I am 26 yrs old and my mom is dying of ALS or lou gehrig's disease. She was diagnosed in April of 04 and in nov. was put on a ventilator and peg feeding tube. we brought her home 2 days before christmas. It's been so hard taking care of her. She talks about dying every day, some days she begs to live others she just wants to go. I wish we would have just let her go to be with jesus she suffers so much all the time mentally and physically. And now she is hallincinating. I can't hardly stand it, I just wish how long she had and why God is letting her suffer so why he can't just take her.

I don't mean to be rude or offensive. I am very sorry to hear for your dying loss.

However, if she is suffering that bad the right choice would be to unplug any machine aids and let her go. I know this sounds overly extreme, but would you rather watch her suffer or rest in peace?

I am not saying do this, since it's only a suggestion. :angel:

SHe has to make that decision, they won't let us. She is still coerant and able to make decsions

Your Mother is in my prayers today, Pray and and turn her over to Jesus to heal or what ever is His will. But all of you pray together.

My mom decided yesterday at 1030 she wanted off the respirator so we took it off. She made it throught the night without it we do have oxygen on her. and today I'm going to try to get ahold of hospice to come in. Our dr. tried to get us to get hospice to come in a month ago but my mom refused, but I think it's time I don't want her to suffer. Yesterday was the most peaceful day we've had since all of this happened, we laughed together as a family and prayed together several times. Please keep us in your prayers for God's will.

My mom decided yesterday at 1030 she wanted off the respirator so we took it off. She made it throught the night without it we do have oxygen on her. and today I'm going to try to get ahold of hospice to come in. Our dr. tried to get us to get hospice to come in a month ago but my mom refused, but I think it's time I don't want her to suffer. Yesterday was the most peaceful day we've had since all of this happened, we laughed together as a family and prayed together several times. Please keep us in your prayers for God's will.
tiffany, you did a very good and brave thing ... you should be proud of yourself ...

jb

I feel so selfish I thought I would be relieved when this process started, but yet I just want her here to talk to for me I guess. But I just don't want her to suffer........ I'm so scared I can't even descibe what I am feeling right now

Jesus is waiting for your mom. Even though we know heaven is waiting, it is scary. We're only human and we can't help it.
I pray for comfort for your mom and peace for you and your family.

I feel so selfish I thought I would be relieved when this process started, but yet I just want her here to talk to for me I guess. But I just don't want her to suffer........ I'm so scared I can't even descibe what I am feeling right now
i don't blame you for being so scared -- i was too ... but i think that you don't want your mum to suffer tho, do you? i don't think she wants to go on suffering ... and it's really your mum you're thinking about now ...

so whisper in her ear that you love her, and that you'll be ok (i don't know how old you are -- you sound young to me, and it's even more scary when you're young) ... reassure her that you'll be fine -- that's the most unselfish thing you'll ever do ...

you've already been brave by shutting off the respirator -- for your mum's sake, not yours ... i don't think you're selfish at all, and emotions are confused at a time like this anyway ... of course we don't want to lose a parent, we remember all the happy things we did together and it hurts; we ask of God, "why!!" ...

my best friend died of breast cancer a few years ago and there isn't a day goes by that i don't think of her, but would i want her back in pain and misery? no, but that doesn't stop me from missing her, as i do my mum ...

jb

jinglebts, I am 26....... And yes your right this is the hardest thing I think I'll have to go through in life. They say some things are worse than death and seeing her like she is, is so hard......... She smiled more since we took her off the respirator than she has in 6 mos. Thanks for your posts keep praying and I'll keep you guys posted, Thanks for being there to listen

jinglebts, I am 26....... And yes your right this is the hardest thing I think I'll have to go through in life. They say some things are worse than death and seeing her like she is, is so hard......... She smiled more since we took her off the respirator than she has in 6 mos. Thanks for your posts keep praying and I'll keep you guys posted, Thanks for being there to listen
when my best friend died, she'd developed breast cancer and we all knew that this was the serious type -- inflammatory, raging -- i cried and cried at that diagnosis, then we helped her thru the chemo and surgery, she had a brief remission, and then died; i thought, "oh well, i'm done my mourning now -- i mourned at the diagnosis" ... so wrong ... she was the first person in my adult life who'd ever died: i saw her body in the hospice bed and i'd been there just the day before .... she had a wee smile on her face, like my mum when she died ... the dying of a loved one is the hardest thing most of us will have to cope with ...

