Concerned39
02-04-2005, 12:28 PM
:wave: Hi all. I have been away from the board for awhile but am back again. I am having a problem that I hope you can give me some tips on. I am a bp2 w/ rapid cycling- on meds for 10 years and as stable as I can be. I do not work as I can't handle the stress of day to day upsets- and need to have a relatively easy schedule or I get worked up and confused. Ok with that said, I have been single for 4 years- my own choosing- and now want to get back into the dating world- but with me not being in the work force and out meeting people- it is quite difficult- lol. I joined a dating site but there is not many in my area who participate on the site- guess the guys here in this city just don't get into it. Now I have made contact a few times with others from different provinces- but here is my problem. When I find someone I am interested in and get a reply back- my emotions take over and I get really excited and start to fall for the person quite quickly( always had trouble with runaway emotions) and then when it turns out they weren't all that interested I fall hard.I get depressed and can't sleep and get really down. I know I need to take it slow, but that is where my trouble is as my heart is an open book and it runs away with feelings before I can stop it. I don't want to give up on trying, but I need advice on dealing with the anxious feelings when someone shows interest- and to keep my emotions in check and stop the excited feelings I get right away- and then end up broken hearted when I can't hold their interest.Double whammy as I first want to find someone who I can love and be loved by- and then I have to find out if he can deal with my bp- so it seems to me like I need to get their interest twice. I am becoming a basket case in the dating scene- but I don't want to give up and stay single for the rest of my life. I have dealt with all past baggage and my heart is free to love again- but my emotions are another story.Can anyone help this mixed up emotional lady- lol. :bouncing:
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davesgurl
02-04-2005, 12:34 PM
dont know what to say sorry but honestly? have faith i met my husband on line in a dateing site, and he deals with my bp and my hep c very well , so if i can find a man such as this so can YOU.. :angel: Good Luck
Bernadine
Bernadine
Concerned39
02-04-2005, 12:41 PM
Thank you Bernadine( lol- my name is Nadine-) You have given me the hope I needed that I am not so damaged that I am not loveable. Thank you for your reply and for taking the time to give me hope. Nadine
dragon25
02-04-2005, 02:16 PM
Hi Concerned,
I have the same problem as you, I tend to 'fall in love quickly.' I try so hard to stay strong but as soon as I meet someone my emotions go wild. While I do not have any good advice (I do not think we can control our emotions,) I will agree with Davesgurl. Someday, hopefully soon, you will find someone out there who will love you for who you are, whether you are bipolar or not. They will be able to support you and help you when you are feeling down. There is someone! Don't give up hope!
Love,
Dragon
I have the same problem as you, I tend to 'fall in love quickly.' I try so hard to stay strong but as soon as I meet someone my emotions go wild. While I do not have any good advice (I do not think we can control our emotions,) I will agree with Davesgurl. Someday, hopefully soon, you will find someone out there who will love you for who you are, whether you are bipolar or not. They will be able to support you and help you when you are feeling down. There is someone! Don't give up hope!
Love,
Dragon
davesgurl
02-04-2005, 02:37 PM
Thank you Bernadine( lol- my name is Nadine-) You have given me the hope I needed that I am not so damaged that I am not loveable. Thank you for your reply and for taking the time to give me hope. Nadine
i felt very unloveable for many years .... but like i said U ARE LOVEABLE just takes a special man and that is what u wanna wait for.. i meet dave on yahoo personals and he knew all my bad health troubles before we married and he DONT CARE ..and if u ever need to just type ( hehe ) juist do a thread with my name and ill be here im on most the day as i dont work but 2 hours daily thats all i can handle.. so type away .. :wave:
i felt very unloveable for many years .... but like i said U ARE LOVEABLE just takes a special man and that is what u wanna wait for.. i meet dave on yahoo personals and he knew all my bad health troubles before we married and he DONT CARE ..and if u ever need to just type ( hehe ) juist do a thread with my name and ill be here im on most the day as i dont work but 2 hours daily thats all i can handle.. so type away .. :wave:
Jovial206
02-04-2005, 04:21 PM
Is it common for individuals with bipolar disorder to fall in love quickly? If so, does it usually occur during mania, depression, or the "normal" stage?
