Hello, I have a question for people who experience Social Anxiety symptoms, are you able to have or start an intimate relationship with someone and not feel anxious around them? If you are, is it because of medication? I have a problem of getting close to someone...I always have people in mind that I would like to get closer to but when it could actually happen, I get scared and nervous and back out. I feel sick to my stomach and the only way it will go away is if I push the person away.

yes i have social anxiety im always nervous around people i always think people are looking at me and judging me i never look or try for a relationship because i know i would be so nervous i would prob scare them off or something i want to but its hard i feel the same way i back out of situations even in social situations i feel like running away from it but i dont i put up with it ive been on meds for this like prozac which did nothing for me and ive been on proprnolol which is a beta blocker this works while you take them but when you finish the course its still there so the doc sent me to do cbt to see if that works

goodluck

Hey man, I can so relate.

I have the same prob's. I get a anxious in social situations and especially around girls. I force myself to go out now-a-days and when im out i feel nervous and sick.

I cant figure out why i feel this way. All i know is is used to love going out with my friends to pubs,clubs,etc... (im 20 y/o)

Girlfriends is worse though. My last girlfriend was awsome. I really liked her and she was a ace person altogether. But everytime i was with her i always felt nervous and my stomach would be churning like crazy.

Even time my phone rung i would get this nervous, scarred feeling then i would check who it was and if it was her i would be feeling nervous while i was on the phone to her. Its crap, i dont want to feel like this and i cant figure out why i do. I loved going places with her but i it was like i was scarred of her.....its wierd!

Anyway, you arent alone dude!

Richdaws1984, have you ever taken medication for this problem? I have the same problem as you. At least u went ahead and started a relationship. I am 19/f and I have never been in a real relationship. Its not like I couldnt find anyone, I do like to have crushes on guys and all but when the situation becomes a reality..I get scared and push the person away saying I dont want to be in a relationship when part of me really does. Well..Im not sure what I will do. I have been thinking about starting a medication like xanax...I have been taking something called Hydroxyzine HCL off and on for a few years but its not very strong at all. Thanks for replying to my post!

I have two experiences since I have realized that I suffer from anxiety problems. The first girl I was with, I suffered extreme anxiety. Every time I was with her, I had a panic attack when I entered her apartment, or talked to her on the phone. Imagine going to dinner and having to leave your girlfriend because you can not stand being in the restaureant or out in public with everyone watching you.

With my current girlfriend, I do not have this problem. She has the same problems and I and we talk about what bothers us. I know what causes her anxiety and she knows what sets me off. It is with this communication and understanding that I feel completely comfortable with her and she with me. If I ever have a panic attack, she will comfort me and help me through it. I have relief in that feeling, knowing that she is there.

I do not feel that my past girlfriend truely understood what I was going through. I did not feel confident talking to her about it.

Communication is the key. A little compassion goes a long way and if you are lucky enough to find someone who understands you and loves you, you are in very good hands.

Hey dragonfly,

Ive never taken any tablets for my problems. Ive not even mentoned it to my doctor. I just seem to put up with it which is stupid i know!

I too find it really hard to get close to someone and start a relationship. This was my first "real" relationship and I would never of got with my her unless she asked me out.

You wrote:

"Its not like I couldnt find anyone, I do like to have crushes on guys and all but when the situation becomes a reality..I get scared and push the person away saying I dont want to be in a relationship when part of me really does."

That is exactly the same for me! I couldnt have wrote it better myself! (except for girls and not guys) lol

I say i dont want to be in relationships when i do. I want to go out with girls and do stuff together but i end up making an excuse and push them away and then its another chance missed! Its like I want things to work out but I dont want to be feeling nervous and sick so then I turn girls away so i can go back to not feeling like this.

I have tried to figure out what or why i end up feeling nervous and sick and back out and these are things that i come up with:

- I dont want to get into a relationship and then not "live up" to her expectatons.

