Time2Heal
02-04-2005, 06:42 PM
I live day to day.
I am 32 and on klonopin (2years) and lexapro (1 month). I do feel better. Much better but still wonder if enough?
I have been diagnosed with, PTSD, BPD, OCD, DEPRESSION, PANIC DISORDER, ANXIETY DISORDER, NIGHT TERRORS, IN RECOVERY FOR EATING DISORDERS. MULTIBLE KIDNEY STONES 3 TIMES A YEAR.
ALL except kidney stones, from emotional, physical, and sexual abuse continous from age 10 to 15.
I was always " OH SO STRONG, THAT WAS MY PAST AND DID NOT EFFECT ME" HA! was I in denial. Then at 26- all the doors opened........ and hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, still daily if I don't have a trigger, a memory, or reminder, then something else happens.
WHY DO I HAVE ALL OF THESE? WHAY SO MANY? WHY CAN't I ELIMATE ATLEAST A COUPLE? I mean the meds work but not for everything and those they don't work for stem into another one. I am so drained, so tired of wearing the mask as this "happy girl". I can't, the mask keeps slipping off and usually in a negative, angry way.
You know, I am sorry, I don't think this even makes sense. I am going to stop writing but still post. Maybe someone can give me a little light of something?
Caytie.........having...one of the days
I am 32 and on klonopin (2years) and lexapro (1 month). I do feel better. Much better but still wonder if enough?
I have been diagnosed with, PTSD, BPD, OCD, DEPRESSION, PANIC DISORDER, ANXIETY DISORDER, NIGHT TERRORS, IN RECOVERY FOR EATING DISORDERS. MULTIBLE KIDNEY STONES 3 TIMES A YEAR.
ALL except kidney stones, from emotional, physical, and sexual abuse continous from age 10 to 15.
I was always " OH SO STRONG, THAT WAS MY PAST AND DID NOT EFFECT ME" HA! was I in denial. Then at 26- all the doors opened........ and hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, still daily if I don't have a trigger, a memory, or reminder, then something else happens.
WHY DO I HAVE ALL OF THESE? WHAY SO MANY? WHY CAN't I ELIMATE ATLEAST A COUPLE? I mean the meds work but not for everything and those they don't work for stem into another one. I am so drained, so tired of wearing the mask as this "happy girl". I can't, the mask keeps slipping off and usually in a negative, angry way.
You know, I am sorry, I don't think this even makes sense. I am going to stop writing but still post. Maybe someone can give me a little light of something?
Caytie.........having...one of the days
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pangea250
02-04-2005, 08:23 PM
You poor thing!
*hugs*
That's a LOT to deal with :(
I don't think you should expect yourself to be rid of them so quickly. Take little steps ^_^ One thing at a time. I know when your feeling depressed you just look at the whole giant picture and feel blown away. But you really gotta try to take things in bites. A little improvement here, and little improvement there. It's no miracle cure, and it will take lots of time, but you'll get there^_^ Just hang in; Everyone here at the boards is here to help along the way whenever you need us!
:wave:
*hugs*
That's a LOT to deal with :(
I don't think you should expect yourself to be rid of them so quickly. Take little steps ^_^ One thing at a time. I know when your feeling depressed you just look at the whole giant picture and feel blown away. But you really gotta try to take things in bites. A little improvement here, and little improvement there. It's no miracle cure, and it will take lots of time, but you'll get there^_^ Just hang in; Everyone here at the boards is here to help along the way whenever you need us!
:wave:
music47
02-04-2005, 08:42 PM
I have a big hug for you too :angel: Hang in there. I have depression too and I know what you are going through. It helps to talk about it and know that you have support here. Stay in touch.
Hugs
Mus :)
Hugs
Mus :)
DowntownBrown
02-05-2005, 10:20 PM
Hi :wave:
I have been clean & sober since 1/1/87--18 yrs. but recovering from my Depressive Disorder since 1994.
But...just a thought, or a question. Do you drink alcohol or take any mind-altering chemicals or smoke weed--besides the prescribed meds of course? If you do the meds cannot help you or be effective.
In my years of experience in recovery and in counseling, I have seen people over, and over again--stay sick and suffering, relapse, committ suicide, get locked up in nut ward, etc..... My experience, strength, and hope--tell me that I cannot use ANY mind-altering chemicals--or I will not get any better.
