I don't have anyone to talk to about my issue and hope I can get some advice on what to do.

Here's my story, My husband has a big problem when he takes pain med's and gets addicted to them very easy and for the last 4 or 5 months now he has been buying them from someone at work and he takes up to 5 I believe at one time (Vicodin) and he gets in this weird mood, Not cranky or fustrated, more like in a zone and it's like nothing around him exist. I have talked with him about 3 times now about this and he says he will try to stop taking them and everyday he comes home from work and is loaded and I hate it and get mad and don't talk to him but he is in this like very happy mood which is fine if he don't have to take meds to get in a happy mood. I am at my witts end with this and really don't know what else to do, I don't want to leave because I truely love him, I don't have anyone to talk to or confined in. Our sex life has gone down the drain and so is our marriage. I know he will not go to rehab or counseling so why even bother. Any advice to what I can or should do. Thank you.

Well, In my opinion it sounds like he is at the beggining of an addiction and usually at that point you deny that you are addicted and you are starting to fall in love with them. You can not make him quit no matter what you do he has to wanna quit on his own. Which will be hard for you to do now since he is at the point where he does not think it is causing any problems and he likes the way they make him feel so he is not fed up with them yet. Usually in time people sees the problems drugs are causing them and they really dont even like doing them anymore and they are fed up they quit. I am not saying all hope is lost though, keep in mind I dont know your whole situation, this is just the assumption I made by reading your post. And also I am just clean since Jan. 22 and also on a maintenance drug so I am not the best one to give advice. But I have been and seen so many others at differrent stages of addiction. I also have quit many times before only to go back to using eventually but this time I am the most serious and the meds I take now help me tremendously. Which I do not as well as many others recommend maintenance meds unless you have been doing drugs many years.
Have you ever confronted your husband about his problem and tell him how it is affecting you and your marriage? If you havent and been totally serious about it you need to. Just dont becone too overbearing, this will most likely cause hm to become more secretive and that's where a lot of lying comes into place. Are you starting to have financial problems because of his addiction? If so that is definitely important to tell him. Anyway, I wish you the best and dont give up hope, and try to talk him into going to couseling or NA. You can also find help in support through Al-ANon, it is a support group for family members of addicts and alcholics. I'm sure they have a web site too, just look it up in a search engine, Good Luck and God Bless! :wave:

beginning of an addiction is what it sounds like to me also. i, personally had to hit bottom before i realized what i had done. it's so unfortunate that it works out this way usually. good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks for your advice. I hope it all boils over but I don't see this happening as long as he is able to get this meds and as long as he is doing these meds it makes me more depressed and although I feel like leaving I don't know where I would go and I am a SAHM with no income.

Jon-f...I have confronted him at least 3 times and it doesnt hit home for him. I don't want to say anything to him while he is loaded on these meds so last night I said to him...You are really ok with this aren't you, He said ok with what (he knew exactly what I was talking about), I said these meds are more important than your marriage and he of course came back with a smart *** remark like, yep I'm ok with it and I just said fine this is what you want we will leave at that and that was it I didn't talk to him the rest of the night and he left for work today and I haven't spoken to him yet. His prob is he can't deal with confirtations when he'son meds and when he's not, he says I am just bitching, fine I won't ***** anymore and will see how he does with me not being here. I know I can't be the one to stop him from taking these and he is gonna have to do it on his own but in the mean time am I suppose to get in a deep depression before he does quit. Ok long enough, I'll quit now. Thanks

A lot of marriages have been torn apart by drug problems and it is most commonly the men which is bad because in most situations the man is the primary support. I know plenty of women who have married good hard working men and later on down the road they end up supporting them and live a miserable life. If he is willing to let this come between your marriage and if he is not providing your intimate needs then you may need to explore your options. Do you have children? If you do it may be harder but if his addiction gets worse along with everything else it will be harder on them then.
I am definitely not advising that you leave your husband but I think you are in a bad spot. Maybe some women who have been in your situation may help you a lot better than I.
It seems like though when you become drug addicted an almost demonly force takes over and fogs your mind and you dont care about anybody or anything, not even yourself. I am not no big holy roller or anything like that but I have done this stuff long enough to know there is an evil force behind it.
Look into his eyes next time he comes in high, notice his emotions, composure, etc: But I am more than sure you have already made this assumption.
Do what is right for you but try your best to salvage your marriage and help him. I am sure you love him and looking for a way to fix this without leaving him, My advice is to just pray and try your best. Maybe he will see the light.

Go to Al-Anon. With opiates he'll not have much of a desire for sex. Al-Anon will help you learn how to deal with things.

Jon F, We do have 2 boys age 18 and 20, both still living at home. When he came home from work tonight I believe he wasn't on them but at the same time I am the type that is very stubborn, I don't look or talk to him and dont like to be in the same room with him. He knows I am upset with him and this time I will not give in cuz lately when I give in and I think everything is ok he goes right back to the meds so untill he sits down with me and faces his actions I don't have anything to say to him.

Windysan,He don't have a sex drive as it is when he takes these meds so it's nothing unusual right now. I will check their web site. Thank you.

