want their child to cry so they give in. That teaches the child that all I have to do is throw a fit and I will get my way. Have you read the book Let me hear your voice by Catherine Maurice? I feel this book saved my life and son's future. I highly recommend it.
My son has never displayed any typical autistic behaviors (toe walking, hand flapping) but he did have frustration issues. When he would get upset or frustrated he would slap his face. Even though it wasn't violent it upset me more than anything. He also started to stare into space. You could tell he was out of it. The word autistic means day dreamer. A lot of the times my son did not seem alert or focused. It is so strange the way autism affects your brain.
Anyway, we removed all milk from his diet. His pediatrician recommended this because he had ear infections 5 months in a row during the late spring and summer. She said to have double ear infections in July and August was very unusual and some children who have a diet high in dairy (my son drank 4 glasses of milk a day and ate yogurt and cheese for snacks) got ear infections because of reactions to milk. After we took him off milk he did not have another ear infection for 18 months. We also started taking B6, magnesium, and DMG daily. 1 week after starting DMG his tantrums and face slapping stopped. It really helps a lot of children with autism and their frustration levels.
It is also very important when you have a child with autism or any child that you are consistant and follow through. You were very smart to stick to your guns and make your son do what you wanted him to do even though he was throwing a tantrum. Many people have problems because they don't want their child to cry so they give in. That teaches the child that all I have to do is throw a fit and I will get my way. Have you read the book Let me hear your voice by Catherine Maurice? I feel this book saved my life and son's future. I highly recommend it.
Asperger family
02-03-2005, 12:57 PM
Maybe something was down those stairs that he wanted to see.
Joey'smom
02-03-2005, 02:57 PM
My sons tantrums started around 2 years old and did not get better till 3 1/2. He used to head bang and throw himself on to the ground. It is a very difficult frustrating time for the whole family. You dont know what he wants and he has no idea of how to let you know. Whe he was about three I finally decided that every time he threw a fit I would wrap him up in a big bear hug and talk to him. It calmed him down and no one got hurt. I would rock him back and forth until he stopped resisting and calmed down. As he got older he was able to get what he wanted and hand it to me. Life became much easier and I forgot how hard those first years were. I had another baby when he was 24 months old and it was very difficult managing both. Now at the age of 6 and 4 years old they are best friends and are learning from each other.
Jana2676
02-07-2005, 02:48 AM
Tantrums can be very frustrating! DD was haivng bad tantrums over everything. I finally started hugging her tight and singing You are my Sunshine in her ear very softly. It almost always stops her fits right away and she becomes limp in my arms while I sing to her. Now that she can talk better, she tells me she feels better after I sing to her.
The occupational therapist from the school district has given us some tips on helping her release frustration. If DD is sitting in a chair, we place our hands on her hips and apply pressure, like we are pushing her hips into the chair. We also place one hand on her chest and one on her back, then press lightly. This seems to release her frustration and she always says she feels better.
Good luck! I hope you find something to help you!
The occupational therapist from the school district has given us some tips on helping her release frustration. If DD is sitting in a chair, we place our hands on her hips and apply pressure, like we are pushing her hips into the chair. We also place one hand on her chest and one on her back, then press lightly. This seems to release her frustration and she always says she feels better.
Good luck! I hope you find something to help you!
candy_blue0531
02-08-2005, 03:52 AM
I understand what you are going through. I have a seven year old son with autism. You may not want to hear this, but my personal suggestion is that YOU perhaps get some counseling. I've learned through the years that Cory (my son) is going to be Cory regardless. After years of crying, stressing out, and convincing myself I was an incompetent parent I made a drastic change in my relationship with my child. I learned to accept him for who he is, instead of trying to change him. It wasn't about me trying to "correct" his behavior...it was about me LEARNING how to better deal with his behavior. As children (even autistic children) get older, their ability to communicate improves. Your child is not intentionally being difficult. He's just frustrated. Please be patient with him and try to understand what he is going through. On a positive note...as his ability to communicate his needs improves, so will his behavior. My child is SO much easier to deal with now than he was 2 or 3. So keep your head up and my thoughts will be with you. :)