God loves you and so do I, Sally B. :angel:
I have been clean & sober since 1/1/87--18 yrs. but recovering from my Depressive Disorder since 1994.
But...just a thought, or a question. Do you drink alcohol or take any mind-altering chemicals or smoke weed--besides the prescribed meds of course? If you do the meds cannot help you or be effective.
In my years of experience in recovery and in counseling, I have seen people over, and over again--stay sick and suffering, relapse, committ suicide, get locked up in nut ward, etc..... My experience, strength, and hope--tell me that I cannot use ANY mind-altering chemicals--or I will not get any better.
God loves you and so do I, Sally B. :angel:
Blue102
02-06-2005, 10:19 AM
Wow. Well all I can say to you is, you'll get through it fine. I know that because you're here, and just the fact that you're here talking about it shows that you're on the road to recovery. You're probably already past the hump.
All my best, and if there's anything else you'd like to talk about, go ahead and post, we're listening. :)
All my best, and if there's anything else you'd like to talk about, go ahead and post, we're listening. :)
pinkangel670
02-06-2005, 01:03 PM
time2heal,
first I just want to give you a great big *HUG* and say you're not alone! I'm 34 with ptsd, ocd, depression, anxiety/panic, personality disorders, and tons of physcial ailments and meds as well...and not every day is better than the last, but over all, I'm better than I was 3 years ago. And yes, sometimes stuff happens that the meds just don't quite cover, but we're strong enough...how do I know? Because we're still here. I want to share something I wrote in treatment 3 years ago with you...
'My mental illness is like a water's tide. I can fight against it and try to swim, but I get too tired and I'm afraid I'll drown. I can let the tide control me and be carried along, in to the rocks and rapids, and over the waterfalls, giving up all control. Or I can tread water, and wait for the current to subside a bit, and make slow progress ... treading and swimming until my ffeet touch the ground and I can walk out of the water.'
~pink
first I just want to give you a great big *HUG* and say you're not alone! I'm 34 with ptsd, ocd, depression, anxiety/panic, personality disorders, and tons of physcial ailments and meds as well...and not every day is better than the last, but over all, I'm better than I was 3 years ago. And yes, sometimes stuff happens that the meds just don't quite cover, but we're strong enough...how do I know? Because we're still here. I want to share something I wrote in treatment 3 years ago with you...
'My mental illness is like a water's tide. I can fight against it and try to swim, but I get too tired and I'm afraid I'll drown. I can let the tide control me and be carried along, in to the rocks and rapids, and over the waterfalls, giving up all control. Or I can tread water, and wait for the current to subside a bit, and make slow progress ... treading and swimming until my ffeet touch the ground and I can walk out of the water.'
~pink
Time2Heal
02-06-2005, 04:24 PM
Thank you for your kind words.
I am just going day to day. No, I don't drink or take any drugs other than those prescribed. I am just having a bad weekend.
But it is certainly nice to see people care about me!!!
Caytie :wave:
I am just going day to day. No, I don't drink or take any drugs other than those prescribed. I am just having a bad weekend.
But it is certainly nice to see people care about me!!!
Caytie :wave:
Time2Heal
02-06-2005, 11:32 PM
Pink- Thanks, I really liked that and I will keep that in my head!!!
Caytie :angel:
Caytie :angel:
sweetsourcat
02-22-2005, 01:20 AM
i understand you so much. i have had like 15 different diagnisis' in my time. i know what is wrong with me. and i understand why i act the way i do. i just don't know what to do about it anymore. i am 29, have been in therapy since i was 14. with little results. been on tons of different meds. i just figure there is nothing i can do about it anymore. i don't see a doctor, because mine dropped me- the insurance wasn't paying. and i don't take meds anymore. and i do get confused a lot now. i know it isn't right and i know it isn't helpful- but i live now. try to forget my past - as if it were a bad movie. it works for the most part... but sometimes i still freak out. it gets to your head... if it doesn't get to your mind. my PTSD gave me seizures for years.
just try to be strong... and remember that you are here for some reason. and if you don't know what it is now- you may tomorrow.
just try to be strong... and remember that you are here for some reason. and if you don't know what it is now- you may tomorrow.
bbybyrd
02-22-2005, 03:25 AM
I know how you feel. I have major depression, psychosis, bpd, ocd, bulimia/anorexia, recovered alcoholic, self injury, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, and IBS...wooh. :nono: