To me, they seem like they would be. Always looking around at everyone else and wanting to be as thin as they are. I just wanted some imputs from people who have been to one. I am always competitve with people who are thinner than me... i know that sounds horrible, but has anyone had any success with one?

hello

I feel the same as you... im on a waiting list to go to inpatient therapy and im soooo scared because im not thin at all. i feel like people are going to be thinking "why is she even here?" i feel guilty when i see others who are so much thinner than me and i always try to make my friends eat more than me so i dont feel as bad. if im out with them, i wont eat if they dont, and when they are finished so am i, even if i hardly ate anything. i hate people watching me eat. anything im gettin off topic, i just wanted to say i feel the same way about going to a program, im really scared.

let me know if you have any advice!

Dana

Are you referring to an outpatient setting, or an inpatient one?

When I was in outpatient treatment, I couldn't stand to go to group therapy because, yes, I personally found them triggering. I would compare myself with the others, and even get jealous when someone was doing worse than I was. I found 1 on 1 therapy with someone to be much more helpful.

As far as being in the hospital goes...that was when I hit my low and I just wanted to get well and get out of there. I did what I had to...and even though I didn't do so well when I got out, I fought really really hard not to let myself get so bad that I had to go back.

Hope this helps.

Jenn

Thanks Jenn and Dana
Dana I'm the same way with my friends that you are and i hate how i am like that. It makes me feel like such a bad person for even wanting to compete with my friends in this way. I love when they eat more than me, actually i wouldnt' have it any other way. ughh its so frustrating!! thanks again for your replies
liza

As far as treatment facilities being triggering, a lot depends on where you are in your recovery. By this I mean, do you want to get better, or at least want to want to get better? Your mindset can have a big impact on how you react. Also most ED facilites treat anorexia and bulimia, so not everyone there is going to fit what you right now see as a person with an ED.

Also if you are in a good inpatient or out patient facility then there is VERY little emphasis on food. I mean you will be on a meal plan and encouraged to eat, but your whole day does not revolve around food. There is so much more.

Try to go in with an open mind. The best thing you can do is be willing.

Hi!

I found inpatient facilities to be triggering even when I was emaciated! Now that I am not, but am on a bit of a downslide, my therapist has suggested a couple of weeks in some treatment facility (haha... with my reputation, no one would take me back anyway.. I've burned *too* many bridges). I refused because I am at a "normal" weight now, and going into one of those places would be nothing but detrimental because everyone else would be thinner than me. I would leave the place even *more* determined to lose weight. I just know it. We're at our wit's end as to what to do about my downward spiral. "They" want to have me stay the way that I am, and *I* want to lose weight again (nowhere *near* as much as before, that would kill me), be happy, etc. Sometimes I just wish that they would just leave me alone. By the way, "they" are my parents, dietitian, therapist, doctors, etc.


Bjork

Its not that I would want them to be triggering... but this is one of the hardest things that i have ever gone through and every time i do put my mind on getting better, certain things just knock me back into feeling like i cant do it like people eating less than me or feeling like people are trying to compete with me. I dont think i have the mindset for a treatment center yet but how do i get that? Thanks everyone for your replies it really helps to hear from all of you!
liza

Dance4jc is right in that it depends what stage you are at. I first went into inpatient care after having heart failure at 4 1/2 stone (I'm 5'10" - this was at my worst), and hated every minute of it - my day seemed to be spent eating, then talking about how bad it made me feel! I came out of there 9 months later hating food and determined to lose evrything I had gained... however at this point I didn't want to recover. Sure, going in helped in that it got my weight up and stopped me from dying, but I came out with new behaviours and weight loss/restricting "tips" picked up from the others.

I have since been in twice and only on the last time did it help. By this stage I was in a complete mess, could not sort myself or my eating out no matter how much I wanted to. So I went back in a last ditch attempt. By now I had had enough, and just wanted it to end. It really helped - it gave my a regular sensible eating pattern to get into, there were people there to help, and this time, if I didn't want help they wouldn't push me to talk. I could see now that the other girls were ill, and there was no point comparing myself to or competing with them. If they were still sneaking ways of getting out of eating they were just at a different stage to me, and I could see that I didn't want to be like that anymore.

