Hey,

As I posted about before, I have a reading to do in front of 200 people and a good few of my anxiety triggers who are teachers (ie. I pass them in the corridors and have a panic attack, but this time they'll be sitting staring at me reading)

I'm extremely worried since it's next week, and you can imagine the sort of feelings I'm going through. The terror, the endless obsessing over it. Everytime I think about it I start to get flustered and panicky.

If I can help you understand my dilemma, it's that I want to be able to do this. I don't want to run away from it. I'll have to do it at Uni where lecturers will probably be less tolerant of anxiety. I'd feel like I let myself down if I just said I didn't want to do it, which I could. You might think I'm crazy for putting myself through it, but I genuinely feel as though I want to be able to do it. The idea of freaking out in front of 200 people is not great.

BUT, I don't feel as though I can go into it without some prior preperation. any idea?? Mine were to find out the procedure, find out when and where, find out what the stage and setup will be like, everything about it, how the microphone works and a chance to practice into it, find out my reading etc...

2 other issues have arised also. I have considered going to my assistant year tutor for help with this as I have no authority to get any of those things done. Everytime I see her I panic, lol. I'm not sure whether I should do this or just go into it without any help, though I feel I need it. Basically I'm too scared to ask for help despite feeling I need it. There are a lot of other issues which it raises too. If you were in this position, would you ask for help with it?

I have the choice of two venues for this reading. One has my teacher triggers and my friends there, both bad, but I am familiar with the setup of the stage and how it all works. Also, there are several teachers who know about my "problem" in that assembly and if I felt I couldn't do it or was feeling bad afterwards, could be of support (I would hope)
The other venue is a big unfamiliar hall around twice the size of the other with a massive stage which freaks me out. No one I know there (which is a good and bad thing).

Thankyou for any help you can give me!!

I guess my first questions is...are you on any medications? When I've had to speak in front of an audience in the past, I would take half a xanax just to take the edge off. If not taking the xanax, I would try very hard NOT to think about it and just do it. For instance, sitting in the audience waiting for my turn to speak, I would read or visit with a neightbor, etc... Of course you have to do so quietly so as not to appear rude. My suggestion would be to be as prepared as possible so that you are confident in your ability to speak on your subject. Perhaps getting help is a good idea so that you know you've done as much leg work as possible. Finally, be proud of yourself for attempting such a feat - regardless of the outcome. I'm one of those that avoids it whenever possible which is NOT a good thing. I could advance my career much faster by being more outspoken. You can do it!!

Hey,

As I posted about before, I have a reading to do in front of 200 people and a good few of my anxiety triggers who are teachers (ie. I pass them in the corridors and have a panic attack, but this time they'll be sitting staring at me reading)

I'm extremely worried since it's next week, and you can imagine the sort of feelings I'm going through. The terror, the endless obsessing over it. Everytime I think about it I start to get flustered and panicky.

If I can help you understand my dilemma, it's that I want to be able to do this. I don't want to run away from it. I'll have to do it at Uni where lecturers will probably be less tolerant of anxiety. I'd feel like I let myself down if I just said I didn't want to do it, which I could. You might think I'm crazy for putting myself through it, but I genuinely feel as though I want to be able to do it. The idea of freaking out in front of 200 people is not great.

BUT, I don't feel as though I can go into it without some prior preperation. any idea?? Mine were to find out the procedure, find out when and where, find out what the stage and setup will be like, everything about it, how the microphone works and a chance to practice into it, find out my reading etc...

2 other issues have arised also. I have considered going to my assistant year tutor for help with this as I have no authority to get any of those things done. Everytime I see her I panic, lol. I'm not sure whether I should do this or just go into it without any help, though I feel I need it. Basically I'm too scared to ask for help despite feeling I need it. There are a lot of other issues which it raises too. If you were in this position, would you ask for help with it?

I have the choice of two venues for this reading. One has my teacher triggers and my friends there, both bad, but I am familiar with the setup of the stage and how it all works. Also, there are several teachers who know about my "problem" in that assembly and if I felt I couldn't do it or was feeling bad afterwards, could be of support (I would hope)
The other venue is a big unfamiliar hall around twice the size of the other with a massive stage which freaks me out. No one I know there (which is a good and bad thing).

Thankyou for any help you can give me!!

Good grief, who wouldn't be nervous, really, that's a large undertaking. Well, my hubby has to give speeches/talks/teaches in his Union officer line of work, well, he says when you are 100% prepared material wise, the rest is fairly easy, the only thing that can go wrong is if you attempt a bad joke..... :D

So make sure you know what you are doing....and do it with a smile. Those people are just like you....flesh and blood. Preparation and knowing your material is the first priority.

Hey Junglemonkey..I know exactly how you feel! I have a speech due tomarrow actually, but only in front of a class of maybe 25. Do you have valium or xanax or anything like that? Maybe break one in half and take it before hand? Other than that I really don't know. Public speaking scares everyone but it's about a zillion times worse for panick/anxiety sufferers. I guess just get up there and do your best. What is the worst that could happen? You could be embarrassed? That's the worst thing I can think of. So maybe embarrassment isn't so bad ya know. Worse things could happen to you. Good luck!

Thanks for the quick replies :)

I am on not on any medication. I have been in the past but it was useless. My doctor is reluctant to put me on meds on the first place so I've not been on benzo's just anti-d's and beta blockers. To be honest with you a part of me does want to do this to prove everyone wrong, lol.

The worst that could happen is I panic in front of 200 people and screw up. Some of whom are in my school year and you know what school pupils are like. It would be screwing up in front of many teachers as well who I want to prove wrong. I just feel as though if I went through with the getting help and familiarising myself with the situation I might cope better, or at least it is worth a shot!