the hospice gave me a book after she died, called "the orphaned adult" by alexander levy ... it helped enormously, to recognize the feelings that i had that i didn't know about ... it may help you ...

jb

Thank you, My mom died this morning at 915AM, it was peaceful......... it's just hard I miss her already

Thank you, My mom died this morning at 915AM, it was peaceful......... it's just hard I miss her already
sweetie, i'm so sorry ... to lose your mother at such an early age, for both of you, is dreadful ... try to know that your mother is in a much better place, after all her suffering, and be grateful that her death was peaceful ...

know too that you have both my love and my heart and my sympathy, and i'm terribly, terribly sorry that this had to happen .... what an awful, tragic thing :( ...

in sorrow,
jb

~~ we need as much comfort in the weeks and months, not just days, that follow a death that ...please keep us informed of how you're holding up ...

I'm not holding up too good, things are so hard and it seems like my dad, and two brother are taking it hard, I'm trying to be strong, but she was the strong one in the family she held us all together........ I just don't know what we are going to do

I'm not holding up too good, things are so hard and it seems like my dad, and two brother are taking it hard, I'm trying to be strong, but she was the strong one in the family she held us all together........ I just don't know what we are going to do
it must be so hard for all of you ... you know, altho' men are physically strong, it seems that when it comes to feelings, they are the weaker sex ... your dad must feel the loss dreadfully, his partner in life, and your brothers miss their mother but may not be able to show it, trying to be strong ...

do you have a pastor or minister that you can go to? do you have a best friend? you may find some comfort there, since your dad, bless his heart, is busy trying to come to terms with his own feelings, and there's a funeral to plan ... you might find some solace in giving a little eulogy -- you could suggest that to your dad, who must be so full of grief now ...

one finds out in the hardest ways that life's not fair, and i'm not the one to say why ...

again, in sorrow,
jb

~~ and crying is ok, even in front of a crowd ...

First off I am sorry for the loss of your mother from your life. It is a hard thing to bear, and I am sure you are feeling it and have been feeling it but now the pain from ALS is gone from your mom. The pain that leaves in us, is still with us, and that too one day will go.

I would love for you to try to remember the years you had with your mom before this dreadful disease took over everyones life. What you did for your mother was for your mother at her request. She would be the one to know it was her time, and we can only just say goodbye I love you and be at peace. Like JB says you were brave. You need to have comfort within your own self before you can try to make your father and your brother feel better. It will come to them.

Remembering you were her daughter, her extension into life if you will. You were not your mom nope, but through you she lives on in this life. Jb suggests you give a brief love felt eulogy at your mom's memorial or funeral. That is excellent. Remembering all the little things that went on in your life with her, not the pain, the suffering, the tears.... remember the love... the fun.

Our mothers give us our life, they live with us through this life, and when they cease to be with us, they never truly leave us. You will always be her daughter and she your mother, that can never change no matter if you do or not.

This little poem was given to me by my own mother (who is still with us, though elderly and frail) she has requested that I read it at her memorial. Since she has been deaf her whole life, I thought I would honour her memory, and since there will be other deaf people at her service, I will def have this read by me, (I am not deaf) and it will be done in ASL (american sign language) for those who cannot hear.

It is an old poem, author unknown, and just reading it gives me peace.... I know my mother loves it, and her own mother had this stashed in her Bible and my mom found it.

Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry:
I am not there. I did not die.

Your mom is at peace with what ever peace mean't to her, and she would not want pain to go on forever.

Bonnielea

...

Remembering you were her daughter, her extension into life if you will.

...

Our mothers give us our life, they live with us through this life, and when they cease to be with us, they never truly leave us. You will always be her daughter and she your mother, that can never change no matter if you do or not.

This little poem was given to me by my own mother ...

It is an old poem, author unknown, and just reading it gives me peace.... I know my mother loves it, and her own mother had this stashed in her Bible and my mom found it.