So thats my little anecdote!! What I'm trying to say is don't compare yourself to others - its your recovery, just remind yourself that you don't want to be like that anymore. They might be thinner than you, but you know what they're going through in their minds - they aren't happy, and that is whats important. Every day is a constant battle, you don't want to be like that anymore, and to be able to get over it, you need to get to a healthy weight.

Try to go in with a positive attitude - there are many benefits of inpatient care: it will help you get into a regular eating habit, there are people there day and night to help you - use them!! If you need to talk there's always someone there and they are trained to help you deal with your problems.

good luck!

xxx

Its not that I would want them to be triggering... but this is one of the hardest things that i have ever gone through and every time i do put my mind on getting better, certain things just knock me back into feeling like i cant do it like people eating less than me or feeling like people are trying to compete with me. I dont think i have the mindset for a treatment center yet but how do i get that? Thanks everyone for your replies it really helps to hear from all of you!
liza

I am the exact same way. Like today for example, I have even better than I usually do, and although I haven't freaked out yet .... I just know I'm going to be set back at some point, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few days, but I know it's going to happen. I am ready to get better, but it's just like there are so many things that will set me back along the way. Things like seeing someone who is thinner than me, feeling some weight going back on. I'm just gonna take it day by day and for now, I had a good day. I of course am worrying at the moment, but at least I aint purging yet.

Anyways, back on topic ...... I know for me, treatment facilities would be very triggering for me. Like most of you have said, I would feel the need to compete with everyone else. Just the fact that they would be thinner than me would be enough to break me.

Ugh how do we get past the stage of seeing someone thinner and not going back to our ways?? Its so frustrating! Sometimes i wish i was born in a world where everyone just had like a square for a body ya know?? lol sorry that was kinda weird but hopefully u know what im saying. Hang in there and keep fighting!

big time triggering! u kno that retreat i went to? wow, one gurl only ate 2 peices of cheese throughout the whole 5 days. lots of my friend really hardly ate ne of their meals and usually ate salad and stuff...but u kno? i was trying to get better so i had cheese, meat, breads, milk ect. i was proud! The gurls purged quite a bit and over excercised, but not me:) but the last nite, all the gurls were binging...i wanted to SOO bad because the food was like "heaven"..so. i did, and wow it is weird doing it with other ppl. lol. i felt so guilty afterwards, but since the retreat my mind opened up.

Ugh i would hate watching a person eat just two pieces of cheese!! Im suprised at an ed retreat they had exercise equipment there because i know how i would abuse that fact. I bet some girls stayed there the whole day! Thanks for the input sammy!

aah no prob! o and they didnt have NE excercise equipment..they did it to themsleves in their rooms like crunches, pushups, squats. god. lol. And they kept complaining that they were mising "dancing" or "basketball" and not getting the excercises....(in a way i was like that 2 but i held my own grudge..lol)

oooh haha duh im stupid. OMG i would have wanted to slap them! (and then start doing the exercises with them) lol

Ugh how do we get past the stage of seeing someone thinner and not going back to our ways?? Its so frustrating! Sometimes i wish i was born in a world where everyone just had like a square for a body ya know?? lol sorry that was kinda weird but hopefully u know what im saying. Hang in there and keep fighting!

Not weird at all! I wish the same thing. I just know that it's going to be a constant set back for me, seeing someone thinner!

oooh haha duh im stupid. OMG i would have wanted to slap them! (and then start doing the exercises with them) lol

haha yah i kno...a gurl would be like "o im just going to be in my room and just lay down"..haha shed walk out like 2 hours later with a red face and everything. lol. o yah, layin down? what were u dreamin about, staring into an oven with pizza that ur just dying to eat? lol. but yah...i felt i needed to do that 2, but i prmisedm yself and my rents i wouldnt become a freak about it.

LOL!! Well good thing you had them there for support and to make sure you were staying on the right track. I was also suprised when you said that the girl only ate 2 pieces of cheese, they dont monitor your eating there?

they give us the choice...like we'd talk about "feelings" and "family probs" and us gurls would always eat in another room (we had a choice)...so i dont think they really noticed. she went back for a second time and i guess they literally had to shove sum kind of shake into her mouth. therefor she had like 300 cals in 5 days. even if i was at my ana stage, i wouldnt be able to go that long..in all honestly i have never had a day without eating a thing...there was always a peice of fruit or bread.