- I dont want to make a idiot of myself and scare her off.

Thats about all i ever come up with. Theres stupid stuff as well like: what if im a bad kisser and stuff like that.

I told my ex that when i thought of her and when i was with her that i always felt nervous and had this strange feeling like i was scarred of you. She thought it was funny which made me relax a bit i suppose. We broke up after about 4 months. (nothing to do with anxiety stuff)

I once heard this saying that goes "Fear is Temporary, Regret is Permenant" I am going to start living to this. If i meet a girl that i like rather than pushing her away and regreting it, i am going to face the initial fear and go for it.

I am a sort of shy person when it comes to meeting new people, but when im out with mates if not shy or quite at all.

Does any of this make sense to you? Ive never found anyone else who feels like i do. Theres a lot of other stuff that i feel but i cant figure out how to put it into words! If you know what i mean.

Richdaws, I know exactly what you mean.

My best mate doesn't understand me, because I am quite normal around her because I've known her for like 15 years. But I can't be normal when its more than just her. Because she sees me being 'normal' she doesn't understand why I can't be around other people and act the same.

I just feel like everyone is judging me all of the time.

I am lucky to have had relationships though. Mostly thanks to alcohol and illegal substances it must be said. I'm not actually too bad one-on-one after a long time of getting to know the person. I'm kinda glad I used to drink so much, if only that I wouldn't have met so many people otherwise or been able to form relationships. I'm in no way reccomending anyone take up drinking, but I thought that maybe some kind of medical help may be good to get over the initial contact with someone?
(I'm such a hypocrite, I'm too scared to take anything myself but I can see how it might help others.)

Rich, I think you should take it up with the doctor, they might actually help, but if you don't ask you don't get! :)

Pheobe13 & Richdaws1984, thanks for all the helpful info about yourselves. It is helpful to know Im not alone. I always worry that I need medication or something to help me get into a relationship (like alcohol/drugs for you pheobe) to prevent the anxious feelings and physical symptoms I get but I wonder if I will need the medication to stay in a relationship? Like I am hoping that once I really get to know the person for several months..I will feel comfortable around them enough so I dont have to take anxiety medication to be with them. I know that I do get some anxiety in other situations as well but its mainly in certain social situations.

I dont know what type of medication would be best to start. I am thinking a benzo like Xanax since it is fast acting with little/no side effects. SSRIs like Prozac and Paxil tend to take a long time to work and then there is always risk of side effects. The main side effects I worry about is not being able to sleep and imparing cognitive abilities. Other than that, the medication should be ok.

Let me know what you think if you can. Thank you!

Hey, i dont really know anything about what meds you could take...sorry.

You could always try CBT. It might help in your situation.

You will probably find that your anxiety, etc... will fade as and you progress in a relationship. As you get to know the person you will feel more comfortable, etc...

Theres always nervousness when 1st going out with people anyway, thats half the fun!

Chek ya l8r!

Hello, I know CBT may be helpful but I am not sure how much that would cost with my insurance...It would be best if I could do both medication and CBT initially. Im not sure when I will get to the doctor to follow up about my concerns...I do want to start something I just dont know when is the best time. I am currently in school and I dont want to be experimenting with medication that could alter my ability to do well. We'll see...thanks for all the help guys!

Dragonfly,

If you can do CBT that would definitely be a good idea. If you weren't sure about the medication then there's also herbal remedies that could help.

Rhodiola can help with anxiety and stress. It also promotes serotonin.

Velarian works in the same sort of way as valium by acting on your gaba receptors (or something like that!) as does alcohol. It's not as strong though.

5-HTP helps you produce serotonin and helps you sleep.

Kava kava is a good relaxant but there is some controversy as to whether it causes liver damage.

Vitamin B complex will help your body to deal with stress. Also important to brain function.

