I seriously need some advice/ support or whatever.

I am a 30 y.o. female. I have a son and we are living with my boyfriend, and have been for the last 6-7 months. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 9 y.o. I never got any help on how to deal with this. I've just started seeing a psychologist. i had my first "session" last monday and it was AWFUL! But that's another story.

Back to the main issue. My BF is a person who NEEDS to have a clean house (My friends says he is overdoing it). I am ADD. Every day, several times a day he says things that is very hurtful to me, like if I have forgotten to clean the stove after a meal, forgotten to pick up the laundry, etc. etc. etc. I get very depressed, and I cry alot, even though I'm on anti depressives. He doesn't comfort me anymore because he says "I can't comfort you cause you're crying all the time!" Then I get even more depressed, and cry even more. Now I have been crying for three days...

I've tried to explain to him that it's not my fault, it's my ADD who plays tricks on me. It makes me forget every little thing, and I can't "See" the mess. That I don't have a will of my own, but my ADD is in controll of me most of the time.

I want to try and explain to him how I feel and how it is like to be me, but it doesn't seem to get through to him. I don't think he believes me. He thinks I'm just lazy, and that I don't bother. HE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME!

Can someone please write something on how it is like to have ADD, so I can print it out for him to read? I want him to know that it's not only me who has this problem. And I want to show him that I'm not lazy, or that I don't bother!

If you are ADD or in a relationship with someone thats ADD, I beg you, please write something about how your day is. Whats' your struggles/ challenges.

Please, please, please, I beg you!

Edited to say I'm thinking of leaving him, but I love him so much and I have never felt so in love with someone my whole life, but I can't live with someone who can't love, respect and accept me for who I am. I need to get him to understand!

Thank you so much!

Big hugs!!!

Do you take meds for the ADD? That would really help you focus and get your work done. You don't have to prove your ADD to your boyfriend. If he has listened to anything over the years, he should understand what it is - it's all over the news and internet. Communication is the most difficult thing to handle. My son is 13 and he and my husband have a love/hate relationship. There is never a night where they don't 'butt heads.' Each time it gets minimally better but it is a long road. ADD, while also giving you a disorganized mind, also gives you stubborness, anxiety, and a few other things. If your bf just reads this thread, he will appreciate what you do try to get done. Realizing you are ADD and knowing the symptoms can help you if you take a step back and write down what you need to do for the day. Check off things as you go. I may myself be ADD, in fact, I'd bank on it. The other day I said to my son, 'I think you should have gone back to the counselor by now. I wonder if we missed your appointment.' Turns out we did - because I didn't write it down anywhere (the whiteboard on the refrigerator or on my calendar at work) and I didn't have the appointment card in a place where I could find it easily.

Norway, you need to go back and read what you wrote here:

My BF is a person who NEEDS to have a clean house (My friends says he is overdoing it). I am ADD. Every day, several times a day he says things that is very hurtful to me, like if I have forgotten to clean the stove after a meal, forgotten to pick up the laundry, etc. etc. etc. I get very depressed, and I cry alot, even though I'm on anti depressives. He doesn't comfort me anymore because he says "I can't comfort you cause you're crying all the time!" Then I get even more depressed, and cry even more. Now I have been crying for three days...

Is this the kind of guy who you really want to spend your life with? A guy who says hurtful things to you? A guy who is so demanding? A guy who doesn't believe you? A guy who isn't taking your illness into consideration, and in fact thinks you are lying about having ADD?

This guy sounds abusive to me. I should know, I was abusive too! If my wife were to write in about the way I treated her, I'd tell her to leave her husband. He's not supportive, he treats you terribly.

You might consider this. Those of us with ADHD, have had a life of dissapointment. So much so, that we (or at least I and many I've read about) have become very Needy! We sometimes hang on to relationships that are actually bad for us, just because we don't want to be alone.

Why are you willing to "settle" for a guy who treats you like this? Find someone who loves you knowing how you are! But, get the right meds, and find a good counsler, and support group/system. You life will change for the better.

.."but I can't live with someone who can't love, respect and accept me for who I am. I need to get him to understand!".....


This says it all; you know what you need to be happy and it's not someone like him, at least according to what you said.

You will never get him to understand. You are depressed and on medication, yet he doesn't understand that so why would ADD be any different for him?

So now you must weigh what is worth it to you, is loving him worth the sacrifice of that respect and acceptance you want? I'm not saying it isn't, it may be well worth it. Some people sacrifice alot to be with those they love. Nothing wrong with that. But if you can't accept the sacrifice, then there is something wrong with that because you won't be happy in the end.

So don't ask people to try and convince him, like I said, if he was sensitive to your depression and need for antidepressants, maybe he'd also be sensitive to your ADD, but clearly he's not, so nobody here will be able to convince him.

It's your choice, to sacrifice what you need for him, or to simply not accept the way he acts towards you and go find somebody who will give you a greater love and understanding for the person you are. Good luck to you! :angel:

my 2¢ -- I agree with what everyone else has said.
Plus -- I didn't get diagnosed until age 51!
Now it's too late to try to get hired somewhere else. My boss really can't handle my personality (although the people whom I'm serving in my job pretty much all think I'm each one's personal angel LOL ).

So, my point (I'm sure you understand about it taking so long to get to it) is that you will be happier, more productive, less frustrated, etc. if you can find both a relationship and employment with people who appreciate creative thinking.

It sounds like this guy is not for you.

And your desperation for him sounds a teeny weeny bit OCD. I also have OCD and I guess the 2 sometimes do go together.

