SammyT
02-18-2005, 08:58 PM
what a downer! i binged and purged 2wice today! never do i do it 2wice in a day! always once but never 2 times!! and the ffirst (which was this aft) i was SO excited, but it wasnt even that good (taste wise) and the last omg will i never forget it. right in the middle of stuffing my face (mom was at the bar with friends so i had the house to myself),
dad shows up! :eek:
i was freakin!! i had all these pots full of noodles and crap all over! so i ran and took everything into the computer room, but left one of the noodle pots on the stove. so he was like "watcha buildin?" (in his churpy ol' voice..lol. o paa), and i was like "o, just makin noodles for supper..." he knows about my eating disorder so he wasnt going to say "why JUST noddles??" neways, i ate it...in front of him (but i already had 10 other things be4 that sitting in the pit of my tummy) so i had to eat it fairly slowly. he stayed for like 15 minutes and the hole time i was stuffig my face with other things in the computer room wishing he wouldj ust leave! i mean, i love him to death, but my god! worst timing EVER!!! i just wanted him to LEAVE! i was so mad! when i was done (luckily) he walked in the room and said goodbye. when he left i ran to the kitchen and ATE MORE! why? no clue! then afterwards i felt so guilty because i let food sit in the pit of my stomach for SO long! i got it all out except for maybe a ocuple things but thatll be my supper.
it was SO close!! if he wouldnt have yelled "HellO!" in the porch be4 opening the door i would have been dead. close call. and u know what? last nite i had another dream about my ed. that mom caught me. it felt SO weird. do u think thats a sign that maybe i shoud stop? im thinking so...one of these days i will get caught in the act. today was just way to close.
this week was just not my week.
Sammyx0x0x0x: :wave:
dad shows up! :eek:
i was freakin!! i had all these pots full of noodles and crap all over! so i ran and took everything into the computer room, but left one of the noodle pots on the stove. so he was like "watcha buildin?" (in his churpy ol' voice..lol. o paa), and i was like "o, just makin noodles for supper..." he knows about my eating disorder so he wasnt going to say "why JUST noddles??" neways, i ate it...in front of him (but i already had 10 other things be4 that sitting in the pit of my tummy) so i had to eat it fairly slowly. he stayed for like 15 minutes and the hole time i was stuffig my face with other things in the computer room wishing he wouldj ust leave! i mean, i love him to death, but my god! worst timing EVER!!! i just wanted him to LEAVE! i was so mad! when i was done (luckily) he walked in the room and said goodbye. when he left i ran to the kitchen and ATE MORE! why? no clue! then afterwards i felt so guilty because i let food sit in the pit of my stomach for SO long! i got it all out except for maybe a ocuple things but thatll be my supper.
it was SO close!! if he wouldnt have yelled "HellO!" in the porch be4 opening the door i would have been dead. close call. and u know what? last nite i had another dream about my ed. that mom caught me. it felt SO weird. do u think thats a sign that maybe i shoud stop? im thinking so...one of these days i will get caught in the act. today was just way to close.
this week was just not my week.
Sammyx0x0x0x: :wave: