I have a hard time when I have to go against other peoples opinions even if it's just on the internet or something. I start to shake and get anxious and get very defensive even over small matters sometimes. Usually it goes along with the harshness of the disapproval.

I am an adult an am just really now starting to understand the importance of making my own decisions and not just trying to please other people. But without beeing able to stand up to people who disagree with me and put me down it makes it very difficult.

Lately I have been trying to convince myself to do my thing and not let what others think(or more often what I think they might think) detour me. I have so much experience trying to please others that I know that doesn't lead to happiness so I know I need to do my thing right or wrong because it's the only chance I have. But the emotions I get when trying to do what's right for me in the face of opisition is to much for me sometimes.

I had sort of been doing better feeling more confident and having people disapprove and I was just accepting that but it wasn't destoying me as much. It was a new way of thinking for me and I was feeling more positive about it but in the last few days I have sort have gone back to normal and lost the hope I had. I still think I was on to something though because the feeling I had was such I freeing feeling, something I never felt before.

I'm looking for something that will help me not get such a horrible feeling when others don't appove and that can help me accept when others don't approve.

The thing that is ironic about it is arguements aren't really a problem, once I've gotten upset I have no problem defending myself.

Good for you!
Im also in the same boat, I wobble, get nervous, back off, get back in but it gets
easily the more you do it. Ive spent most my life being a people pleaser so I figure
it's going take while to turn things around. I do know depression hinders my
confidence which makes it hard for me to accept the disproval. Ive been taking
natural supplements for depression which has been helpful. Hang in there one
step at a time, you're doing great! K

[QUOTE=kiehn]Good for you!
I think a lot of us are raised to be "people pleasers" and that's why it's so hard for us to just BE, regardless of what others think.

It's something I've been working on for years...and still am.

Just because people don't respond to us the way we would like does not mean that we are not okay. It usually has nothing to do with us personally anyway, but rather is an issue that has to do with the other person.

Especially, today, on Valentine's Day, I feel like I am made to feel somehow not special because I don't have a vase of flowers on my desk and a boyfriend!

Sending you both a virutual Rose!!! HVD

RBM, I'm suspecting you were treated badly as a child when you "spoke up". Either that or you have a mood disorder, maybe? Depression can cause low self-esteem and shyness (been there).

Nothing in the world is more important than a person's real, true opinion. That's what makes you unique and valuable. Sometimes it really is best NOT to express your opinion ("that dress makes you look fat"), but there are times when it saves lives ("Uh, Captain, let's veer left. There's an iceberg over there.")

I hope you can surmount this problem.

Thanks for the responses.

I've been diagnosed with avoidance and dependance personality disorders. I didn't have a harsh upbringing, I'd say it was more of a lonely one. I never had anything to do with my dad and my mom has/had mental problems of her own. I sort of think that missing out on training from a father to teach me how to be a man has caused this. Or maybe I fear being alone so much that I will tell people what they want to hear so they like me.

I just know it's frustrating because I was told so much growing up that I was a good person. But what I didn't know then is I wasn't being good to myself. I feel like I don't know what type of person I am since I just did what I thought others expected of me.

Good. You shouldn't let anyone get to you. Sometimes people can be opinionated out of jealousy. Sometimes they just don't think before they say things. Don't let people bother you. I used to be like that and I understand the lonliness you can sometimes feel. That your not good enough to talk or even stand and be noticed. Now I don't feel like that because the ONLY opinion that matters is yours. Be confident. Be sure of yourself. Nothing is worth not being noticed because you do offer a unique quality to your surroundings. And please be outspoken you know how it feels to be put down; don't let others around you do that to other people. Like you said it is a wonderful feeling, and the more outspoken you get the more confident you get and the more you don't take peoples stuff.