BECAUSE................ I am totally mad ay myself. After 6 years of doing so good, like I said- my first love and I were to meet again, next weekend, but he came this last weekend. I did good up until then.

The last time he saw me I was very "sick with my ED" and weighed only 87 pounds and I was (and still am ) 5'2...... So I was at that time so gross looking skinny-in & out of the hosp. because of it and now I am what is considered "normal weight for my height"...........................

Well, guess what- he gave me a nick name- ( he always did put me down, of course- after always saying " oh I am just playing) well, I figured after 15 years, maybe he grew up and out of that......NOPE

My new name from him is "Fat ***"........"Big Mama"............& "Fat Albert".
cannot figure why any of them apply to me, especially the last since I am a white female. So, I guess maybe I am not seeing what I see in the mirror.

I have not done anything to YET ruin my 6 year recovery but................after a few days of thinking. I made the final choice tonight.

I am going to do it- just enough to put me about 25 pounds "underweight".

Screw it- I feel so freakin low and disgusted............... I am just speechless now. So, I have thought about each and everyone of you- I have missed posting and reading the last 2 weeks but, I am back now and will be everynight to support and get support since I am not the strong person I thought I was.
Caytie

Caytie
PLLLLEEEEAAAASSSEEE reconsider. I know how hard it is for someone that is in recovery to hear things like that, (even jokes) but you have to be strong. you are so much better than a stupid ed and just from reading your previous posts i can tell you are an intelligent woman that is beautiful and has done something alot of us feel we can't. you are such an inspiration to all of us wanting to take that next step into recovery that could save us, please dont give up! we are all here for you rooting you on, you have done AWESOME dont stop!!!!!!
lots of love
liza

Thank you so much! I am so weak tonight and I have not "done it yet" and your words are very encouraging!.... I am trying my best to stay in my 6 year recovery but- I am having the hardest time EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your words mean the world- thank you!
Caytie!!!!!!!!!!!

Caytie,
I have read many of your posts, and found your story to be such an inspiration to me as I try to recover from bulimia. Please don't give up, you deserve more than this! You have done so well, better than a lot of us, and it is so not worth throwing it away for this. This guy was joking in an insensitive way, and if you can find the strength to let that go over your head and not relapse then you are moving a huge step forward into recovering, into your new life of being free from obsession and the misery an ed encompasses. If you can move on from this, it will make you so much stronger, and I know you can do it, you have already come so far! I am cheering for you :) !

6 years...please do not throw all that away over some stupid guy with a bad sense of humour. You are not fat, you are healthy - there is a big difference. Do you REALLY want to go back to the days of calorie-counting, obsessing over food 24/7, restricting like mad, never sleeping, broken nails, lank hair, bruises everywhere because you bruise so easy, never, ever being happy with how you look in that damn mirror...you know that's not really what you want. What you want is to be beautiful, and you know what? YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Just because some guy who realises he doesn't have a chance in hell with you because you're so damn fine comes up with some stupid nicknames doesn't mean you need to go back to the way things were. It means you need to forget about him and spend time with men who deserve your company. He probably puts you down (and has always done) because he fancies you, that's what men can be like (sad, I know). PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't throw away 6 years of b***** hard work over someone like him. You're worth more than that.

J*L xxx

Yeah, come on girl! You know that starting up again isn't going to make you feel better, not the way you want. It's only going to make you feel worse. The more you restrict and the more you lose, the *worse* you feel about yourself, physically and emotionally. You know that. You've managed to pull yourself up once, don't go back down there! It's hell and it could kill you. And where is this stupid guy anyways? I'm going to find him and kickbox his a**.

Seriously, though.. you are strong and you can stop yourself from going back there. You haven't done anything yet because you know how much your health means to you. It is very precious, especially when it you worked so damn hard for it. So I'm going to give your own good advice back to you: take whatever happened this week and put it all behind you. Try your best to go a day at a time, being good to yourself. Emotionally and physically.

::hugs:: to you and a ::left high hook, left uppercut, right cross:: to ignorant boys.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a tuff time right now! :(
Ughh.... people can be so cruel!! Honestly I dont think your friend even meant to offend you, boys have no idea what they are saying?!? You are so above this I know you can fight off the feelings you are having right now and pull through this!!
6 years of great health vs. 3 really shi**y nick names
(in my opinion, they aren't even good or funny there just stupid ones)

You got this girl!!!! Hang in there :angel:

xoxoxoxoxoxo
Jade

What an a**. I think he has self esteem problems himself. Most people put others down because they're jealous or because it makes them feel powerful. Don't let his words tear you down..you're better then that. Comments like that can be hard to deal with but you're strong and you can make it through this. We're all here for you and standing behind you 100%. :nono:

honey, he isn't worth going through all that crap again.. I would stay the heck away from him. if he cared anything about you he wouldn't have said those things, kidding or not. i am sure he knows about your ed, maybe not.. You have came a long ways, 6yrs, that is awesome. Don't throw it away for that thing. Care about yourself, you can do it. Stay on track, you can. don't listen to him, don't keep replaying his words over and over. Talk to someone you know personally and ask them what they think about him saying that. Heck, talk to atleast 5 people to knock that one bad time out of your head.. You know you look better than that 85 lbs of bones. you don't want to look like that again, do you? Your hair, skin, and nails i am sure look better as well... keep it that way. he is just a jerk and men don't know diddly.. sorry, for that but it pisses me off when men act that way just to make themselves feel better...

you can do it.
wish

Dear Time2Heal,
Being a male, I have to say... not knowing anything about this guy...that you have 2 priorities here.
(1) Drop him. ANY GUY who would say things like that to a girlfriend (even in jest) is in ways very insensitive and needs to get his head examined.
(2) Stick to your recovery. This idiot is not worth you losing your LIFE over.

Please take care. FujitaF5

Don't do it. Don't let him get the power over you. You are way stronger than any guy could ever think of being. And 6 years of recovery proves that.
You are an amazing person. A great gift to the world, with a great personality and much wisdom. That's not even mentioning the physical. That's just as beautiful. And if some guy can't see that then there is someting wrong. Someone else comented that he's just jealous and knows he's out of luck cause you are just so amazing. Guys do that. They know they have no chance and they want to be sure that others know its cause the girl doesn't like them and not cause they've got no chance.
Don't let him win. Don't let him have the power over you! I will be thinking of you.
God Bless.
~Mel