givemeaname
02-23-2005, 05:09 PM
hello, i have posted alot about my gf today but with reason, i love her, and im going to do everyhting i can to help her, even if we split up tomorow (not likely) i would still continue to help as see it my place on this planet to help others less fortunate than myself (i have never suffered a problem, apart from meningitis which i fought off when i was...3 i think)
but yea, basically her self-confidence and self-asteem levels are dangerously low, and i need advice/tips to raising them, as she could accomplish so much if she was just a little more confident.
at one point not long ago she was eating evry little becasue she thought she was fat, no matter how many times me and my friends pointed the truth out to her that sheisnt fat and never will be with her figure she diddnt pay any attention, she thinks she is ugly etc. when if you see her i can guarentee you would be slightly if not fully aroused.
just basically i need some help/tips like this to help her get more confidence.
Guy
p.s. i know this is really hard to solve but im sure with our collective intellect we can get to the bottom of this.
but yea, basically her self-confidence and self-asteem levels are dangerously low, and i need advice/tips to raising them, as she could accomplish so much if she was just a little more confident.
at one point not long ago she was eating evry little becasue she thought she was fat, no matter how many times me and my friends pointed the truth out to her that sheisnt fat and never will be with her figure she diddnt pay any attention, she thinks she is ugly etc. when if you see her i can guarentee you would be slightly if not fully aroused.
just basically i need some help/tips like this to help her get more confidence.
Guy
p.s. i know this is really hard to solve but im sure with our collective intellect we can get to the bottom of this.
Sponsor
morningtheft
02-24-2005, 09:14 AM
ok...I'm probably not helping much here, so sorry, but I would say I probably have self-esteem issues as well (ha)...and it's funny because even if someone could say, logically *prove* that I'm attractive, or intelligent, or whatever, and even if I could see the proof and understand it it probably wouldn't change my viewpoint. Maybe slightly, but chances are it wouldn't last very long. Even now I realise I'm sometimes deceiving myself but it's a lot easier to do that than to face up to things that might be difficult or might lead to failure. I'm a coward basically, but I'm not saying your girlfriend is, that's just how I am. What does make me feel great is when people tell me they like me either just out of the blue, or if I say something funny or make them feel better about something or whatever. Even then I often have trouble believing it, or worry that I've got to live up to those standards (ie if someone tells me they like me, I'm convinced that it's because they don't know me well enough or haven't seen the stupid, annoying, pathetic side of me), so people saying that can either work or not work really! I'm sure you say things like that to your girlfriend all the time and are very supportive :), and her thought processes might be completely different to mine, but I'm just telling you how it works for me and I'm sorry if I'm not being very helpful. I honestly don't know what it'll take for me to change the way I see myself, partly because I always tend to focus on negative stuff rather than positive, and even if I do start to get somewhere then it doesn't take much to go back to square one. It's also partly because most of the stuff I think about myself is true, only most people either don't see it or are too polite to say so :P. I tried stepping outside myself a while back, as I have a very strong tendency to turn everything inwards, and told myself that here is a person, just like everyone else, and I owe it to that person to treat them well so they can achieve everything they're capable of, rather than 'oh I'm a loser, it's only me so it doesn't matter what happens to me because I'll never achieve anything anyway'. Maybe that's how everyone else views themselves or maybe I'm just being totally weird, I honestly don't know :eek: but it worked a little, until I just got unmotivated again hehe.
Anyway I've gone on for absolutely ages talking about myself and not really dealing with your issue, but hopefully at least one thing I've said will ring true with your girlfriend even if it's not much help. I feel kind of stupid now so I'm just going to press the submit button :P all the best with your girlfriend and I hope she's ok. x
Anyway I've gone on for absolutely ages talking about myself and not really dealing with your issue, but hopefully at least one thing I've said will ring true with your girlfriend even if it's not much help. I feel kind of stupid now so I'm just going to press the submit button :P all the best with your girlfriend and I hope she's ok. x
givemeaname
02-24-2005, 11:44 AM
cheers for the post, u wernt wasting your time atal dont worry, infact you helped alot. yea i say i like her and stuff all the time, but it just dont seem to hit home, i just want to be able to get her to do somehting, and when she does it, have a boost of confidence, then i can build on that.
Guy
Guy
morningtheft
02-25-2005, 08:11 AM
Well I'm glad I could help :) I just wish I had a boyfriend as caring and selfless as you! I really wish I could help more, but then again I suppose if I could I wouldn't be in this situation myself! I'd say it's not so much getting a confidence boost in itself, it's maintaining it...at least with me anyway.
kerry1
02-25-2005, 03:11 PM
No matter how nice a boyfriend you are (you sound great) you may not be able to handle this alone. She may need professional help. There may be an underlying medical disorder. She may also need to talk to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. It's not your role to cure her. BELIEVE me, I tried to cure a boyfriend and ended up nearly going off the deep end. That's what professionals are for. You might gently suggest she seek some counseling.
P.S. I've been told numerous times that I'm attractive, even gorgeous, but I always felt ugly, ugly, ugly. This was partly due to childhood abuse, that I needed five years of therapy to deal with, and partly due to clinical depression, which I treat with medication. So don't take responsibility for her low self-esteem!! It's not your fault.