Concerned39
02-04-2005, 06:05 PM
;) It is not that bipolars fall in love so quickly- It is- at least for me- that my emotions are so close to the surface that I experience a wide range of emotions to everything. When I feel sadness it is a deep sadness. When I feel happy- it is racing excited feeling. And when I am talking to someone I am attracted to- it is a quick, excited, heart racing feeling. :p It is just that my emotions and feelings rule in my bp and that is why I have trouble when reacting to situations out of the normal. jmo. Nadine
princesspea
02-04-2005, 09:12 PM
I don't think it's just bp's. I wear my heart on my sleeve also. I fall in, what I used to concider, love quickly and easily. I discovered, after kissing allot of frogs, the heart racing and light headed feeling weren't love for me. They felt really good but, love lasts.
I know, easy for me to say because I have a wonderful husband who understands bp as well as a civilian can. He was one of my best friends for more than 6 years and I never even thought about dating him. Boy am I glad he changed my mind. We've been married 10 years now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is we are lovible and the real thing can come along. You may not even realize that there's already someone in your life right now. If not he'll come along. There are some really beautiful people out there.
When someone breaks your heart just chalk him up to another frog. :bouncing: His loss! You definately don't have to settle for less than the real thing just because you have bp.
Love,
Jamie
I know, easy for me to say because I have a wonderful husband who understands bp as well as a civilian can. He was one of my best friends for more than 6 years and I never even thought about dating him. Boy am I glad he changed my mind. We've been married 10 years now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is we are lovible and the real thing can come along. You may not even realize that there's already someone in your life right now. If not he'll come along. There are some really beautiful people out there.
When someone breaks your heart just chalk him up to another frog. :bouncing: His loss! You definately don't have to settle for less than the real thing just because you have bp.
Love,
Jamie
Lurx
02-05-2005, 01:11 AM
Allow me to present my impressive credentials for dating advice:
I don't have a knack for emotional intimacy and have had very few "meaningful relationships" with anyone in my life. I can spot users, abusers and assorted losers a mile off and I steer directly for them because subconsciously I enjoy the mental roller coaster of constant emotional extremes, getting bullied, financially ripped off, and crushed by giant man-shaped turds when they fall off the pedestals I put them on.
If that ever stops happening I'll definitely let you know what I did different. :cool:
I don't have a knack for emotional intimacy and have had very few "meaningful relationships" with anyone in my life. I can spot users, abusers and assorted losers a mile off and I steer directly for them because subconsciously I enjoy the mental roller coaster of constant emotional extremes, getting bullied, financially ripped off, and crushed by giant man-shaped turds when they fall off the pedestals I put them on.
If that ever stops happening I'll definitely let you know what I did different. :cool:
mudhound
02-05-2005, 08:21 AM
There is hope. You might try asking a friend to give you some honst help.
By that i mean someone who loves you and wants the best for you. Someone who will tell it to you in a way that allows you to be yourself yet protected. Watch out for those guys that are out for one thing and one thing only. Hey, I am a guy. I know.
A trusted friend should help you find the love of your life.
There is hope.
By that i mean someone who loves you and wants the best for you. Someone who will tell it to you in a way that allows you to be yourself yet protected. Watch out for those guys that are out for one thing and one thing only. Hey, I am a guy. I know.
A trusted friend should help you find the love of your life.
There is hope.
Concerned39
02-05-2005, 12:18 PM
:angel: Thank you all for your replies. I really needed to hear that few support words. Because of my bp and my different moods and never knowing what I am going to be like from one day to the next- I have isolated my self from all but some family and now find I have no one friendwise to turn to for a source of a kick in the butt or a kind pat on the shoulder. Family is great but one needs a friend too. So thank you all for being one to me and caring enough to post a reply.Kudos to you all. Nadine
weasel
02-05-2005, 02:38 PM
this isnt so much advice as it is what i did, make of it what you want.
when i first found out i was bp, i was engaged to who i thought was the best man ever. he was caring, kind, hot (! my god was he hot !) loved me to pieces. looking back im pretty sure he was bp too(i am just about positive we were both manic when we met)
anyway, he slowly turned verbally abusive, although i didnt really see it at first, and by the time i did, my self esteem was so low, i just kept getting more and more depressed. as i did, he started cheating on me, i went on prozac and started therapy, prozac threw me into a psycho manic, ended in the hospital. blah blah blah.
