My 6 year old son was diagnosed with adhd. His mother and I were divorced when he was 4 and she was remarried a year later. Her new husband is very strict to the point where the kids are not allowed to play with toys outside their bedrooms. My son was chewing with his mouth open and was banned from their basement playroom for a month...
We went to a counselor for awhile where my ex kept pushing how bad my son was at home and in school. I did not see the behaviors she talked about when he was at my house (once or twice during the week and over the weekends). I lost the battle with the counselor and they put my son on strattara at age 5. He was on that for a little over a year. I did not like the effect the strattara had on him....I think it made him more aggressive and his emotions seemed very on edge. The doctor did not like the way my son was not gaining weight so they switched him to concerta in January. I am much happier with the concerta because I can choose not to give it to him as it does not have to be kept at a level in his blood like the Strattara was.
I went to the doctors with my ex. yesterday to ask some questions. The first thing as we sat there in the office is the doctor said he could tell right away that the dosage was working because my son looked like he was behaving well. I said "He has been staying with me for three days so had not had the meds during that time". The doctory was taken back by that but said nothing. I told the doctor that I did not have the problems with my son that my ex seems to have at her house. He said "The reason for that is that your son holds it together at your house and when he gets home, he lets it all out." I am baffled by that statement. I have had my son for almost a week now with no meds and he seems to be doing great. We are on break from school so he has not had schoolwork so I cannot gauge his school behavior without the meds.
Could anyone comment on this turning adhd on and off? Is this possible if it is true adhd?
Thank you for your time.

Tom

Your son is obviously more relaxed and at ease with you. Stress/anxiety can greatly exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD. (Which is why I do not work in high-stress environments). I don't know, I'm not a doctor but if he's behaving one way with you and another aorund the ex and her militant husband, then it's very interesting.

I don't think your son is "turning it on and off". He's probably just worried about messing up when he's at home with his mom and Sgt. Carter.

Talk to a child counselor.

tomminny,

When my kids (who have not been diagnosed with ADD -- I have) would go to their dad's for weekends and other visits, he saw the same thing and heard the same things from me as do you.
It was explained that the kids felt "free" to act out with me, but not with him. Most likely this was because they were on visitor-mode, but I am not going to speculate beyond that.
However, when I moved four hours away (for employment), their visits became more extended and less frequent with their dad (e.g., 6 weeks in the summer and rarely a weekend, as compared with 2 weeks in the summer and about a weekend each month).
After a couple of weeks at Dad's, they would start to come out of their well-behaved-visitor mode and act out.

As someone who is not happy being on meds because of side effects, and, quite frankly, lack of positive effects, I empathize with your concerns.

But I am still trying the medications because I have been this way all of my life, and it has been very difficult, especially socially. When I was a little kid, people laughed at the odd things I would blurt out. (I'm a female, so it is more obvious verbally than physically -- of course ;) ) Later, in school, I was reprimanded for talking out of turn. As an adult, it is no longer cute, funny, or acceptable--especially when it takes the form of busily working on 10 things at once under the eye of a micro-managing boss, or inappropriately sharing irrelevent observations.

So, I guess you want to determine whether your son's behavior is just age-appropriate (if annoying to some), or something that is going to prevent him from achieving a tolerable life-style and acceptance.

There are people who have been able to channel their hyper-activity (both mental and physical) into extremely lucrative careers. For instance, although I read that Jim Carrey, the actor, is bipolar rather than ADD, his manic, ADD-like phase works for him.
But I suspect if the whole population of ADD folks could be counted, the few who have achieved great fame and fortune because they were not medicated would be similar in proportion to the number of basketball stars as compared to all low-income kids who think playing basketball instead of doing homework will put them on the fast track to success.

Sorry to ramble (as usual). I hope that gives you some useful ideas.

Stress is a huge factor concerning ADD/ADHD. Also, the amount of physical exercise, as well as the amount of healthy foods /junk foods one is consuming.

However- a speaker at one CHADD meeting emphatically stated that no diagnosis is meaningful or can be presumed correct if there is "family violence" in the home- physical or emotional. The behavioral manifestations of children in these homes is due to the environment.
Of course- that does not mean one does not have ADD, etc. but a true diagnosis cannot be obtained while living in that type of home.
kind of a fine line
C-Ga

well, i don't have much I can say about the changing environment affecting his ADD. all I can say is that age 5 or 6 seems very very early to diagnose ADD in a little boy. espessially when he is in a situation like that. with the stress of changing environments and the stresses of being with your ex's spouse. I'm surprised it was diagnosed that early.

On what grounds was the diagnosis? do you feel that it was accurate? or do you think maybe he is behaving normally for a young boy. (i mean, they aren't exactly supposed to be calm and focused at that age...)

well, i don't have much I can say about the changing environment affecting his ADD. all I can say is that age 5 or 6 seems very very early to diagnose ADD in a little boy. espessially when he is in a situation like that. with the stress of changing environments and the stresses of being with your ex's spouse. I'm surprised it was diagnosed that early.

On what grounds was the diagnosis? do you feel that it was accurate? or do you think maybe he is behaving normally for a young boy. (i mean, they aren't exactly supposed to be calm and focused at that age...)

I felt that he was just being a normal, energetic young boy. His mom felt that he was out of control and was embarassing her when they went into stores, he bit a child that was provoking him at day care. At home, he did not get along with his new stepfather. We went to counseling where we saw things totally different. We were supposed to keep track of the foods he ate..which his mom did for a week, the counselor talked to her about her new husband being to hard on our son with some of the punishments..he never came to any of the sessions. It seemed that she knew that this couselor was all that stood between her and meds that would make her life easier. I stated my concerns and it was met with "You don't have the kids all the time so you shouldn't make the decision."
I do everything I can to try to keep things good between us for the kids sake. We just see this totally different. I think she is looking for control in a pill. I just hope these meds don't mess him up for the rest of his life.

Wow, this is really tough. I'm very sorry you're in this situation.
Does it seem like the meds help him? or do they make him more hyper? because if he does indeed have ADD then they would help, in a way at least. But i would immagine that if he doesn't in fact have ADD the meds wouldn't help, but only stimulate him more.

The meds definately change him. He gets quieter but doesn't show a lot of emotion. When he is on them I miss the laughing and happy boy that he seems to be when he is not on them.
I am really concerned about the long term effects of being on the meds and what it does to a child's brain while he is developing. Will he develop an addiction to the way he feels when he is on them? Will he grow to depend on them as he gets older? He is not gaining any weight and doesn't like to eat when he is on them. When he is off them at my house for a day he eats like a horse. My ex doesn't like the kids to get dirty, she doesn't push them outside to play like I do to burn off energy. She doesn't cook for them..they eat a lot of prepackaged stuff that she can microwave, lunchables for lunch, etc... I know that can contribute as well. We were supposed to keep track of his food intake when we first started counseling but she did it for a week or two and then stopped. She just wanted him to contact the dr. to put him on meds....
I missed one week of the counseling and it was the next week I walked in and the counselor was ready to put him on the meds... I don't know what I missed but that was the decision day...
Anyways, thanks for listening to my babling... I am just at a loss as to what to do now. I feel she is keeping him on the meds to keep her marriage together and be in control of him without her having to work at it. There is no other behavioral work being done with the meds...he is just "tranqualized" then she doesn't have to deal with him.