P.S. I've been told numerous times that I'm attractive, even gorgeous, but I always felt ugly, ugly, ugly. This was partly due to childhood abuse, that I needed five years of therapy to deal with, and partly due to clinical depression, which I treat with medication. So don't take responsibility for her low self-esteem!! It's not your fault.
givemeaname
02-25-2005, 04:31 PM
i cant just switch off tho and think "its not my fault". everytime i close my eyes i think of her, and ways of making her feel as good as i do when im with her.
Guy
Guy
privatescreen33
03-01-2005, 02:20 AM
I too have extremely low self esteem due to a plethora of reasons. i mean, being an identical twin is really hard because your whole life tends to revolve around what you look like. I have been told several times im attractive or that ive got nice eyes or that i look like ashton kutcher or whatever the heck, but i honestly dont believe a word people say. the whole world could say im a catch and i wont believe it, but just ONE person point out my flaws, and i believe them without question. I agree with the person that said your girlfriend needs professional help because coming from someone who is right at the core of this problem, no compliments (even from those we love most) will be able to convince us that we are something we dont believe ourselves to be.
Do a search on Body Dysmorphic Disorder. The disorder is pretty complex and i think your girlfriend could benefit by reading up on it. I hope the best for both of you
Btw, if anyone out there know anything about this disorder, the follow up would be greatly appreciated.
Just me,
Billy
Do a search on Body Dysmorphic Disorder. The disorder is pretty complex and i think your girlfriend could benefit by reading up on it. I hope the best for both of you
Btw, if anyone out there know anything about this disorder, the follow up would be greatly appreciated.
Just me,
Billy
morningtheft
03-01-2005, 06:31 AM
the whole world could say im a catch and i wont believe it, but just ONE person point out my flaws, and i believe them without question.
You're not alone :wave:
You're not alone :wave:
givemeaname
03-01-2005, 12:21 PM
yea please if you know anything about thsi disorder then pelase say!
guy
guy
givemeaname
03-01-2005, 12:51 PM
ok i have been further investigating that disorder, i dont know wether i woudl say she had it as it seems very drastic. she isnt quite that bad anymore, she has started to eat mroe and generally feel better, though she still does not accept any complements on her body, thought she does not fight them anymore.
if she did have this it would be a very mild form of it, though by the way she has changed lately i actually wonderd wether she is getting treatment for it as i read through many treatment articles and she is doing most everything on them by herself. maybe she is just a cleverer girl than i thought. she can do this.
Guy
if she did have this it would be a very mild form of it, though by the way she has changed lately i actually wonderd wether she is getting treatment for it as i read through many treatment articles and she is doing most everything on them by herself. maybe she is just a cleverer girl than i thought. she can do this.
Guy
blackplastic
03-02-2005, 03:02 AM
Most women tend to feel ugly, fat, and down sometimes. Self-esteem is a touchy issue with the more sensitive gender, especially nowadays. Image is such an important thing. Does she read beauty magazines or watch fashionable television?
It's true that sometimes it doesn't matter very much about what you or anybody else tells her, but it helps a lot. She'd feel a lot worse if that positive reinforcement didn't exist. She has to realize that there's nothing wrong with her and accept herself. But until then, tell her that she's beautiful and that you adore her... that you're lucky to have her. Do everything that you can to make her feel special, you know what she likes. I highly doubt that her self-esteem has anything to do with a disorder, I mean come on. Pills, self-help books, therapists, treament, doctors... It's all in the same boat and middle amerika is falling for it hook, line, & sinker. We can't all be shiny and happy or perfect.
On a side note, I would also practice caution when receiving advice from members on this board. Some (not all) tend to be self-righteous with deep rooted issues of their own, who are in no way in a position to give advice to anybody else. Not that they give bad advice, sometimes they miss the point. More often then not they're too critical and somewhat delusioned. I've been reading and observing, it's just a thought.
It's true that sometimes it doesn't matter very much about what you or anybody else tells her, but it helps a lot. She'd feel a lot worse if that positive reinforcement didn't exist. She has to realize that there's nothing wrong with her and accept herself. But until then, tell her that she's beautiful and that you adore her... that you're lucky to have her. Do everything that you can to make her feel special, you know what she likes. I highly doubt that her self-esteem has anything to do with a disorder, I mean come on. Pills, self-help books, therapists, treament, doctors... It's all in the same boat and middle amerika is falling for it hook, line, & sinker. We can't all be shiny and happy or perfect.
On a side note, I would also practice caution when receiving advice from members on this board. Some (not all) tend to be self-righteous with deep rooted issues of their own, who are in no way in a position to give advice to anybody else. Not that they give bad advice, sometimes they miss the point. More often then not they're too critical and somewhat delusioned. I've been reading and observing, it's just a thought.
givemeaname
03-02-2005, 12:55 PM
yea, well ok i dont think she reads those kinda magazines or watches tv like that. i am slowly seeing a rise in her mood, but like today, i was supposed to go round there earlier, but she just sent me a txt asking if i could come tomoz instead, i know she is recovering from glandular fever and is tired alot. but i cant help thinking there was something else.
something happend at home that she wont tell me about, she says it ent about us, but today at school i could feel some small kind of tension, and she wasnt being herself (e.g. she wasnt all over me, infact it was some quite negative body language) and like, man i feel like shite now and im just going on.
guy
something happend at home that she wont tell me about, she says it ent about us, but today at school i could feel some small kind of tension, and she wasnt being herself (e.g. she wasnt all over me, infact it was some quite negative body language) and like, man i feel like shite now and im just going on.
guy