so after i got out i moved all my stuff out and in with a friend who was actually kicking her bf out, so it worked out well. i was quite manic or hypomanic or what ever you want to call it. going out all the time with lots of different guys ets.
finally after only being out of that awful relationship for a few months, i met this guy, whos best freind was going out with mine at the time. i really liked him but was so self conscious and so scared , and being fairly newly diagnosed with bp, i thought no one would want me. anyway, i managed to hide my mood swings and such for a few weeks, and when it felt like it was getting a little more serious, basicall what i did was sit him down and tell him absolutely everything that was wrong with me (i also managed to get a lovely case of hpv that summer) told him all about my last relationship, all about bipolar, how i was new to it, still figuring out meds and therapy and such ( i was hysterically crying the whole time of course) and basically said this is who i am. i have no idea where this (disease/disorder...whatever you want to call it) is taking me, but if you dont think you can handle it, along with my ups and downs, and all the crying, then now is the time to leave, no hard feelings.
he said something along the lines of well everyone has something wrong with them, i really want to give this a shot ....
over a year and a half later, im still with him, living together. hes still supportive when i need it, and gives me space when i need it.
wow sorry this got so long. to boil it down(if you made it this far!) my philosophy is to hell with it, if it doesn t work it doesnt work. be honest with yourself and honest with any potential partner. when you feel yourself getting attached, just put post its every where ("youve only known him for a week") ("you dont even know him yet")
well i hope i didnt bore you to death, i think i may be a little hypo right now....... :bouncing: whether or not i helped you out, i wish you luck!!
when i first found out i was bp, i was engaged to who i thought was the best man ever. he was caring, kind, hot (! my god was he hot !) loved me to pieces. looking back im pretty sure he was bp too(i am just about positive we were both manic when we met)
anyway, he slowly turned verbally abusive, although i didnt really see it at first, and by the time i did, my self esteem was so low, i just kept getting more and more depressed. as i did, he started cheating on me, i went on prozac and started therapy, prozac threw me into a psycho manic, ended in the hospital. blah blah blah.
so after i got out i moved all my stuff out and in with a friend who was actually kicking her bf out, so it worked out well. i was quite manic or hypomanic or what ever you want to call it. going out all the time with lots of different guys ets.
finally after only being out of that awful relationship for a few months, i met this guy, whos best freind was going out with mine at the time. i really liked him but was so self conscious and so scared , and being fairly newly diagnosed with bp, i thought no one would want me. anyway, i managed to hide my mood swings and such for a few weeks, and when it felt like it was getting a little more serious, basicall what i did was sit him down and tell him absolutely everything that was wrong with me (i also managed to get a lovely case of hpv that summer) told him all about my last relationship, all about bipolar, how i was new to it, still figuring out meds and therapy and such ( i was hysterically crying the whole time of course) and basically said this is who i am. i have no idea where this (disease/disorder...whatever you want to call it) is taking me, but if you dont think you can handle it, along with my ups and downs, and all the crying, then now is the time to leave, no hard feelings.
he said something along the lines of well everyone has something wrong with them, i really want to give this a shot ....
over a year and a half later, im still with him, living together. hes still supportive when i need it, and gives me space when i need it.
wow sorry this got so long. to boil it down(if you made it this far!) my philosophy is to hell with it, if it doesn t work it doesnt work. be honest with yourself and honest with any potential partner. when you feel yourself getting attached, just put post its every where ("youve only known him for a week") ("you dont even know him yet")
well i hope i didnt bore you to death, i think i may be a little hypo right now....... :bouncing: whether or not i helped you out, i wish you luck!!
Concerned39
02-05-2005, 04:23 PM
:wave: Oh my gosh- your input was great. It gave me a whole new view on things and also hope in the future of how to deal with it with a potential partner. But the best of it all was the post it notes, I would never of thought of that. It is an excellent idea and a way to keep reminding myself to take it slow and see. Thank you for posting your experience and for sharing with me.I will put into use what you have suggested and use it wisely. Thank you very much. Nadine
Jovial206
02-05-2005, 07:28 PM
Weasel
I am just so happy that you are happy! It's so wonderful that you found someone who understands. :) Good for you for being open and practical with him about your situation.
I am just so happy that you are happy! It's so wonderful that you found someone who understands. :) Good for you for being open and practical with him about your situation.