My 6 year old son was diagnosed with adhd. His mother and I were divorced when he was 4 and she was remarried a year later. Her new husband is very strict to the point where the kids are not allowed to play with toys outside their bedrooms. My son was chewing with his mouth open and was banned from their basement playroom for a month...
We went to a counselor for awhile where my ex kept pushing how bad my son was at home and in school. I did not see the behaviors she talked about when he was at my house (once or twice during the week and over the weekends). I lost the battle with the counselor and they put my son on strattara at age 5. He was on that for a little over a year. I did not like the effect the strattara had on him....I think it made him more aggressive and his emotions seemed very on edge. The doctor did not like the way my son was not gaining weight so they switched him to concerta in January. I am much happier with the concerta because I can choose not to give it to him as it does not have to be kept at a level in his blood like the Strattara was.
I went to the doctors with my ex. yesterday to ask some questions. The first thing as we sat there in the office is the doctor said he could tell right away that the dosage was working because my son looked like he was behaving well. I said "He has been staying with me for three days so had not had the meds during that time". The doctory was taken back by that but said nothing. I told the doctor that I did not have the problems with my son that my ex seems to have at her house. He said "The reason for that is that your son holds it together at your house and when he gets home, he lets it all out." I am baffled by that statement. I have had my son for almost a week now with no meds and he seems to be doing great. We are on break from school so he has not had schoolwork so I cannot gauge his school behavior without the meds.
Could anyone comment on this turning adhd on and off? Is this possible if it is true adhd?
Thank you for your time.

Tom

Ok, now that I'm done laughing at the counselor I'll give my 2 cents in. I have to comment at how convenient that answer was...about your son holding it together for you but letting it out when he gets home. Wow. I wonder how many people in your postion they tell that to....it sounds so formulaic, too perfect of an answer in my opinion. And it makes no sense.

Sounds like he really should be on his best behavior with the strict army of a house your ex and her spouse run....but why isn't he? Well, IMHO, I think he's being harrassed and he's not at all happy about it. This is the food stress feeds on...the emotional disappointment of mom and dad not loving each other anymore (and the child wonders if mom or dad can stop loving him too), and the other situation with a new person moving in, who had no rights in his life suddenly coming in and pushing him around as though they did.

Did the counselor ever think of that...the fact that maybe your son is not happy in that environment with your ex and her guy, and it shows in his behavior??

Oddly enough, when he's with you, he is not being harrassed or stressed, thus a better behavior. Happy children behave much differently than unhappy ones.....and I think this is also true of many adults. I don't think one needs a PHD to figure this stuff out, it's simple logic. But then, logic doesn't sell pills.

Divorce is a trauma on children, it rocks their foundations, their security. So if that isn't bad enough, they then may have to also have some stranger come into their house and try to replace one of their parents, this is not only upsetting but if they can't get along, then the children start to feel resentment towards the person who has no authority in their lives other than pushing themselves in on it! The conflict can create enormous stress on any child....

Insecure, resentful, over-stressed children are not going to behave well now, don't you think??


By the way, good job pulling one over on the counselor about the meds... which I really doubt the child needs....IMHO, since I'm not a doctor I cannot tell you to not give him the meds.

Now, if you are worried about the long-term problems of taking meds, you should have every right to express that; you have rights too.

New studies show long term theraputic use of amphetamines or amphetamine like drugs can lead to development of depression; also, they are drugs of dependancy and tolerance, which can cause numerous problems. THere are also the known mood problems that can develop. THere are also the health related factors on the cardiovascular system among many others.

You might be interested in some of the information out there, you can look up people like Dr. Peter Breggin, Dr. Fred Baughman. You might want to also look up Dr. Ann Tracy, PHD, she is mainly concerned with the damage done to children by antidepressants but I think whether one is talking about antidepressant, stimulants or traquilizers, the concerns about drugs that effect the brain function and change moods are still one in the same.

Look up adverse and side effects of Concerta or even Ritalin, since I'm under the impression Concerta is a longer acting version of Ritalin. Looking up that information may arm you in your concerns for your son's future health and well being, so do some research.

Good luck, with it all...

My 6 year old son was diagnosed with adhd. His mother and I were divorced when he was 4 and she was remarried a year later. Her new husband is very strict to the point where the kids are not allowed to play with toys outside their bedrooms. My son was chewing with his mouth open and was banned from their basement playroom for a month...
We went to a counselor for awhile where my ex kept pushing how bad my son was at home and in school. I did not see the behaviors she talked about when he was at my house (once or twice during the week and over the weekends). I lost the battle with the counselor and they put my son on strattara at age 5. He was on that for a little over a year. I did not like the effect the strattara had on him....I think it made him more aggressive and his emotions seemed very on edge. The doctor did not like the way my son was not gaining weight so they switched him to concerta in January. I am much happier with the concerta because I can choose not to give it to him as it does not have to be kept at a level in his blood like the Strattara was.
I went to the doctors with my ex. yesterday to ask some questions. The first thing as we sat there in the office is the doctor said he could tell right away that the dosage was working because my son looked like he was behaving well. I said "He has been staying with me for three days so had not had the meds during that time". The doctory was taken back by that but said nothing. I told the doctor that I did not have the problems with my son that my ex seems to have at her house. He said "The reason for that is that your son holds it together at your house and when he gets home, he lets it all out." I am baffled by that statement. I have had my son for almost a week now with no meds and he seems to be doing great. We are on break from school so he has not had schoolwork so I cannot gauge his school behavior without the meds.
Could anyone comment on this turning adhd on and off? Is this possible if it is true adhd?
Thank you for your time.

Tom

We are having a VERY similar problem with my step son. My DH had custody of the kids for 3 yrs(he's military)but when he had to move to a different state-a joke of an emergency custody hearing turned custody over to the mother since she would be staying put. Anyway the mother has now had custody for about 5 months and suddenly SS has all kinds of issues/problems that we do NOT see when he's here. He started a psychologist and a psychaitrist-was put on Stratarra on his FIRST visit there with no testing done. Testing was done afterwards and they have changed their minds from an ADHD dx to now a bi-polar dx!! Oh yeah Tourette's syndrom was also mentioned because he developed tics as a side effect from the straterra. These people seem to be listening to MOm only and not us at all and all mom wants is a magic pill to make SS act right. She nor the Drs. will even consider the fact that the poor kid is just upset over his daddy moving far away and going from living with dad and myself(step mom) to living with mom. Its very frustrating. Oh and she used to be the type that did not believe in meds like that but has changed her tune since she got married and her husband does not want to deal with any problems.

