Went out tonight .....bowling..needed to clear my head of all the things that are swarming through it. When I got home there was a message that my mom fell down the stairs....she wasn t alone thank god....now Im sitting here waiting to here how she is......I don t think I will leave this house again.....I don t think we have much time left with her.......Im so scared....

As fate would have it my husband is at a bowling tournament & I would be glad to "sit with you" for a bit this evening!
Bj

Originally posted by HoosierBj:
As fate would have it my husband is at a bowling tournament & I would be glad to "sit with you" for a bit this evening!
Bj

HoosierBj: I would love to have a friend sit with me. I hope that your world is not so full of pain as mind.Thank you for your kind words.......

You are in luck!
I am NOT in pain tonight, and
You can actually do me a favor by sitting with me too, since everyone else in my family & his has someone to hang out with!
and I DO have more than a nodding acquaintance with pain in my past so I can definitely relate.
Share away!
Or be cheered up!
What suits your fancy this evening???

Please let us know how you're doing. Since I hadn't heard back from you I am wondering you were called away to be with your Mom in the hospital.
I'll check once more tonite and then tomorrow to see if you've had a chance to post.
Take care, I've got fingers crossed and a few prayers here to share.
Bj

Lonely Sun Here I sit to for you! I remember last summer planning a week away with my in laws a bit over a month before mom died. I was so scared... I made sure, that I called every night, and that my family had taped to the fridge my exact iternary and the 3 phone number with room #'s the RCMP's# and the three cell numbers. I was so parinod that something would happen while I was out "enjoying" life for a week. I had bus schedules, and plane schedules with me also. it all seems so silly now..... You need time to yourself, do not stop living or being afraid of life.

HoosierBj: Sorry about leaving you so fast last night.
wasn t feeling well myself with my MS and worrying about my mom. (She is home for now was put on Morphine every 12 hours......I hope that helps her)...My husband felt I should get some sleep....I didn t get much worrying about Mom......hope you are doing well today http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gifThanks LeisaH for your kind words of encouragement.....I will to heed them....Though I still feel bad that Im not down there as much as I would like.....

Thanks for letting me know but no apologies necessary!
When my Dad was so very ill with cancer I found the two things that I could find to be thankful for were morphine and Hospice.
I used to think those were awfully strange things to be thankful for until someone told me that it is a blessing to find something to be thankful about at all sometimes.

Hang in there, your husband is right about the sleep... a regular schedule, even if it isn't your usual one, can make a lot of difference when stress is unavoidable.

We're here for you. And unlike some of your friends and family we DO know exactly what you are going through. Please be sure to keep in touch...
Bj

[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 04-16-2003).]

As I sit at this computer, needing to sleep, yet toss and turn, listening to hear any sounds my father may make, Hospice is here and the meds are strong. He is hanging on, just now shot out of my chair,he is trying to cough but yet sounds like something I am not familiar with. Doctor says maybe 48 hours, yet its Gods decision. I am dealing with depression, I feel it coming on, I will probably have to go back on my anti depressent medicine after all. I have been off of them for 3 years but this is taking a toll on me. My sisters walked me to the shower this morning and said you have to take a shower, you have to eat, I ask myself why? But yet I know what is best so I followed their advice. We are not having the 12am to 8am Hospice nurse per moms request. She feels overwelmed and that they are invading her space. She is having a hard time dealing with this. I guess though she is doing the best she can. I have learned alot from Hospice and with this I will say I have always wanted to go into nursing, taking care of the elderly, but thought I couldnt handle it. But I see now it is blessing, To comfort the dying to comfort there loved ones to give. I bathe my father, do some of his hygiene, and have taken care of him since I got here in March, watching him slowly get weaker and weaker, the hardest part of it all. But knowing he will be in peace soon. Prayers to all of you on the board may all recieve peace soon.

Lonley sun they day I left to go back to college this year my mother feel in the bathroom adn hit her nose. Thought I know that she was hurting and she was going to miss me she told me to go ahead that it was no big deal, she was just a little dizzy. I wish that I had never lest that day but my mother didn't want me to quite living because she was sick. Cherish the days you have with your mother and don't spend all your time worrying about how much time is left. I know it is hard but you and your mother will have happier times if you do. I will pray for you,
Natalie

Hope you are doing o.k. LonelySun... Something in Eva's note was pretty much what I was trying to find a way to say.
Through all the feelings of pending loss & depression, & months/years of hoping for a miracle cure so that your parent won't be gone - suddenly your only hope is that they will feel no pain and that they will be in a place where dying is behind them and a whole new type of existence awaits them.
There is a point where your parent stepping thru the doorway where life is on one side & death is on the other isn't the worst thing that can happen anymore. I remember feeling quite selfish & ludicrous to really wish for my Dad to continue on the way he was.

And Eva, I felt so much like you do about Hospice that I hope to become a Volunteer in a year or so & give back some of what my Family received.

Bj

All your words awe me......you all seem so strong...much stronger then me...I was dx with MS....March 12th..then a few days later my mom was dx with lung cancer....She only has one lung now....and started Morphine this week after a fall.....She says she was to weak to go up the stairs.....Im so glad she wasn t alone........As a family we made a schedule when and who will spend the night with her.....Im not able to do it alone but will do it with one of my brothers.....want to spend some time with her and he said he will give me the time to talk with her....Today....by my moms request....I wrote down 4 things that I would like after she is gone...that was so hard to do.....I know that it makes it easier for her......she has 12 kids......thanks for your ears and understanding.....

I was just checking in to see how you are doing, and how things are going for you and your mom. I want you to remember that I am praying for you and if you ever need anything remember that the people on this site are all caring and will help you in any way that we can.
Natalie

Ha! Strong you say? The only thing that I may have that you don't, is two years between me & the maelstrom... and the realization that I would have given anything to have found someone to talk to who knew how I was feeling.

My whole family was wrapped up with this overwhelming avalanche - a mass that turned into a tumor, which turned into a malignant tumor, & then it was Stage 4 from colon to liver to bone to lung. All in a few months time.
I'm not strong at all, but I found that I feel better if I think I might be able to help someone and finding these boards has done more for me than I can tell you.

You have had a double emotional whammy since you also have had a diagnosis of M.S.to deal with.
Have they been able to determine which type you have? My brother-in-laws mom had M.S. and one of our good friends was diagnosed in his mid-30's. That was 9 yrs ago. I remember him saying once that he doesn't deal with what his life "used to be like", but what each day is like.
(I know, I marveled at his spirit too, but then we don't know how long it took him to get there do we!)
There is some excellent information out there for multiple sclerosis - but you know, sometimes too much information can be overwhelming near the beginning of a diagnosis. If you've just had the wind knocked out of you it's not always time to set off for Mount Everest!

This may be a great time to try the "one day at a time" or even "one hour at a time" method so that you can kind of re-group emotionally after your one-two punch.
And, let us know how you are at least every day or three!!

Bj