By the way, I used to think I too was "lazy" because I couldn't get housework done, but then a neighbor said to me, "You are definitely *not* lazy."

And having someone hovering over you (like your bf) only disrupts your own way of doing things.

You have a lot to offer the world; why waste it on someone who's more interested in having a free maid?

I am 31 y/o. My husband of 14 years has ADD. Diagnosed 7 yrs ago.
Unfortunatly, ADD untreated is like living in a nightmare.
Because I love him.....I investigated ADD. I researched ADD. I understand ADD.

I understand that his inability to maintain focus & work on priorities are due to the ADD, and that he is not just being lazy, uncaring, or inconsiderate.

We have 2 children, and they are well educated on ADD and the effects. When he says he will be home in 1 hour....we know it means 2 hours, etc...

One thing that is real important to me....is to let him know that I understand.
He is his worse critic, and he sometimes feels he is a failure because he is always late to the job...or did not get stuff done that he was suppose to do.
I am there to encourage him and remind him that he is not a failure...he has a MEDICAL CONDITION, that effects millions of people. I also try & help him with calenders & reminders, etc.

If I were to go and critize him for this.....he would make his productivity worse.

Good luck, and hang in there!

My very first thought on this was if your BF has to have everything clean then why does't he dig in and help? Maybe he's the lazy one. If I were you I would dump the guy ASAP. Doesn't seem to me like he's good for you and no one deserves that kind of treatment. Just keep working on yourself, take care of your son and gain some self respect. I have trouble keeping things together. My house is a mess but I just recently started treatment and my hope is to get it cleard out...made very simple...get rid of the clutter. Best wishes for you.

Thank you all so much! Esp. you Renee123! That was the kind of reply I was hoping to get, and I'm hoping to get more of those... Your husband is so lucky to have you Renee!!!

I should have added that it hasn't always been like this, just the last two months, and that BF knows about my ADD. He has a lot on his mind. His ex- GF moved away with his daughter. Every other weekend he has to drive 8 hours to be with his daughter, stay with his aunt with her, and drive back 8 hours on sunday. (Flying is too expensive here in Norway) He also has a courtcase coming up where he's filing for custody of his daughter. In addition to this he has started a new project at work. He is under alot of pressure right now. (I'm not making excuses. I'm just explaining how the situation is.)

I am not on medication for my ADD. I just started to see a psychologist last monday. (Which was awful!!! The psychologist was awful!!! But that's another story) I have to be in therapy for 1 year-1 1/2 before I can apply for medication. And I have to be diagnosed again first. That's how it works in Norway.... And it sux!!

My very first thought on this was if your BF has to have everything clean then why does't he dig in and help? Maybe he's the lazy one. If I were you I would dump the guy ASAP. Doesn't seem to me like he's good for you and no one deserves that kind of treatment. Just keep working on yourself, take care of your son and gain some self respect. I have trouble keeping things together. My house is a mess but I just recently started treatment and my hope is to get it cleard out...made very simple...get rid of the clutter. Best wishes for you.

Hi! He does help. He is doing alot around the house. he just gets frustrated that I don't see the mess, and when he has to clean up my mess he always makes comments about it. It's only been like this the last two months. (See my other post.)

When I told him about my ADD he was very supportive and understanding, and helped me get help. He even took time off of work to come with me to all my GP appointments. He really is a good man, he just has a lot on his mind right now....

Thank you all so much! Esp. you Renee123! That was the kind of reply I was hoping to get, and I'm hoping to get more of those... Your husband is so lucky to have you Renee!!!

I should have added that it hasn't always been like this, just the last two months, and that BF knows about my ADD. He has a lot on his mind. His ex- GF moved away with his daughter. Every other weekend he has to drive 8 hours to be with his daughter, stay with his aunt with her, and drive back 8 hours on sunday. (Flying is too expensive here in Norway) He also has a courtcase coming up where he's filing for custody of his daughter. In addition to this he has started a new project at work. He is under alot of pressure right now. (I'm not making excuses. I'm just explaining how the situation is.)

I am not on medication for my ADD. I just started to see a psychologist last monday. (Which was awful!!! The psychologist was awful!!! But that's another story) I have to be in therapy for 1 year-1 1/2 before I can apply for medication. And I have to be diagnosed again first. That's how it works in Norway.... And it sux!!

No, it doesn't sux, here in America they care more about the dollar than the well-being of a patient. Amphetamines that are usually prescribed for ADD can be unhealthy. Canada has banned Adderall XR because of strokes/heart problems of patients. Side effects can effect the heart/circulatory system along with many other body systems, and a new study shows long-term use of amphetamine meds can lead to develpment of depression.

So it sounds like your country is trying to be cautious, no harm there. Some people use caffiene for ADD instead of drugs and it seems to work. Although caffiene isn't the greatest thing to consume either, it isn't a controlled substance like amphetamines for a reason...it's much safer.

Coffee or speed. It's a no-brainer choice IMHO....


And yeah, sounds like the BF is under alot of stress and takes it out on you. Well, that is an entirely different situation than you first posted, so I guess it's more of a rough spot in your relationship than it is a bad relationship.

Maybe he's not all that bad after all; but still, don't use ADD or even depression as a crutch to get his attention or sympathy because he needs support from you right now with what is happening concerning his daughter. Sounds like he hasn't stopped loving you, but he can't devote all his emotion to you at this time because of the extreme emotional/financial upsets involved in custody suits......no wonder he's a bit snippy.....my brother went though a nightmare of a custody fight some years ago....now, that's what really SUX!