We are having a VERY similar problem with my step son. My DH had custody of the kids for 3 yrs(he's military)but when he had to move to a different state-a joke of an emergency custody hearing turned custody over to the mother since she would be staying put. Anyway the mother has now had custody for about 5 months and suddenly SS has all kinds of issues/problems that we do NOT see when he's here. He started a psychologist and a psychaitrist-was put on Stratarra on his FIRST visit there with no testing done. Testing was done afterwards and they have changed their minds from an ADHD dx to now a bi-polar dx!! Oh yeah Tourette's syndrom was also mentioned because he developed tics as a side effect from the straterra. These people seem to be listening to MOm only and not us at all and all mom wants is a magic pill to make SS act right. She nor the Drs. will even consider the fact that the poor kid is just upset over his daddy moving far away and going from living with dad and myself(step mom) to living with mom. Its very frustrating. Oh and she used to be the type that did not believe in meds like that but has changed her tune since she got married and her husband does not want to deal with any problems.

It sounds like you've already got it figured out, on the money!!! It's terrible the child has no rights here. It's one thing if an adult decides hey, I have a terrible time focusing and want to take meds, because they are old enough to decide if they are willing to take all the health risks involved but the poor kid has to do what he is told, even if the drug harms him in some ways.

Biological medication is given for these conditions where there are no existing biological tests. The drugs themselves can be harmful health wise and even create mood problems and as you have seen, neurological damage in the form of tics.

Lots of kids are getting tardive dyskinesia from neuroleptics given to them to control and calm them; sometimes neuorleptics are used to counter the stimulants side effects! Tardive dyskinesia is a horrible neurological ailment, I've seen kids in wheelchairs grimacing(sometimes looks like smiling or making faces) and losing control of tongue, neck and trunk movements wondering how they got that way; if it was from drugs.

That's the worst case of course but drugs that effect the brain function can cause various effects maybe not as bad as Tardive dyskinesia but bad nevertheless.

It's sad because nobody asked these kids if they are willing to take these risks from medications. And the kids wouldn't be able anyway to make the decision like an adult would.

Well, I hope there is something you can do for your stepson because now he has been labeled mentally disordered and usually it is hard once that happens to fight the system, especially if one parent is on the other side of the issue.

Maybe you could encourage him to fight it himself, at least he may get his mother to hear him.

You might be interested in Dr. Fred Baughman and Dr. Peter Breggin's take on the biological points of ADD and also of the drugs prescribed for it.

I'm seriously doubting he is bi-polar either since you and your husband have not seen any behavior of that sort while he was living with you.

It sounds like you've already got it figured out, on the money!!! It's terrible the child has no rights here. It's one thing if an adult decides hey, I have a terrible time focusing and want to take meds, because they are old enough to decide if they are willing to take all the health risks involved but the poor kid has to do what he is told, even if the drug harms him in some ways.

Biological medication is given for these conditions where there are no existing biological tests. The drugs themselves can be harmful health wise and even create mood problems and as you have seen, neurological damage in the form of tics.

Lots of kids are getting tardive dyskinesia from neuroleptics given to them to control and calm them; sometimes neuorleptics are used to counter the stimulants side effects! Tardive dyskinesia is a horrible neurological ailment, I've seen kids in wheelchairs grimacing(sometimes looks like smiling or making faces) and losing control of tongue, neck and trunk movements wondering how they got that way; if it was from drugs.

That's the worst case of course but drugs that effect the brain function can cause various effects maybe not as bad as Tardive dyskinesia but bad nevertheless.

It's sad because nobody asked these kids if they are willing to take these risks from medications. And the kids wouldn't be able anyway to make the decision like an adult would.

Well, I hope there is something you can do for your stepson because now he has been labeled mentally disordered and usually it is hard once that happens to fight the system, especially if one parent is on the other side of the issue.

Maybe you could encourage him to fight it himself, at least he may get his mother to hear him.

You might be interested in Dr. Fred Baughman and Dr. Peter Breggin's take on the biological points of ADD and also of the drugs prescribed for it.

I'm seriously doubting he is bi-polar either since you and your husband have not seen any behavior of that sort while he was living with you.


Thank you for the information, I do appreciate it. My DH has begged his ex to let SS move here to be with us and to at least give it a chance(she refuses to believe us when we tell her he just does NOT act this way when he's with us!!) before meds, but she refuses. Why she'd want to put her son on potentially dangerous meds before at least trying to see if he'd be better off with his father is beyond me. She put him on the stratarra without my husband's permission, knowing it was against his wishes. They do have joint custody so she is not legally entitled to leave my DH out of these decisons. It seems like these drs. are too fast to put a label on SS and his mom seems to be fine with it all?? I think the poor kid could use someone to talk to (therapy) but beyond that I just honestly do not see anything wrong with him. His mom has put him through alot in his life and I really just think he feels more loved and secure here with his dad. Hopefully we'll be able to get something worked out for him. Thanks again-

He said "The reason for that is that your son holds it together at your house and when he gets home, he lets it all out."
Obviously from afar I can't tell you whether it applies in your son's case, that may well be debatable. In general, the reason the doctor gave is quite a common phenomenon, I have heard it many times that parents report that and I have also made a similar experience with my daughter, in this case concerning school.

She goes to school until around 1.00 pm and her distractability and lack of concentration was also noticeable at school. However, she behaved very well at school and "fell apart" the minute I picked her up and she used to have very bad tantrums in the next two hours or so.

The reason is dead simple: At home she feels secure, she doesn't have to fight for affection. We love her, no matter what and she knows that. She can "afford" to freak out without having to fear any consequences other than trouble with her parents and brother and sisters. She won't lose our affection.

At school it is a totally different situation. She is quite aware (years of experience) that elsewhere people start to dislike her and behave negatively towards her if she behaves like that. So she held it all together there and as soon as she felt the security of her family she let it all out. And because she pulled herself together all morning she used so much energy to achieve this that the tantrums she had in the early afternoon were quite bad.

Now you will probably say: "But I am his Dad, I am his family, I love him no matter what, so this explanation cannot apply to our situation." Yes, it can. Or at least it possibly could (since it's hard to say from a distance) Your son lives with his mum. Of course, you are his family, too, but still you are the one who "left" (no matter whether you were actually the one who left, but you are the one that isn't there all the time). Even if you get on well with your divorced or seperated partner, kids tend to have a fear of loss. He has already "lost" you to a certain extend and if he gets on well with you, which, from your description, I don't doubt, he may be frightened to lose more of you or to lose you altogether. So he might pull the same trick that a lot of ADD kids do when they don't feel protected by their everyday family environment.

I am not saying that that is the case with your son, but it's worth considering whether it possibly could be. (Which would still not solve all the other problems and concerns there seem to be.)

Obviously from afar I can't tell you whether it applies in your son's case, that may well be debatable. In general, the reason the doctor gave is quite a common phenomenon, I have heard it many times that parents report that and I have also made a similar experience with my daughter, in this case concerning school.

She goes to school until around 1.00 pm and her distractability and lack of concentration was also noticeable at school. However, she behaved very well at school and "fell apart" the minute I picked her up and she used to have very bad tantrums in the next two hours or so.

The reason is dead simple: At home she feels secure, she doesn't have to fight for affection. We love her, no matter what and she knows that. She can "afford" to freak out without having to fear any consequences other than trouble with her parents and brother and sisters. She won't lose our affection.