Do not stand at my grave and weep:
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry:
I am not there. I did not die.

Your mom is at peace with what ever peace mean't to her, and she would not want pain to go on forever.

Bonnielea
i found the same poem amongst my mum's effects ... i wish i'd found it in time to read it at her funeral; my step-dad was so shattered that i realised, too late, that i'd be the only one to talk, so i tossed together a little eulogy that i thought best expressed my mum ... after i gave it, a little old man (i didn't know him, but mum obviously did) approached me and asked if he could hug me ... those are the sorts of thing you remember, odd things ...

i would have broken down if i'd found it in time to read that poem, but nonetheless, i wish i'd had it ...

tiffy, try to do your best at growing up, to do her proud ... that's what i'd like my daughter to do ... bonbe's right -- your mother will never leave you -- she'll always be looking over your shoulder: in sorrow and happiness, in grace and pain, she'll always be there, and don't you ever let one person say otherwise ... you will always be her daughter ...

:angel:
jb

Thank you guys, Your thoughts really helped me, I so feel her in the wind and the sunlight too, I love that poem.......... thanks again for being here

Thank you guys, Your thoughts really helped me, I so feel her in the wind and the sunlight too, I love that poem.......... thanks again for being here
you're so welcome, my dear, any time ... beautiful how you think of her being in the wind and the sunlight ...

jb

I'm not holding up too good, things are so hard and it seems like my dad, and two brother are taking it hard, I'm trying to be strong, but she was the strong one in the family she held us all together........ I just don't know what we are going to do

hi,
i just wanted to give my condolences to you and your family. my mom died from cancer when i was just 18 (im 23 now) and I can tell you honestly that it is going to be hard and definitely painful. BUT - believe it or not, time does heal the wounds. im sure things are weird right now - it may feel as if you dont know what emotions to feel - sad that shes gone, yet happy that shes not suffering- guilty for not spending more time with her or feeling like you didnt do enough.. then having to deal with the others around you (family) who are learning how to get through it themselves too. it's rough, but life (no matter if u want it to or not) goes on.
just remember that your mom is still here watching over you.. and she'll still visit you in your dreams. (i STILL get dreams once in awhile of her coming just to say hi and asking me how life is - i really believe that she visits) If you're religious, turn to God for guidance - and even if you're not turn to him anyway because you'll feel some comfort knowing that your mom is with him. Understand that you will see your mom again - this seperation is just temporary. She's gone home, and she's waiting for you when its your time. =) ever since my mom died, i've kinda viewed death differently.. its like she's the lucky one.. she never again has to suffer -and she got to the place where we all want to be.

if you need anything at all, dont hesitate to ask.

kim

My mom has been gone over 2 weeks now, and I just can't accept it. I'm just waiting for her to call or come home, it just doesn't seem real, I mean I know it is. Why is life so unfair? I am so young to lose my mom? I feel so angry right now..........

My mom has been gone over 2 weeks now, and I just can't accept it. I'm just waiting for her to call or come home, it just doesn't seem real, I mean I know it is. Why is life so unfair? I am so young to lose my mom? I feel so angry right now..........
please know that anger is normal, despair is normal, anguish is normal, and nobody said that life is fair .... as bonbe says, try to do your mum proud, but it's OK to feel grief and anger ... you will eventually come to terms with your mother's death ... you will never get over it, but you will come to terms with it -- you are a very strong young woman -- never forget that ...

i wish i could help you more, but i can't :( -- just know that we're always here ...

jb

Dear Tiffyholman,

Please accept my condolences. I wish you much peace.

hi there hon,

I am new on the boards but not to losing family...I am so sorry you had to go through and still are going through what you are going through. I just happened upon this website recently and maybe for a reason and thats to help and support anyone in need of support.. Personally I suggest thinking of a new memory every day keep them strong inside as thats what your mom would want you to do. Know she is safe and not suffering.. and know there are so many untraveled new paths for you... you are so young to have to go through such a rough lesson but it is meant to be and in the end you will know why ... I hope you never have to go through this again.. but keep those memories alive and make sure to smile everyday when you think of your mom ;) she is helping you along you just don't realize it yet.

Bless
prhizzm