I just found out that my Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Does it HAVE to be that, necessarily? I know there are many different types and reasons for dementia. He only has short term memory loss right now...but my step mother is the one who talked with the doctors. She is a person who does not tend to look on the bright side, but looks for the worst. This is how she handles things. she is sayting that my father will go downhill quickly, with only a year and a half to two years before he "does not know us anymore". Is this necessarily true? Couldn't it just go more slowly in some people, or go a certain degree and stop there: I feel like my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. Can someone say anything that will help me?

Dear Victoria,

NO! no! it does not have to be that bad! My Mom has (probably) had AD for about a year. She is still a sweet, agreeable, pleasant to be around person... MOST of the time. Her memory loss comes and goes, there are clear days when she knows things I have forgotten.

The rate of deterioration varies from case to case. For early onset patients it can be slowed very much by medications. Later there is an arsenal of drugs to help the person sleep, or remain calm, or get rid of depression, according to what his problems are.

Don't despair. You are not alone. We are here to help hold each other up, after all, that's what support means.

My Mom is 96, how old is your dad?

Have all other causes for his behavior been ruled out?

Is he on any medications?

Keep in touch here, and read old posts also. I learned an immense amount from reading the stories of Barbara H and of GizmoLove whose parents were AD patients before passing away.

Love and prayers,

Martha H

Martha,

God bless you for replying. I am sitting at my office in tears most of the day. My father is 80 years old. This short term memeory loss has just manifesteditself within the last three months or so. Yes, he has had an MRI which shows calcification in his brain. That is supposed to be what happens with alzheimers, I think. He had a testing session with a Neurologist, and then a second opinion with a team of Geriatricians. I was not included in attendence, just my step mother. She seems to be saying they are convinced that he is in the "early stages" of Alzheimers, on number 20 on a rating of 0 to 25 where the lower you go the worse it is. She says the Dr.s told her that he will go down about 4 points a year...so that he has about 2 years before he "does not know us anymore". I have not studied this AT ALL yet. Can you tell me some things? Does it necessarily have to keep getting worse, or does it necessarily have to get worse that fast? Does he necessarily HAVE to eventually lose HIMSELF and knowledge of other people? Is there ANY room for me to hope that he may just be fuzzy at times, but maybe go on as ususal in personality? I desperately need a different perspective from the bleak one that my step mother is painting. Thanks. :confused:

There is no way of telling for sure how long it will take before he doesn't know anyone anymore. My dad has had it for at least 10 years that I know of. He still knows who I am. He still walks. He still communicates although not as well as he used to.

Do an internet search for alzheimers association. A good place to start is alz.org.

Alzheimer's is an awful disease. Learn all you can about it. And take what your step mother says with a grain of salt. You know she focuses on the worst. Take one day at a time and love your dad for who he is now.

Take care of yourself and please post back to us. These people here are a great source of information and comfort for me.

Barb

There are medications like Aricept that can slow the process. And anti-depressants help my dad to remain more calm and a bit more focused. Has anyone spoken to your step mother about medications?

To be honest with you, I would be leery of a doctor who is so sure in his diagnosis that he can tell almost exactly when things will happen. There is not even a test that definitely diagnoses alzheimer's. It's basically a culmination of tests to rule out all other possible illnesses or diseases that help doctors come to the conclusion of alzheimer's. That's why I'm leery of this doctor if he actually said that. Could it be that the doctor gave your step mom a worst case scenerio and she's taking it as fact that that's what's going to happen? I think that's entirely possible from what you say about her.

What you're going through is horrible. Take the time to let yourself feel what you feel. That's the best advice I can give you right now. I wish they had a smiley that hugs. I'd give that to you right now.

Barb

Hi Victoria,

As others have said, welcome to this community of caregivers and of families who have endured or are enduring the loss of a member to Alzheimer's.

I completely agree that no one -doctor or not - can predict the rate of decline of any Alzheimer's patient. My mother was about 84 when I noticed she had forgotten some common information. It was as if learned information trickled away instead of being suddenly gone, then concepts, then connections to people. Even after Mom didn't know me as her daughter, she was happy to see me. Even when she could hardly speak and could never voice a thought, she could reply, "I love you, too."

Your father should see a doctor who will help and not write him off. There are several medicines that help slow Alzheimer's and an antidepressant helped my mother tremendously.

You are certainly not alone in your situation, your concerns, your wishes, or your hopes.

Wishing you well - Barbara

Barb, Thank-you so much for your kindness. I have since talked to my step mother again, and she is not being quite so negative. She now denies having said he had two years before he wouldn't know us, ...she claims that is how long he has before he would have to enter assisted living. However, I know what she said! I just wish to God that I could have been in the sessions, because I know that different, more positive questions could have caused the doctor to come out with a more positive answer. The same DR. just called her and said she can not leave him alone in the apartment, and say, even go to lunch with a girlfriend. Even she does not agree with that sounding right. She just left him alone for a whole day and went to NY and he was just fine! (Friends calling and checking on him, etc.). I feel frustrated because I don't really know what's going on. But Dad DID have an MRI, and he has the calcification in his brain which they say is indicative of Alzheimers. But Dad has calcification problems all over! He had a heart bypass several years ago, and they just tied off an Anurism in his abdomin and the surgeon said he had calcification in that artery...! couldn't it yet be something other than AD? If so, maybe it won't get much worse. I just wish I could talk with someone face to face who knew all the facts about Dad without having to hear it from Marjorie. She really is quite negative!