At school it is a totally different situation. She is quite aware (years of experience) that elsewhere people start to dislike her and behave negatively towards her if she behaves like that. So she held it all together there and as soon as she felt the security of her family she let it all out. And because she pulled herself together all morning she used so much energy to achieve this that the tantrums she had in the early afternoon were quite bad.

Now you will probably say: "But I am his Dad, I am his family, I love him no matter what, so this explanation cannot apply to our situation." Yes, it can. Or at least it possibly could (since it's hard to say from a distance) Your son lives with his mum. Of course, you are his family, too, but still you are the one who "left" (no matter whether you were actually the one who left, but you are the one that isn't there all the time). Even if you get on well with your divorced or seperated partner, kids tend to have a fear of loss. He has already "lost" you to a certain extend and if he gets on well with you, which, from your description, I don't doubt, he may be frightened to lose more of you or to lose you altogether. So he might pull the same trick that a lot of ADD kids do when they don't feel protected by their everyday family environment.

I am not saying that that is the case with your son, but it's worth considering whether it possibly could be. (Which would still not solve all the other problems and concerns there seem to be.)

I would think being able to pull it together for a few hours at school would be ALOT different from being able to magically pull it together for a weekend or an entire week though in the case of the OP. JMO

Thank you for the information, I do appreciate it. My DH has begged his ex to let SS move here to be with us and to at least give it a chance(she refuses to believe us when we tell her he just does NOT act this way when he's with us!!) before meds, but she refuses. Why she'd want to put her son on potentially dangerous meds before at least trying to see if he'd be better off with his father is beyond me. She put him on the stratarra without my husband's permission, knowing it was against his wishes. They do have joint custody so she is not legally entitled to leave my DH out of these decisons. It seems like these drs. are too fast to put a label on SS and his mom seems to be fine with it all?? I think the poor kid could use someone to talk to (therapy) but beyond that I just honestly do not see anything wrong with him. His mom has put him through alot in his life and I really just think he feels more loved and secure here with his dad. Hopefully we'll be able to get something worked out for him. Thanks again-

Well, I really hate it when one parent thinks they can just make such important decisions without consulting the other, especially since joint custody means joint decision/agreement where the kids are concerned. It shows the parent doesn't respect the rules and it's just plain inconsiderate and rude.

Well, hopefully you can do something for the boy. If he ends up with mood swings( usually aggression and crying) from the drugs it might be harder to deal with him as time goes on....so that ultimately effects you and your husband too.

The main reason my nephew was taken off ADD drugs by my brother-in-law was because of the mood swings....my brother-in-law did not like the idea that the doctor's answer to the side effects was to up the dose more. But my nephew seemed to end up doing better in school (school problems was original problem) once off the drugs, so go figure!

Good luck!

I would think being able to pull it together for a few hours at school would be ALOT different from being able to magically pull it together for a weekend or an entire week though in the case of the OP. JMO
The same thing happens with our kids. Since they have not been living with their Dad they behave differently when they are with him to the way they did when they were "home alone" with him before he moved out. That applies also to our daughter, who has ADHD.

When they are with their dad it's always like a little holiday even though they see him regularly over the weekend and in during holidays. They don't have to concentrate in school in the mornings and sit still for hours on end. They don't have any homework, no everyday chores. They have a dad who has had plenty of time preparing for their stay so he doesn't have to do much else than spend time with his kids. The washing, cleaning the house, shopping and all the other things are done while the kids aren't there. He is not tired or stressed from work because obviously the kids visit him when he has time off work.

Just to see, one Sunday he stayed after bringing them but so that the kids didn't notice. It didn't take the eldest (the one with ADHD) five minutes to scream and shout at her sister, whom she got along with well all weekend. Out of her Dad's sight she simply started to behave she normally does and always has done.

I have also heard about this phenomenon from other people, so it is not only but also my experience that it is possible. ADHD is not really turned off, but sometimes the kids "hold it together". That applies mainly to the behavioural side of ADHD, i. e. aggressiveness and so on. Since "bad behaviour" is one of the most annoying and apparent sides of ADHD (if a child has this particular problem), it seems as if the ADHD has "vanished" when the kids behave fairly well. A lot of the symptoms are simply not as striking.

Being the stepfather of a 9 yr. girl and having no children before is new for me still .My new wife has been divorced about 4 years now. The father is very loving and active in her life. I can imagine what it was like before. They must have both suffered through the divorce, most do. Any one who doesn’t believe divorce doesn’t affect a child needs medication them selves. My parents recently separated and I am bothered by it at my age. My stepdaughter has a lot of issues she is very emotional, shy, lazy, can not sit still, and ,it drives me crazy,but I understand. I repetedly ask her not to behave like that and it bothers me when she cries all the time and I am human and have been insensitive about it. I have little patience for a lot of the behaviors but am remain quiet about it. Are these other stepparents new as parents like me? It is not easy to jump into the middle of something you are unfamiliar with and honestly It bothers me my wife has to constantly talk with and see her ex-husband. I know it is for the kid but I am afraid of anything extra, so that stresses me too. However, all you step--- it comes with the package you signed up for. These kids need us steps and look at us as a parental figure and can love us and be loved by us. So don't think steps are out only for themselves, not fair and makes little sense to marry into something and then decide not to like it, but a year is not long enough to date and get to know what you are getting into, I waited 2 and have no regrets . I do have different opinions and beliefs from the father, does that make me wrong? I think treatment is optional he is against it. Same thing, she behaves different with dad. I am the dad who disciplines, gives chores, makes her 3 meals, help get her and her mother into a house instead of a condo,etc... and he is all fun and he spoils her every time. Behaviors DO CHANGE place to place .Reasons are obvious, Am I causing stress, probably. Only in hopes of teaching her responsibility, better behavior , etc... because that’s the role I am in. Now any father daughter event I am excluded. Although she did ask me recently and I was happy to go. I think there is a good chance that some of the problem is back to the beginning the divorce but now its who is the dad/mom .Now there is the fun one and now the one who is actually parenting. My mom would make me do things that I hated and was hurt by as a kid. I would ask her "Why mommy?" she'd say” I know you hate this but it's because I love you" I understand now what she meant. Things are complicated and you too must have bitterness that another is raising your child. Sorry, I know I would hate it, but cross your fingers and have trust that your ex loves your children and wants what’s best. Most do. And believe there is a problem in her home and rather then fight it do what you can. You and I agree your child is way too young to be on meds. I suggest having the child video taped so the child can be analyzed more accurately by another professional and so you can see it and you can show the different behavior with your tape. I don’t know but the ups and downs of getting then not getting meds are probably not helpful also in how you child may feel and the disagreement you have will be stressful as well. Poor kid has enough to cope with from normal life then to be part of all this and if correct suffering from adhd, not easy. My stepdaughter we recently had seen and are having everyone who knows the child fill out a questionnaire so we may try to help her. I advised her mother I see adhd general anxiety ,separation anxiety, and a reading disability. We had to have her anesthetized for a simple tooth filling, deal with multiple melt downs, and all of us have put in hours of tutoring, practicing, and repeating reading, writing and spelling in hopes she could grow out of it. We held her back a grade but even with all this she is again struggling. It is easy to see she cant stay focused or still, reverses her d and b often, and can't focus at times long enough to comprehend her reading. Her father says Kids will be kids but he is wrong. Unfortunately amphetamines work. Also they are tried and true for many years with no harm 99% of the time if taken correctly in the correct dosage. Why did I encourage seeking help and possibly even medication if it comes down to it for my stepdaughter, because after all of us struggling very hard putting this kid through extra reading and the hours and $$$$ we spend with and on her with the extra studying, reading, etc... it is not enough and slowly she is falling backwards still and does poorly. She knows it and that is a big disappointment for us all. I am familiar with adhd and that it usually has disorders that are acquired or exist with it. Anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, and much higher potential later on like addiction or eating disorders. I feel for everyone’s concerns. Obviously the child must be the focus and to accurately diagnose any disorder you need data and history on behaviors, interactions, etc.... and the child's risk/benefit ratio. We are mostly concerned with school .There are limited but available physical testing done to help confirm adhd, but I am unfamiliar with what. I feel if they are young (less 10yrs) and not a extreme case then to medicate is wrong and irresponsible. These disorders are problematic not just for the parents but more so for the child. Trust me, I suffer from multiple disorders from adhd ,depression , etc....and those just like any concerned for medication can like it did me affect childhood and change the person into a different person forever. These meds do and may have consequences later on but so does not treating a legitimate disorder and with out a crystal ball. I at least for me would have chose the meds for myself back then if I could go back. All parents should be on the same page .Treatment will not be as helpful is not. Any medications is only treatment not a cure. It also takes counseling and hard work for the most part to overcome these disorders. I feel any kid under 10 should never be medicated unless it is a last resort. Now, any person who becomes a step like me has to accept all not just part of the package, and these children become your own. I love my stepdaughter and want what’s best for her, probably most do(I hope).