Omega 3's are important. EFAs in fish oil are probably best but if you're veggie like me you can buy flaxseed oil or something similar. I take an omega 3, 6 +9s mix. Omega 9 can be found in extra virgin olive oil. They're important because they cushion the neuron receptors, relieves depression and also has an effect on joints.

There are also other herbal things I don't know much about like Picamilon and (L?)-Theamine (have no idea how it's spelt so that's probably wrong!)

St Johns Wort is also thought to act like an anti-depressant but without the side effects.

The CBT would probably be the best thing you could do. I've heard a lot of good stuff about the results. It would also be a long-term result, whereas medication does not always solve the actual problem.

Hope any of that helps... :)

Also, once you get into an intimate relationship, I am sure the anxiety will subside. Well it did with me. I just had to learn to trust the person. And Richdaws is right, a certain amount of anxiety is normal when you meet someone, especially if you like them. Just think, they are probably just as nervous as you! ;)

I have same problem a lot of times. I used to be really good around people. Im getting better though. Just calm down and try to keep negative thoughts out of your head. You never can tell what other people are thinking anyway so why care what they think.

'Mostly thanks to alcohol and illegal substances it must be said'

This is soooo me! I had a great two year relationship, though mostly under the influence of certain substances. When I packed the drugs in, the relationship failed. I realised i guess, how little we had in common when I was'nt mashed. The relationship had become this two way security thing, obsessive rather than real love.

Now, ive had a string of failed attempts at a relationship. I thought it was just really bad luck, guy after guy treating me like {REMOVED} never really getting past the dating stage. Now, on reflection, i think it was mostly me. Im a hard nut to crack. I never let my guard down. Its this horrid vicious circle. Each time it goes wrong, I become more guarded. I dated a friend and he told me that I never gave anything away. Which i dont. Im so afraid of getting hurt. As soon as I stick my neck out and start flirting and making it clear I like them, thats me done for.

When i'm with a guy, im soooo nervous, I cant make eye contact, often drink to much, I hate the thought of someone looking at me and studying me. When a guy looks into my eyes it terrifies me. And god forbid sleeping with anyone. All is great when i'm wasted, I have confidence, as soon as i sober up I become clumsy and awkward.

I have this horrible habit of talking and talking and talking, It makes me feel less physically studied. Its never anything great that i talk about. I never let a spark happen, I dont give it the time. I dont know what to reccommend, Im still trying to figure out what to do myself...

Its horrible, you start to feel really defeated, especially when one by one your friends are settling down and happy.

Sel83,

You sound so like me! I had a 2/3 year on/off relationship with this guy. We were very obsessive, not a proper type of love. I was always buying us bottles of wine, but he always supplied the drugs. I actually asked him out when on pills. Bad start and sign of things to come I guess. Our whole relashionship revolved around sex and drugs. (The sex usually whilst on the drugs!) :jester: Which is kinda fun, but not fulfilling long term, and doesn't get rid of the underlying anxiety.

I have the same problem of shrinking inside whenever anyone looks at me. I just can't stand it. It even makes me angry. I'm awkward and clumsy, like you say you are, when I'm sober. When I'm off my head I'm the person I always want to be but can't be. I just come out with stuff, don't analyse everything I am saying and doing all the time!

I usually deal with it in the opposite way to you though, instead of talking lots I go completely mute sometimes. I don't want to say anything that's going to make everyone look at me, or interupt someone's conversation with whatever trivial thing I might have to add. When I'm drunk it all flows but I can never remember how I did it! :rolleyes:

I hardly drink now cuz it started making me really ill. (Either I'm getting old or my liver's failing or something!) I don't do anything illegal either. So now I'm having to find out who I really am. It might be the best thing that ever happened to me. I think I only had about 2 weeks break from alcohol in 10 years, so now the drunken haze is clearing, maybe I could even get to like myself?! I don't go out much, but I've decided to build it up in my own time, and have learnt to say no to people, whenever they want me to go to the pub or something. I do believe that you have to love yourself before you can give love properly to others, so I'm gonna work on that! :)