Sharalee
03-01-2005, 04:00 PM
Guys, I really HatE being The Dizzy Downer, and mostly because that is NOT who I am. WaS rather.
For 6 yrs I have, with the prodding of my husband, said I would never give up. Oh yes, I've cried and screamed "There is no dr alive who will ever find out what is wrong with" more times that I can count, or remember. (the fog has ruined any chance of ever holding a job, I almost hit someone while driving the other day, and I cannot recall things one minute after my husband has said them)
My husband commits that HE won't give up, and he will take me anywhere and everywhere even if it means us losing everything we own, To "fix" me. Well he's more committed than me now. I'm too tired to fight anymore. No one gives a crap. I was just now informed by the hospital that No ONE is allowed in the room for the ENG. As it was put to me, because of "lack of space". "there's not alot of room in there, and there will be 3 people in there performing the tests" (and then she giggled) "it's not invasive, what is your worry?"
The only reason I have NoT cancelled is because I was taking my husband in with me. Guess what? Not going now. I'll call and cancel this afternoon. From what I'm reading, it's no great loss anyway.
My first attack of vertigo was in 1999. It was worse than the one I had last October, even though the one in October scared the crap out of me, left me extremely nauseous for 3 days, and off for a week. The attack in 99' was spinning vertigo, the room spun so fast my vision was a blur. If I could relate it mph, I would guess 500 mph. For those of you who've had it, you know that is no exaggeration. The faintly/swimming/swaying/lightheadness started then/24/7, and has never stopped.
Anyway, I had just abouT everY blood test known to mankind. Nothing ever comes back abnormal. Ever. I talk to a dr., begin explaining the hell I live in, and of course I become upset. Then of course you're looked at as a psych case. (not by my current dr) I'm talking about the pluthera of others I've had. I've even spent overnight in a mental hospital. Without my anxiety/depression pills, went into withdrawls, dehydrated, crawled to a nurses' station full of asleep nurses. I was too weak to speak. I even had my period. After tapping on the counter with my fist, someone awoke, and would give me nothing to drink, and I knew I was dehydrating.
I only tell you this, to clarify my belief that no one cares. That is not just one experience. The dr I have now, is the only dr who has ever ListeneD to me, and made me feel like he's on my side, and desperately wants me to feel better.
I know I am supposed to be proactive. And finally, I was. All these appts, ones for my ear problems, and the ones for my fibromyalgia diagnosis, have been of my own action and because I want to feel better. For both of these problems the treatment seems to be anti-depressants. I've been on them for years. They don't work. I was off of them for 2 yrs. Ripped off of my anxiety pills when my doc at the time learned of my pregnancy. Had withdrawl on my own in bed for 3 weeks. The next 2 yrs, with no pills, was the last time I felt like ME. I'd give anything to be off them, but knowing the hell of withdrawl, no thanks, not right now. Plus, I know they are not the cause of my ear problems or my chronic pain. I know what has caused the fibro... my ears, I have no clue. I know it wasn't the accident, because I had all these symptoms yrs before.
Good God, I apologize. I am at the end of the rope, and I really just want to let go now. So my life will continue to suck, I'll be sick and unable to live a normal life. After 6 yrs, I'm used to it.
Throwing myself in the bin, and wishing you all THE VERY BEST LIFE!!! You are all very dear people. I wish we could all get together and hold on to each other as we spin. I love all of you and will continue to read and reply.
SL
For 6 yrs I have, with the prodding of my husband, said I would never give up. Oh yes, I've cried and screamed "There is no dr alive who will ever find out what is wrong with" more times that I can count, or remember. (the fog has ruined any chance of ever holding a job, I almost hit someone while driving the other day, and I cannot recall things one minute after my husband has said them)
My husband commits that HE won't give up, and he will take me anywhere and everywhere even if it means us losing everything we own, To "fix" me. Well he's more committed than me now. I'm too tired to fight anymore. No one gives a crap. I was just now informed by the hospital that No ONE is allowed in the room for the ENG. As it was put to me, because of "lack of space". "there's not alot of room in there, and there will be 3 people in there performing the tests" (and then she giggled) "it's not invasive, what is your worry?"
The only reason I have NoT cancelled is because I was taking my husband in with me. Guess what? Not going now. I'll call and cancel this afternoon. From what I'm reading, it's no great loss anyway.
My first attack of vertigo was in 1999. It was worse than the one I had last October, even though the one in October scared the crap out of me, left me extremely nauseous for 3 days, and off for a week. The attack in 99' was spinning vertigo, the room spun so fast my vision was a blur. If I could relate it mph, I would guess 500 mph. For those of you who've had it, you know that is no exaggeration. The faintly/swimming/swaying/lightheadness started then/24/7, and has never stopped.
Anyway, I had just abouT everY blood test known to mankind. Nothing ever comes back abnormal. Ever. I talk to a dr., begin explaining the hell I live in, and of course I become upset. Then of course you're looked at as a psych case. (not by my current dr) I'm talking about the pluthera of others I've had. I've even spent overnight in a mental hospital. Without my anxiety/depression pills, went into withdrawls, dehydrated, crawled to a nurses' station full of asleep nurses. I was too weak to speak. I even had my period. After tapping on the counter with my fist, someone awoke, and would give me nothing to drink, and I knew I was dehydrating.
I only tell you this, to clarify my belief that no one cares. That is not just one experience. The dr I have now, is the only dr who has ever ListeneD to me, and made me feel like he's on my side, and desperately wants me to feel better.
I know I am supposed to be proactive. And finally, I was. All these appts, ones for my ear problems, and the ones for my fibromyalgia diagnosis, have been of my own action and because I want to feel better. For both of these problems the treatment seems to be anti-depressants. I've been on them for years. They don't work. I was off of them for 2 yrs. Ripped off of my anxiety pills when my doc at the time learned of my pregnancy. Had withdrawl on my own in bed for 3 weeks. The next 2 yrs, with no pills, was the last time I felt like ME. I'd give anything to be off them, but knowing the hell of withdrawl, no thanks, not right now. Plus, I know they are not the cause of my ear problems or my chronic pain. I know what has caused the fibro... my ears, I have no clue. I know it wasn't the accident, because I had all these symptoms yrs before.
Good God, I apologize. I am at the end of the rope, and I really just want to let go now. So my life will continue to suck, I'll be sick and unable to live a normal life. After 6 yrs, I'm used to it.
Throwing myself in the bin, and wishing you all THE VERY BEST LIFE!!! You are all very dear people. I wish we could all get together and hold on to each other as we spin. I love all of you and will continue to read and reply.
SL