I started restricting again this week. Not as bad as in the past, but still not eating enough. I just saw my scale creeping up and I couldn't handle it any more. My nutritionist and therapist just tell me not to weight myself as often (2-3 times a day).. but I can't do that. I don't want to. I need to know exactly where my weight is, so I can catch it if I need to pull it back down. And I don't think weighing myself less will help, because I can feel when I'm starting to gain weight. I can see it.. and weighing actually makes me feel better sometimes because I can at least see that I haven't gained as much as I thought. Well anyways, I am so exhausted. I forgot how tired you get when you're not eating enough. Like it is taking up a lot of energy just sitting here. I was reading this book.. she was saying that you get manic when you're starving. I never got manic.. I got progressively tired as the week went on until I ate more on the weekend. I just want to go home and go back to sleep. I should eat something.. I don't even know why I'm doing this.

Anterrabae,
I'm so sorry to hear you sounding so sad and that you have started to restrict again. I can understand how you feel about being afraid to see the weight come on. I am trying to recover and eat regular meals, and there are days where it's so hard to keep to my meal plan because I feel fat and I want to loose the weight. But the thing is, you've been doing so well, please don't give up, please don't get back into the cycle because it'll only make you feel more miserable. Getting into a rythm of eating healthily is hard, but I feel so much better overall for it. Sure, some days are more of a struggle than others, and I still feel I haven't yet gained back control on my eating; but the baby steps I'm making are encouraging, because the one thing I don't want is to fall back to how I was. Please keep fighting this! Please try to eat something; it doesn't have to be much, and it can be something very healthy so you can see it as looking after yourself. I hope things get better for you hun.
Take care :wave:

Hey-
Sorry to hear you are not doing so hot. We seem to be on the same page a lot! It is just so hard trying to recover. I feel like the past couple weeks have taken me back so far in my progress. I have been restricting like crazy and exercising a ton and literally driving myself MAD!!!!
I am not sure what triggered this I was just feeling soooo totally discusted with my body! I have lost, but I just don't know how to lose weight any other way, then not eating!!! I am so loosing it right now, I totally have your: hot / cold attitude ( you mentioned it in another thread) towards EVERYTHING. ( eat/dont eat...fat/ healthy....do i wanna be sick or recovered...was I happier when I was thinner/or am I just nuts....) I feel like everything in my life will be soo improved once I am thin again, ya know one less thing for me worry about!! Thats real good way to lood at things, riiiight. Yeah anyway I know...... all this sh@* goes flying through my head all day long and all night long all the time & it is soo exausting to tell ya the truth.
Well hang in there you are so not alone!!
Good Luck

Jade :angel:

Thanks for the support. I guess sometimes stuff just.. sucks. But I had a protein bar and a handful of graham cracker sticks and I'm trying not to feel guilty. Go me!

Okay.. I feel a little better now. I'm going to try and eat right tomorrow and from now on. I wish I knew why I wanted to hold onto my ED so badly. It's weird. I know a lot of people on here want to stop and can't.. I feel like I could stop, but part of me doesn't *want* to. But for right now, I'm going to try. I feel a little better. Heh, am I the queen of being-one-extreme-then-the-other or what?

hey u!! yeh...i retsricted my food intake yesterday (i had a horrible binge/purge the nite before) so even tho i did get all the crap outa my system, i still felt bad. so i had no sports or nething yesterday, so i went without no food except until supper. personly, i couldnt stand it!! i was so cold, tired, and ugh! i need to eat in order to have energy. im still young yet, and these r the time when sports and stuff count. i cant risk it. i shure hope u get feelin better!!!:):)

SammYx0x0x

Graham Cracker Sticks are soooo good!!! I am glad you ATE and that you are feeling a lil' better!!!!

Jade

stop letting the food control you. you control it, enjoy your life, eat as you wish, everyone has a point set weight that the body is supposed to be at and the weight will level off. i have been there, and restricting is just an avoidence of another problem, find out what the problem is, tackle it and move forward. life is too short!

Easier said than done. I'm just going to leave it at that.