Victoria, what I'm about to say is just from my experience with four people on both sides of my family with alzheimer's disease. Every one of them had/have calcification in the arteries. I don't know if everyone with alzheimer's gets that or not. That's just what my family has experienced.

Before my dad was diagnosed with alzheimer's, he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. He was forgetting things he always knew but I kept thinking it was because of his heart. If his heart isn't pumping enough blood to his brain, he would naturally forget things. But as time went on and his heart function began to improve, his forgetfulness was getting worse. I wanted to believe it was ANYTHING other than alzheimer's. At that point, I think I would have rather have heard that he had cancer. In my mind, at least there was a chance of a cure. I saw what alzheimer's did to other family members. I didn't want that happening to dad. But what I didn't know is all the progress that has been made since my grandpa and grandma died. There were no drugs or anything to help them. There were no support groups to help the families. Nothing right now can cure alzheimer's but there are drugs on the market now that help the patients to live a more normal life for much longer than just a few years ago.

I agree with you that all avenues must be investigated. Will Marjorie let you go to the next doctor's appt so you can ask some questions? If you don't live near there, is it possible that she can have the doctor e-mail you an explanation of his findings?

Did they put your dad on any medication for alzheimer's? If it is alzheimer's that he has, the earlier he gets on medication, the better off he'll be.

Take care!

Barb

Victoria10 -- My heart goes out to you, since I remember the shock of hearing my husband's diagnosis. Our doctor also said -- when pushed for answers -- that it would be likely that my husband wouldn't know us in 4 years. We're a year past the diagnosis and I can see that the 4-year prognosis might be accurate as my husband loses ground. I relayed all of the doctor's info to my stepchildren. I gave them the same info that I had received, since they're adults and I thought that they needed to know to maximize the quality of their time with their Dad. One stepchild has taken advantage of this knowledge and is having special talks with him now. The more time this stepchild spends talking with Dad, the more he can see the illness for himself. Another stepchild said that I was being overly negative and that Dad is just dramatizing. Their Dad doesn't realize how long it's been since that child has called. I know that someday this one will regret missing this time with Dad -- and when that stepchild is ready to talk to Dad, he/she will find out quickly that Dad may not be able to communicate well anymore.

The Doctors told us they would give worst case info with the diagnosis, so that our family could make plans. We were even directed to talk about my husband's end-of-life wishes. The doctors said the reason for being negative and giving worst case info is so that the family can take care of powers of attorney and other legal matters as soon as possible, while there was still no question of my husband's competency. Our lives changed immediately as a result of the diagnosis, since suddenly my husband wasn't allowed to drive (his diagnosis was reported to our Dept. of Transportation), I had to take over our finances (he had been working, and was forced to immediately retire from his profession), etc. We were told to plan for the worst, but hope for the best. The first months after the diagnosis were filled with conversations about the disease, shock, fear and plans. I began to grieve for the loss of my husband and all of our dreams for a future, and our kids are beginning the process of grieving for the loss of their father. A year later, I still have to hide my crying when I think that our 13-yr old will be walked down the aisle by her brothers, not her Dad.

On the positive side, a year later my husband is cheerful, loving and able to communicate in many ways. Is he the man he was a year ago? No, clearly the illness is taking him away -- but he's still our children's and my stepchildren's Dad. I've learned to live more calmly with the diagnosis, and the daily changes in our life. My point is that Alzheimers' is a terrible diagnosis, but you will still have lots of time to love your Dad. You'll have time to say good-bye unlike some other terminal illnesses, and he won't be in pain. At least, that's what I tell myself...

I agree that it would be a good idea for you to speak with your Dad's doctor, so that you can understand what's going on. I found that researching Alzheimers was very helpful, since we had no family experience with it. The more knowledge you have, the better you'll be able to understand what's going on. And on behalf of stepmothers, please be sympathetic to your stepmother (even if she's actually not too nice or otherwise unreliable, unlike me :rolleyes: ) -- she may be reeling from the diagnosis and facing up to the end of her life with her husband, especially if he may have been the stronger partner in their relationship. The fact that she shared her pain and the worst case info with you may have been because she needed you to share your strength.

I just found out that my Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Does it HAVE to be that, necessarily? I know there are many different types and reasons for dementia.

Make sure your Dad is checked for these disorders of whose symptoms can mimic Alzheimer's:

- Pernicious anemia (Vitamin B-12 deficiency).
- Hypothyroidism (Underactive thyroid).
- Chronic drug toxicity.
- Drug side effects.
- Subdural hematoma.
- Transient ischemic attacks (Mini-strokes)/Vascular multi-infarct disease.
- Infection.
- Electrolyte imbalance.
- Hormone imbalance.
- Heavy metal intoxication (A hair test will confirm).

There are a few other disorders which can cause memory loss which I'll post when I find them.

I suggest an MRI scan. That can reveal a lot.

Hypothyroidism (Underactive thyroid).

REALLY???????? ACK ........ I've got one of them ..........


*running around in a panic*

Sally

Hypothyroidism (Underactive thyroid).

REALLY???????? ACK ........ I've got one of them ..........


*running around in a panic*

Sally
Don't worry... that is treatable. :)

Doubly making sure I take my oroxine .........

I sure don't wanna even remotely end up with pseudo dementia . !!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs ..
Sally

Well, I don't blame you.
My Dad's doctor told me a few months ago that he was acting strange because his thyroid was slightly underactive. It was treated and he's back to normal.