Your hubby sounds like he is in the early stages and in full denial. Us addicts, will protect their drug of choice to the end. He has GOT to be ready to quit. It sounds like he isn't.... It doesn't matter what you do or say right now, he isn't going to stop the meds until HE IS READY>
Al-anon would be a great thing, as windy said. We can help you see the other side of addiction here....the user's side.
I wish the hell i never touched a pain pill in my life, it has robbed me of my soul. How long has he been taking them???? If he has been on them for awhile, it isn't a cake-walk to get off of them! If he hasn't been on them for that long, he should get the hell off of them now while he can.....the longer you stay on them, the more physical and MENTAL damage we do to ourselves. There was a time, when i would've picked a pill over ANYTHING in my life. I am still trying to work at my recovery. I guess it is something i will endure for the rest of my life.
Please keep posting here, this is a good reminder for all of us addicts what we do to our families and how it affects everyone around us....
Thanks for reminding me....
Hope to hear from you soon.....
Luv,
LISA

there is hope ! but you have got to take care of you &your feelings. and not enable him in any way.also there is help for you & support for you that is alanon.also try to learn more about drug addiction it is a deasease.It cannt be cured .but there is a daily reprieve from it he will have to hit a bottom for he surenders .the hope is this god is all and he alone can save your man he will if he is sought.there are 12 step programs .andawhole bunch of peaple that got thier life back and more please pray for him and get some help for yourself so you can love him till he can love himself.Iwill keep you in my prayers.

Well it's me again, I haven't posted because I thought things were getting back to normal but I was wrong. He seams to only do them during the week when he is at work and on the weekends he is fine and not on them. I keep giving him the benefit of doubt and the same **** happens but not no more he can float on them all he wants but I won't be around to watch him go down. He knows how I feel about them and he now is dening that he is on them when I comfront him but I know he is by the look in his eyes and his pupils are tiny. I guess the only way he can be happy with me and to deal with any problems is to get high off these so if this is the only way I make him happy he can be happy without me, I will be glad to step away. I just don't want to be in a relationship that my partner doesnt want to give 100
%. I have been faithful in our relationship, have shown him nothing but love and I know he is lucky to have me and I dont deserve this crap so I hope he gets what he deserves and maybe it will be to late by time he relizes what he has thrown away if he even gives a ****. Sorry this is so long and I am venting a little to much but I guess I needed to get it out. Thanks FOR LISTENING.

Hi,
I know what you are going through my husband just loves those vicodins. I t is not easy thing to go through or listen to their lies.What time do you usually get online to read messages

Kazyme, How do you deal with his addiction?

I normally come on at night and some mornings.

Hi,
It is very hard to deal with his addiction. He thinks he really needs those pills and he also thinks they give him energy. He has calmed down alot from before. I tried to see if you were online but you weren't.

They do give him energy, no doubt about that. But thats part of the trap. The longer he is on the things, the worse its going to get. Introduce him to the discussion boards maybe? We can help, we've all been there and understand how hard it is. Would he join th discussion board do you think?

Would he join th discussion board do you think?

No, Not at all, he doesn't like computers and will never get on one.

Do you have a printer? Can you print some of our discussions so he can read them? This is terrible, there is so much knowledge and experience right here on this board. It is frustrating not being able to get through to him. Have you spoken with him about this discussion board yet?

Have you spoken with him about this discussion board yet?

Why bother, theres no use to even try to get through to him. I'm done trying to talk to him, 4 times is enough, if this is what he wants in life than who am I to stand in his way. Odvious this is what makes him happy not me so why would I try, like others have said he is the one that wants to stop, not me wanting him to stop. He has had over 20 something surgerys since 1985 and has been addicted to pain pills since but has gotten worse now that he can buy them and doesnt have to go see a doctor to get a prescription.

Can I just ask...What happens if he continues to keep taking them? I know he will become more addicted but what harm will it cause him? as far as medical harm? Thanks

Well, most likely if he keeps taking them his tolerance will increase and yes, it just gets worse I'm sorry to say. I guess he just hasn't hit his low point yet. I hope you can hang on, if you know that you can't then you should tell him its over. Maybe that will shock him into the realization of how serious it is. Sending you power, wishing you the best.

Thanks DCV, Believe me I think about walking out everyday but at this point my main concern is my son's graduation in june, this is very important to me and is my last child in school and I need to be here for him so I guess I just need to stick around and deal with it although it will be very cold around here.

Hi,
If he is taking 5 at a time then you need to tell him to get help or you get out now while you can. My husband starting like that to and now takes 15 at a time. You can't imagine what it does to a person that is normally the best person in the world. mine takes about 6-8 breakfast doses then about 8-10 lunch doses then about 12-15 dinner doses. Give or take a few. Depending if he can get. If he can't watch out because world war 3 begins. Any way what this addiction does to your life and family is unimagineable. Please if he wont quit or get help now get out while you can because you cant fix him!!!! I know I've tried for 6 years. But hopefully mine is going to detox this week!! Stay strong and hang in there I to am a sahm with no income and no place to go but I'm at the point of going to a homeless shelter if I have to its so bad!! Keep us posted!!! And good luck!!!

Wow, that is alot to take, I cant imagine him taking that many, how are you dealing with it?

You MUST take care of yourself first. If you leave, maybe he will wake up and smell the coffee. Taking opiates in the amounts you describe, he without a doubt is an addict and is headed for self destruction. Do whatever you have to to save yourself from finding him dead in the bathroom, or in bed. Maybe you could move in with a family member? If your family doesn't know about this, I'd tell them, you need support too.

Hi again
Im not dealing well. I began using to. Although I'm not like him I can go without. They do give you lots of energy but its not worth it in the end. He loves percs and vics way to much. The sad part is he used to be a pothead and that was what he had to have now he goes without that until he gets others. Anyway if you cant get him to admit he has a problem and get help he probably never will and even then just because you know you got a problem doesnt mean you seek help. Like I have said its like a demon and once it takes over it is really hard to shake. If you love him be there for him as much as you can but you can only be there so long. Dont stick around to lose everything you own. I have and hopefully this is the turning point for me. Its so scary. Stay in touch!!!!
:) nita

He needs serious help. I'm re-entering the stage of abuse and it's taken nearly three months for me to admit to myself I'm getting stuck on the pills again. It'll be a weeks before I can tell my parents and get help again. Just remind him that you love him and want him to be happy and healthy.