The same thing happens with our kids. Since they have not been living with their Dad they behave differently when they are with him to the way they did when they were "home alone" with him before he moved out. That applies also to our daughter, who has ADHD.

When they are with their dad it's always like a little holiday even though they see him regularly over the weekend and in during holidays. They don't have to concentrate in school in the mornings and sit still for hours on end. They don't have any homework, no everyday chores. They have a dad who has had plenty of time preparing for their stay so he doesn't have to do much else than spend time with his kids. The washing, cleaning the house, shopping and all the other things are done while the kids aren't there. He is not tired or stressed from work because obviously the kids visit him when he has time off work.

Just to see, one Sunday he stayed after bringing them but so that the kids didn't notice. It didn't take the eldest (the one with ADHD) five minutes to scream and shout at her sister, whom she got along with well all weekend. Out of her Dad's sight she simply started to behave she normally does and always has done.

I have also heard about this phenomenon from other people, so it is not only but also my experience that it is possible. ADHD is not really turned off, but sometimes the kids "hold it together". That applies mainly to the behavioural side of ADHD, i. e. aggressiveness and so on. Since "bad behaviour" is one of the most annoying and apparent sides of ADHD (if a child has this particular problem), it seems as if the ADHD has "vanished" when the kids behave fairly well. A lot of the symptoms are simply not as striking.

This is very interesting. It occurs to me, then, tha ADHD is more behavioral and situational than biological. You can't put diabetes on hold for a weekend for sure...

Being the stepfather of a 9 yr. girl and having no children before is new for me still .My new wife has been divorced about 4 years now. The father is very loving and active in her life. I can imagine what it was like before. They must have both suffered through the divorce, most do. Any one who doesn’t believe divorce doesn’t affect a child needs medication them selves. My parents recently separated and I am bothered by it at my age. My stepdaughter has a lot of issues she is very emotional, shy, lazy, can not sit still, and ,it drives me crazy,but I understand. I repetedly ask her not to behave like that and it bothers me when she cries all the time and I am human and have been insensitive about it. I have little patience for a lot of the behaviors but am remain quiet about it. Are these other stepparents new as parents like me? It is not easy to jump into the middle of something you are unfamiliar with and honestly It bothers me my wife has to constantly talk with and see her ex-husband. I know it is for the kid but I am afraid of anything extra, so that stresses me too. However, all you step--- it comes with the package you signed up for. These kids need us steps and look at us as a parental figure and can love us and be loved by us. So don't think steps are out only for themselves, not fair and makes little sense to marry into something and then decide not to like it, but a year is not long enough to date and get to know what you are getting into, I waited 2 and have no regrets . I do have different opinions and beliefs from the father, does that make me wrong? I think treatment is optional he is against it. Same thing, she behaves different with dad. I am the dad who disciplines, gives chores, makes her 3 meals, help get her and her mother into a house instead of a condo,etc... and he is all fun and he spoils her every time. Behaviors DO CHANGE place to place .Reasons are obvious, Am I causing stress, probably. Only in hopes of teaching her responsibility, better behavior , etc... because that’s the role I am in. Now any father daughter event I am excluded. Although she did ask me recently and I was happy to go. I think there is a good chance that some of the problem is back to the beginning the divorce but now its who is the dad/mom .Now there is the fun one and now the one who is actually parenting. My mom would make me do things that I hated and was hurt by as a kid. I would ask her "Why mommy?" she'd say” I know you hate this but it's because I love you" I understand now what she meant. Things are complicated and you too must have bitterness that another is raising your child. Sorry, I know I would hate it, but cross your fingers and have trust that your ex loves your children and wants what’s best. Most do. And believe there is a problem in her home and rather then fight it do what you can. You and I agree your child is way too young to be on meds. I suggest having the child video taped so the child can be analyzed more accurately by another professional and so you can see it and you can show the different behavior with your tape. I don’t know but the ups and downs of getting then not getting meds are probably not helpful also in how you child may feel and the disagreement you have will be stressful as well. Poor kid has enough to cope with from normal life then to be part of all this and if correct suffering from adhd, not easy. My stepdaughter we recently had seen and are having everyone who knows the child fill out a questionnaire so we may try to help her. I advised her mother I see adhd general anxiety ,separation anxiety, and a reading disability. We had to have her anesthetized for a simple tooth filling, deal with multiple melt downs, and all of us have put in hours of tutoring, practicing, and repeating reading, writing and spelling in hopes she could grow out of it. We held her back a grade but even with all this she is again struggling. It is easy to see she cant stay focused or still, reverses her d and b often, and can't focus at times long enough to comprehend her reading. Her father says Kids will be kids but he is wrong. Unfortunately amphetamines work. Also they are tried and true for many years with no harm 99% of the time if taken correctly in the correct dosage. Why did I encourage seeking help and possibly even medication if it comes down to it for my stepdaughter, because after all of us struggling very hard putting this kid through extra reading and the hours and $$$$ we spend with and on her with the extra studying, reading, etc... it is not enough and slowly she is falling backwards still and does poorly. She knows it and that is a big disappointment for us all. I am familiar with adhd and that it usually has disorders that are acquired or exist with it. Anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, and much higher potential later on like addiction or eating disorders. I feel for everyone’s concerns. Obviously the child must be the focus and to accurately diagnose any disorder you need data and history on behaviors, interactions, etc.... and the child's risk/benefit ratio. We are mostly concerned with school .There are limited but available physical testing done to help confirm adhd, but I am unfamiliar with what. I feel if they are young (less 10yrs) and not a extreme case then to medicate is wrong and irresponsible. These disorders are problematic not just for the parents but more so for the child. Trust me, I suffer from multiple disorders from adhd ,depression , etc....and those just like any concerned for medication can like it did me affect childhood and change the person into a different person forever. These meds do and may have consequences later on but so does not treating a legitimate disorder and with out a crystal ball. I at least for me would have chose the meds for myself back then if I could go back. All parents should be on the same page .Treatment will not be as helpful is not. Any medications is only treatment not a cure. It also takes counseling and hard work for the most part to overcome these disorders. I feel any kid under 10 should never be medicated unless it is a last resort. Now, any person who becomes a step like me has to accept all not just part of the package, and these children become your own. I love my stepdaughter and want what’s best for her, probably most do(I hope).

