Poggle
02-18-2005, 09:32 PM
In the current stage of feeling like a month long mental obsession is wearing off, I find myself becoming obsessively compulsive about something else - About my being obsessively compulsive! I keep in my mind the fact that I'm like this in a very conscious, but un-controllable, acknowledgement rather than when I would usually feel desensitized to the conscious statement of "I am obsessively compulsive" when I do certain rituals like check the door, etc. but right now it's like a person is whispering "Remember, you're obsessively compulsive!" kind of. Not literally, but it's such an uncontrollable reminder. How do I find my way past THAT!?
What's also kind of weird is how my mind feels like it's testing my obsessively compulsive tendencies. A "What if it comes back?" kind of curious thing. Sometimes I also think like that driven by a very unstable anxiety. So if I'm able to do something that I was unable to do during my obsession, like read, watch movies, play an instrument, etc. I may not have the particular obsession I had before, but my mind still isn't as lax as it was before, it still feels oppressed, but with the "What if it comes back?" "Am I still like that?" kind of mindset.
What' upsets me the most is that my head has attached the significance of the fact that I'm obsessively compulsive to things I was doing during my OCD month, like if I listen to a CD, watch a movie, go somewhere, etc. anything I did during that time. I feel like I'm trying to clean up after the aftermath of a war. :(
I feel 'healed' in many areas but I still feel unstable, as if the worry of it happening again is making me have a phobia of trying to think freely if you know what I mean. It's almost like looking through a "Hallway of mirrors" of my mental state.
What's also kind of weird is how my mind feels like it's testing my obsessively compulsive tendencies. A "What if it comes back?" kind of curious thing. Sometimes I also think like that driven by a very unstable anxiety. So if I'm able to do something that I was unable to do during my obsession, like read, watch movies, play an instrument, etc. I may not have the particular obsession I had before, but my mind still isn't as lax as it was before, it still feels oppressed, but with the "What if it comes back?" "Am I still like that?" kind of mindset.
What' upsets me the most is that my head has attached the significance of the fact that I'm obsessively compulsive to things I was doing during my OCD month, like if I listen to a CD, watch a movie, go somewhere, etc. anything I did during that time. I feel like I'm trying to clean up after the aftermath of a war. :(
I feel 'healed' in many areas but I still feel unstable, as if the worry of it happening again is making me have a phobia of trying to think freely if you know what I mean. It's almost like looking through a "Hallway of mirrors" of my mental state.
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phobic
02-19-2005, 12:42 AM
Im hope this dosnt offend you, but your post made me chuckle. It's just all so ocdish that it kind of makes me feel "manic" like in that it's so hysterically funny to me how this ocd stuff works. Not laughing at whats happening to you i hope you understand, it's just that i know so well what your going through and it makes so much sense yet i feel it shouldnt. Oh i wish i could explain, but i can say i feel for you, and hang in there. Sounds like you got at least a bit of reliefe....
starburst589
02-20-2005, 09:30 PM
hey. I deal with ocd too.. i think what you need to understand is that its not something that comes and goes in a month. It's in your personality and its part of who you are. Its not something that will probably ever completely leave, just something that you can learn to deal with and learn to lessen. Ya you can take pills and ya you can go to councilling and ya, they do work. But they don't eliminate it. I think what you need to do is just accept that that's the way you are and try to take the steps to lessen how much it effects your life in a negative way. To me, you still sound obbsessive as in it hasn't gone away enough so that it could come back. Know what I mean? I myself have dealt with ocd since I was very very young and I only decided to tell people about it when it got really bad and was taking up a lot of time and effort in my life. I never even told any one until I was 14 so I lived with it for many many years. Now that i'm being treated for it, I can feel that it's gone away quite a bit but I know that its just something that will always be a part of how I act sort of... it's just a trait. Don't get worked up about having ocd, learn to deal with it instead of worrying about having it,.