hey ladies!! how you all doin?? well, im just doin my daily post checks..lol as i do...all the time! neways, my morning was a total waste of a day! frig me, i should be doing homework or somethin usefull! sheesh! neways, i had breakfast, but then i had a nast binge and purge sequence that lasted for like 2 and a half hours! (what a waste of my day eh?) neways, i think i got most of it out, i was SO tired and it was starting to hurt...so i quit. but i think there was still food of what i binged on left in my body. so i didnt eat lunch. (i started the binge at like 10 and ended at 12:30) so, what i am telling myself rite now is the food that is still in me would have been my lunch.

therefore i never really gained nething. i know this is the BAD way of thinking things and ladies, dont u follow my leads! lol. but its a way to make me feel better and not as guilty. is that ok? im having lasagna for supper 2nite, and i will eat it and dangNabit im keeping it down! haha :) but i just wont eat till then....to make up for what i did. and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

but really, say if i would have had grilled cheese, but this binge instead, i consumed the same amount of cals? im not exactly shure how much food is still left in my tummy but im shure i got pretty much all of it.

thanks guys!! and i hope ur days are going swell!!

2morrow is my last day here and then im gone for 5 days! ill really really really miss u ladies!! but haha what am i doin? sayin my goodbyes...pfft! haha ill be here 2nite !

ttyl!

SammYxxoxox:):)

Hey Sammy,

I'm sorry that your morning did not go very well! I was wondering, do you binge b/c you get famished from restricting all day? Or do you binge to fill some emotional need? :confused: If you're binging because you're hungry, you should try to eat small meals throughout the day to ward off extreme hunger- that way you wouldn't have to feel guilty about binging, and you wouldn't have to purge (which I find to be an Aweful experience!!). Anyway, I hope you have a pleasant 5 days off from school (lucky :p ).

~Nova :wave:

That was gonna be my next question. Sammy what makes you more upset? Eating in general or the amount of calories you eat? Calories are not. I read alot of your posts and it seems that mostly you care concerned with calories. If you can get more protein in your body it will cut your sweet tooth in half. Therefore alot of your binges will be cut in half as well. Less stress on your body means a more perky you. EEK that's scary! How can you be anymore perky ROFL. I would like to see you more perky and I have faith in you that you will be that way soon!

Jenteal

Sammy do you want to get better? I really don't think your question is very appropriate considering the nature of this board. We're here to help you...not make what you're doing worse.

I notice you haha's and hehe's when you write and wonder...are you a very happy person and your just too darn cute....or are you geting a kick out of this and are enjoying it?

Please don't be mad...just think about it. I really appreciate when you write back to me...you seem like a very nice person who wants to help....I just hope you want o help yourself too.

Hugs,
Jenn

Im kinda second-ing the last poster's questions...Please dont take offence Sammy, but we're here to help, and it kind of seems as though every other day you write about what youve done and how you're semi disappointed in yourself, but you never really ask for help as in how to fix it or report on your efforts to try to stop! If that's the case, then I dont think this is the place for you...I think you need to really let people know whats going on instead of playing up your faults. Everyone is struggling and your questions and EFFORTS to get better will only help you and everyone else..

hey girls...so none offence takin! i dunno why i do it. i dont do it becuase im hungry, i seem 2 be feeling okay, i mean, no fights or nothing, i just get little triggers. u know? its like, i think of a certain type of food i wont let myself eat and i just crave it, even if im not hungry or in the mood. its really weird. i honestly dont know how to answer that question.

and with my perkyness, i try to be happy and have humour. i dont laugh just because this is sum kind of joke, heck no! its just me...i am a happy girl with a good life, i just dont know how to deal with it. ppl see me smile, and its my way of covering up. i hate when ppl are all depressed and stuf...it makes me sad:( so, i try to bring ppl's spirits up. on the outside i am a happy young girl, but on the inside there must be something! i just dont know what it is. i must have an inner feeling thats making me do these things.

maybe another thing is i can't really go out and party with my friends as much. (yeh thats not good either), but if it wasnt for this ED, id be able to go out without my friends acting all conserned. i was always fat, and hated myself. i have very negative body image.

i just dont know what to do. i jus twant to get better, u kno? and yeh, if i were u i'd be like "why the h*** is this gurl laughing? this is SERIOUS!" so, i dont blame u for asking, but...i dunno. i just try to be happy.

thanks for ur concern
SammYx0x0

Hey Sammy....I'm glad you're not mad.