Well, at least it sounds like your heart is in the right place. But I must mention that just because amphetamines work does not mean they are actually good for a person and they do carry health and mental risks. Some are starting to be of concern in the liver dept; Strattera and I do believe one called Cylert(spelling?); the latter has been on the market for 30 years now it's been pulled. Adderall XR has been pulled in Canada and I think UK but not here.

Amphetamines can also cause emotional liability, mood swings although doctors will attribute that to the ADHD. This happened to my nephew. Now off all ADHD drugs, his emotions are very normal.

In fact, it seems no matter what, whether it be effects of drugs, or plain outright undeniable home issues like divorce, the psychiatric community tend to ignore those causes. Without disorders/conditions and subsequent drug prescribing, their business would not be booming like it is now, so I see the intent behind it.

Mental Illness is climbing in record numbers. But what I wonder is how many of those numbers are just people who have learning problems at school, emotional problems, situational problems , bereavement emotions or just many terrible dissapointments in life... yet since they seek counsel and are automatically put on medication they are technically now mentally ill or have a mental disorder. Notice how they changed mentally ill to mental disorder to fool people into thinking they aren't being considered to have a mental problem.

Well, if you have ADD or even mild depression you are in the DSM manual of psychiatry and that puts you in those numbers of the mentally ill statistics.

I think it's a bit misleading...

Sorry, I'm off the subject a bit. I hope you can work things out with your stepdaughter because it sounds like you are one of the few stepparents who seem to really care and have alot of love in your heart! :angel:

This is very interesting. It occurs to me, then, tha ADHD is more behavioral and situational than biological. You can't put diabetes on hold for a weekend for sure...

I disagree. I just think that in certain situations some things can be "controlled" better...but that doesn't make it any less there. It's just like any other mental illness...sometimes you can control it better but that doesn't mean that the chemical imbalance doesn't still have control over the actions.

I disagree. I just think that in certain situations some things can be "controlled" better...but that doesn't make it any less there. It's just like any other mental illness...sometimes you can control it better but that doesn't mean that the chemical imbalance doesn't still have control over the actions.

It occurs to me that behaviors drastically can change with changes to environment and life situations in both children and adults, which leaves room for some doubt of current popular theory of chemical imbalance.

Especially in children, who's minds are still developing and also who's lives are dictated severly by what adults do, whether or not it is upsetting to the child. Children do tend to act out and rebel, they really don't know how to express their stress in an adult manner yet. Sometimes I think these frustrations and experiences travel to adulthood with some children if the frustrations and other disappointments/shocks of life are not easily forgotten by the child.

I guess we can just agree to disagree on the matter.

Jennita, ADD or ADHD is not euqivalent to "behavioural problems".

Behavioural problems often (but by far not all the time) come along with ADD or ADHD, not every behavioural problem is caused by ADD or ADHD and you can also have ADD or ADHD and behavioural problems without the ADD or ADHD being the cause of the behavioural problems.

Well, I really hate it when one parent thinks they can just make such important decisions without consulting the other, especially since joint custody means joint decision/agreement where the kids are concerned. It shows the parent doesn't respect the rules and it's just plain inconsiderate and rude.

Well, hopefully you can do something for the boy. If he ends up with mood swings( usually aggression and crying) from the drugs it might be harder to deal with him as time goes on....so that ultimately effects you and your husband too.

The main reason my nephew was taken off ADD drugs by my brother-in-law was because of the mood swings....my brother-in-law did not like the idea that the doctor's answer to the side effects was to up the dose more. But my nephew seemed to end up doing better in school (school problems was original problem) once off the drugs, so go figure!

Good luck!

Oddly enough the drugs caused no (immediate) side affects other than initial loss of appetite, tiredness, but they of course did not help with any of the behavioral problems SS has developed since being forced to live with Mom. Bad thing is SS is now supposed to be coming off of these drugs because after being on them for 2 months it has now been determined that he is not adhd afterall. No kidding!!! We tried to tell them this!! Only problem is now they want to say he is bi-polar and put him on even stronger drugs. Makes me sick!! this poor kid!! He is not bi-polar either!!

The same thing happens with our kids. Since they have not been living with their Dad they behave differently when they are with him to the way they did when they were "home alone" with him before he moved out. That applies also to our daughter, who has ADHD.

When they are with their dad it's always like a little holiday even though they see him regularly over the weekend and in during holidays. They don't have to concentrate in school in the mornings and sit still for hours on end. They don't have any homework, no everyday chores. They have a dad who has had plenty of time preparing for their stay so he doesn't have to do much else than spend time with his kids. The washing, cleaning the house, shopping and all the other things are done while the kids aren't there. He is not tired or stressed from work because obviously the kids visit him when he has time off work.

Just to see, one Sunday he stayed after bringing them but so that the kids didn't notice. It didn't take the eldest (the one with ADHD) five minutes to scream and shout at her sister, whom she got along with well all weekend. Out of her Dad's sight she simply started to behave she normally does and always has done.

I have also heard about this phenomenon from other people, so it is not only but also my experience that it is possible. ADHD is not really turned off, but sometimes the kids "hold it together". That applies mainly to the behavioural side of ADHD, i. e. aggressiveness and so on. Since "bad behaviour" is one of the most annoying and apparent sides of ADHD (if a child has this particular problem), it seems as if the ADHD has "vanished" when the kids behave fairly well. A lot of the symptoms are simply not as striking.



I see what you're saying but in our case this would not apply as my DH did have custody of the kids for 3 yrs and none of this behavior was happening at all! The kids' mom has always had problems with them behaving at her house though because she does not ever discipline them and used to call us when she had visitation and ask us how she could get the kids to clean their room, eat their food, behave, etc... It was a joke and its a joke that she has custody of them now. They are allowed to run wild and unfortunately the mother wants to blame it on Adhd/any disease, rather than to blame her poor parenting skills and the fact she deserted them for a few yrs of their life, which on top of the divorce is bound to cause some emotional problems. We don't deny that they run wild over there but she wants to deny that the fact that they are well behaved here.

