I'm a 23 year old male. I've had a problem of needing to start at the beginning of the month to being improving my life for the longest time. For some reason I feel like if it's the beginning of the month then I haven't made any mistakes yet. Somehow I need that reassurance. Months turn into years. I've wasted almost 6 years since high school and I haven't done anything with my life. I always come up with reasons to sabotage any success. Not that I've had much success. I tell myself that at the beginning of March I'll improve my life but I've already come up with stupid non-sensical reasons for why that wont' work. I'm going to try anyway. I told myself that at the beginning of this year I would start improving and that didn't work out either. I think it mainly has to do with my fear of the world. I'm short, I look young for my age, I have acne, I'm overweight and I'm losing my hair. Nothing seems to be going my way. How do I break out of this cycle of fear of being in the world so I don't waste another month like this. I'm so sad that I've wasted so much time.

Rick, you didn't say if you were on meds or not. It sounds like you have quite a bit of anxiety going there. Have you spoken to a doc about this problem. If not, I would go tommorrow. Feeling better could be right around the corner. Good luck.

I say Xanax if your not on anything else, cause it sounds like your just like me, affraid.

Rick,
I spent 5 years in my house and never left. Nobody understood why or cared enough to listen, my curtains were closed and I was afraid to open the door to get the mail. I couldn't answer the phone for fear someone would be on the other line, Sound Stupid? Well, everyone else thought so, but to me it made perfect sense.
One day I decided if I stopped all caffiene I could at least open the door, so I did. I was hooked on Mountain Dew, I stopped it cold turkey and had a migraine from H*** and back for a week. Then I opened a phonebook and looked for the nearest Physciatist to my home so I could get there as fast as I could. I could not stop at stop signs, or even traffic lights. I was able to find one about a mile from my home, God willing, and it was all backroads. I had to do something, my husband threatened to divorce me and also sell my car since I could not leave my home.
I made it to the office and I walked right past all those people and opened the door to the secretary and whispered to her that I could not sit out there with strangers, she said it was fine and let me sit in the hall by her office.
When the Doc called me in, he immediatly told me I had severe Panic Disorder and put me on 1mg of Xanax every 4 hours, but it didn't take care of everything, so on my next visit I explained the rest, that I could not go to the county fair with my kids, I could not go to the school to pick them up, etc. He told me I also had Agoraphobia (fear of open spaces and strange people), I also had weird riturals, I thought were great! My house was spotless, but I was getting up everytime I tried to sit down because something wasn't right, straight, and always, the next month I would do better, that came and went for years as well. He also told me on top of everything else I had OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), it takes many shapes and styles in different people.
The best thing I can tell you being I suffer from Severe Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Is to get some help. My first step had to be to stop the caffiene, My Doc said he never heard of a patient who ever thought of that before and was glad I did. You see, if you do get help and still drink caffiene, it lowers the effect the drugs have.
It also helps to have a Therapist, I perfered to have one in the same office and the same sex.
When the next month rolls around, and it will very soon, have the phone book opened and call. The worse thing that can happen is the day of your appointment will come and you will be too afraid to go and want to cancel. Don't. Don't cancel, Don't think about it, just go.
I know I was shaking so hard I could barely steer the car and cried the whole way.
You would be surprised at what you can do with the right help. Yes, Xanax is good and so is Wellbutrin. But I wanted to let you know I now live a normal life and that was 12 years ago. I take my Grandchildren places and to parks, I start things and finish them, I have my life back, and it feels great!
You can only imagine what it could be like when someone is telling you what to do, but getting it done is the hard part. But you'll be Thankful you did.
I travel 2000 miles to see my Mother-in-Law now, several times a year, I have a new Grandson in Montana 3000 miles away, and we are driving up to see him. I could of never done that before.
And last but not least. My Doc and Therapist called the Social Security office, I got a call (interview) and then I got papers in the mail that said DENIED!, I just signed them and mailed them back. I am 45 yrs old and have been on Social Security Disability since I was 33 years old.
I hope you take my advice, I'll be praying for you,
Sorry about the book.
Stardust

Thanks. I've had 3 or 4 appointments with a therapist before and cancelled them all. I also drink tons of caffeine but am not on medication. My problems have to do with the way I look mostly. I use "the beginning of the month" as an excuse, but in reality it's the way I look. I'm not any uglier than your average ugly person, but I also look young for my age and that bothers me. There's just some things I can't do nothing about. It's just strange how much time I've wasted. I had a converstaion last April with my father about trying to get out of the house and improve. I went through the same rituals month after month. Now, here April is coming up again. The time went so fast. How could I have wasted another year when it looked so promising that I would improve? I can't explain it.

I can.
And you don't HAVE to stop the caffiene, but it is adding to the problem. I also look younger than I am, People are always telling my husband "what a cute daughter he has".
My Advice?
Make another appointment, turn off your mind, use what I call tunnel vision (you just drive to where your going and don't look back,, ignoring everyone around you) before you know it, your at your appointment and don't even recall half the drive.
I would def get off the caffiene till you can handle it. It makes your heart race. Trust me, I tried a sip of red Mountain Dew and after 12 years I thought I was going to have a heart attack!

Another thing to remember is when you think too much about something or have fear, your not breathing. Believe it or not, your holding your breath. So take Deep breaths and show yourself and your Dad you can do this. Put your hand on your stomach, it should rise and fall with breathing, if not, force yourself to breath right thinking of something peaceful and calming. We tend to breath from our chest when we are scared, which is what babies do, and why they startle easily and cry. When we grow a little we breathe from the stomach area which is normal.
Lay on the couch and practice,close your eyes, it will take time. This will get more oxygen to your blood, brain and heart.
I will be here anytime you need me.
Stardust

looks have nothing to do with it. I've met some really ulgy people that turned out to be the most beautiful people i've ever met and some really pretty people that turned out to be really ULGY. I say it's not about looks it about personality, and I've been told that I should be a model my whole life but my response "i don't have the personality" hope you can see that eventually