So, a little question for you. You really are such a sweetheart to be concerned with how other people are feeling...is it possible that you can only be happy if others are happy? What if there's nothing you can do to cheer someone up? Do you feel bad? Do you feel like it's your fault?

I'm sure you've heard this before (atleast I would hope you have)...but maybe the next time you feel the need to eat and purge...THINK about what's going on first. Are you feeling kind of empty? If so, what is it that you REALLY need to fill it up?

Hope this helps, hun.

Jenn

i think sammy.. you are a sweet heart.. and great inspiration.. thanks for everything

Hey Sammy

What happened? I thought your mind had changed??! Now it seems like I am reading one of your posts from a few weeks ago. :confused:

Did something happen to make you "go back to old ways"? I'm also wondering- you talk about how you come on this board alot- daily post checks and how you used to write on here like it was your journal- so I'm just wondering, if your mind changed, did you feel like you didnt fit in here anymore? Because maybe that triggered a binge and purge...? You get alot of support from here and maybe subconsciously you are bingeing and purging so that you can have our support...? I'm sure thats not the only reason, but I noticed such a change in your posts since you got back from the retreat... and now its back to the old ways- like you're trying to "reach out" to us again. Does that make sense?

I'm not trying to be mean- I'm just worried because you seemed to be doing so well! I know that when I was at one of my lowest points...um... 4 yrs ago... I went on some board and found myself loving the responses, and the support sooo much that on my good days, I felt alone because I didnt have anything to get support on... I had nothing to write about and get responses for. Do you know what I mean? The other thing was, at that same time I was going to an ed clinic and was starting some group sessions. But found that between that and the board... I was thinking WAY TOO MUCH about my ed, and reading/hearing what other ppl were going through... and almost found myself NOT getting better because (and this is bad) I wanted attention... so much that I wanted to be the one "with the most problems", "the most messed up" etc. So I almost made myself be that way.... made myself worse.

Luckily I recognized this, and dropped going to group and got off the board. Now, thats me... not everyone. Some ppl really benefit from group work & these boards. I recognized that AT THAT POINT in my ed battle, group work was not good for me- and decided to get one-on-one counselling instead, which worked much better for me- I had no one to compare myself to etc.

Its funny though- now that I am in a much better place with my ed, boards like this, and group work is great for me. I go to group once a week- and see there are ppl doing much worse than me, and that makes me feel proud. I dont mean that to sound mean at all- I truly believe that ANYONE with an ed can beat it! Its not like I go to groups selfishly, just so I can feel better about myself- I really do want to be support for someone- it would mean so much to me if I can even just show one person that they can beat this- because if I can be where I am today with this, anyone can do it. Kinda like a role model, I guess, and at the same time it makes me feel better about myself.

Does any of that make sensel?? haha... I'm just rambling...

Also, I think that what you said about you not going out with your friends because of your ed is part of the problem.
Do you not go out, and feel guilty for not going out, and then binge?
Do you not go out, and come to this board cuz you're bored and then feel like you dont fit in somehow??

I am totally just trying to help you figure out whats going on for you. Please dont take any offence to any of this...

Pls pls pls take a good look at what is going on for you! Maybe you need a break from this board... or make it an every second day thing instead of two or three times a day..? Maybe that will help you to focus less on your eating probs..?? Just a thought....

Take care Sammy
Love Becky

Oh...this post was posted ages ago! i never binged yet...im still on a role!:) thanks for ur concern tho...thats really sweet!

oh...haha... I guess I should learn to look at the dates!!! :dizzy: Thats funny. It was like 2am and I read your post after writing a paper all day... it totally didnt even phase me that that could've been from a while ago. Maybe I shouldn't come on this board after my mind has been immersed in criminal cases all day (I take Policing in school). haha... ah well.....