Being the stepfather of a 9 yr. girl and having no children before is new for me still .My new wife has been divorced about 4 years now. The father is very loving and active in her life. I can imagine what it was like before. They must have both suffered through the divorce, most do. Any one who doesn’t believe divorce doesn’t affect a child needs medication them selves. My parents recently separated and I am bothered by it at my age. My stepdaughter has a lot of issues she is very emotional, shy, lazy, can not sit still, and ,it drives me crazy,but I understand. I repetedly ask her not to behave like that and it bothers me when she cries all the time and I am human and have been insensitive about it. I have little patience for a lot of the behaviors but am remain quiet about it. Are these other stepparents new as parents like me? It is not easy to jump into the middle of something you are unfamiliar with and honestly It bothers me my wife has to constantly talk with and see her ex-husband. I know it is for the kid but I am afraid of anything extra, so that stresses me too. However, all you step--- it comes with the package you signed up for. These kids need us steps and look at us as a parental figure and can love us and be loved by us. So don't think steps are out only for themselves, not fair and makes little sense to marry into something and then decide not to like it, but a year is not long enough to date and get to know what you are getting into, I waited 2 and have no regrets . I do have different opinions and beliefs from the father, does that make me wrong? I think treatment is optional he is against it. Same thing, she behaves different with dad. I am the dad who disciplines, gives chores, makes her 3 meals, help get her and her mother into a house instead of a condo,etc... and he is all fun and he spoils her every time. Behaviors DO CHANGE place to place .Reasons are obvious, Am I causing stress, probably. Only in hopes of teaching her responsibility, better behavior , etc... because that’s the role I am in. Now any father daughter event I am excluded. Although she did ask me recently and I was happy to go. I think there is a good chance that some of the problem is back to the beginning the divorce but now its who is the dad/mom .Now there is the fun one and now the one who is actually parenting. My mom would make me do things that I hated and was hurt by as a kid. I would ask her "Why mommy?" she'd say” I know you hate this but it's because I love you" I understand now what she meant. Things are complicated and you too must have bitterness that another is raising your child. Sorry, I know I would hate it, but cross your fingers and have trust that your ex loves your children and wants what’s best. Most do. And believe there is a problem in her home and rather then fight it do what you can. You and I agree your child is way too young to be on meds. I suggest having the child video taped so the child can be analyzed more accurately by another professional and so you can see it and you can show the different behavior with your tape. I don’t know but the ups and downs of getting then not getting meds are probably not helpful also in how you child may feel and the disagreement you have will be stressful as well. Poor kid has enough to cope with from normal life then to be part of all this and if correct suffering from adhd, not easy. My stepdaughter we recently had seen and are having everyone who knows the child fill out a questionnaire so we may try to help her. I advised her mother I see adhd general anxiety ,separation anxiety, and a reading disability. We had to have her anesthetized for a simple tooth filling, deal with multiple melt downs, and all of us have put in hours of tutoring, practicing, and repeating reading, writing and spelling in hopes she could grow out of it. We held her back a grade but even with all this she is again struggling. It is easy to see she cant stay focused or still, reverses her d and b often, and can't focus at times long enough to comprehend her reading. Her father says Kids will be kids but he is wrong. Unfortunately amphetamines work. Also they are tried and true for many years with no harm 99% of the time if taken correctly in the correct dosage. Why did I encourage seeking help and possibly even medication if it comes down to it for my stepdaughter, because after all of us struggling very hard putting this kid through extra reading and the hours and $$$$ we spend with and on her with the extra studying, reading, etc... it is not enough and slowly she is falling backwards still and does poorly. She knows it and that is a big disappointment for us all. I am familiar with adhd and that it usually has disorders that are acquired or exist with it. Anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, and much higher potential later on like addiction or eating disorders. I feel for everyone’s concerns. Obviously the child must be the focus and to accurately diagnose any disorder you need data and history on behaviors, interactions, etc.... and the child's risk/benefit ratio. We are mostly concerned with school .There are limited but available physical testing done to help confirm adhd, but I am unfamiliar with what. I feel if they are young (less 10yrs) and not a extreme case then to medicate is wrong and irresponsible. These disorders are problematic not just for the parents but more so for the child. Trust me, I suffer from multiple disorders from adhd ,depression , etc....and those just like any concerned for medication can like it did me affect childhood and change the person into a different person forever. These meds do and may have consequences later on but so does not treating a legitimate disorder and with out a crystal ball. I at least for me would have chose the meds for myself back then if I could go back. All parents should be on the same page .Treatment will not be as helpful is not. Any medications is only treatment not a cure. It also takes counseling and hard work for the most part to overcome these disorders. I feel any kid under 10 should never be medicated unless it is a last resort. Now, any person who becomes a step like me has to accept all not just part of the package, and these children become your own. I love my stepdaughter and want what’s best for her, probably most do(I hope).


I understand how you feel as I am a step mother and raised my step kids with my DH for 3 yrs when their mother deserted them. Step parents do get a bad rep sometimes and it is unfair. But keep in mind not all parents or step parents always care about the kids like we do. In our case the kids' step father has his own kid that he rarely sees and basicly has nothing to do with, and seems to act like the step kids are nothing more than a hassle to have in his home. of course he is suddenly more able to deal with it now that he has the fat child support check rolling in. Yet he pushes the kid's mom to put step son on meds to control his behavior. If the child really had something wrong with him other than being upset by his parents' divorce and being forced to live with his mom that deserted him, rather than his daddy whom he felt loved and comforted by, than my thoughts would be different on the meds. But this poor kid has nothing medically wrong with him.

Hi sassykitten,

M reply was more aimed at Tom and Jennita. Your SS's case appears to be totally different and I can understand your anger and concern. That is - unfortunately the other side - trying to find an easy way out. However, the mother will more than likely get a nasty shock one day. Obviously she thinks giving him some kind of medication will solve the problems, but it doesn't work that way. It doesn't even work that way if a child actually does have ADHD and gets medication. It is still very hard work for the child as well as for the parents. And if a child is haphhazarously medicated the medication will do more harm than good.

Some people seem to think these tablets will work wonders, but in fact they don't. Obviously this point of view is supported by the public notion "ADHD kids behave bad and when medicated behave well" "bad behaviour is most of the times caused by ADHD". It seems that people believe that, simplify it for their situation and hope for a miracle or even expect the miracle to happen. They will search for a doctor until they find one to diagnose what they want him to diagnose. The only thing they won't do is think about changing their ways, what they could do - it is too much work.

It is people like that who discredit people who really suffer from ADHD. They don't achieve anything good with their actions :(

Oddly enough the drugs caused no (immediate) side affects other than initial loss of appetite, tiredness, but they of course did not help with any of the behavioral problems SS has developed since being forced to live with Mom. Bad thing is SS is now supposed to be coming off of these drugs because after being on them for 2 months it has now been determined that he is not adhd afterall. No kidding!!! We tried to tell them this!! Only problem is now they want to say he is bi-polar and put him on even stronger drugs. Makes me sick!! this poor kid!! He is not bi-polar either!!

My nephew did start to have mood swings(agression, irritable then suddenly crying for no reason) while on Adderall. I'm sure if my in-laws were to buy totally into the whole scenario, by now my nephew surely would be re-diagnosed with bi-polar because of the drug-induced mood changes. But I gave them some gentle warnings beforehand so when all this started to show up they decided not to go with more drugs.

Thank goodness now he has no mood swings, sleeps better and I guess his difficulties in school seemed to either be related to immaturity or the teacher he had because the next year he did excellent in school and the new teacher said he was a pleasure to have in class! Again, go figure since he was diagnoised with ADHD...

Jennita, my daughter was just recently diagnosed with ADHD also. She has no behavioral problems whatsoever, she only has a bit of an attention problem. She and my son have always lived in the same environment, so I would think that if that was the only problem then they'd both be acting at least similar. They are like night and day though.

Jennita, ADD or ADHD is not euqivalent to "behavioural problems".

Behavioural problems often (but by far not all the time) come along with ADD or ADHD, not every behavioural problem is caused by ADD or ADHD and you can also have ADD or ADHD and behavioural problems without the ADD or ADHD being the cause of the behavioural problems.

I do agree, not every behavioral problem is caused by ADD or ADHD, I never said that. I do not believe ADD or ADHD is the answer to all children's misbehaving.

However, my point is that ADD is sometimes the usually given answer to a childs' bad behaviors by psychiatry, when in fact it may be something entirely different. Psychiatry says ADD and ADHD include behavioral problems, not me.

But I don't believe them much these days since even nailbiting (apparentely is "self-injury" now instead of what it really is...a nasty habit) , shyness, PMS, etc. are now considered mental disorders worthy of the DSM manual of psychiatry.

My nephew did start to have mood swings(agression, irritable then suddenly crying for no reason) while on Adderall. I'm sure if my in-laws were to buy totally into the whole scenario, by now my nephew surely would be re-diagnosed with bi-polar because of the drug-induced mood changes. But I gave them some gentle warnings beforehand so when all this started to show up they decided not to go with more drugs.

Thank goodness now he has no mood swings, sleeps better and I guess his difficulties in school seemed to either be related to immaturity or the teacher he had because the next year he did excellent in school and the new teacher said he was a pleasure to have in class! Again, go figure since he was diagnoised with ADHD...


I'm very glad to hear he's doing better!! Very confusing though huh???

Hi sassykitten,

M reply was more aimed at Tom and Jennita. Your SS's case appears to be totally different and I can understand your anger and concern. That is - unfortunately the other side - trying to find an easy way out. However, the mother will more than likely get a nasty shock one day. Obviously she thinks giving him some kind of medication will solve the problems, but it doesn't work that way. It doesn't even work that way if a child actually does have ADHD and gets medication. It is still very hard work for the child as well as for the parents. And if a child is haphhazarously medicated the medication will do more harm than good.

Some people seem to think these tablets will work wonders, but in fact they don't. Obviously this point of view is supported by the public notion "ADHD kids behave bad and when medicated behave well" "bad behaviour is most of the times caused by ADHD". It seems that people believe that, simplify it for their situation and hope for a miracle or even expect the miracle to happen. They will search for a doctor until they find one to diagnose what they want him to diagnose. The only thing they won't do is think about changing their ways, what they could do - it is too much work.

It is people like that who discredit people who really suffer from ADHD. They don't achieve anything good with their actions :(

Thanks fo understanding. And you're right, it makes me sick that people like her make it harder on parents and their kids that really do have adhd.

I'm very glad to hear he's doing better!! Very confusing though huh???

Well, it used to be confusing for me too intil I read what other experts outside the mainstream had to say. Now it makes perfect sense to me.

What happened to my nephew didn't surprise me at all but my in-laws were surprised and I guess its a good thing I gave them some information I had collected or my nephew would be on several high dose drugs by now I'm sure of it. I didn't particulary like the person he was becoming while on the meds, so, I'm happy I got my old sweet nephew back! :)

I hope everyone does what’s best for the children. I know every case is different and so are opinions of what is thought as best. I lean more towards no medication the more I think about it. Thee meds or at least the ones I am familiar with are all Amphetamines and I with experience can say being a recovering addict(5 yrs clean), they have a very dark side to them. Before you let your child take them think real hard about it. They do help A.D.H.D. but are very addictive and destructive. They must be under very strict regulation and a watchful eye. So if medication is for convenience and control for the parent. Think about this, taking the kid back and forth, getting the meds, and administering them is plenty of work and $$$$ too and if they become addicted ..... I do believe It can help, everyone who is on them on low doses will focus better, but I also feel mostly not for kids. I advised my wife I feel we should not go with meds. Instead wait and hope at least for another year she will grow out of it. These meds work but it is not a babysitter or going to make a problem child suddenly have no more problems. They help you concentrate and give some people the ability to focus and remain on a task. Any other reason is useless and wrong. If the kid is a brat and misbehaves that requires different treatment and ???? Take care all and good luck. :wave:

They do help A.D.H.D. but are very addictive and destructive.
They are not addictive for people with ADD or ADHD. In fact, a lot of times people with ADD or ADHD have to be reminded to take their medication. They use timers, alarm watches, etc. to remind them.

MPH has been prescribed for many, many years and there is no clinical evidence whatsoever of addiction if the medication is used as indicated and prescribed.

They are not addictive for people with ADD or ADHD. In fact, a lot of times people with ADD or ADHD have to be reminded to take their medication. They use timers, alarm watches, etc. to remind them.

MPH has been prescribed for many, many years and there is no clinical evidence whatsoever of addiction if the medication is used as indicated and prescribed.

That is the what medical people say but in reality they are addictive drugs, if not in the complusive sense, surely in the physical sense.

Years on the drugs causes deregulation, a scientific fact, which is when the receptors due to constant stimulation start to become desensitized....that means they are weaker and need higher doses to get the same effect. Some receptors can even die off. This leaves the brain more in need of drugs just to function. If that isn't addiction, I don't know what is....

But of course, the true definition of "addiction" also must have compulsive, euphoria seeking behaviors and psychological, social aspects.

Deregulation isn't those things since it doesn't involve compulsive, drug/euphoria seeking behaviors because it is merely a physical occurance that is called dependancy and tolerance.

That's what gets me. Because of the lack of the euphoria/social/compulsive aspects of most people on prescription drugs, the medical community does not even consider the brain's growing dependancy and tolerance of the drugs as "addiction" although the brain is definately addicted in a physical way.

So yeah, if a person stays with prescribed dose, he won't be dubbed "addicted" but his brain is anyway. That is why it's so easy for medical people to say the drugs are not addicting, because of the technical criteria for actual, true addictive behavior is not met with simple physical dependancy. Kinda tricky if you ask me.

Of course, when deregualtion, dependancy and tolerance occur, one usually gets higher prescribed doses and sometimes added/new drugs from their doctor, so again, they are staying within the legal aspects and thus technically not addicted even though they needed to escalate their dosage; usually dose escalation is a sign of addiction which is also ignored by medical community because they can still write the prescriptions for more.